


In The Cage

by Jase



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Anal Sex, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Cage Fights, Coming Out, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Hate Crimes, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Masturbation, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Smut, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-06-12 00:45:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 102,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15328002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jase/pseuds/Jase
Summary: Aaron's out on a date and everything's going right for once. His life is mostly on track but things take a turn when he's attacked for being gay. In the midst of the attack, his life is saved by a blond stranger who's about to change everything.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is something new that came to me and quickly had to be written. Hasn't gone through proper edits so sorry for any type/mistakes. I'll try and update soon.
> 
> Please leave comments and let me know if it's worth continuing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how I missed it, but I guess in the rush to do both this and the following chapter I made a couple mistakes. The most glaring being Aaron's call at the end of this chapter, as well as Chas' departure. The chapter has now been edited to properly make sense.

 

**CHAPTER 1**

* * *

 

 

There's a feeling of euphoria in the air, a feeling of it within himself as he dances to the music. The beat is loud, and he takes it in all the while keeping his eyes closed listening to the music. His head waves as his hips sway, a smile plastered all over his face, it took everything in him to work up the courage and finally step in. Yeah he'd come out to his family, to his friends, but this was his first time truly accepting it. His first time having the courage to walk through the doors of Hotten's premiere gay bar. As the feeling flows through his body he senses a massive weight lifted off his shoulders. Aaron feels like he's free, like he can finally just be who he truly is, and a small part of him curses himself for waiting so long. As he opens his eyes they zero in on the reason he's there, the reason he had the courage to walk through the doors. Something about him pulled him in when they first met weeks ago, maybe it was his looks, the dark skin, his body, or maybe it was just the fact that he was a rugby player. Ed was the first bloke he'd ever allowed himself to be attracted to, the first bloke he'd ever kissed, and in this moment he felt like maybe just maybe, there could be something between them.  
  
A smile spreads across his face as Ed grabs him by the hips and pulls him in. With their bodies pressed up against one another Ed leans down and presses his lips to Aaron's neck.   
  
"Oi...not here...not around other people." Aaron tries to protest over the loud music.  
  
"What?!" Ed shouts back questioning.  
  
"Not here. Maybe we can go back to yours?!" Aaron shouts back.  
  
Only having caught the tail end of what Aaron said, Ed quickly nods in return with a smile on his face. Clearly he caught the most important part.  
  
Aaron smiles and takes Ed's hand leading him back outside as they squirm past all the bodies dancing around them. Part of him thinks it's a shame to leave so soon after all the trouble he gave himself even stepping inside the doors. Right at the moment however, his body was in charge and his body wanted more than dancing. As they stepped outside a cool breeze brushes his face and he pulls Ed closer to him, he tells himself it's just for warmth, but really he can't wait. He turns and pushes Ed against the side wall of the bar and places his own lips to his. He's not fully sure of how he feels about Ed, but he's nice enough, and he's ready to experience being with another bloke, really being with another bloke. It's all he can think about.   
  
Ed pulls back after a moment. "Slow down there, mate. We have all night." Ed, ever the nice guy. "Hang on a second." He adds as he hears his phone go off, he swipes his finger across the screen to open up his messenger. "Shit!"   
  
"What? What is it?"  
  
"I have to go. I'm really sorry, Aaron, but I have to go. It's an emergency drill, change in line up for the big game this weekend."  
  
"Shit...really sucks, mate." Aaron replies. "You were getting lucky tonight, but I guess you'll just have to wait." He tells him with a grin on his face before he reaches up and gives him a quick kiss.   
  
"Oof... that's not fair. You can't leave me hanging like that."  
  
"Hey, you’re the one bailing out on me."  
  
"Come on, you know that's not it. I'm not bailing out, it's work"  
  
"I'm just winding you up, you muppet." He chuckles. "Call me later, yeah?"  
  
"Yeah." Ed agrees before waving good night and turning around making his way back to his car.  
  
With a smile that spreads ear to ear, Aaron turns and starts walking towards his own car just around the corner. Yeah the evening had been cut short, but even so, so much had happened, so much had gone right. Nothing can ruin his night.  
  
"Hey poofter!" He barely manages to catch. He'd been so caught up in his thoughts he didn't hear the steps behind him.   
  
"Where you going poof?" He catches another voice asking as he turns. A group of four men quickly catch up and surround him.  
  
"What's the matter, boyfriend decided he had something better to do?" Another man asks. "We saw that disgusting show you two were putting on outside that bar."   
  
"So what of it? Was it not long enough for you fellas?"  
  
"Fucking faggot." The last man says before taking a swing landing it to Aarons left cheek sending him tumbling to the floor. "Disgusting piece of trash." He says before spitting down at him.  
  
Everything happened so fast. The slurs, the surrounding, the hit. He feels dazed, not sure who's where, or what direction is up, all he can do is curl into a ball to protect himself as the kicking begins. All he can do is cry in pain as he feels every kick, the pain only becoming more excruciating after everyone of the kicks.  
  
Then he hears a voice shout. "Oi!" And almost as quick as it had all started, it had stopped.  
  
He slowly uncovers his face to see what's happening, but his head's a mess, he feels dizzy and his eyes are swollen with tears. He wipes at them trying to get a better view of what’s happening, he does his best to focus, to calm down, and that's when he sees him. The tall blond man. It's all happening so fast. He sees one of his attackers take a swing at him, but the man is too fast. He quickly dodges the punch and elbows the man on the side of his face sending him to the ground. A second man runs at him and just as quickly finds himself on the ground as the blond man throws his knee in the air and connects it to the man’s chin. It's not until the third man attacks that everything goes black.  
  
\----  
  
Poofter! Poofter! He remembers the word so vividly. He remembers how bad everything turned so fast, but he doesn't remember what happened after, what happened after it all stopped, after the stranger possibly saved his life. His eyes slowly begin to flutter open and he hears the soft beeps of a heart monitor. "Where am I?" He asks aloud not expecting an answer.  
  
"You're awake." He hears a soft voice answer from the edge of the room.  
  
"What? Where am I?" Aaron asks, groans leaving his mouth between words. He can feel every hit, a sharp pain hitting his chest every time he takes a breath.  
  
"It's okay mate, you're in the hospital."  
  
"How'd I get here?"  
  
"I phoned for an ambulance and the police after you were attacked."  
  
"Attacked?"  
  
"Yeah, those assholes that attacked you. Do remember what happened?"  
  
"Yeah...I think."  
  
"Good, the police are going to come asking questions about what happened." The man says.  
  
"Those arseholes...what happened to them?" Aaron asks, still trying to focus, trying to recollect exactly how everything went down.  
  
The man chuckled briefly before he turned serious again. "They got their arses handed to them, that's what happened. They got what they deserved."  
  
As Aaron hears the words everything clicks into place. It's the voice, the voice he heard right before the attack stopped. He finally brings himself to fully focus on the man and he sees it, the blond hair. "I...I don't know what to say, how to..."  
  
"How to what?"  
  
"Thank you. I mean, you saved my life."  
  
"Don't be daft, there's no need for that. I did what was right, anyone else would have done the same if they'd been nearby." The man replies.  
  
Aaron chuckles, can't help but let it out at the optimism of the man. "No, no they wouldn't. Not for someone like me." He says feeling like he’s about to throw up. After everything he's been through, after finally accepting himself for who he is, this is what happens. "I shouldn't have been there. I knew it was a bad idea." He lets out as his eyes begin to gloss over with tears.  
  
"Whoa...hold on there. What happened wasn't your fault. Don't let a group of arseholes make you feel like any less of a person."  
  
Aaron drops the eye contact he had with the man and stares down at his hands. Everything he's telling him should be making him feel better, should make him feel comforted, but all he could think of was regret. The regret he had for letting himself feel so free. For letting himself believe that everything was alright, that there was nothing wrong with who he is.  
  
"Oi, I mean it." The man said. "Look I know you don't know me, so my words must mean nothing to you, but I'm serious. There's nothing wrong with you and don't you ever let anyone make you feel otherwise."  
  
"So, am i supposed to just go back to acting like everything's normal. Like a group of arseholes won't just decide to kick my arse for being gay." He says, and the words almost feel like fire leaving his mouth. Gay. It's what he is, and for the first time in a while he's almost ashamed of it. Not because it's wrong, but because of how others would see him, because of how others would treat him because of it.  
  
"Yeah, that's exactly what you do. You shouldn't let arseholes like them stop you from living your life. You shouldn't let anything stop you from it." The man says with a deep look in his eyes. There's a sincerity to them, yet at the same time a sign of doubt. "And if you’re afraid of getting your arse kicked again, then learn how to defend yourself."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Learn some self-defense. Hell, if you're that worried about it I'll teach ya."  
  
"You what?"  
  
"I'll teach you how to defend yourself."  
  
"And why would you do that? You don't even know me." Aaron responds, can't help but feel a strange pull towards the man. Something about him makes him feel safe. Not just the fact that he saved his life, but there’s something very comforting about his presence. He takes a moment to think it over and taking a deep breath he makes eye contact again. A clear green looks back at him and he feels it, the hitch in his breath when the plump pink lips smile back at him. "You...uh... you'd do that for me?"  
  
"Of course. Any decent bloke would."  
  
Aaron chuckles again, he chuckles at the fact that the man seems to be uncomfortable with taking any credit for his good deed. "But you don’t even know me." He reiterated.  
  
"Sure I do. You're Aaron Dingle."  
  
"How...how do you know my name?"  
  
"Your driver’s license. Soz, but I had to look through your wallet. They asked me for details when I called the attack in, told me to check for identification. In any case, you are no longer a stranger Aaron Dingle." The man says stretching out his hand to him.  
  
Aaron finally returns the smile and takes his hand shaking it. "Well you know my name, but I still don't know yours."  
  
"My name is Robert." He says with a smirk, there's almost a surprised look on his face. "It's nice to meet you Aaron Dingle."  
  
"Likewise, mate." Aaron replies with a smile. "And thanks again...for everything."  
  
"Say no more." Robert brushes him off before reaching for his pocket and pulling out a pen. He then looks around and manages to find a notepad on a small table in the corner of the room. He quickly puts the pen to it and writes something down before tearing out a piece of the paper and walks back handing it to Aaron. "Here's my number. Give me a call when you're feeling ready and we can see about teaching ya some moves."  
  
"Yeah, I'll do that. Thanks."  
  
Robert clears his throat and as he sticks his hands into his pocket he rocks back and forth on his feet a couple of times. "Guess I'll leave you to it. Cops will probably be around any minute now to ask you about what happened. I've already given them my statement so guess I'm good to go." He says as he begins to walk out of the room. "Take care of yourself Aaron Dingle.  
  
Aaron nods in response and just like that Robert is gone and Aaron can't help but think of him. There was something about him that was so magnetic, so mesmerizing, and fuck it if he didn’t feel aroused just thinking about him. The light alabaster tone of his skin, every freckle on his face he happened to have notice, as well as those soft pink lips. "What the hell is wrong with ya. You're laid out in a hospital bed, you idiot. You shouldn't be getting a hard on over the man that saved ya." He curses himself and as he shakes the thoughts away he’s startled by the loud voice entering the room. The all too familiar voice of his best mate, his flat mate.  
  
"MATE!" Adam shouts the moment he walks through the threshold of the doors. "What happened? You alright? You get a good look at the arseholes that did this to you?" Seems like a million question shoot from his mouth faster than Aaron can make out.  
  
"Oi, take it easy, mate. I barely made any of that out. I'm still a bit out of it." Aaron says holding onto his side. A sharp sting along his ribcage surfacing now that he doesn't have Robert to distract him. "What's with that look on your face anyway?"  
  
"What look?"  
  
"That look." He says pointing at Adam's face.  
  
"Bro, you'll never guess who I just saw on my way up here."  
  
"Who? Wasn't that guy from Coldplay was it?"  
  
"Mate, one song! I tell you I like one song of theirs and you haven't let me live that down. You know what, never mind...so what happened, mate?" Adam asks as he takes a seat next to Aaron's bed.  
  
Aaron throws his head back onto his pillow in frustration, not wanting to relive the moment. It's bad enough he'll be thinking about it over and over, he sure as hell doesn't want to tell someone else how it all went down. How he was attacked for being who he is, for being gay.  
  
Seeing the look on his face and knowing him well enough, Adam place his hand to Aaron's shoulder and looks him in the eyes. "Mate, seriously. What happened?"  
  
"I was attacked, alright. I was leaving the bar when these arseholes started talking shit and before I knew it one of them had decked me in the face. I barely had a chance to realize what had happened before I was curled up in a ball on the floor as they kicked the shit out of me."  
  
"Fuck, mate, I should've been there. You weren't even sure about going to begin with, I shouldn't have let you go on your own, man."  
  
"What, and have you be a third wheel on my date?"  
  
"Actually where the fuck was Ed? He was supposed to be with you."  
  
"He had to leave early...it was a work thing. Not his fault."  
  
"So, it all haooened after Ed left ya?"  
  
"Yeah, we were on our way out...to his, when he got a message. He had to go and on my way to my car these four blokes, they surrounded me. Called me poof then next thing I know I take a blow to my face and I'm on the ground trying to cover myself as much as possible."  
  
"Fuck. I could kill those arseholes." Adam lets out with a breath, frustration setting in. Frustration that he wasn't there, that he couldn't protect his best mate. "How'd you make it out?"  
  
"That's the crazy part...there was this bloke." Aaron replies almost unsure of how to continue. He wasn't fully aware of everything that happened, he blacked out before it all went down.  
  
"A bloke?" Adam asks shaking his head in confusion.  
  
"Yeah this bloke showed up and he beat the shit out of them Ad, well at least I think he did. I saw him take two of them out before I blacked out."  
  
"You serious? And how'd you end up here."  
  
"The bloke, he phoned and ambulance, and the police. He said he gave them a statement already."  
  
"Did he? How do you know?"  
  
"He told me."  
  
"Who told you? The bloke? Did he come see you?"  
  
Aaron nods in response.  
  
"That's kind of weird, no?"  
  
"That's not all. He, he's a really good guy, even offered to teach me some self-defense."  
  
"You serious? So, you’re telling me some stranger showed up, saved your life, got you here, and offered to teach you self-defense?" Adam asks, amazement spread across his face, and Aaron nods again in response. "Bro, tell me you got his number." Adam says laughing.  
  
"Shut up." Aaron laughs out grabbing at his side. "Don't make me laugh, it hurts." He tells him. "But since you mentioned it...yeah."  
  
"Yeah what?"  
  
"I got his number."  
  
"Aaron! Well played, man!"   
  
"You're such an idiot, you know that? He gave it to me so I can ring him when I'm ready to learn how to defend myself." Aaron corrects him. "Anyway, I should probably call me mum and tell her what happened otherwise she'll actually kill me if she finds out about this afterwards."  
  
Adam breaks out into laughter and gently pats Aaron on his shoulder. "Mate, she's going to kill you either way, the fact that she's not your emergency contact...I'd hate to be you right now. Your mum, she can be right scary."  
  
Aaron can't help but laugh, he knows it's true, he knows Chas will have a go at him for it, and he knows she'll smother him for at least a week. He lets out a sigh just thinking about her wanting to follow him everywhere he goes to make sure he's safe. She may not have been the best of mothers to him growing up, but ever since he came back into her life she's always made him her priority. He figures it's her way of trying to make up for her absence growing up. He's deep in his own head and a small grin spreads on his face, a grin that slowly turns into a smile just thinking of her. He's so deep in the thought he doesn't even notice Adam trying to get his attention, doesn't notice until Adam is nudging his shoulder.  
  
"Mate, you okay?"  
  
"Yeah, soz."  
  
"No, bro, don't worry. It's just...the police are here." He says nodding his head back to the door where two police officers are standing.  
  
"Mr. Dingle, would you mind if we have a word with you?"  
  
\----  
  
Aaron yawns into his hand as he takes a seat at the kitchen bar, Chas hard at work making him breakfast finishes plating his eggs and bacon right before making her way to the toaster and retrieving some toast, she walks around the bar and places the plate in front of him. She smiles at him and places a soft kiss to his cheek before heading back into the small kitchen to fix another plate for herself. Aaron's quick to use the long sleeve covering a part of his fist to wipe at his cheek as if offended by the kiss.  
  
"Mum, it's been nearly a week now, and I'm all better now. I think you can take a break now. Go out, have fun, do something." He tells her, more like begs her really. As much as he's loved having her around taking care of him, he's had enough of her following him like a shadow. There is such a thing as too much mothering, even if there's free cleaning and cooking involved. He sees her lips pout and already knows she's going to protest.  
  
"But, you're my baby and I just want to make sure you're alright, luv." She tells him.  
  
"I know ya do, mum, and I love ya for it...but I'm fine. I promise. Plus I need to start getting myself sorted for work next week anyway, the garage only gave me a week off to recover, they're not going to give me anymore time."  
  
"I can help ya with that, luv."  
  
Aaron nearly glared at her. "No, I can do that myself."  
  
"I can take a hint, you just need a break from me is what you're trying not to say." She tells him with a knowing look. "Guess I can go out for the night and do a bit of shopping."

"There's no need for that, youvey already filled the fridge."

"I was talking about shopping for me self, luv." She teased. "How could I not come into town and take advantage."

"So you're really been here for the shopping haven't you? Just waiting for the right time." He laughs.

"Don't be daft, you are my top priority." She tells him as she pinches his cheek. "But...can't deny myself some good shopping."

Aaron simply laughs at her with a soft smile on his face before turning his attention back to his plate and breathing in the aroma of his breakfast. Might as well enjoy it, who knows when the next time he'll have a proper breakfast like this again.  
  
An hour later and Chas has cleaned Aaron and Adam's entire apartment, one last bit of mothering before heading out for the night in town. As she stands at his door she looks him up and down with a sad look on her face.  
  
"You sure you don't want me to stay and keep ya company?" She asks knowing damn well what he's going to say.  
  
"Yeah I'm sure. You need to go out and have some fun. IllI still be here when you get back." He tells her laughing.  
  
"Okay, luv. I guess this is it, but you better promise you'll call me if anything happens." She says pulling him into a hug. "Urgh" she says making a face. "You stink Aaron, promise me you'll take a shower as well, I know you were recovering and all, but a shower wasn't going to hurt.  
  
"Shut up." He replies laughing. "Love ya, mum." He tells her and she hugs him back one last time, squeezing tightly.  
  
"Love you too." She replies before turning around and leading him out where a taxi was waiting for her. She gives him a final kiss on the cheek and gets inside the taxi where she waves him goodbye from the window.  
  
He stands at the curb for a few minutes watching the taxi drive away and once it's out of sight he lets out a deep breath and smiles. She drove him nuts but he misses her already. Pinching the chest of his shirt he lifts it to his nose and takes a whiff.  
  
"Urgh...she was right." He tells himself and heads back in. With Adam already at work he has the place to himself, so he quickly undreses as he walks into his room dropping his shirt to the floor near his bed and his boxers just in front of his dresser where he notices a piece of paper laying on top. A piece of paper with a phone number written on it. A piece of paper he stares at for a few moments before going back to what he was doing. He pulls out a fresh shirt and pair of boxers before heading back out of his room and to the only bathroom in the flat. For months now Adam has been begging for them to find a new place, a bigger one, one where they'd each have their own on suites, but Aaron had argued that it would only be a wast of money. Nothing's wrong with their current flat. An on suite was not enough motivation to spend the extra cash every month. Not when he could save it for holidays away.  
  
He's in the shower for a couple of minutes, under the hot spray of the showerhead, when the piece of paper returns to his mind. Not just the piece of paper but the number. Then again if he was being honest with himself it wasn't the number, but the bloke it belonged to. Robert. Every night since the attack he's thought of him. He's told himself it was only because of the offer he'd made him, but deep down he knew it was more. Something about him pulled him in. In the steam that filled the bathroom he found himself leaning his back agains the shower wall as he thought about him again. The light skin, the freckles splashed on his face, the beautiful green of his eyes, and his lips...those fucking lips. His head leans back against the wall as his hands slide down his chest and to his hardening cock. He can't help himself. The thought of Robert is killing him. "Robert." He whispers, just wanting to hear his own voice say the name, and fuck does it make him all the much harder. He's fisting at his cock, stroking slowly as his tongue slides across his bottom lip. "Robert." He whispers gain as his free hand reaches back around him and his fingers begin to probe around his hole. "Robert." He groans his time, he feels himself getting close as he pictures those lips. He pictures them on his body, he pictures them trailing down his back and all the way down to his arse. "Fuck." He growns and he slides a finger in, followed by a second.  
  
As he strokes begin to quicken he imagines what Robert's tongue would feel like, what it would it feel like on his hole, what it would feel like to have Robert inside of him.  
  
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." He moans as he feels his load explode. It took all of five minutes just thinking about Robert and he unraveled like nothing before. It kills him that he hasn't worked up the courage to call him, but it kills him even more to think that he might not be able to bring himself to ever do it. What he feels for him is dangerous. He's only met him once under bad circumstances, and he shouldn't feel this way, certainly not when the feelings wouldn't be returned. He shakes the thoughts away and washes off.  
  
As he steps out of the shower he tries and pysche himself up. This isn't about what he may be feeling for Robert, this about the fear he has about going out on his own. It's about the nightmares he's had about the attack since it happened. He won't let them win. He needs to learn how to defend himself and if Robert can help him do that. Then it's all the reason he needs. He's dressed and back in his room as he paces about with the phone in hand, he's typed up the number but hasn't hit dial yet.  
  
"Come on. Just do it. Do it. Do it." He's telling himself. He's biting at his finger nails and still pacing when he hears the voice. It's low but it's there. It's coming from hos phone.  
  
"Hello? Is anyone there?"  
  
"Shit." Aaron says beneath his breath. He didn't realize he had hit the dail button as he bit his finger nails.

He clears his throat and puts the phone to his ear ready to say something, then panic takes over and he quickly hangs up.

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a week since Aaron's attack and neither him or Robert can stop thinking about each other, they can't seem to shake off whatever it is they feel, and while relaxing on a blokes night with Adam, Aaron finds out who Robert really is.

  **CHAPTER 2**

* * *

 

"Oi." John nearly shouted at Robert. He had been Robert's manager and sparring partner for years, nearly since Robert first started doing this. Since he first started fighting for a living. He's known him for nearly twelve years now and he's never seen him like this. So out of focus. So, distracted.  
  
"You've been out of it since last Tuesday night." He started once Robert came to and looked him in the eyes. "You went off bar hopping like you always do, only this time you disappeared to god knows where the following morning and you've been off ever since."  
  
All Robert could do was huff and roll his eyes. It had been a week since that night. The night he didn't go to the usual bar he goes to, the night he went to a different one, the night he stepped in and very well saved some poor blokes life. A poor bloke who had been attacked by a group of scumbags. Four scumbags that got what they deserved. It wasn't the first time he'd stepped in and helped someone who needed a hand, but this was different. He was different, the poor bloke, Aaron Dingle. There was something about him, something that he couldn't stop thinking about. He had spent nearly every day since glued to his phone waiting on a call that never came, and every day he cursed himself for being so obsessive about it. What was worse is that he wasn't even sure why he cared so much, why it was distracting him so much. He shook his head and decided John was right, he had been distracted, he hasn't been the same the past week and it needs to stop. "You're right, mate. I'm sorry. I promise. You have my undivided attention." He told him with a nod of his head as he looked around the gym, the same gym he had been training at for years now. The dim lighting, the work out equipment, and the boxing ring, were all run down. Everything looking like years beyond their replacement dates, but it didn't matter it was his home, it was the only place where he felt most like him, mostly. The sight, the sounds, even the dank smell of the place helped him focus.  
  
"That's what I wanna hear." John said before pumping his fist and moving towards him. He took a quick swing, one that Robert easily avoided, before ducking another one. Robert quickly rose and threw a punch followed by a second and third. Three strikes all precise, all packing a punch, he knew what he was doing, he'd been fighting since he was sixteen. He had been fighting for his life since he found himself living on the streets not long after his father kicked him out, since he was disowned. He had no one to turn to, no one who could help. Living on the streets toughened him up, it was either that or be a victim, and after what his father did to him he knew he'd never be that again.  
  
As he continued his barrage of punches he saw them, if only for a brief moment, the blue eyes staring back at him. The crystal clear blue eyes that had been looking down until he finally looked up at him, until Aaron finally looked back into his eyes, and just as fast as the eyes had flashed in his mind he found himself wincing at the blow to his ribs, then found himself on the floor mat after the strike to his left cheek.   
  
"DAMMIT ROBERT!" John shouted. "You have a big fight in two weeks! Two weeks! You're not going to last five minutes let alone win the match at this rate!" He continued as he shook his head in disappointment. "Let's call it a night, go clear your head and be ready first thing in the morning."  
  
Robert rubbed his gloved fist on his left cheek with a stern look on his face. Part of him wanted to deck John for the blow, but mostly he was mad at himself. He hated that his head was all over the place, hated that he couldn't focus properly, hated that his mind was so preoccupied with Aaron Dingle. Most of all he hated that it reminded him of something from long ago.   
  
He wiggled his jaw making sure it was all good, yeah he was fully geared up, but the blow was hard, the last thing he wanted was a broken jaw again. Having it wires shut while it heals wasn't something he wanted to relive. Picking himself off the mat he shook it all off, the blow, the thoughts, the pain, and made his way to the locker room. John was right, he needed to clear his head, he needed to get his shit together. His upcoming fight was a big one. He had been doing so great in the smaller circuits that it finally lead him to this point. If he wins this fight he'll make it to the real thing, he'll make it into Cage Warriors, Europe's leading mixed martial arts promotion. It's what he's been working so hard for, it's what he's been dreaming about for years, and it's all within his grasp. He just needs to keep his head on straight and reach for it.  
  
Letting out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding, Robert undid his gloves and threw them into his locker and pulled his gym bag out placing it next to him as he took a seat on a bench. "Fuck...get your shit together, mate." He scolded himself. He reached into his bag and pulled out a towel and the expensive shower gel he likes to splurge on and stood to place the bag back inside the locker, that's when he saw it. His phone inside the locker staring back at him. Every bit of him begging him to check it, to see if he'd missed any calls, to see if Aaron had called. "Snap out of it." He hissed at himself and closed the door.  
  
With his training done for the day and determined to get his head back on straight, Robert figures that an easy night in with someone would do him wonders. He needs to keep his mind off things, off certain things, or certain people really. He finds himself knocking on an all too familiar door in a fancy high-rise in Hotten. A door he had visited on many drunken nights. He stands with one hand knocking on the door as his other hand holds a bag with carry out behind his back, and it's not long before a blonde opens the door.  
  
"Robert?" She says in surprise. She is used to him calling before he shows up. He's not one to show up unannounced.  
  
All he wants to do is pout his lips and gloom on the fact he never got that call he waited for, but he does his best to give her a smile and quickly wraps his free arm around her.  
  
She returns the hug as she wraps her arms around him and feels the bag he's holding.  
  
"Why, Robert, you came all the way here this late at night and you brought take out with you. You must be looking for a good time?" She teases. "Come on in then." She says as she pulls away from him and moves for him to walk in.  
  
  
\----  
  
  
A soft whooshing sound fills the air, it's all Aaron can hear as he lays on his bed. It seems like it's all he's done for the past week, lay in bed, though he couldn't blame himself. It was after all the only place he could escape from his mum. The room was small, barely large enough to hold his queen sized bed, a nightstand, and a dresser. He didn't have much room to move around in there, but he refused to get anything smaller than a queen sized bed. The regular nightmares made him restless and he was tired of waking up as he hit the floor, the nightmares he'd rather not have, nightmares of something he'd rather forget.  
  
It had been a week since he was discharged from the hospital and Chas had been there by his side an hour after he called her. He had been lucky to have had no serious injuries, the damage was mostly superficial. Still she had ordered him to take it easy as not to further hurt himself as his cuts and bruises healed. Besides, she was there for him hand and foot, following him like a shadow. Yeah the free cooking and cleaning were great, but the her being his shadow part had really started to get on his nerves. Even Ed was keeping a distance thanks Chas, and that was the last thing he wanted, or at least what he tried to convince himself of. He needed Ed, he needed a distraction, a distraction from the blond that occupied his thoughts. Robert was all he could think about since that day. The blond hair, the beautiful green eyes, and those lips, fuck he couldn't stop picturing those lips.  
  
A knock at the door pulled him from his thoughts, pulled him from the same thoughts he can't seem to escape.  
  
"Mate!" Adam barked as he poked his head in through the door as he opened it. "She's gone!" He announced.  
  
"She's what?" Aaron nearly shot off his bed.  
  
"Yeah, she said she needed to go back into the village and check up on the pub, something about Charity nearly burning down the place. Said she'll give you a ring later to make sure yourey alright." Adam said smiling, even he was tired of having her around. "Is it wrong that I hope she doesn't come back, man?"  
  
"Shut up." Aaron chuckled as he threw a pillow in his direction, Adam quickly dodged it being as a animated as possible. Very much an Adam thing, always the clown. Always trying to make people laugh.  
  
"Seriously, man. Every time I turn around, there she is. I know she's your mum, but she's really got to go."  
  
"Tell me about it. I've been in here nonstop just trying to avoid her."  
  
"Well, she's gone now, so how about a boy’s night in?" Adam starts. "I could order us a pizza and pick us up some beers, and since it's apparently our lucky night there's a big match tonight."  
  
"Urgh...you and your fights." Aaron scoffed at first. Watching two blokes beat the crap out of each other isn't really his thing on a normal basis, let alone after what he's been through, but with Chas gone he can finally relax. With her gone relaxing takes a whole new meaning, as in put your feet up with nothing to worry about, and no shadow following you. As he thinks about it, he gives in. It's the best offer he has and no way can he turn it down. Besides Pizza sounds better than anything his mum could cook up. "Sounds really good actually." He says smiling.  
  
A few beers and slices of pizza in everything looks different to him. Even the fight. He's not sure why but for some reason it's got his attention. He finds himself cheering for the same bloke Adam is. There's something about the way he moves, something that almost seems familiar, and it's got him hooked. He watches as the man ducks punch after punch, the other bloke clearly not as fast, then the man strikes back. One strike to the ribs and the bloke crouches down enough leaving himself open for a clean blow to the face, a blow that sends him flying to his back, and just like that he's out.  
"Holy shit!" Aaron shouts jumping out of the beaten down furniture they call a couch. "Did you see that?" He turns asking Adam who's just as psyched for the end to that fight.  
  
"Mate, I thought you hated this stuff?"   
  
Aaron scoffs rolling his eyes. "I can change my mind can't I?" He responds.  
  
"I guess."  
  
"Besides, maybe I can learn something like that?"  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Like what they can do? You know, how to fight? "  
  
"Mate, don't be daft. You won’t need to know anything like that. You're mad if you think I'm letting you go out on your own like that again."  
  
It had been a tease, and a tease alone, Adam would never mean any harm, but Aaron's smile quickly turns to a frown. "What I'm mental for wanting to learn how to defend myself?"  
  
"Aaron...mate, no, that's not what I meant."  
  
"So what, what did you mean then?  
  
"Mate...I just...I just..."  
  
"That's what I thought." Aaron scoffs. He never expected Adam to think so little of him  
  
"Come one, man, don't be like that."  
  
"Like what? Some pathetic faggot who can't defend himself."  
  
"Don't do that, don't you ever talk about yourself like that. You know I love you, man. You're like a...no, you ARE my brother and you're mad if you think I'm not gonna want to be there for you at all times. It kills me that I wasn't there for you. If you only knew how bad I want to tear into those scumbags that did this to you..."  
  
Fuck if he can stay mad at him. He's right, he can't blame him. He knows he'd feel the exact same way if the same had happened to Adam. Adam's feelings aside he knew he did want to learn how to defend himself. He didn't just want to, he needed it. He would never be a victim again. He'd been avoiding the offer the bloke, Robert, made him. He felt a strong pull towards him and feared what it meant, but this, he feared this more. He feared being a victim again even more.  
  
"That bloke." Aaron said breaking the tension in the room.  
  
"What bloke?"  
  
"The one that offered to teach me. I think I'm going to take him up on the offer."  
  
"You what? You serious?"  
  
Aaron screwed his lips and nodded. "Yeah."  
  
"But what if he's just a scammer? If you really want to, we can look for something legit." Adam said as he walked away towards their small kitchen. "You want some more pizza?" He asked   
  
Aaron nodded, to the pizza really. No way was Robert a scammer. The guy was clearly a good bloke, no way he'd be like that. He was determined that he would call him. "Still, I'm going to call this bloke."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm sure." Aaron answered as he saw Adam's eyes return to the television. His attention having been caught by the commentators as they began talking about the next big fight coming in the following two weeks.  
  
"Yo, turn it up will you?" Adam shouted at Aaron from the kitchen. He had clearly gotten over their conversation, the next already on his mind.  
  
Aaron scoffed as he turned and picked up the remote to the television turning up the volume.  
  
_Commentator: As great as this match was, I know what you all are waiting for. In just two weeks we have the match everyone's been on about. The match we are all dying to see._  
  
"YES!" Adam shouts. "This is it, bro. This is the fight of all fights! We should go! I know someone who can get us tickets!" He continues as the commentator talks about the first fighter. A bloke by the name Jason Cook. A bloke that could easily pass for a skinhead. Scary looking really, but he appears to be an excellent fighter, someone to be feared. The bloke has had a long career and at the same time has been responsible for ending those of other fighters.  
  
"That guy is a machine!" Adam shouts again. "But this other bloke! Bro, this is the one to watch!" Adam says as a familiar face comes up on the screen. A face that's been on Aaron's mind every night for a week.  
  
_Commentator: Now as great a fighter as Jason is even he should be cautious with our next fighter. Robert Miller, now this guy seems to have come out of the blue..._  
  
Everything goes quiet for a second or at least it does for him. All sounds muffled to him, nothing really hitting him after the name was called out, Robert Miller.  
  
"That's him." He says just under his breath.  
  
"That's who?" Adam asks.  
  
"That's him. That's the bloke." Aaron responds.  
  
"What bloke?"   
  
"The bloke that saved me!" He shouts back. "That’s the bloke!"  
  
  
\----  
  
  
"So?" She asks.  
  
"So what?"  
  
"Don't be cheeky, Robert. How did it go?"  
  
"How did what go?" He teases in return. He loves to wind her up, loves winding people up in general, he can't help it. It all just comes so natural to him.  
  
All she can do us scoff as she rolls her eyes before turning away from him and heading for her kitchen. "I think I'm going to need a drink if this is how you're going to be for the rest of the night."  
  
Robert simply gives her a cheeky smile. It's wide and playful, his teeth all on display as the ends of his lips slightly curl up. "Good idea."  
  
"So...how did it go?" Again she asks.  
  
He lets out a sigh and looks straight down to the floor. "It didn't." He replies in defeat.  
  
"What? What do you mean it didn't?"  
  
Robert finally lets his shoulders down and walks over to the sitting room and collapses on a couch groaning in aggravation. As she walks back over to him with a bottle of wine and two glasses in hand he tells her everything that happened. How things didn't go the way he had been so hopeful for, how he got cold feet, and most importantly how he possibly saved someone's life. She hangs on to every word looking at him with a sad look on her face.  
  
"Well, all things considered I'm glad you chickened out when you did." She starts. "Otherwise that poor bloke could have been worse off...wait...how was this not all over the news?  
  
"Called an old friend, happens to be a cop, he promised to keep my name out of it."  
  
"Whew." She says wiping the back of her hand across her forehead.   
  
"Tell me about it."  
  
"Trust me, I've been there." She chuckles.  
  
Robert finally breaks and lets out a laugh. "Thanks, Ness. You always know how to cheer me up."  
  
Vanessa shrugs all the while smirking, still intrigued by what happened, by the bloke, and why Robert offered to teach him how to defend himself. She’s known him long enough to know that it's not like Robert to be so nice to strangers, not nice to anyone really, just a select few including herself. "So tell me about this bloke."  
  
Had the question come from anyone else he would have deflected, would have pretended it was nothing, but Vanessa knows him too well, he can't pretend with her. He rolls his eyes knowing exactly what she's getting at, why she's asking.  
  
"I don't know. He...he seems like a nice bloke." He says with a say. "Really heartbreaking really. He regrets being who he is because of what those arseholes did to him. I...you see this is why I...why I..." He tries to vocalize what he's feeling but everything it all stops, he can't bring himself to really say it. The thought alone fill him with worry, with dread, and his eyes fill with unshed tears.  
  
Vanessa reaches out and grabs a hold of his hand squeezing gently. "It's okay, Rob. I get it. I really do. Like I said, I've been there before, but you don't have to be afraid of something like that. Not you. You can take on anyone that dares mess with ya."  
  
"It's not that... it's everything else. How everyone will look at me after. How everyone will treat me. Every time I even think about it...all I see is the look in my dad's eyes." He says as a tear breaks free.  
  
"Oh, Robert." She says as she leans in and wraps her arms around him. After a moment she pulls back and makes sure he's looking into her eyes. "Listen, this isn't about anyone else. It's not about them, it's not about your dad. This is about you. About you being who you are. Fuck what anyone else thinks."  
  
Robert chuckles at her words. He can't help but think at how similar they are to what he said to Aaron. He can't deny what a hypocrite he's being. After everything he said to Aaron, he can't bring himself to really be himself because of everyone else.  
  
"Look, this is your life, your decision. You do this when you are ready. Until then, just remember I'm always there for ya, I'm always in your corner." She tells him before pulling him into another hug.  
  
Robert squeezes her gently and buries his face into her shoulder. "Thanks, Ness."  
  
Something about Vanessa always comforts him. Something about her always reminds him of his sister. A sister he hasn't seen in years, not since he left home, not since he was kicked out more like. He's thinking of her when he hears it, when he hears his phone ring.  
  
He's sure it's John, no doubt ready to tear him a new one for his poor performance earlier in the day, and he's already dreading what he'll have to say. Feeling like there's no point in prolonging it, he quickly reaches into his pocket for his phone and answers without looking at the screen.  
  
"Look, I'm sorry about earlier." He starts. "My head was all over the place, it won't happen again, I promise."   
  
\----  
  
The television is still on in the background and Adam is jumping around making his way towards him from the kitchen. He's shouting god knows what, but all Aaron can focus on is the image on the television. All he can focus on are the green eyes that nearly look back at him, he knows it's not possible, but somehow he feels like it is. Robert's picture is still on display as they talk about his crazy career. As they talk about ow he came out of the blue and has been dominating, making his way through smaller MMA promotions and is now on the cusp of making it into Cage Fighters. Adam's still shouting something and nearly shaking him by his shoulders, but all Aaron has eyes for is Robert. The fade styled hair that starts extremely short at the bottom and less so as it goes up, with lengthy hair at the top that’s swooped to the side. The slight stubble that surrounds the plump pink lips. The freckles that he hadn't noticed before in his poorly lit hospital room, they're peppered all over his face, every last one of them beautiful adorning his face.  
  
"AARON!!!" Adam shouts. "You with me, bro?" He finally manages to catch Aarons attention.  
  
"You what?" Aaron replies shaking his head.  
  
Adam is still an excited mess as he places a fist towards his mouth and bites down on his finger. "I knew it!" He starts. "I knew I saw him at the hospital when I went to see you!" He shouts. "I can't belie the Robert Miller offered to teach you how to fight."  
  
Aaron can't help the sudden rush of doubt that overwhelms him. Yeah Robert had offered and yeah he was ready to take him up on it, but he's a professional MMA fighter, how could he possibly have the time to teach him anything? Why should he want to?  
  
"What's wrong?" Adam asks. "I know that look on your face."  
  
"I...I don't know, Ad. He's a...how could he...why would he...He probably won't even remember me. "  
  
"Bro, he saved your life. That's not the sort of thing you forget. Plus he even checked up on you the morning after. He's a good bloke."  
  
"But you were just calling him a scammer not five minutes ago."  
  
"Yeah, well, I was wrong."  
  
Aaron chuckles at how quickly Adam's changed his tune now that he knows who saved his life. "I don't know, he probably doesn't have time. You heard them, he has a big fight in two weeks."  
  
"Oh, no. You are not going chicken out now. I won't let you." Adam argues. "You have to do this."  
  
Letting out a deep breath, Aaron rolls his eyes and gives in. He knows Adam is right, he has to do it. He has to call him, if at the very least just to thank him again.   
  
"Well?" Adam asks.  
  
"Well what?"  
  
"You going to call him?"  
  
Aaron nods in response. "Yeah."  
  
"YES!" Adam claps with a massive grin on his face. It almost seems like its more of a win for him than it is for Aaron. "So, what are you waiting for?"  
  
"What...as in now? You want me to call him now?"  
  
"Bro, just do it."  
  
"I'm not doing it in front of ya."  
  
"Go on then." Adam says as he flips him around and pushes him towards his bedroom door. "Go call him."  
  
With a new determination Aaron makes his way to his room and once he's closed the door behind him he rushes over to his dresser and begins frantically looking for the piece of paper with the number on it. He's nearly flipped it over and cursed himself repeatedly for having been so careless with it by the time he finds the paper on the floor near his bed. "There ya are." He says as he picks it up.  
  
"That was the easy part." He tells himself as he enters the last number into his phone. "Now what am I supposed to say?"   
  
He's been pacing back and forth in his room for a good five minutes just thinking about what he's going to say, though overthinking is probably more along the lines of what he was doing. He's so caught up in his thoughts he doesn't even realize how long it's been, probably would have kept going had it not been for the knock at his door interrupting him.  
  
"Bro, get on with it." Adam tells him through the door.  
  
"Shut up!" Aaron shouts back in return, and with that he places his thumb over the call button.  
  
He can feel his stomach doing flips, he's still not sure what he's going to say, but there's a spark of excitement that's taking over him. A spark that grows when he hears the call go through, a spark that quickly smothers out when he hears someone on the other side of the call.  
  
"Look, I'm sorry about earlier." He starts. "My head was all over the place, it won't happen again, I promise." The voice says.  
  
It catches him off guard at first, makes him think he's either dialed the wrong number, and worse makes his heart break when he thinks he got a fake number. It's not until the last few words that the spark comes back, the voice, he recognizes it. He knows it's him. He knows it's Robert.  
  
"Hiya...I...uh...look, you're probably not going to remember me." Aaron starts. His voice sounding a bit rougher than usual. Sounding like gravel. He chucks it down to nerves and continues. "But you uh, you saved my life, my name is..." He's trying to answer when the voice on the other side finishes what he was going to say.  
  
"Aaron? Aaron Dingle?"

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been over a week since Aaron's attack and he's finally reached out to Robert. There is something about him that makes him want more, and asking him to teach him how to defend himself is the perfect cover, or at least that's what he tells himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 is here. Still needs to go through edits so I'm sorry for any glaring mistakes. Will update soon.
> 
> Hope you enjoy and please leave comments :)

 

**CHAPTER 3**

 

* * *

  

"You know nothing, Jon Snow." Robert mouths off the line along with the show. His favorite show. He knows every episode word by word, he has after all, seen every episode so far countless times. As much as he loves it though, he loves the books even more, forever secretly a nerd at heart, it's his guilty pleasure when he needs to unwind, when he needs to relax and let his mind shut down for a bit. This however isn't working. Nothing seems to be working. No matter how far back he rests on his couch, how much he leans, or thrusts his hips up as he tries to get more comfortable, he just can't relax. He's a nervous wreck and he can't help it. He has been for hours now, has been since he left Vanessa's place shortly after the call he received a few hours earlier. The call from Aaron. He had been ecstatic to hear from Aaron, so much so that he found himself stumbling over words, repeatedly. Enough for Vanessa to have teased him about it afterwards, and it wasn't the only thing she teased him about either. Even now her words replayed in his head.  
  
"You fancy him, don't you, Robert." She had said it as a statement more than anything. It certainly wasn't a question. Not to her. She knew him well enough and she could read it all over his face. He tried to deny it at first, tried to pass it off as just wanting to help him, but Vanessa knew better.  
  
It was past half two in the morning and he couldn't bring himself to go to bed. His mind kept going back to the phone call, back to his voice, to Aaron's voice. There was something about it that made his heart nearly skip a beat. Most of all, he kept remembering Aaron taking him up on his offer.  
  
"Yeah, that's me." Aaron had first responded, sounding surprised. "I... I'm sorry I didn't really get a chance to thank you, well, to thank you properly. I feel like I owe you something."  
  
"No!" Robert had quickly cut him off. "Don't be daft. You don't owe me anything. I'm just glad I was at the right place at the right time."  
  
"Yeah, about that. The day after, you know, when you came to see me."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Well, you offered to teach me how to defend myself...I'd like to take you up on that offer. If it still stands, that is."  
  
Robert had quickly nodded his head as if Aaron would be able to see him, he wasn't even aware of it until Vanessa had nudged him, looking at him quizzically. "Oh...uh...yeah. Yeah, of course it still, uh, stands." He fumbled out. "When would you, uh, when would you like to start?"  
  
"I dunno, I guess that depends on you, whenever you have time?"  
  
"How about tomorrow?"   
  
"Yeah, that sounds great. I mean if you can manage. It's okay to tell me to bugger off if you have plans."  
  
"No, I don't...I don't have any plans." He had said shaking his head, knowing damn well he had training first thing in the morning with John.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah. How about early morning...say nine in the morning?"  
  
"Yeah, that's good. Where?"  
  
"We can do it at my place."  
  
"Your place?"  
  
"Well, not my place, my gym." He had tried to correct himself and still found himself fumbling. "Well, not my gym, but my building's gym. You know the new high rise near downtown?"  
  
"Yeah, I know the place."  
  
"Great, you can meet me there. You can ask the front desk for me."  
  
"Yeah, see you then...and, uh, thanks again."  
  
"Don't mention it. See you first thing in the morning."  
  
_See you first thing in the morning. Fuck_. Robert had thought. Blowing off John was not something he had wanted to do again. It was something he had not done since early in his career. It's not something that went over well. Something that didn't go over very well when he broke the news to John. When he told him, he was going to take the week off to get his head on straight. John had nearly crawled through the phone to strangle him or least that's what he had seen in his head, made it damn clear that training would be twice as vigorous the following week to make up for the slack. Even Vanessa had grimaced at the thought. She knew the kind of workouts Robert went through and the thought of it being twice as hard was enough to make her sweat just thinking about it.  
  
It wasn't until the ending credits to Game of Thrones were rolling that he came to from his thoughts, and he couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face. Aaron had called and took him up on his offer. He was going to be seeing him again, soon, and that's all that mattered. Fuck if he cared about the lack of sleep. It almost felt the way he feels the nights before a fight. A surge of energy coursing through him, an excitement that leaves him buzzing. "Aaron Dingle." He said before shutting the television off and heading for his room figuring a couple of hours’ worth of sleep will do.  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
  
A yawn escaped Aaron's mouth as he tried to brush his teeth, he was already running a bit late, so he was trying to do his hair at the same time because of it. He had overslept all due to having a hard time falling asleep the night before. Aaron had been way too buzzed after the call, and Adam's excitement on top of that certainly didn't help. He would be lying if he denied that he had been thinking of Robert ever since that fateful night, and the thought of seeing him again had him is what had him buzzing. Seeing how amped up Adam was, however, almost made him unsure if he was more excited about seeing him or if Adam was. Deep down he really knew the answer to that.   
  
"Mate!" Adam shouted through the door, their apartment wasn't anything fancy, they could barely afford a two bedroom apartment, so they had to settle for one with a shared bathroom. "We're going to be late if you don't get a move on!"  
  
"We?" Aaron shouted in response nearly spitting toothpaste all over the mirror. "What do you mean we?" He asked knowing well enough that somehow Adam had invited himself along. Not that he could say no once he saw how excited Adam was, besides having his best mate there might keep him focused on why he was doing this to begin with. Having him there might keep him from focusing too much on something, or someone else instead.  
  
"You're lucky I'm even letting ya tag along." He said before going back to the task in hand. Aaron knew Adam was right though, he needed to pick up the pace. He had wasted enough time trying to find the right outfit to wear, too much time really, especially considering his entire closet was almost exclusively black. He had gotten so hung up on looking his best until he had gotten a text from Ed, a text that brought him right back down to reality. He wasn't single. Not that he had a chance with a straight bloke, particularly with a bloke like Robert, but he wasn't single anyway. Ed simply wanted to wish him luck, but such a simple and sweet gesture made him feel a pang of guilt. A guilt he wasn't even so sure why he felt it.  
  
"Aaron..." Adam whined through the door and Aaron couldn't help but laugh. Adam's excitement was infectious really, it was part of the reason he liked him so much. Just thinking about it reminded him of the night before.  
  
Aaron had just ended the call when the door to his room flung open, Adam had clearly been on the other side of it listening the whole time, and now was bursting through in excitement.   
  
"Bro!" He shouted as he jumped up and down towards him grabbing him by the shoulders and hopping on his back. "I can't believe we're gonna meet _the_ Robert Miller!"  
  
"Woah, woah, what do you mean we?" He had asked scrunching his face.  
  
"Oh come one, bro. Please..." Adam had practically begged.  
  
Leaning down over the sink Aaron spat out the toothpaste from his mouth and rinsed before smiling into the mirror. _Good as it's gonna get._ He thought to himself. He wiped his mouth on a hand towel and stepped out of the bathroom to find Adam waiting for him near their front door, he nodded to silently let him know he was ready.   
  
As a massive grin spread across Adam's face Aaron rolled his eyes shaking his head. "Don't make me regret letting you come along."  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
  
Robert cursed himself as he stumbled out of his walk in closet, he had spent way too much time picking out what he was going to wear. Had it not been for Vanessa calling him to wish him good luck, he could have easily spent another hour in there, and that's considering he was already running behind. Even then it wasn't until he found himself ready to spray some cologne on that it hit him.   
  
"What are ya doing? You idiot. "This isn't a date." He scolded himself, knowing that deep down the thought of it sent a chill through his body, it made his stomach flip.  
  
He placed the bottle of Invictus by Paco Rabanne down and shook himself as he took a deep breath, and he tried telling himself that this was him being a good bloke, for once. This was him doing someone a favor. A poor bloke who had been attacked for who he was. A poor bloke he intended to give a fighting chance to defend himself against any arsehole who ever thought of messing with him again. The thought of Aaron putting those arseholes in their place puts a smile on his face as he finished getting dressed. As his thoughts wander into Aaron he can't help but feel the nerves building up as he heads into the on suite attached to his bedroom, so he begins to hum along to the song playing over his speakers trying to calm himself down. Taylor Swift's Shake it Off plays as he shakes his arms out and across his chest while he hops in place, an all too familiar ritual before his training, granted he'd never tell a soul what he was listening to through his earphones. Vanessa being the only person to know and regularly tease him about it.  
  
As the song came to an end he went about fixing his hair, not that it took much. The length made it easy and manageable, always styled in a quiff brushed towards his right side, since he liked to keep up with the styles. Not to mention it got him loads of attention, something he always enjoyed.  
  
"Looking good Sug..." He said catching himself, and like that his mood came crashing down. He didn't even let himself say it whole, but even the bit that slipped out made everything fall back down on him. Robert knew it was just a name, but it was a name that brought back memories with it. It was a name that brought back things he's long tried to forget. It's the reason why he hasn't used it, not since he left, since he lost his family. Most importantly, not since he lost himself. It's why he's known as Robert Miller, it's why no one will ever know who he truly is. No one will ever know Robert Sugden. He can't help but feel the ache in his chest, an ache that haunts him on lonely nights, one that clearly sends him spiraling. With a heavy heart he reaches into his pocket and retrieves his phone quickly dialing a number.  
  
"Hiya." He starts swallowing past the lump in his throat. "Is this Aaron?" He asks.   
  
"Yeah, this is Aaron."  
  
"Listen, mate. I really hate to do this to you, but I'm going to have to cancel." He pauses as Aaron responds.   
  
"Yeah... that's uh... that's fine. Don't worry about it."  
  
"I hope you weren't close by, I don't want to put you out or anything."  
  
"Uh...no actually I was just leaving my place. Was running behind, soz."  
  
"What are you apologizing for? I'm the one cancelling here."  
  
"No, really, don't worry about that. Maybe some other time?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll...I'll get back to you."  
  
"Cheers."  
  
"Yeah, cheers." He finally says before ending the call.  
  
"Fuck." He lets out under his breath, his shoulders dropping in disappointment. He had really been looking forward to seeing Aaron again and now that was ruined. He wouldn't be any good company now, let alone a good teacher, not in the mood his memories had left him in.  
  
He paced back and forth around his sitting room before giving in and heading for his door.  
  
Luckily for him it had been a cool day outside, something about the cold air had always comforted him and in the mood he was in, he needed all the comforting he could get. Fortunately comfort wasn't too far away, the walk had been only fifteen minutes, and he found himself in front of the all too familiar door knocking.  
  
"Robert?" Vanessa questioned as she opened the door. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be meeting up with Aaron?" She asked.  
  
All Robert could do was groan and walk straight past her, walking into her sitting room he threw himself face down on her sofa letting out a muffled yell. Vanessa knew him well enough to know that something had gone wrong, that he had backed out somehow. She let out a sigh and closed her door before walking over to Robert and sitting down on the floor, crossing her legs she placed her elbows on her knees and rested her chin on her hands.   
  
"So...you chickened out, yeah?" She asked.  
  
Robert answered, the only problem was that Vanessa could not make heads or tails of what he had said. His face was still flat on the sofa cushion and everything he had said had been muffled.  
  
"What?"  
  
Again, just like before, she understood nothing.  
  
"Robert!" She hissed poking at his side.  
  
"Oi! What's that for?" Robert shouted as he lifted his head.  
  
"Don't be a prat. Now tell me, what happened?"  
  
Robert finally lifted himself and sat in the sofa with one leg crossed, his foot tucked beneath his other leg, he reached out to grab a one of Vanessa's countless decorative pillows and hugged it to his chest. "I...I don't know." He said.  
  
"What do you mean you don't know." She asked confused.  
  
"Everything was fine, I was excited, I really wanted to see..." He almost slipped but caught himself as he saw the look on Vanessa's face. That look he hated, that _I knew it look_.  
  
"I knew it!" She quickly said.  
  
_Fuck_. Was all that ran across Robert's mind. He knew she knew, but had hoped that maybe he wasn't so obvious, he was wrong. Accepting that there was no point in hiding the obvious from her, he relents. "I just wanted to see him."  
  
"And?"  
  
"And I had a moment, it just slipped out, it slipped out and all those memories came rushing back " He says looking defeated.  
  
"What slipped out?"  
  
"I called myself Sugden..." He tells her as he closes his eye and leans his head to the pillow he has in his arms.  
  
"Oh, Robert. You can't keep doing this to yourself. You can't let that name, those memories control your entire life." She says as she places a hand to his knee. "You have to live your life, you have to let yourself be happy without being held back by a name...don't let him ruin your life now just cos he did back then. " She says just as he lifts his head and gives her a sad smile.  
  
"Can I ask you something, without you trying to be coy?" She asks.  
  
Robert rolls his eyes, but answers. "Yeah."  
  
"You were excited about this, no? About seeing him again?"  
  
He gives her sheepish nod as he keeps his chin resting on the cushion.  
  
"Then go see him. Forget about the past, forget about the name, and just go see him."  
  
"But..."  
  
"No buts. Go see him and maybe I'll drop it."  
  
For a moment Robert thinks of arguing, of coming up with some reason not to, but he knows Vanessa is right. He knows he needs to move past this, he needs to get over his past and stop it from hindering his life. He was pushed away from his family long ago, and it was about time he left it all behind, truly behind.

"You were you looking forward to this, right?" Vanessa asks again as she sees the hesitation in his eyes, no way is she going to let it drop. Nothing breaks her heart more than to see her best mate torturing himself, she's seen it far too many times, and she promises herself that this will be the last time.  
  
Robert finally lifts his head from the pillow and nods. "Yeah."  
  
"Then, what are you waiting for? Call him back, ask him if he still wants to meet."  
  
"But...he'll think I'm messing him about."  
  
"No he won't, just make something up."  
  
With her words of encouragement in mind, Robert takes his phone and quickly dials Aaron before he has the chance to change his mind.  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
  
It had been an hour since Robert called to cancel on him, and Aaron tried to play it cool but he couldn't help but feel disappointed, a bit heartbroken really. He wasn't quite so sure why or at least pretended not to. He wasn't excited to see Robert, he was excited to learn how to defend himself. He needed to learn so he would never go through what he went through the fateful night he met Robert. Regardless of what he told himself, however, all thoughts led back to him. All thoughts led back to Robert. He couldn't stop himself from thinking of him. No matter how hard he tried.  
  
"Bro!" Adam snapped his fingers in front of Aaron's face. "You with me?" He asked as Aaron finally snapped out of his thoughts.  
  
"Knock it off you plonker." Aaron muttered as he slapped Adam's hand away.  
  
"You alright? You've been pretty quiet since Robert called and cancelled."  
  
"Am I alright? You kidding me, right?" Aaron chuckled. "You're the one that nearly broke into tears when I told you he cancelled."  
  
"Well, it's not every day you get to meet one of your heroes now is it?" Adam pouted.  
  
"Shut up." Aaron said as he lifted his pint to his lips and gulped down the remainder of it. "You want another one?"  
  
"Gonna need more than a other one, mate. Think I've had my heartbroken today "  
  
Aaron couldn't help but laugh as he rolled his eyes and stood up making his way to the bar. They had been near Robert's when he had called and feeling deflated neither of them wanted to head back to theirs, so they took to a pub nearby. It was fancier than what they would frequent, but it served drinks and that's all they needed.  
  
They had been on their third pint when a petite brunette caught Adam's eye, and being the lightweight he is, the pints had given him enough courage to approach her. Aaron stood back and watched in horror all the while grabbing at his sides as Adam tripped and spilled the remainder of his pint on the poor brunette. He stood back and watched the pitiful apologies Adam clearly made. Most shocking of all however was when Adam brought her back to their table and introduced her to Aaron. She quickly excused herself to go clean herself off.  
  
"Mate!" Aaron let out astounded that she didn't slap him after he spilled his drink on her. "She's fit."  
  
"I think I'm in love, and she's a cook!"  
  
"Better get on it then, Ad."  
  
"You mind making yourself scarce? If that’s alright?"  
  
Aaron wouldn't admit he wanted the company after how the day had been going, but seeing how psyched Adam was about the brunette he kept that to himself.  
  
"No worries, mate. I can take a hint." Aaron joked as he gulped down the remainder of his pint. "Good luck."   
  
Adam nodded in response and Aaron made his quick exit before the brunette returned. There was nothing he hated more than making some up some lame excuse for why he suddenly had to leave when Adam pulled, granted it didn't happen often, he hated it non the less.  
  
As he stepped outside he noticed the dark skies above, the clouds looking like they were ready to pour, and he cursed himself for not having an umbrella with him. If he didn't make a hasty retreat home, he was sure to get caught out in the downpour that was inevitably coming. Letting out a breath he looked back down only to feel a pang of disappointment, Robert's building was still within view, the pub was just down the street from it. He shook it off and pulled his hood over his head, if it starts raining it would give him some cover, or at the very least help keep his hair from messing up.  
  
The stormy clouds in the air aside, it was a nice day out. The streets weren't too busy, and the air was fresh with a nice breeze, this was the type of day he liked to be out on. He wasn't much for socializing but on days like this it was often that he found himself in the town park playing footy with Adam and anyone else that would join. He remembers the last time they played, just a couple of weeks back, it was the day he met Ed. Ed had wandered over to them as they played and asked if he could join. Aaron teased him about how bad he was, and even more so after he found out he was a professional Rugby player. With his plans blown he figures he might as well call Ed, he was planning on calling him after meeting with Robert. Taking out his phone he slides through his contacts over to Ed and is about to hit the call button when it begins to ring.   
  
It's a number he doesn't recognize and for a split second he hopes it's Robert, then he remembers he saved him as a contact already, his name would have shown if it had been him. As his shoulders drop in disappointment he places the phone to his ear and answers the call.  
  
Vanessa shakes in excitement as Robert paces about in her flat making the call. He'd stupidly forgotten his phone back at his when he left in a mood, and he felt a sting of disappointment thinking Aaron wouldn't answer when he didn't recognize the number, Vanessa's number. She can't help but squeal only to have Robert shush her down when he hears the call being answered.  
  
"Aaron?" Robert quickly asks without giving Aaron a chance to say anything.   
  
"Robert?" Aaron answers as he stops dead in his tracks and nearly drops his phone.  
  
"Yeah, it's me. Listen, I'm really sorry about earlier."  
  
"Don't worry about it, I'm sure you have other things to do than show some idiot how to throw a proper punch."  
  
"No it's...nothing like that, it's just that something came up...but looks like I'm all good now...so...you free now?" Robert scratches at the back of his head trying to avoid eye contact with Vanessa. He's nervous enough as it is without her antics.  
  
"Right now?" He says in a panic, he had already given into the idea that Robert would probably never call him back and everything's flipped so fast.  
  
"If you want we can meet up now?"  
  
"You serious?"  
  
"Yeah I'm serious. Look, since you're still at yours why don't I come over to you? Just send me your address and I'll come round."  
  
_FUCK_! Is the first thing that comes to Aaron's mind and the actual word he wants to say, he had lied to Robert earlier and told him he hadn't left his place and now Robert wanted to meet there. "Uh...I...uh, yeah. Yeah can come here." He finally says as he frantically looks around as if trying to come up with a plan. "I'll text you my address." He says before he takes off in a mad dash towards his flat.  
  
"Great, see you soon." Letting a breath out he hadn't realized he was holding on to, Robert finally relaxes as he picks up a cushion and quickly throws it at Vanessa's face who's too busy making kissy faces to see it coming.  
  
"Three fucking flights of stairs." Aarons huffs as he reaches his door, he's out of breath and ready to pass out from the run he had getting back to his place. He couldn't chance Robert beating him there, he had nearly knocked over at least two blokes, but he made it. Now, however he was hoping he would just drop dead. He cursed himself for letting Adam have the final word on the flat, they had two other options both on ground floors, yet for some reason he let Adam pick the one up three flights of stairs.  
  
He quickly jumped into the shower and changed in under five minutes, that’s when it hit him. What are you doing? This isn't a date, you idiot. Aaron had started to think to himself, had nearly begin an argument, when he heard a knock on his door. A knock that made him freeze in place.  
  
"Aaron?" He heard the voice call out. His voice. "Aaron, you in there?" Robert asked through the door.  
  
"Uh...yeah...coming." He shpshou back and made his way towards his door. He quickly ran his hand over his hair making sure it was all in place, not that it wouldn't, not with the amount of gel he likes to put on it. He took a deep breath and open the door immediately letting it out with a laugh.  
  
"Oi. It's not funny. It's really pouring down out there.x Robert says as he wipes the dripping water off his forehead.  
  
"Soz, mate. Come in. Let’s get you out of those...erhm, let's get you dried up." Aaron says teying to fight the flush of red that was certainly creeping up his face.  
  
Robert simply nodded and walked in, he wasn't quite sure what to make of what Aaron had just said, but mostly he figured he heard wrong. The days hasn't gone in his favor after all.  
  
"It's a nice place you got here, mate." He said as he walked inside, taking in the small two bedroom flat. It had a medium sized sitting room/dinning room combo, which was really just used as a sitting room with a large television across the sofa, and a small dine in kitchen. It reminded him a bit of the first flat he ever had after he had been kicked out. Not now, Robert. He told himself, letting go of the past was what he had decided to do.  
  
"Thanks." Aaron replied as he walked back towards him handing him a dry towel.  
  
"Thanks." Robert said as he took it and began drying himself.  
  
"You want a beer?"  
  
"Yeah, I'd definitely take one right about now."  
  
They had only finished the beer with a bit of small talk when Robert stood from sofa where they had been sitting. "So, maybe we can move some of this stuff out of the way so we have some space?" He asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You know, space, so I can teach ya a few moves?"  
  
"Oh...yeah, sure. We can move this stuff out of the way."  
  
"Good." Robert said as they began moving furniture around. Once they had the space they needed Robert grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head throwing it onto the sofa. He hadn't even thought about it, it was all out habit. He always trained with his top off, no point in getting it soaked in sweat.  
  
All Aaron could do was stare, stare and try to swallow past the lump that had suddenly built in his throat. His eyes tracing the along Robert's perfectly built torso. Every lean muscle, every dip, and every freckle he was suddenly noticing. Had Robert not asked where he wanted to start before he turned back to him, he would have caught him gawking.  
  
"Uh, uhm, the basics." Aaron nervously answered. Even as a Dingle, somehow he had managed to stay out of trouble most of his life. He'd never been in a fight, wasn't even sure if he knew how to throw a punch properly. Something he honestly wish he knew, something he wished he knew long ago. Had he known, maybe he wouldn't have suffered like he did all those years ago. Maybe he wouldn't have been a victim. He wouldn't have been a victim then, and he wouldn't have been a victim now.  
  
"Alright. So, show me your fists." Robert asks him and almost breaks out into laughter. "No, no, no. Don't do that. If you really punch someone like that you might break your thumbs." He tells him. "Have you ever been in a fight?"  
  
Aaron shakes his head in embarrassment, as if it was in some way a requirement to becoming a man.  
  
Robert noticed the look in his face and immediately apologized. "Look, there's nothing wrong with not knowing this stuff. Some people go their entire lives without needing it."  
  
What Robert didn't know, what no one knew, was that Aaron did. He needed it long ago.  
  
"Well, I want to learn, so teach me."  
  
There was something about him, something about Aaron Dingle, something that made him want to see him smile. Robert grinned and nodded but deep down, he knew he was in trouble.

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron's attraction to each other grows and after a shared moment during Aaron's self defense lesson things between them change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This still needs to go through full edits, so apologies for any major errors. I'll try and update as soon as possible.  
> As usual, please feel free to leave comments. If I know you guys are liking it, it makes it all worth it.

 

**CHAPTER 4**

 

* * *

  

He couldn't help but stare every chance he got. Every chance Robert gave him when he turned or twisted as he demonstrated a punch. He tried his best to pay attention, did his best to nod in response when Robert asked if he got it, but all he could do was stare at his chest, at his arms, his stomach, his obliques.  
  
"Fuck." He moaned into his pillow. His face buried into it as the warmth of his bed enveloped him. "Fuck." He moaned again as he thrusted into his tight fist. Aaron had woken with the same morning wood he had been waking to since that fateful night. He had been so hard he couldn't help himself, he slithered his hand beneath himself and slowly rubbed it down his stomach until it reached his erection, slowly wrapping his fingers around it and squeezing tightly. The vision of Robert's naked chest dancing in his mind sent the most amazing flutters through his body. He really couldn't help himself. Nor did he want to.  
  
Every time he saw one of Robert's muscles flex he would fuck into his own hand, trying his best to keep it low, thanking god that he woke up face down on his bed, so his moaning could be muffled by his pillow. He didn't really care if he was heard really, but he wanted to enjoy this, he wanted to keep seeing it in his head, and the last thing he wanted was to be disturbed.   
  
He burned the image of Robert's body into his mind, remembered exactly how he threw a punch, where every last one of his beautiful freckles displayed on his chest, and every time he saw it all in his head he would pant all the while thrusting into his fist. Like a video he played in his mind, the picture was so vivid and clear, he had full control and he was using it to his enjoyment.   
  
His soft moans escaped past his bottom lip, even as it was held tight in place by his teeth. If he had bit down any harder he might have drawn blood. As he continued his rhythmic movements he could feel a bead of sweat rolling down his face and felt the climax building. Between breaths he could feel the heat building within him, could feel his toes curling as if under their own will, he knew it was coming. Just as he felt himself crossing the point of no return he thought of Robert's lips. Not his chest, not his arms, not even his beautiful arse, just his lips. Those pink luscious lips, there was something about them, something that made him wonder how'd they feel. How they'd feel against his own lips, how they'd feel gliding across his bare chest, how they'd feel wrapped around his hard dick.  
  
"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck." He groaned into the pillow as he slowed down his thrusts, shaking in place as he felt the tensing on his taint. Once, twice, three times, four times it pumped as he spilled his load into his hand. With the bliss taking him over he simply rolled over and collapsed onto his back before he placed his hand to his mouth and licked off the evidence to what he had just done. Closing his eyes he pictured him again. He pictured Robert panting after the workout, pictured the sweat glistening on his pecs, and he slowly slid his fingers from his mouth down his chin, and past his neck, smearing the remains of his cum along himself. Aaron let out loud sigh, his lungs released all the air they possibly could, and then he breathed back in as he closed his eyes and cursed himself as he caught sight of his phone's screen flashing.   
  
A missed call. The phone was close enough that he didn't need to grab it in order to see who had called, and just like that the euphoric sense in him died. It was instantly replaced with guilt. Guilt for what he had done, guilt for who had been thinking of. He had meant to call Ed the night before to let him know how things had gone after Robert left, but he had been too exhausted, Robert had worked him to near death. He figured he would teach him a few things, the proper way to throw a punch maybe, but he hadn't expected to be put through an entire workout session. He couldn't remember the last time he had exercised, much less the last time he had been left breathless, at least not when it didn't involve sex. He had passed out not too long after Robert left and here he was waking up hard, fucking his fist into the orgasm of a lifetime, all the while his boyfriend rang him.   
  
"Fuck." Aaron let out as he picked his head up a bit and slammed it back down onto the pillow.  
  
_Bang. Bang._  
  
Aaron's head quickly shot up at the banging on his door.  
  
"You decent in there, mate?" Adam spoke through the door. "You know what? It doesn't matter, you ain't got nuthin I don't." He said as he barged in before Aaron could even answer.  
  
"Oi!" Aaron shouted as he pulled the pillow from beneath his head and threw it at Adam. "I'm naked under here!" He added as he quickly wiped his face on his duvet.  
  
"So what? I've seen your dick before, bro."  
  
"Charming."  
  
"Sorry, bro...I just...I just have to tell you about this bird." Adam said with the biggest grin on his face.  
  
"And it couldn't wait until brekky?"  
  
"I think she's the one, mate."  
  
"Like the bird at the cafe? What's was her name? Tammy? Tiffany?"  
  
"Tracy." Adam rolled his eyes, he knew Aaron knew her name, he just was just trying to wind him up. He did after all claim to have met the one on a regular basis.  
  
"Or the bird at the pub down the street a couple of weeks ago? Alicia was it?"  
  
"Not like that. For real this time. I know it. She’s the one, bro."  
  
Aaron couldn't help but roll his eyes, part because of Adam claiming to have found the one for the third time in the last couple of months, but mostly because he was still hard. Yeah thinking about Robert did that to him. He had gotten off, been interrupted, and he was still hard. He uncomfortably sat up and pushed himself back up against the headboard lifted his knees to his chest, and as he crossed his arms on top of them he looked at Adam. "So, what’s so special about this one?"  
  
Adam opened his mouth only nothing came out, he paused as if trying to find the right words, eventually he spoke. "I don't know. It's hard to explain, there's just something about her. I mean, she's fit, that's for sure, but it's not just that. She's funny, mate. She seems so down to earth and at ease with herself, plus she's a chef. How perfect is that?" He nearly shouted. "But there's this sadness to her."  
  
Aaron scrunched his face partially confused. "How so?"  
  
"Well, apparently I had been rambling on about you, so at first she thought I was gay, but then I told her all about you. Told her you were like my brother, and she thought it was amazing that I thought of you that way. So, I asked her if she had any brothers, that's when she kinda changed. She said she had a brother, but she hasn't seen him in ages, doesn't even know if he's alive. You should ha e seen her, Aaron. I just wanted to wrap my arms around her and never let go."  
  
"Shit, you got it bad." Aaron chuckled. "You seeing her again?"  
  
Adam nodded his head vigorously as he smiled at Aaron. It was moments like this that made Aaron forget that Adam was the same age as him, and not a toddler. "Seeing her tonight again."  
  
"You sure you wanna do that? She might get sick of ya."  
  
"Shut up." Adam said as he took a seat at the edge of Aaron's bed.  
  
As if he wasn't mortified enough as it is with Adam just barging in, he just had to come in closer. Aaron pulled himself in closer hoping to hide all evidence of what had just occurred and gave Adam a look. "What?"  
  
"So, how was your night?" Adam asked, completely unaware that things had turned shortly after he caught sight of his latest crush at the pub.   
  
Aaron couldn't help the sudden rush of cockiness that shot through him. If Adam was gonna barge in like this and make him uncomfortable, the least he could do was enjoy this.  
  
"I mean besides that spurt of redecorating you did." Adam teased.  
  
"Funny you should mention that." He replied with a smirk on his face. "Couldn't have Robert teach me anything with all shit in the way, could i?"  
  
"You joking?" Adam asked, his jaw nearly hanging, a look of disbelief on his face.  
  
Aaron simply shook his head and grinned further. "Looks like you missed out."  
  
"What? How? What the fuck, mate? I thought we brother?" Adam whined.  
  
"Oi, not my fault you were to busy with the bird of the week."  
  
"Mate!"  
  
"Yeah, after you hooked up up with that bird, Robert called. Turned out he had time after all, so he came over."  
  
"Mate!"  
  
"We had a few beers and he taught me some stuff, put me through a whole fucking work out really."  
  
"Mate!"  
  
"He's coming by again tonight."  
  
And just as Adam opened his mouth Aaron joined him. "Mate!" They both shouted.  
  
"You could always cancel and stick around, you could meet him?"  
  
Adam grimaced at the idea. Yeah, he wanted to meet the great Robert Miller after all, but this girl, she was something different. She was unlike anyone he had ever met before and he couldn't bring himself to cancel on her. "Maybe next time." He replied. "Just give me a little heads up, yeah? I'll make sure not have plans with her."  
  
Aaron nodded and let go of a breath he had not realized he was holding on to. Yes, he extended the invitation, but deep down he was hoping Adam wouldn't be around. He couldn't help it, he wanted to spend time alone with Robert, just Robert, just the two of them.  
  
"Yeah, maybe next time." Aaron replied.  
  
Adam smiled and stood up making his way back towards the door. "Oh, and you might wanna clean that of your neck there, mate." He added as he waved his hand over his own neck trying to give Aaron a hint shortly before bursting into laughter and running out of the room.  
  
As if he had not been mortified enough before. "Fuck off." He shouted just as the door to his room closed shut, next time he would make sure his door was locked.  
  
_PING_.  
  
The notification alert from his phone grabbed his attention. Ed again. He couldn't help the wave of guilt that came over him again. He had a boyfriend, yet he couldn't get his mind off Robert, and spending time with him only made him realize something he already knew, something he had been trying to ignore. This thing with Ed wasn't working, it wasn't going to work out. He had known all along but tried to convince himself otherwise. He had to end things. He knew there was no chance with Robert, but still he couldn't help himself. He knew he was in trouble.  
  
~~~~~  
  
A cool breeze hangs in the air, it's unseasonably cool for this time of year with fall still a bit away. It was cool enough he could nearly see his breath as he huffed at every step, every stride. The quick pace of his movements only helped the cool air brush against him giving him goosebumps. Regardless, it didn't matter to him, he didn't even feel it. In fact, all he felt was the warmth coursing through him, the aches in his muscles, and the shortness of his breath. Just because he took the week off from training for his big fight in order to see, no to train Aaron, doesn't mean he wants to slack off. Robert had gotten up early, too early for most folks including himself, and truth be told he may not have gotten up as early if John had not called him at the crack of dawn. He had pretended Robert never told him he was taking the week off. John had called to make sure Robert was up and on his way in for training, a ruse that didn't last long when Robert shot him down. Unfortunately for him, he had gotten an earful when he said he was serious, he meant it when he said he was taking the week off. He had to sit through a whole lecture about how stupid it was to take off this way, to take time off when he needed to train in order to be in his peak form for the fight. All the shouting that came from his phone's speaker as he held it out and away from his ear, all the while making faces as if mocking John, was more than enough to fully wake him. He had gotten up and thrown on his typical work out gear; running shorts and a tight white undershirt that hugged his body in all the right places, quickly swept his hair aside, and gotten coffee before making his way out for a run. The only sure way to clear his mind aside from a good fight in the ring.  
  
Even with as cold as it should feel, after that ten mile run he simply found himself hot and sweaty. The perfect state to be in to do what he was about to do. As the familiar door before him opened he launched himself forward and wrapped his arms around Vanessa, making sure to rub the side of his face along hers, smearing his sweat along her neck and cheek.  
  
"Oi!" Vanessa shouted. "That is disgusting, Robert. Why would you do that?" She shrieked as she tried to push herself off of him only to be pulled in tighter.  
  
"Just giving my best mate a proper hug." He laughed a laugh that was short lived. Vanessa was small but knew how to handle herself, and she was quick. She quickly dug her fingers into his collarbone, pressing them into his skin and nearly digging behind it, he dropped to his knees laughing hysterically.  
  
"Okay! Okay! I give." He laughed with tears in his eyes. She knew his weakness, as big and formidable as he is, she could bring him down without much effort.  
  
She simply padded the top of his head and walked back into her flat heading for her kitchen. Putting the kettle on and grabbing two large mugs, she placed them on the kitchen bar top and took a seat. "So, you gonna tell me about last night?" She asked giving him a smile.  
  
Robert only smiled and pulled himself up, closed the door behind him, and joined Vanessa at the bar top. He sat for a moment trying to find the right words, trying to explain how it went without giving too much away, without making it so obvious just how much he was into Aaron. It had been so long since anyone had made him feel this way, truth be told he wasn't sure if anyone had ever made him feel this way before.  
  
"Wow. You like him that much?"  
  
"You what?"  
  
"Your speechless. That says it all." She teased. "I can see it. Those cogs in your head, spinning, working, trying to play it cool when it's anything but." She gave him a smile. "Robert, we've known each other for way too long. You're my best mate and I'm yours. So stop pretending and just tell me."  
  
"It's just...It's complicated."  
  
"So, un-complicate it."  
  
"It's not that easy now, is it?"  
  
"Robert, it's as easy or as hard as you want it. Stop thinking about what he would think, what he would say." She tells him clearly. She names no names but knows damn well Robert knows exactly who she means, who she's talking about. It's the same person who's always held him back. The same person who always made him doubt himself. The same one that always made him hide who he was. Jack.   
  
"There's something about him, Ness. Fuck, I can't explain. I just want more of him and I barely know him, does that make me mental?"  
  
Vanessa smiles back at him. That's what she wanted. Robert being honest. If only with himself. "Of course not. The question is, are you gonna see him again?" She asked, curios if he would try, if he would be brave enough to do what he had intended to do that fateful night.  
  
Robert smiled and nodded his head. "Yeah. Seeing him again tonight."  
  
"Tonight? You must really like this bloke, if you're seeing him a second time already." She teased.  
  
Try as he might he couldn't hide the flush of red that crept across his face, his light alabaster skin keeping no secrets. Giving her a sheepish smile, he nodded again. No use in keeping it quiet, not from her. She's always been there for him just as he has for her. If he could truly be himself with anyone, Vanessa would be it. "He's a natural. For someone who's never really been in a fight, besides that night that is, he’s taking to it really fast. His form is almost perfect.” He’s trying to tell her.  
  
“Oh, I bet his form is almost perfect.” She laughed. “With as taken as you are with him, I can’t imagine otherwise.”  
  
“Shut up. You know that’s not what I meant.”  
  
She rolled her eyes, he was opening up, but he was clearly still holding back. “I know what you mean, you idiot, but you’re still holding out on me. We both know it’s not the way he throws a punch that has you like this…all smitten.”  
  
“He’s special. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but he’s special. I mean, he’s so at ease with himself, so sure of who he is. He’s so brave and I dunno, I’m kind of jealous.” He said with a sad smile as he remembered the way Aaron looked so comfortable in his own skin. Even after what he went through. The attack that night he met him, even after that, Aaron seemed so sure in who he is, as if nothing would stop him from being himself. It was the complete opposite of himself. For years he’s known he was different, yet he couldn’t admit it to himself much less others. Not that it was all his fault, not really, his dad made sure of that. His dad was the reason why he always struggled with who he is, with accepting himself, even after all these years. There were days he felt his dad would always be there, that voice would always be there, telling him he wasn’t right, he was broken, and that he needed to man up. He shook his head pushing the thoughts away. “I wish I could be like that, like him.”  
  
Vanessa couldn’t help but reflect the sad smile back at him, she knew what he had been through, what he was going through, and it broke her heart to see him struggle so much with himself. “Well maybe he can rub off a bit on you.” She told him.  
  
“If I’m lucky.”  
  
“Oh, I bet you’d love to get that lucky.”  
  
“Argh…you’re impossible. You know exactly what I meant.” He said as he stood from his chair and began to make his way to the door.  
  
All Vanessa could do was laugh in return. “I’m sorry but you set yourself up for that one.” She joked. “Aren’t you going to stay for some tea?”  
  
“I need to go take a shower.”  
  
“Yeah, you’re right. You should go do that, you smell awful. Think I might need one myself after that hug.”  
  
“Oh, fuck off.” He chuckled in return before stopping in his track. "I want you to meet him."  
  
"You what?"  
  
"You heard me."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Cos...I dunno. I just...I trust you more than I trust myself, Ness."  
  
"Babe, you need to stop doubting yourself. You know how to read people better than I'll ever be able to, but if it means that much to you. Yeah, of course I'll meet him."  
  
Robert smiled at her. He's always thought of her as more than a friend. He thought of her almost like a sister. Like the sister he lost long ago and even though he didn't want to voice it, he wanted her approval more than anything. "Don't make any plans for tonight." He said and gave her no time to respond as he turned and almost skipped to the door.   
  
~~~~~  
  
Vanessa's words stuck to him, something she said had clung to his mind. She told him he knew how to read people and she was right. It was part of what made him a great fighter. His instincts, his ability to read people, gave him the advantage to make the right calls, the right choices, the right moves. Between her words and a much needed jerk off session in the shower, he found a confidence he didn't know he had. Tonight, was the night. He was going to make his move. He was going to go for what he wanted. He was going to stop living in the past, stop letting that voice in his head dictate who he was. Tonight, he was going to make a move for Aaron. Tonight, everything would change.  
  
As he stopped just outside Aaron’s building looking up towards his window, he felt the flutter in his stomach and couldn’t help the smile that crept on his face. He tucked the six pack of beers under his arm and ran his hand through his hair as his swept it up and to the side. Had he had a mirror he probably would have spent a few minutes in front of it making sure he looked his best. Not that he hand not already spend the last three hours getting ready for tonight. Two hours alone, just picking out his outfit. He had nearly thrown every shirt he owned onto the floor as he tried on one after the other, looking for the perfect one, looking for the perfect shirt. He got so carried away that he had originally picked out a three piece suit before remembering it wasn’t a date. He was going there with the intention of making a move for him, but as far as Aaron knew, he was there to continue teaching him self-defense.  
  
“What are you doing? You idiot.” He had scolded himself as he took off the waist coat and quickly undressed. Pacing back and forth in his walk wearing nothing but a perfectly fitted pair of black boxer briefs, he finally stopped when he saw the long sleeved maroon colored Henley. It was simply and practical, but it fit him like a glove. He remembered how great his arms and chest looked in it, and he was sold. The jeans were the easy part, he had a favorite pair, a pair that always garnered him plenty of attention. They hugged all the right places and showed off his perfect round bubbly arse.  
  
This is it. He thought to himself as he made his way towards the door to the building, he could feel his nerves building up and did the only thing he could to relax himself. The same thing he always did before a fight. As ridiculous as it was, it was the only thing that would keep him focused, keep him calm. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and placed his earphones into each ear as he scrolled through his playlist looking for the song.  
  
Arnold Schwarzenegger looked down at Lynda Hamilton, an iconic moment in cinematic history. “Come with me if you want to live.” He told her. Terminator 2 played on his television, as Aaron sat up on his couch leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, with his right leg constantly bouncing with nerves. Nerves he wasn’t quite sure where they came from. It wasn’t like this was the first time he was seeing Robert. Not that it should matter. This was simply a friend coming over to teach him self-defense.  
  
_PING._  
  
His phone lit up as the sound notified him to a message. Ed, again. Aaron had sent him a quick message earlier in the day to let him know how things had gone the night before, as well as to let him know that he was training again tonight. Ever the nice guy, Ed wished him good luck, and asked him to message him later. He wanted to hear all about what Aaron was learning. And just like that Aaron felt his stomach drop and his palms get clammy as he held tightly to his phone, as he held on for dear life while his fingers tapped away at the screen. He wasn’t even sure how it happened but next thing he knew he was staring at a methodically typed out message from him to Ed.  
  
_We need to talk. I’d rather do this in person and not over a message. Can you stop by later tonight?_  
  
He stared at it for what felt like hours. This was it. He knew he needed to do it, he knew he had to end things with him. His thumb hovered over the send button and somehow he couldn’t bring himself to press it. He pulled the phone close to his head and tapped it to his forehead as he squeezed his eyes shut. Taking a deep breath, he pulled back and looked at the message again before quickly pressing the send button. He had done it as fast as he could before he lost the nerve, before he bottled it. It was his signature move after all. Aaron Dingle, the professional emotion bottler. He quickly pocketed his phone not bothering to wait for a response and tried to place his attention back to the movie, just in time to hear the knock at his door.  
  
It took all of 5 seconds after the knock for the door to nearly fly open. Robert still had his hand in his hair as he made sure it was all still in place when Aaron's crystal blue eyes gazed into his own. He quickly dropped his hand trying to play it cool, didn't want to seem like he was trying to impress him. Deep down he knew he was, but he didn't want Aaron to know that. At least not yet.  
  
"Hiya." Robert greeted as he paused the music and pulled the earphones out of his ears before grabbing the beer from his underarm. "Thought you might like a beer after the training. Figured it's the least I could do since I cleaned you out last night." He joked.  
  
Aaron chuckled in response as he nodded. "You're taking time out of your day to teach me how to defend myself, and you feel like you owe me something. You're mental, you know that?"  
  
"What can I say? I'm a thoughtful guest." He joked as he winked an eye at Aaron. Shit! He thought to himself. The wink came out of nowhere. It's so natural to him, the flirting, he didn't even realize he was doing it until it was too late. All he could do was pray that Aaron didn't notice.  
  
He tried to play it cool, kept up the appearance, but in his head he found himself baffled. Aaron wasn't sure what had just happened. He thought he saw Robert wink at him, and it wasn't just an average wink, but there was something flirtatious about. There was something in his eyes. Something in his beautifully soft green eyes that almost resembled desire. _Stop trying to see what isn't there, you muppet_. He thought to himself before smiling at Robert and stepping aside. "You wanna come in?"  
  
Robert nodded and made his way in. He sighed once he was past Aaron. He saw no reaction from him and figured he missed the wink. He thanked the universe and walked into the kitchen to place the beers in the fridge, but not before turning and getting a good look at Aaron. His eyes trailed him up and down as he closed the door. His arse practically on display in the grey sweats he wore, they were a bit loose, but not enough that he couldn't see the perfect shape of Aaron's arse. Even better, as he turned around, his bulge. Robert swallowed hard pretending to neatly place the beer in the fridge. "So, you ready for today's lesson?" He asked in his signature cocky tone. He knew his workouts were rigorous for him, even after all these years, so he knew they were probably torture for Aaron.  
  
"As ready as can be." He replied. He wasn't sure just how much he'd be able to endure, he was still sore from head to toe after the previous lesson. "Just take it easy on me, will ya? I'm not used to all this."  
  
Aaron huffed, his chest heaved as if he had been out for a run, a two hour long run. It's how long they had been practicing what Robert had taught him. Nothing too crazy, mostly defensive moves. Ways to dodge attacks, ways to turn an attacker’s own momentum against them, it wasn't until Robert banged his head on the floor that they stopped.  
  
"Fuck!" Aaron shouted before covering his mouth. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to flip ya so hard."  
  
"No, no, don't worry about." Robert grumbled as he rubbed the back of his head. "Trust me, I've taken worse."  
  
"I bet you have." Aaron let out under his breath, his face instantly turning a bright shade of red at the realization of what he had just said, and much more, how he said it. All he could do was close his eyes and hope the floor would open beneath him and swallow him whole.  
  
Trying to not think too much into Aaron's comment Robert let out a breath and pinched the front of his shirt to flutter it. "It's hot in here. You mind if I open up a window?" He asked as he picked himself up.  
  
"Go for it." He replied.  
  
Robert stood and walked over to the window opening up the largest of the three and sticking his head out for a moment. The air was crisp, cooler than the day before. He closed his eyes and let it wash over him. _This is it. Do it_. He told himself.  
  
As Robert stood at the window Aaron turned his eyes to the floor afraid of staring at what was before him. Robert's arse fully on display, as if just for him, the last thing he needed was the consequences of staring at it. The thought alone made him feel slight movements in his boxers. With his eyes focusing on the floor he noticed Robert's phone laying there, earphones still wrapped around it. Aaron figured it must have slipped out of Robert's pocket after the flip, he bent down to pick it up, the screen lit up and he couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his mouth. "You've got to be kidding me?" He laughed.  
  
"You what?" Robert asked as he turned around. It took him a second, but he noticed Aaron holding his phone. Worse he saw the look on his face as he placed one of the earphones into his ear. "No!" He shouted as he tackled Aaron to the ground. "Don't" he said as his face turned a red unlike any red that had ever been seen before.  
  
"Taylor Swift?" Aaron laughed as he did his best to keep the phone from Robert's hands. They rolled around a bit, both laughing. Robert with embarrassment, and Aaron with embarrassment for him. It wasn't until Robert had him pinned down that they stopped, and everything changed. It stopped and they both became well aware that Robert was on top of him.  
  
_Now, you idiot, now!_ Robert screamed to himself as he stared down into Aaron's blue eyes. There was something about them all of a sudden, a softness he had not seen before. They almost looked inviting, as if giving permission. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and closed his eyes as he leaned in. His lips aimed for Aaron's. He could feel a rush running through him, he had been dreaming about this for nights on end and somehow he felt like Aaron also felt the same.  
  
_Thump. Thump_.  
  
The soft knocks at the door immediately broke the moment as that rush turned to dread. All Robert could do was picture someone barging in on them, catching them, catching him. His secret would be out. Everyone would know what he really was. He felt his stomach drop and quickly pulled himself back and his heart broke seeing the look of disappointment on Aaron's eyes. Maybe he was right after all, maybe Aaron felt the same way. Somehow that thought made his fear go away. It made him sure of himself. It made things appear much easier. If he had Aaron, he could deal with everything else.  
  
"Robert." Aaron spoke in a soft raspy voice as he licked his lips. He couldn't think of what to say. He was taken aback. Robert just tried to kiss him. He's sure of it. No fucking way he read that wrong. He wanted nothing more.  
  
"You should...uh...you should get that." Robert said as he stood.  
  
Aaron nodded as he bit his lower lip. He stood up and made for the door only to stop and turn back to Robert.

He opened his mouth to say something, to try and talk about what had just happened, but he was interrupted by further knocks at the door.  
  
_Fuck_. He thought to himself and turned heading for the door. His stomach tuning instantly as he opened it to Ed.  
  
"Hiya." He said as he walked in. Ed had just walked past the door when he caught sight of Robert. "Hiya, mate." He said with a smile on his face. "Is this, is this him?' he asked Aaron. "You're the bloke that saved his life. You're Robert, yeah?" He asked.  
  
Robert nodded. They guy seemed nice enough, but he clearly interrupted a moment, and he wanted nothing more than for him to leave so they could pick up where they had left off. "Yeah, that's me." He answered.  
  
Aaron wiped his hand across his face, hating himself for sending the message in the first place. If he had not sent it, Ed would not be here now, he would not have interrupted them. Robert would have kissed him. "Ed, what are you doing here?" Aaron asked trying to hide the annoyance in his voice.  
  
"You didn't answer any of my messages, so I figured I would just stop by for that chat." He said oblivious to Aaron's mood.  
  
"I'm sorry, who are you?" Robert asked.  
  
"Excuse my manners. I'm Ed. Aaron's boyfriend." He said in a particular tone. A tone Aaron noticed. Maybe Ed wasn't as oblivious as he had thought. He wrapped his arm around Aaron's waist and pulled him close, almost as if guarding what he considered his.  
  
_Aaron's boyfriend_. The words hurt more than any punch he had taken before. What a fool he had been to think that Aaron wasn't with anyone. To think that he stood a chance with him. He felt his stomach turn and hated himself for thinking he could do this. This was a mistake, it all was. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath trying to hide the emotions rolling through him. "I uh...I uh...I should really get going he said as he quickly picked up his phone and mad his way to them. "I'll talk to you soon." Robert said as he walked past Aaron. "You have a good night."  
  
Aaron wanted to reach out so bad, part of him almost did, but then he remembered Ed. He cursed himself for letting this go on for too long, for not ending it when he had the chance. He pulled away from Ed as the door closed behind Robert and looked him in the eyes. "We have to talk."  
  
Outside in the cool breeze Robert took a final look towards Aaron's window, the one he had just been looking out minutes ago, right before he tackled him. For a brief moment he remembered the scuffle, remembered rolling around the floor with him, he remembered feeling so at ease and happy. Now, all he remembers are Ed's words; _Aaron's boyfriend_ , and all he wants to do is punch something. He felt like such a fool after what happened, he felt like an idiot for believing there could be something between them, but most of all he was angry with himself for thinking he could be himself. His true self.  
  
Aaron was a mistake, a mistake he wouldn't repeat again.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have it, feel free to give me a follow on twitter @fotografyraptor for loads of robron!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert reels after learning Aaron was already involved with someone, and he feels a fool for it. Aaron had a choice to make, if he wants Robert, now's the Time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This still need to go through edits but I hope you guys enjoy it.
> 
> As always please leave comments. Let me know what you think!

 

**CHAPTER 5**

* * *

One second, that's all it took for him to fly off the handle. Aaron had been determined to break things off with Ed, his heart just wasn't in it, he knew he didn't want it, and he had every intention of letting him down easy. Only now all he could see was what he had done, how he had acted. Ed clearly saw that there was something going on, he wasn't as oblivious as Aaron thought, and he came in like a dog marking its territory. He couldn't really blame the guy, but thinking of what Robert must have felt, how humiliated he must have been.

“What the hell was that?!” He shouted at Ed. Robert had only just left, moments before, but he waited long enough to where he wouldn't hear what was about to happen.

“What do you mean?” Ed replied acting innocent.

“You know what I mean, Ed. What the fuck was that? Why didn't you just whip it out and piss on my legs.” Aaron was seething. Every word that came from his mouth only making it all that much more clear. Ed was a mistake. Robert is what he wanted. He thought wanted him before and now, after what almost happened, he was certain.

“What, am I supposed to just let some bloke move in on _my_ man?”

 _My man._ The words repeated in his head and it felt as if he had suddenly exploded.

“I'm not your anything, Ed!” He shouted. “We're done.”

“What do you mean we're done?” He shouted back.

“I mean, we're done, Ed. We're done.”

“But…” he tried to protest.

“No buts, Ed. This was never going to work. I'm sorry but it's just not going to work.” Aaron cut him off.

Ed took deep breath as if he was ready to shout, ready fight for him, but just as quickly dropped his shoulders in defeat. He could see the look on Aaron's face, he could tell there was no point in trying to fight it. He held his tongue and simply turned leaving Aaron's flat.

Aaron let go of a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding on to. His heart was beating faster than he had ever noticed before. Part of him felt bad for leading Ed on the way he had, but mostly he felt relieved. Ed was a nice guy but that's all he was. A nice guy. It wasn't quite what Aaron wanted, what he needed, and now he didn't have to feel guilty about his feelings for Robert.

 _Robert._ He thought to himself, seeing the disappointment on his face when they heard the knock, and even worse the heartbreak when Ed introduced himself as his boyfriend. He quickly dug through his pocket for his phone and frantically shipped his fingers across the screen looking for Robert’s number.

“Come on. Come on, pick up _._ ” He spoke to himself as he paced through his kitchen. “Come on, Robert...please pick up, will ya?”

Nothing. He tried a second time and again, nothing A third time and nothing. A fourth time and straight to voicemail.

“Fuck.” He muttered before grabbing his keys and running out the door. He had no idea what he would say, what he would do, but he couldn't let things be. Not with how they were, not without at least trying to explain.

It had gotten late, he hadn't even realized how late, until he noticed the moonlight. If it were not for the street lamps and neon lights from the pubs along the street, he wouldn't even know if he was heading in the right direction. His head was all over the place and with good reason. The day had started of so we'll, he thought tonight was going to be the night, he had been so sure of. Aaron, after all would have been worth it, or at least it's what he had convinced himself of. Then everything came crashing down. He had been such a fool. Aaron wasn't exactly who he thought he was. This whole time Aaron had been making a fool of him.

After the first few time he saw a call coming in from Aaron he thought it best to shut his phone off. He didn't want to speak to him. Not now. Maybe not ever again. He was too angry at the moment, confused, and definitely hurt. He wasn't sure how Aaron could do this to him. After everything he had done for him. He needed to clear his head first. As he reached his building all he could think about were his eyes. The way the crystal clear blue eyes looked back into his. The warmth in them. All he could think about was how much he wanted to kiss Aaron, and everything finally boiled over.

“Argh.” He shouted as he threw his fist against the brick wall. “Fuck.” He recoiled in pain, hated that he let it all happen. Hates that he let his emotions take control. It's not who he is, he hasn't gotten to where he is by letting his emotions get in the way. He pulled his fist close to himself and saw the crimson red dripping from his knuckles. He'd punched the wall hard, probably too hard. This isn't what he needs. Not now. Not when he has such an important fight coming up. Last thing he needs is a broken hand.

“What have you done?” Aaron's raspy voice asks as he walked close to Robert. His face flushed, his cheeks completely red, and his chest heaving as if he had been running.

“Aaron? What...what are you doing here?” He tried to hide his fist. Tried to hide what he was feeling. Tried to hide it all.

“What did you do to your hand?” Aaron asked again.

“It's nothing.” He said as coldly as he could.

“Robert, your shirt is covered in blood. It sure as hell isn't _nothing.”_ He said as he stepped closer reaching for Robert's hand. “Here, let me see.”

Robert closed his eyes and held his breath as Aaron took his hand, just hoping he would go away, yet he knew that was a lie. “It's fine, really.” He said before wincing as Aaron held on to his fist.

“This looks serious, Robert.” Aaron said as he pulled his phone out and began dialing.

“What are you doing?”

“Calling for an ambulance.”

“You what?”

“You need to get this checked out.”

“You daft? It's fine. It's just a little blood. It'll be fine.” He said as he pulled his hand free from Aaron's grasp.

“Don't be a prat.” Aaron huffed. He could see the aggravation in Robert's face. Whatever they had earlier had shifted. Something's changed in Robert and it was breaking his heart thinking it was all his fault. “If you don't want to go to the hospital then at least let me help ya clean it up.”

Robert gave in. He one Aaron was right. No matter how much he just wanted the night to be over, how much he wanted to just bury his face into his pillow and forget this all happened, he knew the injury could be bad. It needed to be taken care of. He needed to make sure it wasn't something that would ruin his chances at his fight. Even worse, prevent him from it. “Fine.” He finally said exasperated. “Come on.” He said as he walked off expecting Aaron to follow.

 _Fuck._ Aaron thought to himself. He hated this, hated what he had done. Everything felt different now. There was this unease between him and Robert, a silence, a deafening one. No matter how hard he tried to say something, nothing would come. He was at a loss and he couldn't even make eye contact with him. Still, he could feel Robert's eyes on him as if they were burning a hole through his head.

_Ding._

The lift doors opened to the top floor of the building and still, nothing but silence between them. Robert walked past him with a cold look on his face and nodded his head for Aaron to follow, when they came to his door he awkwardly tried opening the door with a single hand and only managed to drop the keys.

“Here, let me.” Aaron finally broke the silence as he reached down for the keys. Picking them up he unlocked the door and opened it. Again Robert walked past him and nodded for him to follow. “Thanks.” Aaron said, unsure as to why he was thanking him, he just wasn't sure what to say, didn't even know what to do. He stood in place and shoved his hands I to his pockets as Robert walked into a room and returned seconds later with a first aid kit. Aaron took it from him finally working up the nerve to move.

“Why don't you take a seat.” Aaron said as he ran into the kitchen. “You have any paper towels or summit?” He asked.

Robert pointed towards the fridge where he had a dish towel hanging on the handle. Aaron took it and ran it under the kitchen sink, before rinsing it and walking back to Robert. He gently took Robert's hand back into his and slowly wiped the blood from his knuckles. He couldn't help the flutter in his stomach and much less the skip in his heart as he cared for Robert's fist. The feeling was strange yet welcomed at the same time, he wasn't sure what it all meant, all he knew was that he wanted to feel more of it. He wanted more of Robert. The skin was broken over a few of his knuckles but not all, the injury seemed mostly superficial, but there was no real way to tell. Not without a bit of torture. He finished cleaning his hand and sanitized it before taking some gauze and gently wrapping it in a bandage. He stretched Robert's fingers out then pushed them up and back making Robert wince a bit. The action all too familiar, he himself winced at the memory it brought back, something he never wanted to remember, certainly not something he wanted to remember or tie back to Robert.

“How bad does it hurt when I do that?” He asked as he did it again.

“Ow.” Robert grunted. “It hurts, but not much.”

“Can you clench your fist and open it back up?” He asked and waited as Robert did so with ease. “Good. Looks like nothing's broken.” He said as he ran his fingers along Robert's bandaged knuckles. “About earlier.” He started.

“What about earlier?” Robert quickly said, coldly.

“Robert.”

“I don't think I can continue the lessons with you.” He said interrupting Aaron. “This fight I have coming up...I really need to get back to my training and...and I don't have time for you.” He quickly stopped immediately regretting what he had just said. He sighed recollecting himself. “I just don't have the time to spare.” He looked away. “I know a couple of guys who could probably help you out if you want to continue.”

“So that's it!” Aaron nearly shouted. “You're just done with me? Just like that!”

“Are you serious?” Robert shouted back as he stood. “You're mad? At me? After what just happened at yours?”

Aaron shook his head as his brows furrowed, feeling the guilt hit him like a ton of bricks. “It's not what you think.”

“So, what? You didn't try and kiss me? You don't have a boyfriend?” He asks question after question as his aggravation builds. The thought that Aaron was mad at him only making things worse. “Do you get off on making fool of blokes like me?”

“I don't have a boyfriend.” He quickly replied.

“So, who was that?” Robert shot back.

 _Fuck._ Aaron thought, there was no good way to come out of this. No way to paint it the way it truly happened. “I mean...yeah he was my boyfriend, but…”

“Get out, Aaron. Just get out!”

“But…”

“Just go!”

Aaron drops his head and turns walking towards the door. There's a knot in his stomach and he hates himself for fucking things up so bad. Still he feels resolved, he can't let this go, he won't. Robert needs time to cool off, he'll give him space, but there's no way he's going to drop this.

“Why?” Robert's voice asks behind him.

He slowly turns in place to look back. “Why what?”

“Why mess me about like that?” He asks, there's hurt in his eyes and it's almost to much for Aaron to bare.

“I wasn't.” He says, his voice dripping with regret. “I promise, Robert.”

“So what was it then?”

“I won't lie, Robert. Not to you.” He said. “Ed, yeah Ed _was_ my boyfriend.” Aaron made sure to accentuate that word. He need Robert to know it was past tense.

Robert furrowed his brows in confusion. “What do you mean was?”

Aaron took a deep breath and scratched at his left eyebrow, a nervous habit he’s always had. “I'd been seeing him for a few weeks, but I just...I just wasn't into it.” He started. “I'd been wanting to end things with him for a week now, and I...and I was gonna end it with him tonight. I was, I promise. It's why he showed up. I sent him a text earlier today telling him we needed to talk.”

“A week?” Robert asks as it clicks.

“Yeah.” Aaron half smiled. “I met this bloke a week ago. He saved my life and I can't seem to get him out of my head. Can't stop thinking about him, I can't stop dreaming about him. Fuck...I wanted to end things with my boyfriend because...because that's how bad this bloke is in my head.”

He finally works up the courage to look up, to look at Robert, and he loses his breath as he sees the sheepish smile on his face. Gone is the anger, the confusion, the tension, and everything feels like it did before. Like it felt earlier.

“Funny, that is.” Robert finally lets out.

“How is that funny?”

Robert slowly begins taking steps towards Aaron. There's a look in his eyes that looks much like determination. “Well, you see.” He started. “A week ago I also met a bloke, that I can't seem to shake. I can't stop thinking about him, not since I met him. So much so that I offered to give him lessons, just so that I could see him again.”

Aaron bit his lower lip trying his best to hide the smile that was spreading across his face. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Part of him told himself he was dreaming. How could Robert be into him? He's about to say something but words fail him as Robert stops in front of him, their eyes trained on each other, and he can't help but look down.

 _Do it! Come on you coward, just do it!_ Robert's thoughts shout to him and he can no longer hold back. He reaches out and lifts Aaron's face by his chin and as they look into each other's eyes he leans in and takes Aaron's lips with his own. The kiss is chaste, it's soft, it's sweet, but most of all it's a bit unsure. He's never been with a bloke before, he's never even kissed one before, and he can't help but feel unsure of himself. _What if you're terrible at it? What if he's had better kisses? What if he's had better, period?_

Everything changes when he feels Aaron moan into his mouth. As if sensing Robert's worry Aaron takes over. His hands reach up and cusp Robert's face between his palms. His fingers holding on to his jaw and neck as his thumbs brush up against the stubble on his cheeks. The kiss becomes something more, faster, hungrier, and their tongues glide with one another as Robert returns the moan with his own. It's the only signal Aaron needed. He pulls Robert in closer, their tongues continue to dance with one another, and they both moan together. He moved his hands from Robert's face to his shoulder as he slid his hands underneath his body warmer sliding it off him.

Robert smiled into the kiss, a smile that Aaron mirror, and he simply melted into his lead.

A frenzy, a frenzy was the only way to explain it as their bodies rushed. Aaron grabbed a hold of the Hem of Robert's shirt and lifted it up ad Robert lifted his arms letting him take the shirt off of him. His shirt flew across the room and Aaron's followed shortly after as they their hands explored each other while their kissing became more passionate than before, there was something almost desperate about it. As if it was something they both had been craving for, something they both had been dying for. Robert threw his head back as Aaron placed kisses across his chest, and let out a groan when he gently bit on his left nipple. Not wanting to let Aaron have all the fun, he flipped things on him and pushed Aaron against the door, returning the favor he gently grazed his teeth on Aaron's left nipple, licking at it as his teeth held it in place. Aaron moaned into the sensation, and leaned his head down breathing in the top of Robert's hair. He would be lying if he said he hadn't been wanting to do that. To breath him in, to know his scent, and fuck did it turn him on to do it. He flipped them both over and slammed Robert against the door as he took his lips, only he slowed the kiss. He slowed it down and looked into Robert's green eyes as his arms moved lower and lower.

And just like that, their movements nearly came to a halt. Though the heat remained, the rush had dissipated, they both wanted to enjoy this, they both wanted to savor every second. Aaron swallowed hard past the lump in his throat, his heart beating so fast it feels like it was going to burst through his chest, he had never been so nervous. Not even on his first time, yet here he was with his fingers working Robert's belt, and he felt like he might not make it through the night. He might not make it past the next few minutes of his life. He slowly pulls Robert's belt free and unbuttons his jeans, then he slides his fingers beneath the waistband of his boxers and slowly slides them both down until his jeans and boxers glide down to the floor on their own. His heart thumps even faster and he finds himself gulping again “Holy fuck.” He says beneath his breath as he looks down at Robert's dick.

He'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought about it. He's very much guilty of staring at it any chance he gets. He knew Robert was packing, that much was clear, still he couldn't help his reaction at actually seeing it. Fuck, did it make him lick his lips.

“Can...can I tell you something?” Robert asked, a flush of rush spreading across his face, he seemed nervous and his body movements almost made it look as if he was trying to cover himself up.

“Yeah, anything.” Aaron replied as he looked back into Robert's eyes. He stepped in closer and placing his arms to Robert's hips, he gently pulled him closer to himself as if trying to put him at ease.

“I, uh...I’ve never been with a bloke before.” He said, he could feel his pulse in his hands as he placed them to Aaron's chest. He couldn't help but be embarrassed. He couldn't help but feel like a chav about to get laid for the first time, about to lose his virginity. Yeah he had kissed a boy long ago, but nothing more. Nothing like this. It didn't matter how much he wanted it, how excited he was for it, he couldn't help but feel like he was going to mess it up.

“We...we don't have to do this if you're not sure about it.” His eyes were full of sincerity. He remembers what his first time was like. He remembers the nerves. And just like that his own come rushing in. Up until this moment he had been more than confident with what he was doing, but the confidence was quickly replaced with nerves. He hasn't felt like this before, not about any other bloke, and he doesn't want to ruin it. He doesn't want to ruin whatever this could be. He pulls a hand from Robert's hip and places it his face. His hand cradling his cheek and neck as his thumbs strikes against his stubble. “I mean it. We don't have to do this if you're not ready.” He reiterates. Part of him hoping Robert wants it as much as he does, yet another part of him hopes Robert isn't ready, because if he's honest with himself he isn't either.

“No, I do. I really want this. God, do I fucking want this.” Robert says as he pulls Aaron in closer. Their chests become flush and he feels himself pressing against the obvious erection in Aaron's jeans. “I...I just don't want to disappoint you.” He says looking down.

“Are you daft?” Aaron scoffs. “You're afraid of disappointing me?” He asks incredulously. “Mate, you are so out of my league it's not even funny. How could you possibly disappoint me?”

“Shut up.”

“I mean it.”

“How could you say that. You're beautiful.” He says, again averting his eyes as he feels the heat in his cheeks. He figures his face must be all shades of red by now.

“You winding me up?”

“I mean it.” He returns before placing his lips to Aaron's pulling a soft moan from him. It's not long before Aaron simply melts into Robert and the moans freely fall from his mouth.

Whatever hesitations Aaron had only seconds ago fall along with his moans. The way Robert touches him, the way he's kissing him, he can't fight that. He shoves him back against the door again and chuckles at Robert's groan. He knows he doesn't have that much experience with blokes himself, but fuck if he doesn't know to suck dick. “Come here.” He says as he pulls back finally able to properly catch his breath.

He takes Robert's hand and turns to lead him back to the sitting room.

“No...wait.” Robert's voice cracks, his nerves are evident.

Aaron turns and gives him a soft smile. “Do you trust me?”. He asks and quickly receives a nod from Robert. He can tell he's nervous, it's written all over Robert's eyes, and the last thing he wants to do is scare him off. He's not going to push him, he'll take things slow. Leading him back to the sofa he nods as if telling Robert to take a seat, and he does. _Fuck me._ Aaron thinks to himself as Robert takes a seat with his legs wide open. He knows he's in trouble. This feeling. The butterflies in his stomach. He's so fucked.

 _Fucking hell._ Robert can't look away from Aaron's eyes. He's topless and yet his eyes are glued to Aaron's. He's in deep and he knows it. The usual cockiness that oozes from him is gone around Aaron. His charm, his bravado, everything about his usual self is gone. In the moment all he feels are the flips his stomach is making. All he feels are Aaron's eyes. The way he's looking at him. The way a soft splash of red covers his cheeks.

Stepping between Robert's legs Aaron kneels down placing his hands on Robert's thighs, he looks him in the eyes and speaks softly. “I can stop if you want me to.”

Robert swallowed hard past the lump in his throat, he wasn't even aware he had been holding onto his breath, and shook his head. “No, don't stop.” Not like he had never gotten head before, but this, this was a whole different thing. He was a nervous wreck and the butterflies in his stomach were not helping. Aaron smiled back reassuring him before he slowly leaned down and opened his mouth. In that moment he felt his hear skip a beat. _This is it._ He thought to himself.

“Robert, you in here?” Vanessa shouted as she closed the door behind her.

“Fuck.” Robert muttered as panic took over. A panic that Aaron noticed and quickly ran into the closes door he could find leaving. Robert quickly rushed over to his jeans and boxers picking them up.

“Oh god!” Vanessa shouted as she threw her hands over her eyes. “Mate! Why are you naked?”

“For fucks sake, Ness. You ever hear of knocking?” He asked as he tried covering himself.

“Excuse you.” She shot back. “You're the one who left me a message that you were coming over, sounding mighty upset, might I add. You never showed up, what was I supposed to do? Not care?”

“Shit.” Robert hissed remembering the voicemail he had left her as he left Aaron's place. He had been so distraught he needed to vent. He needed his best friend.

“First. So what's this about this arsehole messing you about?” She started. “Why didn't you come over?” She added shaking her head. “And please tell me you didn't bring some slapper here to make ya feel better?” She finished.

“About that.” He said, still holding his jeans balled up in front of his crotch. “For starters, it's complicated.” Robert mumbled. “And no, they're not a slapper, least not that I know of.”

“Oi. You can do one, if that's what you think of me." Aaron's raspy voice came from the coat closet. He couldn't help himself. He felt guilty enough about the Ed situation as it was. The last thing he wanted was for Robert to think that he liked to play around.

Vanessa slowly turned her head looking towards the coat closet before finally having a look around Robert's flat. Spotting all the clothes on the floor she turned her head back to Robert with a grin on her face.

“What's this now?”

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron now know how they feel about each other. Aaron has a chat with Adam while Robert talks with Vanessa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This still needs to go through proper edits but I hope it's still readable.
> 
> Please leave comments and let me know what you think!

**CHAPTER 6**

* * *

 

 

Awkward would be the best way to describe this moment. A moment unlike any other one he had ever had, save one. One moment that went from awkward to shamed rather quickly, one moment he'd rather never think of again. There he stood with his jeans in his hands balled up and covering his semi, granted having Vanessa standing there asking questions certainly was killing the mood. Robert couldn't help but let out a chuckle.  
  
“What's so fucking funny, you muppet?” Aaron's voice came from the closet, only making Robert crease in laughter.  
  
“You can come out.” Robert said between laughs.  
  
As the closet door slowly opened, Aaron stuck his head out unsure if he should just step out. “Hiya.” He said as he saw Vanessa.  
  
“Robert!” She nearly squealed. She wasn't sure what had happened between Robert and Aaron, but regardless of what did, somehow Robert ended up with a bloke anyway. “Who's this fella?” She asks turning her eyes from Aaron to Robert. “He's fit.” She mumbled through the side of her mouth.  
  
“Uh...yeah, remember how I said it was complicated?” He sheepishly shrugged his shoulders making a face.  
  
“Don't tell me.” She gasped. “This is Aaron? But he has chap already.” She chastised him, her voice full of disappointment.  
  
Aaron stepped out of the closet partly trying to cover himself, but ultimately had no idea what do. Part of him wanted to run, but most of him wanted to stay. Most of him wanted to continue what had been interrupted. He looked to Robert and couldn't help but chuckle as he saw him trying to cover himself with his balled up jeans. “Maybe I should go.” He said as he made for his clothes laying on the floor.  
  
“No, wait.” Robert was quick to stop him. He turned and looked over to Vanessa. “Can you give us a few?” He asked.  
  
“Yeah, I'll just be back at mine.” She said as she nodded her head back towards the doorway. She didn't need telling, the look on Robert's face said it all. Whatever it was that was going on, she could see how excited he was, and there was no way she was going to ruin it. Not with how much work it for him to get to this point. She turned and quickly left gently closing the door behind her.  
  
Robert let out a deep sigh of relief and looked back towards Aaron. “So where were we?” He asked as he dropped the jeans and nervously walked to him.  
  
Aaron lifted his hand and placed it to Robert's chest. He could feel how fast his heart was beating, and by the look in his face, he knew Robert was scared. He couldn't believe he was about to say what he was, not with as how much he wanted this. “Maybe we should stop.” He said before noticing the disappointment in Robert's eyes. “That's twice now.” He said.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Twice now that someone interrupted.” Aaron said. “Maybe this wasn't meant to happen. Least, not tonight.”  
  
“Uh...okay. Yeah.” Robert let out, his voice heavy with disappointment.  
  
“I just mean, maybe we should slow down, yeah?” He tried to smile. “I mean, I did just break up with my boyfriend, jumping right into bed with you, I wouldn't want you thinking of me as some slapper.”  
  
“Shut up.” Robert laughed, the tension having completely been broken. “I didn't mean it.”  
  
Aaron laughed back at him, couldn't help but run his eyes up and down Robert's naked body. Not that anyone would blame him. There was a fit naked bloke standing before him, one that happened to be one of the best MMA fighters according to Adam. “Maybe you should get dressed , mate. Not sure I can be this good for long with ya standing there like that.” He said pointing his hand to Robert's naked body.  
  
The heat he felt in his face alerted to the flush of red that must have suddenly spread across his face. Robert nodded and picked up the jeans and slid them up his legs before buttoning them up. He had just zipped himself up when he looked over to see Aaron licking his lips. A cocky grin spread across his face knowing Aaron was clearly into him. That's one worry off his chest. “You want a beer?” He asked as he picked Aaron's shirt up and tossed it to him. “Not sure I can control myself with you standing there like that.” He added winking an eye at him.  
  
“Yeah, that sounds good.” Aaron threw his shirt over his head and pulled as he thought it through, part of him telling him to shut his mouth, telling his good behavior to do one.  
  
“Thanks, by the way.” Robert's voice came from behind his fridge door as he leaned in to grab a couple of beers.  
  
Aaron furrowed his brows. “For what?”  
  
Robert gulped. Took his time answering, afraid it would come out the wrong way, or that Aaron would take offense. “For...uh...for stopping me.”  
  
Aaron flinched back in confusion. He wasn't sure if he should be offended or not.  
  
“It's just...it’s...I’m not sure I was ready for it.” His voice was sincere. “Don't get me wrong, I wanted it, still do. I'm just not sure I was ready for it...fuck I must sound like a right tit.” He ran his hand down his face.  
  
Aaron let out a soft chuckle and approached him taking a beer from his hand. He looked him in the eye and assured him he wasn't. “No...I get it. I remember my first time.” He said as he opened his beer and took Robert's hand leading him back to the sofa. “I was terrified. I mean, I'd been with a girl before, but that was different. That was me trying to deny who I was. That was me just trying to rush through the motions. The first time I was with a bloke, fuck, I was mess. I didn't know what I was doing. I mean yeah it's kind of the same, only it's not, and thinking back on it. I wish it had been with someone else.” He laughed.  
  
“Was it that bad?” Robert was intrigued.  
  
“Yeah. The bloke was a total arse. He just wanted to get laid and took things way too quick. I didn't even get off.” Aaron stopped to take a drink from his beer. “Your first time should be, I dunno...special. Fuck now I probably sound like a tit.” He averted his gaze when he noticed that way Robert was looking at him. Those bright green eyes, just looking at him, they almost looked to be smiling.  
  
“So...how long have you been out?” Robert asked changing the subject.  
  
“Not that long really.” Aaron replied. The memories of harder times rushing back. Memories of him accepting himself. He knows what it's like. He knows it too well and part of him feels pride in possible helping Robert out through his own acceptance. He smiled at the thought and began telling him about it. He told him about how hard it was for him to accept it, how afraid he had been, and ultimately how great everything worked out in the end. The coming out story turned to stories of his family and how they accepted him, about how crazy his family was, how mental his mum was, and how badly she wanted to meet him.  
  
Robert shared stories as well, he craftly danced around answering some of Aaron's questions, mostly ones regarding his sexuality. He knew what he was, or at least he thought he did, he just wasn't that great at talking about it. There had been and still is a deeply ingrained feeling of shame. A shame that was instilled in him by someone who should have known better. Someone who should have loved him. Mostly, Robert told him about his fights, about his career in the ring, and how much he loves it. Aaron sat and listened in awe to Robert practically bragging about all his past injuries, from a broken nose, to broken a arm, and culminating to the time very early in his career when he had his jaw broken. Aaron smiled on as Robert described how his jaw had basically been wired shut in order to heal, how he had to eat through a straw for weeks on end.  
  
No matter how rough or gross a detail was Aaron couldn't help but smile, there was just something about Robert that made everything feel fun. He felt excited. And he certainly felt the butterflies in his stomach, when he realized that they were both sitting facing each other, even more so when he realized their hands were touching. He felt a surge through him, a surge that quickly died out when he pressed his hand to Robert's making him flinch.  
  
“Ow.” Robert groaned as he shook his injured hand.  
  
“I'm so sorry!” Aaron apologized. He slowly reached out for Robert's hand and took it into his own. He ran his fingers over the top of it and again made him flex his fingers, and like a nightmare, he saw someone else's hand as a memory crawled out of the depths it had been shoved to. The small hand injured hand of a boy and the large calloused hands checking it over, making sure it wasn't broken. As quick as it came back, he quickly pushed it away. Pushed it back to where it belonged.  
  
“Nothing's broken, but maybe we should get you to the A & E, make sure it's okay?”  
  
“Really. It's fine.” Robert tried to reassure him. “I've had plenty of broken bones before, you should know by now. It's just sore.” He said before letting out a loud yawn. One that Aaron couldn't help and mirror. It was then they realized they had been talking for hours, hours longer than they had even realized. “Oh my God, how is it half three in the morning.”  
  
“You serious?” Aaron shot off the sofa. “I should probably head out.  
  
“Don't be daft. You're can...uh, you're crashing here.” Robert practically demanded. “It's so late, there no point in you going off at this time of night...or morning, I guess.”  
  
“No, I don't want to be a bother.”  
  
“Rubbish. You're staying.”

Aaron nodded, Robert was right after all. There was no point in him walking out this late. He's crashed on plenty of sofas before, this would be no different. He gently bounced himself on the sofa just to see how soft it was.  
  
“What are you doing?”  
  
“Just checking to see how comfortable this is going to be.” Aaron replied.  
  
“You're off your head if you think I'm going to have you sleep on this thing. This things for looks, mate. You cannot sleep on this. Come on.” Robert reached for Aaron's hand and lead him to the bedroom. “The bed's big enough for the both of us.”

“You sure?” Aaron looked at him like he was crazy. “I'm okay with the sofa.”  
  
“What, you afraid I won't keep my hands...erh, hand to myself?” Robert teased.  
  
“You're such an idiot.” Aaron told him trying to hold back the nerves, trying to keep his stomach from flipping.  
  
Robert walked around his room collecting a shirt and shorts from his dresser. “Here.” He handed them to Aaron, unless you just want to sleep in what you're wearing.”  
  
“Uh...thanks.”  
  
“There's a bathroom in there.” Robert said pointing towards the on suit. “You can change in there.”  
  
_Is this really happening?_ Aaron asked himself. He took his time changing, wanted to make sure and give Robert some privacy to change as well. When he finally stepped out he found Robert passed out on the bed, his yawn had made it clear he had been exhausted. He quietly and gently walked over to the other side and sat down. He smiled and laid down on his side, breathed in the pillow and closed his eyes.  
  
  
~~~~  
  
  
The birds were chirping, and the sky was crystal clear, no signs of clouds around, the sun was shining down and nearly felt as if it was shining down on him. It was like a fucking Disney movie, the type that would make him want to vom. The kind that he would avoid at all costs. Yet he found himself enjoying everything about the morning like he had never had one before, as if it had been his first day alive. He felt like an idiot and he couldn’t be happier. He had woken up to the light sounds of Robert’s breathing, it had been half eight in the morning, and he couldn’t bring himself to wake him up. Robert had been fully within the sweet grasp of slumber, a soft look upon his face, his hair flopped over his face half covering his eyes. It was then that Aaron took the time to see him, to really see him. There was a peacefulness to him, one he had not seen before, but in his sleep it was clear. Behind punches, behind kicks, there was a peacefulness that Aaron wanted to more of, something he wanted for himself. He couldn’t remember the last time he had gotten sleep like this. A soft moan that came from Robert had broken his thoughts and brought his attention to his lips, he had looked at them for a moment as he remembered what they felt like against his own.  
  
A wide grin spread across Aaron’s face as he ran his fingers across his lips remembering the morning. It was one for the books. The only thing he regretted was leaving the way he did. Sneaking out. Yeah he had left Robert a note asking if he meant it when he said he couldn’t continue with the lessons, or if they were still on for tonight, but he needed to get back. There was no way Adam could know about this, about what had happened. At least not until he knew exactly what had happened, or more to the point, what is going to happen.  
  
Taking a quick look at his phone he thanked the universe knowing that Adam would still be asleep. No way would he be up this early, especially since his work at the garage doesn’t start until noon. As he opened the door to his building he nearly collided with a petite woman who seemed to be in a rush. She didn’t even have the time to apologize properly, he barely caught her shouting a “Sorry!” over her shoulder. No matter, nothing could ruin his morning, or his day for that matter.  
  
As quietly as he could he put his key into the door look and turned it, slowly opening the door before sneaking in.

“Oi!” Adam shouted. “Where have you been?” He asked with a grin on his face.  
  
Caught like a deer in headlights, Aaron couldn’t think of an answer.  
  
“Someone was out late last night.” Adam winked at him. “Can’t say I ever pegged you for a walk of shame type of bloke.” He let out laughing.  
  
“Shut up!” Aaron quickly shot back.  
  
“So…you and Ed must be getting serious then?”  
  
Aaron let out a deep breath and wiped a hand down his face.  
  
“What? I say something wrong?”  
  
“No…it’s not…that’s not it.”  
  
“What’s not it? Did I miss something?”  
  
“You could say.”  
  
“Something you want to talk about?” Adam knew better than to push. Aaron talked when he wanted to talk, and only talked about what he wanted to talk about. “He didn’t push you too hard, did he?” Adam nearly shot of his seat at the kitchen counter.  
  
“No…no…it’s just…I…I broke it off with Ed.”  
  
“What? Why?”

“Stuff happened.”

“Stuff? What kind of stuff, mate?”

“Just stuff.”

“Yeah, fine...so if you broke it off with Ed, where were you last night?”  
  
_Ah shit_. Aaron thought to himself, realizing he should have just kept his gonna shut about Ed. “It's a...it's a long story and I'd rather not get into it...least not yet.” certainly when he's not quite sure what's going. He'd be lying if he said he didn't know what he wanted this to be, but they didn't really get down to talking about what had happened, what any of it meant. That's when he noticed the smell. When he noticed the sweet smell of food. The one thing that always manages to distract Adam. “What is that?” He asked sniffing the air.

“Oh!” Adam replied as he turned back to the counter and picked up a plate he had been eating from. “Mate! You missed her.” He said grinning ear to ear. “Vic uh...Vic spent the night...and she cooked brekky!”

 _Good save_. “Oh...is she here? I'm not interrupting anything, am I?”

“No, mate. You just missed her. She had to fill in for another cook. This guy she works with, sounds like plonker if ya ask me.”

“If she's really that bad, why are you seeing her?” Aaron joked.

“Oh and here I was going to offer you some of this, man.” He said as he sniffed at his plate full of bacon, eggs, and toast.

“No, no, no, that's...what I mean to say was…"

“Too late, bro.” Adam teased right before dragging his tongue along the contents of his plate.

“Urgh... you're fucking sick, you know that?” Aaron grimaced.

Adam couldn't help but burst into laughter. The look in Aaron's face was too much. “Here, you can have Vic's.” He said as he reached for a second plate. “She didn't get a chance to touch it before they called her in.”

Aaron smiled and gladly sat next to Adam breathing in the aroma filling their flat. It hasn't smelled like that since Chas left, hell it smelled better than anything Chas could whip up if he was being honest. She tried her hardest, but she was never much of a cook.

“So...you gonna tell me where you were last night? Adam asked between bites. He'd caught to what Aaron tried to do. Not as thick as he looked.

A small chuckle escaped his mouth before he had realized it. He was playing it cool but he couldn't help feel like a gobby teenager on the inside. He'd only had the best night of his life and he hadn't even gotten laid. “You wouldn't even believe me if I told ya.” He mumbled back as he chewed through his toast.

“Did you bed Robert?” Adam asked blankly. “That's it isn't it.?”

It was so fast, so out of nowhere, Aaron couldn't help the panic that rushed through him and he found himself choking on the toast.

“Mate, you alright?” Adam asked as he gently hit Aaron's back. “I was just winding ya up.”

 _Fuck. He was just joking._ Aaron gulped hard as it dawned on him. He let out a breath finally able to breath properly. “Hahaha, you're so fucking funny. Idiot.” He tried to play it off.

“Seriously though, what happened?” Adam asked trying to be serious again as he stopped laughing. “You know you can tell me, right?”

Aaron smiled and nodded in response. “I know, Ad. I'm just not sure there's anything to tell, least not just yet.”

 

~~~~

 

One knock is all it took before the door flew open as if Vanessa had been expecting him, as if she had been waiting on pins and needles. Truth be told after what happened the night before and much more, after he forgot he had promised to stop by, Robert expected it. Hell, he was actually surprised she didn't show up at his place with an Americano in hand first thing in the morning. He knew her well enough. What he didn't expect was the look on her face. It was hard to read. Part excited. Part disappointed. Part who knows what.

“I'm so sorry, Ness.” He apologized only to have her grab him by his arm and pull him in.

“What are you playing at, Robert?” She half scolded him.

“What you on about?”

“Oh...don’t play innocent with me, mister.” This time she really did scold him. “Playing round with him, when he already has a fella. It's not right, Robert. You're better than that. Not to mention after he made a fool of you like that.”

His heart warms at her words. The fact that she cares enough. The fact that anyone would. He's so used to it always being him on his own, sometimes he forgets that Vanessa always has his back.

“It's not what you think. He starts.

“So I didn't I didn't catch you naked in your flat with him hiding in your closet?” She asks remember the sight of him with his jeans balled up and covering his privates.

“Well...when you put it like that.” He jokes at first. “He ended things with him.”

“He did what?”

“He broke up with his boyfriend.” He smiled remembering exactly what Aaron told him. How he had met a bloke a week ago, how he couldn't stop thinking about him, how he couldn't stop dreaming about him. Every last detail referring to him of course. Aaron had broken up with his boyfriend for him. “For me.”

“What? So he doesn't have a fella after all?”

“Not anymore.”

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.” Vanessa squealed. “That's excellent news, Robert.” She added as she lead him to the sofa and guided him to sit. “So...then now that I know you two were not fooling around and messing someone else about, I want all the details. Every last one. Including the dirty ones...no wait...I don't want those...no wait...yeah, yeah, tell me those as well. How's he in bed? Was it as good as you'd hoped it would be? Please tell me he's hung.”

Robert nearly choked. Every question was way too much for him. He's not used to talking about this sort of thing, he never has, not to mention he wouldn't be able to answer any of them really. He gulped down hard and felt the heat rushing to his face. He knew the red would be visible, especially once he saw the look on Vanessa's face.

“That good huh.” She smiled.

“No... it's...it's not like that.”

She scrunched her brows. “So, it was bad?”

“No. Fuck. Nothing happened. Okay.” He nearly shouted. Yeah he feels comfortable with Vanessa, has since they had their incident. The one that led to them becoming friends, but still, this was a bit more than he was used to.

“Oh no, don't play innocent with me. You can't even pretend. You were naked and he was hiding in your closet when I popped up at yours remember?”

“Well, you kind of killed the mood, didn't you? Might want to knock next time.” He joked. “Honestly though, thanks for that.”

“For what?

“For interrupting.” Robert clarified. “Don't get me wrong. I wanted it but I don't think I was ready. It's just that...everything happened so fast, and I know I'm going to sound like a total idiot, but I really like him, Ness.”

Vanessa couldn't help grinning ear to ear. It wasn't every day that Robert spilled his guts out, especially over something like this, and she could see it in his eyes. He meant it. He meant every bit of it. She's known him for years now and has been waiting for this moment almost as long. The circumstances of their meeting differ from one another, but she figured him out not long after they became friends, figured he wasn't as straight A's he liked to pretend. This was almost monumental. She looked at him for a moment then cupped her face between her palms. “Aw, my sweet little Robert is in love.” She teased making faces at him.

“Shut up.” He rolled his eyes. “Forget it. This is the last time I tell you stuff.” He stood and tried to walk away.

“No, no, okay I promise I'll stop.” She laughed as she dragged him back down to the sofa.  “Now, go on spill. Tell me everything.”

Robert sat back down and everything just fell from his mouth. He told Vanessa everything, left no detail out. From the almost kiss they shared at Aaron's flat to the way his lips felt against his own. She teased him about the heart eyes he made as he talked about him. She teased and teased. This was the Robert she knew was there, the one that had been hiding for so long, and she was glad to finally see the real him. In all the years she's known him, she had never seen him smile the way he did when speaking about him, and she knew that whatever was going on between him and Aaron, it was something he desperately needed.

“So…” She finally interrupted him. “Are you two a thing now? Like a real thing?”

“Honestly, I don't know.” He said with a sigh.

“What do you mean you don't know?”

“Well, we didn't quite get to that.”

“Oh, Robert!” She groaned.

“What? He snuck out this morning, so we didn't quite discuss it.”

“He snuck out.”

“Well, he left a note to make sure we were on for tonight.”

“And?”

“I guess we can talk about it then.”

“Urgh, you're impossible.” She groaned again. “Do you want this to go somewhere? I guess is the only question.”

He immediately nodded in response, he didn't need any time to think about it. He knew he did, there was no denying that. He wasn't sure what it all meant, or even if he could do it, but like hell he wasn't going to try.

Vanessa's demeanor finally changed, she had gone from her cheerful self to a much more serious one suddenly. He saw the look on her face and his heart nearly fell, his stomach flipped, and nausea took over.

“So, how will that work?” She asked.

He knew what she meant, there was no need for clarification, and just as happy as he had woken up it all disappeared.

He opened his mouth several times trying to say something only to stop himself. He wasn't quite sure what to say, he wasn't quite sure how it could work. All he knew is that he had to try.

“I...don't know.” He finally answered. “But I have to try. I can't just keep ignoring this, keep ignoring who I really am, can I?”

She looked back at him with sincerity in her eyes. She knew the feeling all too well, but most of all, she knew how hard he has worked to get where he is. What he's sacrificed for his career.

“I'm sorry, Robert, but I can't answer that for you.” She started. “But...now this is just my opinion, okay, my opinion. If you think he's worth it. Then, I think you should give it a shot, take it one step at a time.”

As much as he wished Vanessa had all the answers, he knew she wouldn't. She'd gone through her own journey and though it wasn't much different than his, he knew his was especially complicated. Still, he knew what he wanted. He knew he wanted Aaron. He knew he was worth a shot.

~~~~

 _Sweaty palms, check. Heart beating so fast it could burst from my chest at any given moment, check. Dry mouth, check. Jesus, Robert...get a flipping hold of yourself._ Robert scolded himself. This wasn't like him. He was a smooth cocky bastard. Always has been. He's so used to getting his way. A simply flash of his smile a the birds pretty much fall at his feet. This was completely unlike him, and all it took was a bloke. All it took was Aaron Dingle.

He swallowed hard and raised his hand as his knuckles hit the door. _TAP TAP TAP_

 _“_ You're early.” A bloke with a curly mop on the top of his head answered with a smile. A smile that went through three stages in the course of a second. It had seemed happy at first, then changed to a disappointed one, and finally one of shock. “Holy shit!” He shouted nearly jumping in place. “You're... you're...you're…”

“Robert.” He answered. “You must be Adam.”

“Yeah...I uh, I uh…”

Robert couldn't help but laugh. “You alright, mate?”

“Mate?” Adam shrieked. “Robert Miller...the Robert Miller just called me mate!” He shouted.

Again he laughed only this time it was a bit more awkward. “Yeah…uh...is Aaron here?”

“Oh...yeah...I mean, no. He's not here.” He replied as he scrunched his brows. “I think he said he was heading to yours.”

“Fuck.” Robert let out as it dawned on him that they never agreed where they'd meet up. He had sent a message to Aaron not long after he'd woken up with a smile on his face, the one that faded as soon as he had realized he was alone. He realized Aaron had snuck out early in the morning when he found the note.

 

_I hope you weren't serious about no longer giving me lessons. Let me know if we're still on for tonight._

_-A_

 

He had been quick enough to send him a text back letting him him know he want serious and that they were still on. He'd done it so quick he didn't even think about the details.

“Thanks, mate.” He said to Adam before turning and running for the lift. As the doors opened when he reached the lobby hi noticed a taxi dropping off someone. A small bird too busy with her phone, to busy to notice him rushing by trying to catch the taxi before it left.

“Oi!” She shouted when he squeezed past her as she walked through the building doors. “Learn some manners!” She continued.

“Sorry!” Robert shouted over his shoulders. “Trying to get taxi!” He finally let out between breaths as he made it in time. He'd quickly gotten in and told the driver where to go when he finally looked out the window to see the girl flipping him off. He chuckled and shook his head knowing she was fully in the right. He just didn't have time to waste. As the taxi driver off he couldn't help but feel like there was something familiar about her. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was something there. Something that would probably drive him insane until he figured it out.

Luck seemed to be on his side today. No red light, no stop signs, nothing. Took him all of ten minutes for the taxi to make it to his building, and the lift had anyway been at the lobby when he arrived, as if the universe didn't want him keeping Aaron waiting.

When the lift doors opened to his floor he felt his heart skip a beat. Aaron was sitting in the floor leaving against his door. The ding of the lift's arrival had gotten his attention and his crystal blue eyes looked up at him with a smile on his face.

“Hiya.” Aaron greeted as he stood.

“I'm sorry for keeping you waiting.” Robert apologized. “Funny story...I went to yours and it turns out you had come here.” He laughed.

“No... it's my fault really. I probably shouldn't have left the way I did this morning. I just...I didn't want to wake you, and I needed to head back before Adam noticed I was gone.”

“That Adam, interesting bloke.” Robert nervously laughed. They were like idiots awkwardly discussing the weather, unsure of exactly what to say. He scratched the back of his head and opened his mouth to say something only he wasn't fast enough, Aaron's lips had pressed against his before he had the chance to say anything. Not that it mattered, whatever he was about to say had all but left his mind. All there was, was this kiss. He softly moaned into it and gently pinned Aaron against his door, his hands holding on to Aaron's hips, he melted into it and felt as if he was floating. He'd almost forgotten where they were until they heard the ding signalling the lift arriving. He quickly pulled away leaving Aaron slowly chasing his lips with eyes still closed. “We should...uh...we should go in.” He said trying to play it cool.

Aaron nodded and followed Robert as he opened the door, he wasn't quite sure what to say, or how to start, but he knew what he felt, and that was enough.

“I like you, Aaron.” Robert blurted unable to to hold it in any longer.

Aaron smiled in return. “I like you too, Robert.”

“I can't stop thinking about you...and this.” He says motioning between them both. “It feels right. I...will…” He nearly stuttered before stopping and taking in a deep breath.

“Can I take you out?” he finally asked.

“As in a date?” Aaron asked with a sheepish smile on his face.

“Yeah...I guess that's what you'd call it.”

Aaron nodded in response.

“Okay. A date it is.” Robert smiled.

 

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date night! Having come clean about how they feel for each other, Robert takes the next step in their relationship, and takes Aaron in a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still needs edits, but I hope it's still good.
> 
> Hope you enjoy and PLEASE leave comments. Let me know if you like it, or hate it.

**CHAPTER 7**

* * *

 

Sunday night was finally here, the early morning and afternoon had dragged like never before. It's as if the day wanted to torture him. Typical though, it's when he's most excited about something when the day decides to come crawling to a stop. Robert had spent most of the morning trying to psych himself up, trying to make himself feel like anything other than an idiot who was giddy over a first date. It had been a while since he had dated anyone, the past two years he had been too heavily focused in on his career, on getting better and better. Yeah he'd had the occasional one night stands, but none of them meant anything. Not one did he felt like revisiting. He knew things were off, he'd known it for years, and it had finally gotten to him. He was tired of the same type of bird, he wanted something exciting, he wanted to be himself and stop hiding from what he'd been shamed for.

Everything changed that fateful night, everything changed when Aaron came into his life, and here he was fidgeting within himself. He was nervous, even more nervous than when he had talked himself to make a move, when he went in for the kiss. The one that had been quickly interrupted by a muppet. He couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his lips as he thought about it, and just as quickly felt guilty for it. He couldn't blame him, the poor bloke, Aaron was fit. It wasn't a surprise that he had been taken at the time. What was a surprise however, was that Aaron felt the same way about him, that he dumped the bloke all because he couldn't stop thinking about him. _He's into you, you idiot. You got this._ He tried talking himself up.

He stuck his hands in his pockets and made his way into Vanessa's building. She was his best mate, had been for years, there was no way he was going on this date looking like an idiot. She had to give him the thumbs up. He had spent hours trying to pick out the best outfit he could, the occasion called for it, and after clearing out his entire closet and trying on several he picked out the winner. Not that it mattered because if Vanessa hated it, he was going to be making a quick trip to the shops and buying something worthy of the night.

“Coming!” Vanessa shouted through the door after his first knock. Sometimes he thinks she lives for him. Like she has nothing else to do, one knock and she's practically there. The door flung open and her eyes went wide. “Fucking hell, Robert!” She nearly squealed. “If I wasn't gay.”

Yeah, the fitted burgundy suit was the right call.

“Really?” Robert asked sheepishly. He knew better than to be cocky with Vanessa, but he really did want to know.

“Mate, seriously. You're really making me question this gay thing.”

“That good?”

“No, you idiot, but yeah...you look fantastic.” He joked as she pulled him into her flat by his arm. “So, little brother...where you taking him?”

There million dollar question, where indeed. It had only taken him nearly as long as finding the right outfit as it did picking out the right place. He had spent enough time with Aaron to know he really likes his beer, other than that he wasn't too sure on what type of food he liked, so it proves it a bit difficult. He had surfed through the net looking for places and finally found a fancy Brewery that seemed very much Aaron's style. Thinking about it now however, he might be a bit out place.

“You know that Brewery in the middle of town?”

“Ooooh, that place is really something.”

“You been?”

“Yeah, took this bird who owns a pub there once. Even she was impressed.”

“Only problem is, maybe I'm a bit overdressed?”

“Don't be daft, Robert. You look fit.” She winked at him. “Besides, what does it matter when your chap’s going to be ripping it right off you.”

“Shut up.” Robert couldn't help but blush.

Vanessa led them over to her sofa where she guided them both down to take a seat, she took a deep breath and her whole expression changed. He'd known her long enough to recognize the look, she was too bright eyed with an almost constant sunny disposition, this serious look only came out at the worst of times.

“Spit it out.” He told her. There was no point in dragging it out. He was too excited for the night, whatever it was they had to work it out before his date. Nothing was going to ruin it.

“There is the question of your predicament.” Nothing except for that.

He sat there quiet, a million thoughts running through his mind yet somehow nothing at the same time.

“Look.” She picked back up. “You like him, that much is clear, but where do you see this going? Are you thinking of coming out? Cos if you are, you know I'm behind ya one hundred percent, but if you're not...where does that leave Aaron?”

Robert finally let out a loud sigh. He'd been on such a high about the night. This was all a huge step already. A massive one really, and as angry as he wanted to be at her for throwing a wrench into his night, he knew she was right. He leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling for a moment as he ran his hand down his face.

“I'm not telling you what to do, Robert. Only you can decide that. I just...I just don't want to see ya get hurt.” She said before leaning in and wrapping her arms around him. “I know you probably don't want to hear any of this, but it's just something to think about. Take it all one step at a time and you decide what is best for you, but please don't go breaking his heart cos I know you, Robert. You break his heart and that'll break yours.”

 

~~~~

 

Aaron couldn't stop smiling, he knew he had to stop before Adam sussed him out. His grumpiness was well known, hell, most of their neighbors usually avoided him because they all thought he was constantly mad. Not that it mattered to him, he wasn't much of a people person anyway, so the less interaction he had with others, the better. He couldn't help it though, he hadn't been able to stop smiling since the night before, since Robert asked him out on a date. He felt like a giddy teenager, or at least what he thought a giddy teenager would feel like. His own youth having been stolen from him, he had never experienced this feeling before. It was fun, exciting even, but most of all it scared the shit out of him. Robert scared the shit out of him, but not because he intimidated him, not for anything like that at all. It was just that there was something about Robert, something that made him lose control of himself. No one has ever made him feel this way before.

The night before had been proof of all that. Yeah, Robert had asked him out, but he still tried to be professional about what they were doing. He still tried to give Aaron his lesson. Aaron, however couldn't concentrate. All he wanted to do was tackle him to the floor and have his way with him. He nearly did on more than one instance. Four excruciating hours later, hours he had to keep his hands to himself, they both finally snapped and ended up on the sofa making out. Robert pinned him down and leaned in for a kiss, a kiss that he was more than willing to return. He cupped his hands around Robert's face as if trying to keep him there, hoping he'd never move. It wasn't long before he wrapped his legs around Robert's waist, that's when they finally pulled apart, breathing was essential to life after all, not to mention the hard on straining in his jeans was making it extra difficult for him to behave. He knew how Robert felt and he wasn't about to rush him.

“Can...can we slow down?” Robert had asked, the red on his face very visible.

“Yeah.” Aaron agreed. “Of course...I should...uh...I should actually get going.” He said as Robert stood giving him the room to lift himself.

A little innocent fun never hurt anyone, at least it's what he told himself. It was as good a time as any to call it a night, besides his stomach was already making flips thinking of the following night.

“Yeah, okay.” Robert smiled. “Tomorrow night, then?”

Aaron smiled and nodded.

“Good. I'll pick you up then.” Robert told him as they walked to the door.

“Yeah.”

“You have a good night.” Said Robert as he leaned in for a final kiss.

“Yeah, you too.” Aaron had practically spoken into Robert's mouth. He had slowly pulled back keeping his eyes trained on Robert's before slowly turning and walking towards the lift.

He touched his lips remembering that final kiss Robert gave him before he left.

“Oi.” Adam snapped his fingers in front of Aaron's face bringing him out of his daze. “You with me, bro?”

“Knock that off, you donkey.” Aaron grumbled as he swatted Adam's hand away, he hadn't even realized Adam had been talking. Not that it was a surprise really, they were both bent over the open bonnet of a car doing work, or what was supposed to be work if he hadn't been so caught up in his daydream.

“We should do something tonight. Go see a film or summit.” Adam suggest as Aaron gets back to the engine not that his newfound interest in work lasts long as he realizes what Adam's asking.

“Tonight?”

“Yeah, tonight. I feel like I've barely seen you the last couple of days. You've not replaced me have you?”

“What?”

“That Robert your new best mate?”

“Don't be daft.”

“So, tonight?”

 _Fuck._ Aaron thinks to himself as he tries to come up with a reason he couldn't do it all the while feeling guilty for ignoring Adam the last few days.

“Not like you haven't been busy with that bird.” He tries to steer Adam away from the subject.

Adam gently shoves him with his shoulder. “I know, bro. It's kind of why I want to hang out tonight. She's busy tonight and I want to have a boys night.”

“I...uh...I have a thing with Robert tonight.”

“Oh right, bro. The lessons. Well, I'll tag along, I'd like to see what he's teaching ya. Plus wouldn't hurt to learn a thing or two.” He pushes.

_Shit. He's not going to give up, is he?_

“Uh...no...he said something about a brewery.”

“Even better! Count me in!”

 _Fuck!_ This is meant to be their night, and he was looking forward to it. More than he even wanted to admit to himself, and it was all falling apart, but he didn't have it in him to brush Adam off. Not to mention, he couldn't do it without making him suspicious.

“I...uh...yeah, sure.” He finally gives in as his shoulders drop in disappointment.

“Yes!” Adam clapped his hands. “I'm gonna go clean up then we can get ready to go.

The moment Adam is out of sight Aaron grabs a rag to wipe his hands clean and throws it to the floor, a bit of anger taking hold. He hated himself for letting this happen, for not brushing Adam off. Exasperated he walks over to his locker and grabs his phone to send Robert a message.

“Fuck.” He lets out as he notices his battery has died.

 

~~~~

 

A gentle breeze blew in through the window, his hair flopped away from his face only to come flopping back then away again, the breeze may have been gentle but with the windows rolled down as he drove through town there was no way to avoid it. It didn't matter though, his hair always seemed to sort itself out, and he had something else on his mind. Someone else. His knuckles were stark white as he tight held onto the steering wheel hoping he could just floor it and drive as fast as he did when he hit the countryside. It is the whole point to driving this type of car after all, and much more so when he's dying to get to his destination, when he's dying to get to Aaron.

He's nervous, more nervous than he's ever been, and it's only exacerbated by the fact that he hasn't heard from Aaron today. He knew that he had shift at the garage today and that he would be busy, but at the very least he expected a response when he texted him.

 

_Can't wait to see you._

 

_-R_

 

The first message had read and his heart had skipped a beat when he thought he had gotten a response back moments later. Only he felt disappointed when he saw a message from.Vanessa instead. She just wanted to tease him. Typical.

 

_On my way, hope you're ready._

 

_-R_

 

Read the other message Robert had sent to Aaron as he left Vanessa's place. He had already felt a bit off, not having heard back from Aaron, and Vanessa didn't help much with her words. Not that she meant harm by them, if anything, it was quite the opposite. She cared for him, like a sister would, and her words were true. They were true enough that they made him get in his head. In the end his excitement won. Tonight was too special to ruin. Though Vanessa had a point, he wasn't going to try and over think things. He would take it all one step at a time.

“Dammit.” He grumbled as a red light stopped him. He could see Aaron's building at at a distance and the red light was like a barrier holding him back, the annoyance it cause didn't last long though, it was replaced by the feeling of butterflies as he saw Aaron exit his building. He stood near the curb of the street with his head down and his phone in hands.

His phone making a sound seconds later notifying him of a message. He quickly looked at his phone to see it was from Aaron. He smiled and read.

 

_Sorry, my phone died. Left it charging while I got ready._

 

_-A_

 

The message read. Then a second notification popped up.

_There's something I need to tell you._

The second message read, and just as quickly he saw the three dots telling Aaron was typing the rest.

“Finally.” Robert smirked as the light turned green and he nearly floored it. Whatever the message read, Aaron could tell him in person.

 _Come on, Robert. Say something._ Aaron thought to himself as he saw the check marks pop up. It was clear that Robert had read the message and he hadn't responded. A quick panic rushed through him as he figured Robert would cancel. It was the only reason he wasn't responding. Or at least that's what he told himself. He picked up his phone and started to dial as the hum of an engine neared him. The sound was like a symphony to him, fuck did he love cars especially fast ones, and the sound of the engine he heard definitely belonged to one. He couldn't help but tear his eyes away from the screen just in time to see it, the car pulling up in front of him, his jaw dropped. Not like it was the car of his dreams or anything. No. It wasn't anything like that. Only it was. It definitely was.

The beautiful white and black Audi R8 came to stop right in front of him and he couldn't help but gawk at it. The car was a beauty indeed. He'd seen it on the telly and in magazines, in a variation of colors, but this was his favorite look. The white and black was sleek, clean, and sexy as all hell. He took a few steps back to get a real good look at it, and in that moment the driver side door opened and his jaw really hit the floor when the driver stepped out. Fuck, if he thought the car was sexy the driver stepping out made it look like trash.

Aaron swallowed hard past the lump in his throat, his heart started racing, and he suddenly felt like he was completely underdressed. There he stood in black jeans and a black jumper, yeah it was his nicest looking jumper, but it was still just a jumper. He didn't expect this. Robert was dressed to the nines. Robert looked like a fucking god. Again he swallowed hard and took the full view in. Robert in a fitted burgundy suit. A three piece suit no less. Burgundy colored jacket, waistcoat, and trousers, all finished up with a crisp white shirt. It was a serious look but the opened buttons at the top of the shirt made him looked relaxed.

“Fucking hell.” The words quietly fell out of Aaron's lips.

He'd only just stepped out of the car but he could feel Aaron's eyes on him, he could feel them looking him up and down, and he could feel a rush of heat heading straight to his face. He tried to shrug it off, had to play it cool, he's trying to impress here after all.

 _Fucking hell indeed._ The thought ran through Robert's mind as he took his own turn looking Aaron up and down. His black jeans were hugging all the right places, they almost looked as if they had been expertly painted on him, and the jumper was a nice one. It was quite posh actually, at least for what he expected from Aaron. His hair was gelled and styled. Robert liked the fluffy hair on him, but this...he looked good. He looked really fucking good.

“You look amazing.” They both said in unison, unable to tear their eyes away from each other.

“Oi! How fancy is this brewery place we're going to?” Adam asked as he stepped out of the building looking at Robert.

Robert's brows furrowed as he looked between Aaron and Adam.

“What's this?” He quietly asked Aaron.

Aaron nervously smiled as he shrugged his shoulders. “I take it you didn't read the messages I sent you?”

 

~~~~

 

“You know I can lose him, right?” Robert joked, only it wasn't really a joke. He couldn't help it if some of his irritation was spilling out, couldn't help if it came out in his tone either. “That junker he's driving, it can't keep up with my car.”

There wasn't enough room in Robert's car for their third wheel, as soon as Adam was done gawking over it, he simply smiled and said he'd follow behind them in his car.

“I'm sorry, Robert.” Aaron replied just as annoyed. “I really am. I tried brushing him off but it didn't work. Did you want me telling him we were going on a date?”

“You know that's not what I want.” He almost sneered, his annoyance starting to turn into anger, that was until he felt Aaron's hand on his thigh. He took a quick away from the road to see Aaron's blue eyes. His eyes made it clear that he was just as disappointed, and he gave, everything just melted away. “Seriously though, I can lose him.” He joked again, only this time he smiled.

“Don't tempt me.” Aaron laughed in return. “If we can get through tonight, I promise I'll make it up to you.”

Robert perked up at the words and with a smirk on his face he turned his attention to Aaron once again. “Really? And how will you make it up to me?”

“Well, for starters…” Aaron said as he moved his hand from Robert's thigh, closer to his crotch. “Your engine sounded a little bit off. I can take a look at it, free of charge.”

“Cheeky git.”

Aaron tried to hold it in but found that he couldn't, he broke into laughter only to have Robert join him. The tension they first had when they got into Robert's car had completely vanished. This, this was more them. Even in the short amount of time they've known each other they had managed to fall into a groove. They were so different, yet so much the same.

“So, he's not going to invite himself to our next date, is he?” The question left Robert's lips as he looked into the rearview mirror, keeping his eyes on Adam driving behind him.

“So, there's going to be other dates?” A course of excitement swept through Aaron. He had been so caught up with the idea of this night, future dates hadn't even occurred to him.

“I'd quite like there to be. Do you?”

Aaron grinned from ear to ear and nodded. He couldn't remember the last time he had smiled this much. “Yeah.”

Hotten wasn't the biggest city around by any means but on a Sunday night, it was just as alive as any of the bigger cities around. It was after all, the place everyone in the surrounding villages went to for a night out, and Sunday was the night to be out. It was when every spent their final night getting trashed before going back to work. Robert included. He had promised John he'd be back to his training at the start soon, Tuesday to be exact. The week he had taken off to teach Aaron was near its end, and he planned on enjoying the rest of his time off. The coming week would be hell.

He sighed deeply as he pulled into a parking spot and turned to face Aaron. “You still sure we can't ditch him?” He teased.

“I really am sorry.” Aaron's eyes smiled just as much as his lips. He leaned in taking advantage of the darkly tinted windows and kissed Robert, a soft gentle kiss that lasted seconds, and felt even longer. “Now, come on before he starts banging on your window.

“He'd better not.” He quickly replied. “He does that and I'll break his hand.”

“Shut up you muppet.” Aaron said as he opened his door and nearly hit Adam on the other side of it. He scrunched his eyebrows at him for a second. “You bang on his windows and he'll break your hands.”

Adam laughed in response and Aaron stared back at him with a serious look on his face. “That was a joke.”

Robert took the cue and stepped out giving Adam a hard stare making him gulp and nervously smile. “I wasn't, I...uh...I promise.”

A silence hung in the air, the sound of people laughing nearby was the only thing they heard,and just as quickly as the silence came, it ended when both Robert and Aaron broke out into their own laughter.

“Hahaha, you guys are so fucking funny.” Adam chided them.

“Come on, you guys are gonna love this place.” Robert waved them towards the brewery.

The atmosphere was wild, unlike the typical brewery they could find around the area this one was bustling. It nearly felt like a nightclub. It was packed and loud music played, granted it didn't really feel like a nightclub. It was still classy and full of folks with deeper pockets. A line outside wrapped around the building and stretched down the street. It wasn't a place you could just show up to on a Sunday night and expect to get it. You had to either be somebody or would have had to buy your way in.

“Robert!” The doorman greeted as they neared him.

“Graham.” Robert reached out taking his hand and pulling him in and padding his back. “Been a while, mate.”

“Maybe you should stop more often.” Graham said in the most professional way any of them had ever hear. The man sounded like a butler, still he wasn't someone you should mess with.

“I'll try and remember that when it doesn't cost an arm and a leg for a pint.” He joked.

Graham simply chuckled lightly before opening the door for him. “You boys enjoy yourself.”

“An arm and a leg?” Aaron questioned. His pockets weren't very deep, especially not with the time off he had in order to recover. “Just how expensive is this place? I'm rather skint and Adam is probably worse off.”

“Oi...you're my guests.” Robert said as he lead them back towards their table. “Tonight's on me.”

“I knew I liked you, mate.” Adam nearly jumped on his back.

A few pints and Aaron almost felt alone, Robert and Adam had been banging on about superhero films. Turns out they were both dorks. Robert argued Marvel was better, Adam argued DC. Aaron simply frowned and called them nerds. “Just give some serious action.” He argued and Adam laughed as he finally took the place in and saw the brewery’s name above the bar.

“Oh shit, mate!” He choked on his beer. “This is Tate's.” He said.

“Yeah.” Robert answered.

“Mate!” Adam grabbed on to Aaron's arm. “Vic has been on and on about this place. She's been dying to get in!” He shouts before turning to Robert.

“Who's Vic?” Robert asks.

“This bird he's sort of been seeing.”

“Girlfriend?” Robert aims the question back at Adam.

“We haven't labeled it yet...but if I get her in here... no way she can say no, right?”

“Go on then.” Nodded Robert as he stood. “I'm hitting the bogs.” He said.

“Yeah. Me too.” Aaron added and followed Robert leaving Adam already on his phone.

“This is perfect.” Robert said over his shoulder well aware that Aaron was behind him.

“How is you inviting yet another person on our date, perfect?”

“Oh come on...it's the perfect excuse.”

“I don't get it...what you playing at?”

Robert finally turns grabbing Aaron by the arm and leads him into the toilets. “We act like we're doing him a favor and leave him to his date so he can close the deal. They spend the rest of the night here enjoying the place and we can get out of here, just you and me.” He smirks.

“And here I thought you were just pretty.”

“Oi...watch it there, you might hurt my feelings.” Robert poked his head through the doors to see if there was anyone in there. With the coast clear he pulls Aaron in and gently shoves him into an empty stall quickly closing the door behind them. “Fuck, how I wanted to get you alone.” He says before taking Aaron's lips. The kiss is searing and quick as the sounds of other blokes entering makes them stop.

Once it's clear Aaron leans in for a quick kiss to Robert's lips and pulls back. “Come on, the quicker we get this done...the quicker we can get out of here.” He winks.

“Yeah, you go on first. I'll follow in a minute.”

Aaron nods as he opens the door and leaves. Robert takes the moment to adjust himself in his trousers. As quick as their little make out session was, it was enough to get him worked up.

As he exits the toilets he crosses nearly crashes into a brunette who was clearly not looking where she was going.

“Oh my God.” She says. “I'm so sorry, I didn't see you coming.” Her voice almost a shril.

“It's okay. No harm done.” He responds.

She places a hand to his chest and her other to the pearls around her neck as she smiles back at him. He's not stupid, he can already tell what's going on, what she's trying to do.

“I'm a little lost around here.” She starts. “This place is so big, could you point me in the direction of the ladies room. I hear the bogs are quite large and comfortable.” She tells him as she winks.

He tries to not act disgusted, as if making out in the bogs was awful, and he quickly points to the doors right behind her. “You see the doors right there, ladies written on them, that's them.” He points and quickly turns hearing he huff behind him.

He's only made a few steps before another bird stops him. A younger blond one. She's laughing and covering her mouth as she giggles. “That was priceless.” She smiles at him. “You see, my dear sister was so certain she could seduce you into the bogs. She's been keeping an eye on you since you walked in with your mates.” She says as she points back towards the table Adam and Aaron are sitting at. “I on the other hand told her she couldn't. No way.”

Curiosity peaked his interest, he had to know why she thought that way. “Really? And what made you think that?”

“Well, I'm just good at telling this sort of thing. I can tell I'm more you're type.”

“As if.” He said and quickly walked around her without giving it a second thought. He wasn't wasting anymore time on this. He had somewhere better to be.

As he walked back to the table he could see Aaron give him a look, he wasn't sure what it meant, and Adam got his attention before he had a chance to ask.

“You sure you guys don't want to stick around? Vic's on her way, I'm sure she won't mind.” He asked.

“No it's alright, mate. Really. You two have a good night, it's on me.”

“Mate! You're the best!” Adam walked around the table and threw an arm around him gently patting his back.

“Don't mess it up, mate.” Aaron teased.

“Oh come on, bro. Why would you even say that?”

Aaron simply laughed and waved him goodbye as he tapped Robert's shoulder and lead him out.

 

~~~~

 

The door to Aaron's flat slammed shut as he shoved Robert up against it. He couldn't hold out any longer. The kiss in the bogs, the make out session they had in the stairwell, and the perfect view of Robert's arse as he climbed the stairs behind him to his floor was too much. His lips nearly smashed against Robert's in a bruising kiss. It was everything he wanted. It was everything he needed. Their tongues danced with one another as his hands slid down Robert's back and to his arse, he gently squeezed and Robert moaned into his mouth.

“Fuck.” Aaron mumbled into Robert's mouth.

Robert grinned and tried to step forward only for Aaron to shove him back. “You look so fucking hot, Robert.” He said before taking his lips yet again. “I've wanted you so bad all night.”

“How do you think I feel?” Robert's voice was soft yet raspy with lust. “Those jeans...they don't leave much to the imagination.”

It took Aaron by surprise but Robert gently lifted him by his waist, he quickly wrapped his legs around him as Robert walked over to the sofa and gently bent down taking his lips. He could feel Robert's weight on his and it only turned him on even more. His nerves were there, yeah he's had experience with blokes before, the occasional blow job, or quick hand job in the bogs, but he hadn't gone all the way. He hadn't felt ready for it, not until now. He gently pushed Robert back as he sat up and pushed him on his back taking his lips all the while his fingers nimbly worked at the buttons on Robert's waistcoat and shirt. With the buttons undone he quickly shoved his shirt off along with the waistcoat and jacket. He ran his hands across Robert's chest keeping his eyes trained to it.

“Fuck, how I've wanted to rip that suit off ya since I saw you.” He said.

“Really?”

“You kidding...I was hard the whole drive to the brewery just thinking about it.”

“Yeah, I noticed. Told you, those jeans don't leave much to the imagination.” He chuckled.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Those birds...were they hitting on you?”

“Is that what the look was for? You saw didn't you?”

“Were they?”

“Does it matter?”

“Answer the question you muppet.”

“Yeah.”

“And?”

“What do you think? I brushed them off. I had somewhere more important to be.”

“Good answer.” Is all Aaron said before pulling back and unbuckling Robert's belt and trousers. He pulled his trousers down and slid them off along with his boxers. “Fuck, I've wanted to taste you for days now.” He leaned in taking him into his mouth.

“Oh fuck.” Robert moaned as he ran his fingers through Aaron's hair. “Fuck.” He moaned as he felt himself hit the back of Aaron's throat. The feeling wasn't too familiar, he'd always been too large for most birds he'd been with, but Aaron knew what he was doing. He'd heard that blokes were better at it, but he didn't believe it until now. It made sense after all, a bloke would know what feels best. “Fuck, that feels amazing.”

Aaron pulled back slowly dragging his tongue along the shaft, he stopped at the tip and lapped his tongue at the slit of the head. “Mmmmm.” There was precum dripping. “I want you to fuck me, Robert.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah...but only if you're sure...only if you're ready.”

“Yeah.”

Aaron grinned as he stood, and turned to take Robert's hand. He pulled him up and lead him to his room where he quickly undressed himself and shoved Robert onto the bed. Pulling a bottle of lube and a condom from his bedside table he straddled Robert and leaned in to take his lips. The kiss was slow and passionate, their tongues taking their time to know each other, their hands roaming around each other's bodies, they finally broke apart to breath. “I've...I've never bottomed before.” Aaron told him. “So take it easy on me, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Robert rolled them over and settled himself between Aaron's legs. He kissed down his neck and chest slowly working his way down to Aaron's hard dick. He looked back up and met Aaron's eyes, his nerves building up. Aaron's never bottomed before, but he hasn't done anything with a bloke before. Hell, Aaron had been the first bloke he had kissed, yet here he was about to take him into his mouth. He closed his eyes and leaned him. Thinking back on his earlier thoughts, he thought about what he liked, what felt good to him, and hoped Aaron would feel the same.

He ran his tongue along the shaft from the base to the tip before running it along the slit of the head. “Fuck.” Aaron moaned and threaded his fingers through Robert's hair. Taking it as a good sign, Robert continued. He placed his lips over the head and took it into his mouth, slowly he began taking it further until he couldn't go any further. He knew where his tolerance was at, and worked from there. With a rhythm in mind he began moving up and down on Aaron's dick, moaning as he sucked. He finally pulled back. “You taste so good.” He said. “I hope that was okay.”

“You kidding me? That was amazing.”

“Really? You're not just saying that?”

“Don't be daft. I'd tell you to keep going but I want you in me.”

“Fucking hell.”

Robert reached for the lube and placing a small amount on his fingers he placed them to Aaron's hole. Aaron threw his head back and moaned at the feeling. Robert teased the edges of his hole, he knew how sensitive the skin is there, he's never been with a bloke before but he's fingered himself before. Some of his best orgasms happened while fingering himself. He slowly teased Aaron before he slid a finger in.

“Oh fuck.” Aaron moaned as he slowly grinded down onto Robert's finger.

After a few minutes Robert added a second finger, and moments later a third. The filthy noises coming from Aaron were a sign of how great it felt and he couldn't help but think that he'd want to try it one day. He slowly worked his fingers in and out stretching Aaron's hole, preparing it for himself. When he felt that Aaron might be ready for him he reached for the condom and tore the packet with his teeth.

Aaron reached up and took it from his mouth. “Let me.” He said as he placed the condom over Robert's aching dick and began to roll it down.

“Oh fuck.”

Aaron smiled and placed a hand on Robert's neck. “Come here.” He pulled him down into a kiss and spread his legs apart to let Robert settle in. “Now fuck me, Robert. Please.”

Robert reached between them as they continued kissing and lined himself up with Aaron's hole, he slid a finger in just to get his reaction, just to hear the filthy noise he made as he arched his back off the bed. “Please, Robert…I need ya.” Aaron begged.

 _This is it._ Robert thought to himself. He'd been so scared for this moment, of what it meant, of what he was finally accepting about himself, but he wouldn't have it any other way. He pushed gently into Aaron making him arch his back with a whimper.

“Oh fuck.” Aaron moaned.

“I'm not hurting ya, am I?”

“It's okay, just...take it easy okay...slow. You're not the smallest.”

Robert understood and wanted to laugh, but it wasn't really the place, the last thing he wanted was for Aaron to think he was laughing at him. “Yeah.” He nodded and slowly pushed in.

The filthiest fucking noise escaped Aaron's mouth as Robert moved, the sound was laced with pain and ecstasy as Aaron felt the sting of Robert’s dick passing the threshold. The feeling too hard too describe, a pain that hurts so good. He kept a steady breath and relaxed as his hole adjusted to Robert, feeling the rest of him slide in.

“Oh my God.” He wrapped his legs around Robert's waist and used them to pull him in as far as he could, his eyes rolling back into his head as he felt Robert pressing against his prostate. “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.”

Robert placed kisses along his neck and he dug his nails into his back. “Fuck me, Robert.”

An order that Robert was more than happy to follow, he began to thrust in and out of Aaron. A slow and gentle pace the quickened when he felt Aaron's legs pulling him back in when he pulled back. “Fuck.” Robert groaned. He could feel the heat building within him, he wouldn't last much longer. “I'm close, Aaron.”

“Me too.” He replied as he moved his hand hand from Robert's back to his own aching dick and began stroking. “Faster.” He said between breaths and Robert spee up. “Faster.” Aaron asked again. “Harder….oh fuck...oh fuck.”

The soft whimpers coming from Aaron's mouth we're too much, they were what pushed Robert over the edge. No longer able to hold on he spilled his load. “I'm coming.”

“Me too.”

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.” They both groaned in unison. Aaron's legs still pulled Robert in as he continued to thrust into him, all the while shaking as his orgasm took over. It wasn't long before Robert collapsed on top of Aaron and they both smiled as they looked into each other's eyes. It wasn't just everything they had hoped it would be, it was better. It was perfect.

Robert gently pulled out to roll the condom off, he tied it close and threw it in the bin next to the bedside table before returning to the exact same spot. He collapsed on top of Aaron again, and nuzzled into his chest, gently places his lips to it kissing it, then looked back into his eyes. “That was amazing.”

Aaron smiled and nodded before a yawn erupted from his mouth. They were spent.

Moments later, Robert smiled as he watched Aaron sleeping, there was something so peaceful about it. The feeling of being with him, it was unlike anything he had felt before. It made him feel safe, made him feel like himself, again he smiled, and slowly his own eyes had closed.

The date may not have been perfect, but the night couldn't have been any better.

 

~~~~

 

Warmth, warmth and comfort is all he feels. A feeling he's almost forgotten. For a moment he sees the last person that truly cared about him, the last person that truly loved him. He remembers her, his mum. It's been so long since he last saw her. He smiles and a soft movement wakes him. His eyes flutter open and he sees Aaron still asleep. The warmth of his chest brings his smile out and places a gentle kiss to it.

“Heh.” A soft chuckle escapes Aaron's mouth as he rubs his sleep soft eyes. “That tickles.”

“I'm sorry...did I wake you?”

“It's okay...I should probably get up. I have a shift at the garage…” He's trying to say when the door flings open and Adam walks in with the biggest smile on his face. It's clear the night also went well for him.

“Bro, we're gonna be...late.” His jaw hangs open as it hits him.

Aaron's in bed with…”Robert?”

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert reals after Adam walks in on him in bed with Aaron, and Aaron comes to term with what he wants from Robert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This still needs to go through edits, so my apologies for anything glaring.
> 
> Hope you guys like it, and please leave comments. Let me know if you like it or not.

**CHAPTER 8**

* * *

 

He froze. He had been caught and he froze. There was no lie he could make up, there was nothing he could say, that would get him out of this. It was clear as day what was going on. He could feel his stomach turn and the panic rush in, and all he wanted to do was run, to cry. His secret was out. Everyone would know. Everyone would treat him differently. He would lose everything.

“What the hell is this?” The shout came. It was loud, so loud it reverberated off the walls. It was laced with confusion, with anger, and worst of all with disgust.

“I...I…” Is all that Robert could get out. He had frozen and hoped that life itself would just stop. Anything would be better than to accept what had just happened. He had been caught with another lad.

He had been caught, he froze, and everything became a blur from there. Everything seemed to have smoved at slow motion yet so fast at the same time. The shouting, the back hand, his arms coming over his face to protect himself.

Just as quickly as the attack had come, it had stopped. “You get out of my face.” The voice shouted. “If I ever see you near my boy again, I'll kill ya!”

The sound of footsteps running away is all he heard before the beating returned, his arms still covering his face, his knees covering his stomach. Robert had curled up into a ball. “No son of mine is going to be some pansy arse faggot.” He shouted. The beating stopped. His tears ran down his face and mixed with the blood that pooled at his chin as it wobbled, barely able to catch his breath, Robert curled up with his back to the wall. He needed to make sure he was safe. His secret was out and no one was there to protect him, not his mum, not even the brother he thought loved him. Andy had seen it all, he had seen it all and did nothing. He caught a glimpse of him after the beating stopped, and he saw the same disgust on his face.

Soon everyone would know and the thought terrified him. It terrified him more than anything had before. It terrified him to the point he knew he had no other choice. In the still of night when he knew everyone was asleep, he gathered what he could, packed his bag. As tears fell down his face he looked at the picture he kept by his bedside table, a picture of him with his mum, he pulled it out of it's frame and stuck it in his bag, and he left. He left and he never turned back. If his own father could do what he did to him, he could only imagine how everyone else would treat him.

Robert stepped out of the only home he had ever known, the home he grew up in, the home where his mum had loved him, and took one last look. He turned with tears in his eyes and ran. He ran as fast as he could.

_Run, Robert. RUN!_

“Robert?” Aaron's soft voice pulled Robert from his thoughts, from his memories.

_RUN. RUN._

_“_ I...uh…” Adam tried before turning and quickly leaving the room.

“Robert?” Aaron tried again, his worry becoming clear. He could see the look in Robert's eyes, the heavy breathing, he was having a panic attack.

“It's okay, Robert. Breath, just breath.” He told him and tried to hold on to his arm only for Robert to flinch away.

“I...I...I have to go.” Is all Robert said as he stood, frantically looking for his clothes, only then remembering they were laying on the sitting room floor. His breathing became heavier and he began running his hands over his face. Everything had fallen apart.

“Hang on.” Aaron calmly told him as he ran out of the room quickly closing the door behind him only to return moments later with Robert's clothes in hand. “Here.”

Without saying a word Robert dressed himself and walked out of the room.

“Robert, wait.” Aaron called behind him as he dressed himself as fast as he could.

His head was a mess, he couldn't think, he couldn't process anything. Adam stood by the kitchen as Robert quickly walked by. “Mate, you want some brekky? There's left overs.” Adam said as he pointed to a plate in the kitchen.

Robert could see him, could see him speaking, but heard nothing of what he said. It was all being drowned by the voice in his head, all he heard was the word he heard that night. The one he had been so afraid of. The one his own father threw at him in disgust. _FAGGOT._

A tear broke free as it hit him, it had been too much.

_RUN!!!_

The shout in his head told him and he he ran out the door. He ran as fast as he could. Aaron tried to follow but somehow lost him as soon as they reached outside. He had run, ran without looking back, ran without even taking his car.

With a heavy heart and a heaving chest he relented, Aaron returned to his flat. He needed his phone, he needed to make sure Robert was okay.

“Mate...I'm so sorry.” Adam apologized the moment Aaron walked through the door. “I...I should've knocked.”

“YOU THINK!” He spat in return. It wasn't a question, it was a clear jab back at Adam. “Learn to fucking knock!”  He said through gritted teeth as he walked straight to his room. With the door slamming shut behind him he slumped down against it. He regretted the words, he regretted the attitude. Adam was like a brother to him,  a brother who meant no harm, but as much as he wanted to apologise to him, all he could see was the look in Robert's face. He has to know if Robert's okay, he has to tell him everything is okay.

He slowly gets up and walks to his bedside table and picks up his phone and quickly dials Robert. Straight to voicemail.

“Fuck.”

He hangs up and considers throwing his phone across the room. It's his fault all his fault. It's not the first time Adam had barged without knocking. It's not even the third time he's done it. “Why couldn't you just lock the door, you idiot?” He scolds himself as a tear runs down his cheek, a tear he quickly wipes away with the sleeve of his shirt.

Picking up his phone he calls again. Straight to voicemail.

“I know you don't want to hear this right know, but trust me, I get it, I really do. It's okay, things will be okay.” He started, his voice laced with sincerity. “This amazing bloke once told that there was nothing wrong with me and to never let anyone else tell me otherwise, and...you know what? He was right. It's the same with you, Robert. There's nothing wrong with you. Nothing, you hear me? Never….”” _Beep._ He tries to finish before he's cut off by the voicemail.

 

~~~~

 

It's early, probably too early, but he has nowhere else to go, no one else to help. His heart is racing, he can't seem to catch his breath, and he feels numb. He's been so caught up in old memories he hasn't allowed himself to feel, to really feel. He kept a straight face and drowned everything out as he ran, he needed to get away. He needed to get away from what had happened, he had to run away from something so familiar.

He had allowed himself to be happy, to be himself, truly himself, and it blew up in his face. His indulgence had become his downfall. It was only a matter of time now. Everyone would know about him, everyone would know what he was, and everything he worked for would be gone. His career, his dream, all gone.

It took more than one knock this time, but he couldn't blame her. Not with as early as it was. As the door opened Vanessa's jaw dropped. Robert was still wearing his suit. The same suit he had gone out in the previous night. A grin had spread across her face before he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face into her shoulder.

“Giving it up on the first date? Oh Robert, Robert, Robert.” She teased before she realized he was crying into her shoulder. “Are you... what's wrong, Robert?” She asked her tone changing to something beyond caring. She rubbed her hand across his back and placed her other hand to his neck. “What happened little brother?” She asked pulling him into her flat.

He can hear Vanessa speaking, can hear her asking questions, can hear the concern in her voice, but it's all drowned out by his his father. All he can really hear is Jack. He hears his shouting and just like that he is fifteen again. He shuts his eyes tightly and squeezes his arms around Vanessa hoping the voice will go away. Hoping he'll stop hearing the awful words.

Like magic it stops when he hears it, when he hears the one thing that cut through everything, the name. Aaron.

“What did Aaron do?” She asks. “I'll kill him if he's hurt you.” She means it. She may be small, but she knows how to handle herself thanks to Robert, thanks to man she considers her brother. She would do anything for him.

“No…” Robert finally spoke, his voice slightly muffled by Vanessa's shoulder. “He didn't do anything wrong.”

“Then what is it, Robert? You're scaring me.”

“Everything’s ruined. I'll lose everything.”

“Robert... you're not making any sense.” She said as she pulled back and angled herself so she could see into his eyes. They were red and rimmed with unshed tears. “What happened?” The words came so gently from her. It was soft. It was just what he needed. A brief reminder of how his mum would be with him. Gentle. Caring.

“It was perfect.” He said fondly, almost smiled, despite of everything he almost smiled. “Everything was perfect. Aaron was perfect.”

“Robert...did...did you?” She asked knowing he would know exactly what she was referring to. He nodded softly.

“I stayed over and...and...his flatmate Adam barged into the room this morning and caught us.” He let out a loud breath. “I was so stupid. So careless. He'll tell everyone. I'll lose everything I've worked for.”

Vanessa scrunches her eyebrows. And crossed her arms, it was clear her mind was at work. It was clear she was already trying to figure this mess out, trying to make things better for Robert. “So...what does he want?” She asked. “How much is he asking for? Whatever it is, I'm sure we can manage.” She said, and meant every word. She'd do whatever it took to make this go away. The same way he did for her.

Robert shook his head at first, confused at what she was asking. “I...uh...he’s not asked for...I didn't stick around.”

“Okay, so he didn't ask for anything? Did he make any threats? What exactly did he say?”

“I...I didn't give him the chance did I?”

“Oh, Robert!” She shouts exasperated. “So what makes ya think he'll say anything?”

“I…”

“Aaron, you trust him don't you?”

Robert nodded with a sad smile on his face.

“Well, it's his mate, right? Aaron wouldn't let him say anything.” She was fully sure of it. She had yet to meet him, but Robert's no idiot, he wouldn't be taken in so easily. Aaron had to be a good bloke. Or at least she hoped so. If not, he'd have her to answer to.

“You think?”

She smiled softly and nodded as she ran her hand down his cheek. “You think maybe you overreacted?” She asked keeping eye contact with him. Her sincerity had always made him feel at ease. “I mean, I know what happened wasn't exactly what you'd want, but maybe his mate is every bit as trustworthy as he is.”

“Maybe.” He let out under his breath, finally able to breath.

“Maybe you should call him.”

“Adam?”

“Aaron, you idiot. He must be worried if you just ran out the way you did.”

“But...what if this is too much for him?”

Without a word Vanessa purses her lips and gently slaps him with the same hand that had just been caressing his cheek.

“That's for him to decide.”

 

~~~~

 

The look on his face, that's all Aaron remembers. The look of fear, of shame, they're burned into his mind and he can't get it out. He's buried under the bonnet of a car trying to work, but all he can see is the look on Robert's face, and it breaks his heart. He remembers those feelings all to well. He remembers fighting who he was for so long, long enough that it drove him to do the worst thing possible. He couldn't bare the thought of Robert going through that.

“Mate...I really am sorry.” Adam's voice comes over his shoulder.

Aaron drops his shoulders and let's a breath out. He wasn't really mad at Adam, he couldn't not really. He blames himself after all for being so careless.

“I know.” He finally gives in. “I wish you'd learn how to knock, but I know you mean nothing by it.”

“Did...did I do something wrong? Did I upset Robert?”

And there he is. The Adam he's known for so long. He might be a bit thick but the bloke is soft to the core, always worried for others, even for people he barely knows. He had walked in and caught them together yet the only thing on his mind was if he'd done something wrong, if he had upset anyone, and Aaron can't help but chuckle.

“It wasn't you, Ad…I mean, it was but it wasn't.” He says as he pulls away from the car and rubs the back of his neck.

“Maybe I can apologize?” The sincerity in his voice could almost remind you of a puppy.

Again Aaron chuckles. “It's not that, Ad.”

“I just...I don't want to mess things up between you and Robert.”

“You what?”

“You and Robert. You two have a thing, don't you?”

Aaron gulps, he's not quite sure how to answer. “How did...how did you…” He's trying to ask.

“Cut me some slack, bro. I'm not that thick. I know you, remember? You've been acting right dodgy about him, and let's face it, you've been smiling like an idiot since you two started your lessons.” He ends with air quotes as he says the word lessons. “Fuck, even the neighbors have noticed you've been a bit more friendly lately.”

“Shut up.”

Adam laughed. “For real, mate. You know the old lady across the hall, Pearl?” He asked and waited for Aaron to nod in response. “So yesterday she stopped me down in the lobby, and she asked me if you finally found yourself a nice lass. She said you seemed in a better mood lately, said you haven't been walking around like you had something up your bum. I told her if you were walking around with something up there you probably wouldn't be as grumpy.” Adam bellowed out in laughter only for Aaron to take a swing at his shoulder. The hit was hard enough to make Adam stop laughing and rub it.

“I'm gonna fucking kill you.” Aaron grunted but couldn't help the laugh that slipped out afterwards.

“You should have seen the look of confusion on her face, and after...Aaron I thought she was gonna fall flat on her arse when I broke it to her you were into blokes.” He said between laughs trying to catch his breath

“I hate you.”

“I love you, bro...and I'm serious.” He added. “I'll apologize to Robert if you want me to.”

“Don't be daft.”

“I mean it. Whatever this is...it's good for you.” He smiled

Aaron could feel the sincerity, he knew Adam meant every word. It's exactly why he was never really angry with him over what had happened.

“It's not about you, Ad...or me really. It's about him. I've been where he's at, I know what he's feeling.”

“So what is it?”

“He's afraid of what happens now. He's afraid everyone will find out, he's afraid of everyone knowing.”

“He doesn't think I'm going to go telling everyone does he?” He asks as it finally falls into place.

Aaron shrugs his shoulders in response. He knows that's exactly what Robert's thinking, and he hates it. He throws his head back letting out a loud exhale, and curses himself for going to work instead of chasing after Robert, instead of finding him and telling him everything would be alright. If he hadn't been through all of this himself, he would've chased after him and made him see sense, but he knows better. He knows Robert needs this time, he needs to get his head around things, around what happened. The more someone pushes in instances like this, the scarier it all becomes.

He remembers how scary things got for him after his own mum found out about him, how much he feared everyone else finding out, and how much worse it was when she first tried to push him to tell the rest of the family. She promised him no one would care, that no one would have a problem with it, and even though deep down he knew she was right, it scared the hell out of him. She tried to push him and it caused a rift between them for months, it was his journey and no one else's. Like hell he's going to make Robert feel that way.

“You should talk to him.”

“I want to. Believe me, I want to, but he needs to wrap his head around it. I don't want to push him...besides every time I call it goes straight to voicemail.” He frowns. “Maybe I'll go see him after work, that way he's had enough time to think it through.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

 

~~~~

 

_PING! PING! PING! PING! PING!_

 

The moment Robert turned his phone back up it exploded. Message after message. Notification after notification. He could see the count of text messages and voicemails counting up and he was afraid of what it meant. He was terrified that maybe Vanessa was wrong, that against what he thought, what he hoped, Adam wasn't trust worthy. He was terrified that word had spread, that all the messages and voicemails were from his publicist, from gossip magazines, from everyone spreading news about what he is.

He paced back and forward through his living room thinking of the worst, then he took a deep breath and took a seat on his favorite chair, he laid back and let the warmth envelope him. He relaxed and for a second it reminded him of the warmth he felt that morning. Waking up with Aaron beneath him had been the best thing in his life. In all his years, in everything he's been through, that moment he felt like he was home. A feeling he'd long forgotten. In that moment he let everything go and thought to himself, that maybe, just maybe, he was wrong. Maybe Vanessa was right. Maybe Adam was trust worthy. He worked up the courage and flipped his phone over looking at the screen, he swiped his finger across it and saw who the messages were from.

Message after message from John popped up.

 

_Where are you?_

 

_Why aren't you answering?_

 

_Answer your damn phone!_

 

_Call me back!_

 

_Dammit, Robert. Just pick up!_

 

_Left you a voicemail._

 

_Should I be worried?_

 

_I swear, Robert. If you're not in first thing in the morning for practice, you're going to have to find yourself a new manager._

 

He let out a big sigh of relief and counted himself lucky, at least on the messages. That just left the voicemails. He pressed his finger to the icon and held the phone to his ear. All John. All complaints. He smiled knowing damn well that John was going to chew him up when he finally called him back. When the automated system told him there was one more voicemail, he nearly ended the call expecting it to be John yet again and he was tired of the shouting, but the sound of Aaron's voice stopped him.

“I know you don't want to hear this right know, but trust me, I get it, I really do. It's okay, things will be okay. This amazing bloke once told that there was nothing wrong with me and to never let anyone else tell me otherwise, and...you know what? He was right. It's the same with you, Robert. There's nothing wrong with you. Nothing, you hear me? Never….” The voice came over the phone. It was clear. It was tender. It was everything he needed to hear, and it was all it took to make him smile.

His mind made up without having to think further about it, he needed to see him, he got up and ran for the door. As he opened it he found Aaron in the hall pacing back and forth, mumbling to himself.

“Aaron?” Robert called to him.

With his back to Robert, Aaron stopped dead in his tracks. He'd been pacing in the hall for minutes now, he had been trying to find the right words, trying to find the perfect way to make him understand that everything's okay. He slowly turned around d and made eye contact as a blush of red spread across the face, he'd been caught. “Hiya.” He said sheepishly.

“I...I was going to go look for you.”

“Funny, that is...seems I beat you to it.” He smiled.

Robert smiled in return and stepped back from the doorway and nodded in wards, and invitation that Aaron quickly accepted. He strode across the hall and walked in as Robert made room for him.

“Look.” They both spoke at the same time making them both chuckle.

“You okay?” Aaron quickly followed. Not because he had to get the first word in, but because he had to know. Nothing else mattered.

Robert nodded his head. “Yeah...I think so...I just…” He started, trying to find the right words, he didn't want to sound like a complete arse.

“Adam won't say anything, Robert.” Aaron stepped towards him placing a hand to his chest.

Robert gave him a sad smile, every inch of him wanting to believe it, but he wasn't sure he could just trust it.

“I mean it.” Aaron reassured him. “Honestly, he was so worried all morning long that he'd done something to offend you.” Aaron's smiles.

“He what?”

“Yeah, he kinda already figured something was already going on between us, didn't think anything of it...but he promised he wouldn't say anything. You can trust him.”

Robert took a deep breath feeling like he could finally breathe, really breath. He felt as if the wall collapsing on him had suddenly been shifted from him. He'd spent all day so scared, so terrified, all for nothing. Vanessa had been right. As usual. He had overreacted.

“I may have overreacted.” Robert let out as he thought the words.

“No...don't.” Aaron stopped him from apologizing. “What you felt. That's real and I get it. I've been there before.”

All Robert can do is smile in amazement if Aaron. He always seems to know just what to say.

“Thanks.” He finds himself short on words.

Aaron smiles and leave in for a kiss and Robert wants it. He wants it more than he wants to breath, but he flinches, he pulls back, and the look of hurt in Aaron's eyes breaks his heart.

“I want to.” He tells him. “I want to, Aaron. I really do.”

“Then what is it? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you haven't done anything wrong. It just…” He stops, unable to word his feelings properly.

“What is it?”

“I like you, Aaron. I like you a lot.”

The words make Aaron smile. Yeah he's heard them before, but they make him feel just as good as the first time. “Yeah...well, I might be keen on you too.”

“But..” Robert says, his voice way shakier than he intended. Aaron is what he wants, he knows it deep down, but things don't always go his way. They never really have, his youth was proof of that, and he knows what Aaron's been through. Hell, he was witness to some of it. Aaron's been through so through so much and the last thing he deserves is being dragged back into the closet with him. It kills him to have to do, but Aaron deserves better. “You deserve better than me, Aaron. This...my life, if people find out.” His chin wobbles as his nerves betray him. “I could lose everything.”

Without hesitation, Aaron reaches for Robert's face and cradles it between his palms. “You won't, Robert. No one has to know. Whatever this is between us...I want it. If we have to keep it a secret, then so be it.”

“I...I can't ask you to do that.”

“You don't have to, Robert.”

“No, Aaron. It's not fair on you.”

“It's my choice, my decision to make.” Aaron tells him, determined to get through to Robert.

The words, they're so familiar to him, so familiar they make him laugh softly. “That's what she said.” Robert replies beneath his breath.

Aaron's brows raise in confusion. He's not sure if Robert just tried to make a joke and completely failed or if was missing something. “What?” He lets out as he shakes his head.

“Come here.” Robert says as he grabs Aaron by the arm and pulls him back out of his loft. “There's someone I want you to meet.”

Aaron smiles as he follows. “Might be a bit quick to introduce me to your mum.” He jokes.

Robert's eyes squeeze shut for a second as he walks, he felt that, like a punch to the gut, he felt it. He knew Aaron didn't mean anything by it, Aaron doesn't even know about her, but it's clear he was joking. Not that it stops it from hurting  any less. He pushes it down, it's a feeling he'll have to deal with later, Aaron wanting him, that's what matters. Aaron wants him and he's willing give him a chance.

As they exit the building it hits him, the silence that's fallen between them, it's not an awkward one. It's as if they're simply letting everything settle, as if they're simply soaking in what they feel, what had happened. The decision they made was a big one, not one to take lightly, so if Aaron needed the time to wrap his head around it, he wasn't going to interfere.

“So where are we going?” Aaron finally asks as he follows picking up the pace. Robert is taller with a bigger stride, he may have to learn to walk a bit quicker.

“Told you, there's someone I want you to meet.” He smiled. “She's not too far from here.”

Aaron matches his pace and looks into his eyes. “She?”

“Well, I've met your best mate...sort of.” He nervously laughs remembering the morning. “And you've sort of met mine, but I'd quite like you to properly meet her.”

Aaron smiles and nods. He's nervous as fuck about it, but he smiles no less. “Wait...you don't mean…”

Robert laughs at the irony. The fact he finally met Adam the same way Aaron met Vanessa. He nods and begins to tell him about her. “Ness...she's the best. Always there when I need her, always knows how to make me smile, somehow she just always knows what to say.”

“Maybe you should be dating her.” Aaron jokes.

“Well, that wouldn't work.” Robert quickly fires back.

“And why's that?”

“Well, for starters, there's this bloke I'm really into.” He says taking a look back at Aaron, it makes him smile. “And then there's the fact that she's gay.”

Aaron watches closely as Robert goes on about Vanessa, and for the first time he realizes how much Robert talks with his hands, he smiles and continues to listen until the stories stop. When Robert finally drops his hands he feels it. They had been walking close side by side the whole time, so close the backs of their hands touch, and like magic the butterflies are there. It's a feeling he knows he could never get tired of, a feeling he's never really had before, not before Robert at least. As great as it feels though, he can't help the heartbreak that hits him when he thinks about how badly he wants to take Robert's hand, how much he wants to thread his own fingers through Robert's.

Then he remembers Ed. He was able to do that with him. They had danced, held hands, and kissed all in public, surrounded by people, and still none of that felt a fraction as good as anything he has felt with Robert. Even something so simple as the back of their hands touching felt better than anything he had had with Ed. He knew that he wanted this, more than he's ever wanted anything. Whatever the price, he is willing to pay it.

The sky was beginning to darken and the clouds that hung over it made it appear much later than it was, regardless on a Tuesday night the streets were pretty empty. It wouldn't be until much later that the night owls would head out to the local pubs,and for now they were alone. Still, Robert looked around making sure the coast was clear, he smiled at Aaron, and took his hand into his own.

His heart was racing, he was terrified as fuck, but most of all, he was happy. Aaron's hand in his own, it was a feeling he can get used to.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're on Twitter and want to, you can follow me @fotografyraptor for sneak peek at future chapters and general robron talk.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron are official, but have to keep their relationship on the down low. Robert's big fight is here, but coming face to face with someone from his past could jeopardize everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please keep in mind this still needs to go through edits. Hope it's still enjoyable though.
> 
> As always, PLEASE leave comments. Let me know if you like it or not. Is it worth continuing?

**CHAPTER 9**

* * *

 

 

It was like a dream. It really was. He never thought he'd have this. Never thought he'd have this with anyone. Never thought he'd have this with someone like Robert. Not that he hadn't tried, ever since he accepted himself, since he came to realize he deserved to be happy, he had tried. The only problem was, it never felt right, no one ever felt right. Robert on the other hand, he felt right. Everything about him felt right and surprisingly enough, it just felt natural. It was as easy as breathing. He didn't have to try, he didn't have to go out of his way to try and make himself feel something for him. It was just there. 

A soft smile spread across his face as he felt Robert's fingers flex between his own. They had managed to keep their hands clasped together until they boarded the lift, they had almost made it even in there until they heard someone shouting, asking them to hold the door. As tempted as they were to just let them close, leaving them in their own little bubble, neither of them could help themselves from sticking their arms out and holding the doors open for the older woman to make her way in. They had just let go of each other's hands and already missed the feeling. 

The older woman had looked them up and down for a minute, particularly taking her time with Aaron, it was then that she pulled back with a grin on her face. 

“Aaron...did you move out of your flat with Adam?” She asked.

He took a moment to take in the question, all the while trying to place her face. Now that he stopped to really take his eyes away from Robert he recognized her. It was one of Pearl's friends. He's seen her about her place often enough. Took him a moment to remember her name, but it came to him. Hazel. 

“No...I...uh...I'm just here with a friend?”

“Another one?” She asked looking back to Robert, as if shocked to know he could make friends. 

He flinched slightly, almost offended, but he knew she was right. He wasn't the friendly type. Never had been, probably never will be. As if the universe was was throwing him a lifesaver the lift stopped with a ding, and the doors opened to her stop. Saved from an awkward conversation he didn't want in the first place. 

“Oh, this is me floor.” She giggled. “It was nice seeing you dear.” She waved and stepped out. 

“Cheeky git.” Robert let out, offended on Aaron's behalf. “You seem plenty friendly to me.” 

“Shut up.” Aaron tried to laugh, not that he had much of a chance. The moment the lift doors closed Robert was on him, his hand on the back of Aaron's neck, the other on his hip, as he pulled him into a kiss. 

It was fast but strong enough that Aaron shoved him back against the opposite side and nearly started undressing him. He wished he could, but the best he could do was take Robert's bottom lip between his teeth, before pulling back and licking his own lips. 

“How about we just go back to yours.” He said. His voice dripping with desire.

“Don't tempt me.” Robert quipped back. “Maybe later.” He winked at Aaron. 

 _PING!_  

The sound of the lift alerted them the doors were about to open. As they slid open Robert poked his head out of it then quickly ducked back in, and took one more kiss from Aaron. “Come on.” He said as he threaded his fingers through Aaron's. _Yeah, this feels right._ He thought to himself. 

He led him to Vanessa's flat and quickly knocked on the door. Like usual, he didn't have to wait long before the door swung open. “So, please tell me you spoke to Aaron.” She said already walking towards her kitchen. “I'll pour us some good stuff and you can tell me all about it.” It was clear she had no plans for the night. Her hair was up in a ponytail and she was already in pyjamas. 

It took Robert clearing his throat to finally get her attention, to finally get her to turn around and notice they had company. She looked up to see Aaron standing beside Robert and her jaw dropped instantly. “ROBERT!” She shrieked as she ran through her flat and into a room still shouting. “YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME HE WAS WITH YA. I DON'T NEED HIM SEEING ME LIKE THIS!” 

All Robert could do was laugh wholeheartedly. “What? And rob him of the opportunity to get even?” 

“FOR WHAT?” She shouted from her room. 

“For the way you walked in on us.” He replied making Aaron laugh. 

“Oi. Watch it, closet boy.” She snapped back. 

Aaron shook his head. “I still can't believe that happened.” 

“Hey, you're the one who couldn't keep your mouth shut.” Robert laughed. 

“I didn't hear you complaining about my mouth.” 

“Oh...that is too much information.” Vanessa said as she walked back in fully dressed in jeans and a color striped jumper. She looked Aaron up and down before turning to Robert and winking at him. “Nice one, little brother.” 

“Don't be rude.” He almost scolded her. “Aaron, this is Ness. Ness this is Aaron.” 

“Don't try and be posh.” She teased giving him look before turning her attention back to Aaron. “It's so nice to finally meet ya...well, properly.” She smiled making Aaron chuckle. “He's always on about you so it's nice to meet you properly.” 

“Am not!” Robert nudged her shoulder. 

Vanessa rolled her eyes at him and again turned her attention to Aaron. She place a hand near her mouth as if covering it from Robert's view. “Except he is, all the time.” She pretended to whisper. 

“Shut up.” The red across Robert's face became as obvious as daylight. It was endearing. It made Aaron smile. As if he didn't like Robert enough. 

“I'm just teasing ya, little brother.” She teased ruffling her hand through his hair. That's the second time Aaron's picked up on the way she calls him that. Little brother. Robert's told him about Vanessa, but none of what he said told him they were related. Again she covered her mouth and pretended to whisper to Aaron. “No I'm not.” 

“Ness is scared of Muppets!” Robert threw out.

“Robert!” She hissed. 

“What? It's only fair I embarrass you, yeah.” 

“I hate you.” 

“No you don't.” 

Aaron stood by simply watching their banter and he couldn't help the smile it brought to his face. There was something about it that reminded him of something he had long ago, something that he still thought about on bad nights, of someone he had to leave behind.

“Oh!” Vanessa nearly squealed. “Why don't you two stay for dinner?” She asked, excitement splashed across her face. “Robert's an amazing cook.” She added as she looked at Aaron nodding her head as if trying to get him to agree. 

“More like, why don't we stay over and I cook you something up you mean?” He grumbled. 

“Come on, Robert.” Vanessa begged. Part of her wanted them to stick around, it would give her a chance to get to know Aaron, but mostly she just wanted him to cook. 

“Yeah, Robert.” Aaron joined in. 

“Oi! Don't take her side.” Robert poked at Aaron's side. 

“I am kind of hungry now that I think about it.” Aaron gently slapped at his stomach.

“Oh, now you're just playing dirty.” Robert reached out trying to poke Aaron's side, but he quickly jumped back laughing. 

“Why don't you get started and I'll run down and pick us up some wine.” With Aaron on her side it was a done deal. 

Aaron couldn't help make a face. He's never been a fan of wine or champagne for that matter. Just a simple beer kind of bloke. Anything other than that just felt pretentious. “Got any beer?” He asked. 

Vanessa's faced screwed in response. “I don't know if he's a keeper, Robert.” She teased. “I'll pick some up.” She said and grabbed a coat before leaving them in her flat. 

“I like her.” Aaron admitted. It wasn't often that he liked people, much less admitted it out loud, but he liked her. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

 

~~~~~

 

Vanessa had only been gone for fifteen minutes, she had the luck of a liquor store within such a short distance. Considering it had been a factor in choosing the building to move into, her love of wine thanked her for it. She was even more grateful for the short distance when she walked back into her flat, it wasn't often that she saw Robert this happy, so catching a moment like this was like striking gold. Aaron was sitting on top of the counter watching Robert as he cooked, he was asking questions about what he was doing, eventually Robert pulled away from the stove and walked over to Aaron. He stood between his legs and leaned in for a kiss before pulling back and rubbing sauce on his nose. 

“Oi.” Aaron wiped his nose as he grumbled. “What was that for?” 

“What was what for?” He played dumb, and he pulled it off too. The look at least. Aaron had noticed early on how great he was with facial expressions, one would think he was one of those blokes that stood in front of a mirror half naked talking to themselves. 

“Cheeky shit.” Said Aaron's as he hopped off the counter gently shoving Robert backwards. He placed his hands on his hips and pulled him closer to himself. 

Clearing her throat, Vanessa announced her arrival making Aaron and Robert quickly pull away from one another. 

“Don't let me interrupt.” She teased. 

Robert simply flipped her the bird and went back to cooking. “Food's almost ready.” 

“Perfect.” Vanessa said as she walked into the dinning room and placed the wine and beer on the table. Every step and movement she made was hindered by the fact that she couldn't stop looking at Robert, that she couldn't stop smiling on his behalf. This was all new to her, this version of Robert. In all the years she's known him, she's never seen him so sure of himself, so at ease. Not even in the cage. This was a turning point. Whatever it is that was going on between Robert and Aaron, she could already tell it was special. After a few moments she turned her attention to Aaron and began bossing him around. She had him set the table all the while keeping a close eye on him. She watched as he occasionally turned his attention back to Robert, as he smiled from ear to ear whenever he said anything that was remotely funny, and even when it wasn't. Yeah, she knew it was special. 

They had all been sitting and telling stories of their youth as they ate, Robert and Vanessa clearly dodging certain subjects, something Aaron caught on to. A couple glasses of wine and beers in, Aaron and Vanessa had been teasing Robert about his faces, something Robert tried to argue against before his phone rang.

“Shit.” He hissed looking at his screen. “It's John.” He grumbled as he remembered all the messages and voicemails he had left him throughout the day. “I should probably get this.” He said before excusing himself. 

Aaron had kept his eyes on him as he walked away, part of him him nervous to be left alone with Vanessa, part of him completely okay with it. There was something about her that was endearing, it may have been the fact she was basically Robert in a smaller form. They were an awful lot like each other, yet so different. He could definitely see himself being mates with her. “So how'd you two meet?” He asked her. Robert had only told him so much on their walk to her flat, but he had left out loads of details. 

She smiled as she took the question in. “We were just kids really. He was…” She started then stopped momentarily thinking about it, not that she really needed to. She knew exactly how old he was when they met. Not like she could ever forget. “Sixteen...had just turned sixteen actually, and I was eight...the same age.” She trailed off. “I'd seen him at this park bench a few times before we actually talked, poor lad always seemed so sad, but it wasn't until I overheard him asking someone for food that I approached him.” 

“He what?” The confusion hit him. “Why was he asking for food?” He asked and noticed the quick change in Vanessa. 

She hesitated for a moment as it dawned on her that Robert hadn't told Aaron about his past, at least not all of it. She couldn't blame him, it's not the sort of thing you tell someone right away. “I don't blame him if he hasn't told you yet.” She said as she took his hand. “I'd love to tell ya the story, Aaron. I really would...but it's not my story to tell, well technically it sort of is, but no.” She told him as she leaned back. “Just know this, he's had a hard life. He really has, so please don't hurt him. He means the world to me, so if you hurt him, I'll kill ya.” She widened her eyes and laughed prompting Aaron to nervously laugh along. “I mean it.” 

Yeah, he definitely likes her.

 

~~~~

 

Aaron couldn't help but nearly laugh, it was late at night and with the silence throughout his flat the slow creaking of his bed became noticeably audible. He didn't nearly laugh because the bed was making the noise, but he nearly did because he was certain Adam could hear it through the wall. That knowledge however, wouldn't stop him. He hadn't had enough time with Robert. Not since he had started back with his training, it was only a few days left until the big fight and John was working him to the bone. Fuck, how he hated John most days at the moment. Yeah John was a great bloke, and he was making sure that Robert was in top form for his fight, but the long training days meant he didn't get to see enough of Robert, and on the days he did get to see him Robert would be too exhausted for anything. Besides, working Robert to the bone, that was his job. 

A gentle moan escaped his mouth as he felt the tip of Robert's dick teasing his hole. He bit his bottom lip and waited for it. “Fuck.” He gasped as he felt Robert push through. The sting, it was delectable, it was a pain that hurt so good. It was a pain he would welcome anytime. He wrapped his legs around Robert's waist and held him in place as his hole adjusted to the intrusion. Not that it took long. Not with as often as they had been fucking. Ever since they became official they'd stolen moments away whenever they could, Robert's training be damned. Tonight however, was an exception. Robert had pushed extra hard in training and John found it in himself to let Robert off early. They were able to spend more than just a couple of hours together, and like horny teenagers they had spent the majority of their time fucking. Yeah, they hung out with Adam at Aaron's flat, watched some telly, and drank beer, but Robert and Aaron couldn't keep their hands off each other. With Adam and Vanessa, they had found an escape. Places and friends where they could just be themselves with and Robert realized how stupid he had been to overreact when Adam first caught them. 

“You know, tomorrow's my last day of training till the fight.” Robert whispered into Aaron's ear as he gently pushed into him. 

“Shut up and fuck me.” Aaron replied as he dug his fingernails into Robert's back. 

Robert smirked. “Oooh, fuck...say that again.” 

“Shut up.” 

“No, not that part.” 

Aaron would have rolled his eyes at him if they weren't too busy rolling back at the pleasure Robert was giving him. His hole being stretched by Robert's dick. “Fuck me.” He said, his voice like gravel. “Fuck me harder.”

“Oh fuck.” Robert gasped. It had caught him off guard how much hearing Aaron talk that way turned him on. “You keep that up and I won't last longer.” 

Aaron pressed his head back into his pillow as he felt Robert pressing against his prostate, and he whimpered, he actually fucking whimpered. “Oh fuck.” He tightened his legs around Robert's waist. “Right there.” He told him. 

Robert smiled and gently bit on Aaron's neck. He could see the vein straining on his neck and he couldn't help it. 

“Harder, Robert. Fuck me harder.” He begged. 

The creaking of the bed only became louder as Robert's thrusts grew in strength. He pulled back enough to where Aaron would whimper at the the feeling, as if he had fully pulled out, and slammed back in making Aaron's toes curl. “Ah, ah, ah.” The filthy sounds that fell from Aaron's mouth with every thrust only made Robert push harder. Sex with Aaron was unlike anything before. He craved it. He wanted more of him. 

Robert leaned in and took Aaron's lips with his own. The whimpering, the moaning, all of their sounds now being muffled by their own mouths, their tongues swirling with each other, the kiss was like fire. It raged and consumed them, the heat between them sending beads of sweat running down the bodies, it had burst out of control, and was ready to consume them. 

“Oh fuck.” Robert finally pulled away from the kiss. “I'm going to come.” He gasped. 

“Me too.” Aaron gasped. “Fuck me harder.” 

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.” They both moaned in unison as their climaxes reached their peaks. Robert could feel the hot spurts hit his chest and stomach and fuck, if the feeling didn't make him come harder. 

Robert finally collapsed on top of Aaron and touched his own forehead to Aaron's. “That.” He gasped. “That was amazing.” He tried to catch his breath. 

Aaron simply reached for Robert's lips and nodded as he kissed him. 

Fully spent, Robert reached between them to dispose of the condom, and went right back to his favorite place. His head resting on Aaron's chest and his leg draped over one of Aaron's. They lazily laid there until their eyes became too heavy, and they fell asleep.

 

~~~~

 

“We can't just hide in your flat, or mine, or Ness’ for that matter, all the time!” Aaron had crossed his arms in annoyance. 

Robert remembered how Aaron  had felt. Aaron had almost felt like a shut in. His days were being spent either at work or at someone's flat, and he was tired of it. He wanted to go out. He knew they couldn't just go out and be like a normal couple, he knew it, and he accepted it, but that didn't mean they couldn't go out and hang out. Anything would do really. The movies, a pub, a restaurant, he just wanted to be out for once. He had nearly begged him for an outing. 

The big fight was tomorrow and he had been done with training, so Robert couldn't help but feel extra guilty for spending his first day off at home with Aaron. They had spent the day watching films and Netflix. Aaron hadn't been too happy about it, but he gave in agreeing that Robert deserved the rest. It had all been a part of his plan though, he wanted it to be a surprise, and it had been a successful one. Aaron tried to hide it, tried to keep cool about it, but his eyes said it all. His eyes never lied. 

Yeah it scared the crap out of him, at any given time someone could recognize him, someone could snap a picture, it could all end up on social media, and soon enough everyone would know, but Aaron was worth it. He deserved this. He was the best boyfriend he could have asked for. 

Robert had taken them back to the Brewery, the one that Adam had rudely invited himself to, only this time they managed to enjoy it. Aaron told him stories from back home, from the disaster of a village he had grown up in. Robert nearly winced at the stories, it was the sort of stuff that movies and soap operas were made of. It was a wonder Aaron turned out so normal. It only made him look even more amazing in Robert's eyes. 

“You know...me mum keeps asking about you.” Aaron told Robert before taking a gulp from his pint. It wasn't really question, he knew Robert wasn't aware, it was more like he was just informing him. Chas had been asking to meet him ever since Robert saved his life. 

“She what?” 

“She wants to meet ya.” Aaron reiterated.

Like a deer in headlights, Robert is struck, frozen in a moment of panic. “You...you haven't told her about us, have you?” He couldn't help but ask and regretted it immediately. The look on Aaron's face gutted him. He knew he could trust Aaron, he knew damn well, but it was like second nature to him. Always being on guard, always making sure no one knew. “I…I'm so…” He tried to apologise. 

Aaron just shook his head before Robert even finished asking. He tried to hide it, but the hurt in his eyes was obvious. “You know I wouldn't...she just, she's been wanting to meet ya since...that night.” 

“I really am sorry, you know? It's...just...it's like second nature. I'm paranoid, okay.” 

“I get it.” He told him. “So...you think you'd be up for meeting me mum some time?” He asked changing the subject. 

“How could I say no, after all these stories you've just told me?” 

“So, you'll meet her?” Aaron smiled. 

Robert smiled and nodded. They easily fell back into the same mood they had earlier, it was so easy between them. Aaron told Robert a few more stories about the great Chas Dingle, and Robert noticed the spark whenever he spoke of his mother. It was clear they had a special bond and it made him all the more excited about meeting her. 

They both stepped out of the Brewery with smiles on their faces, it had clearly been the right choice to have a night out. 

“It's really nice out, how's about a walk?” Robert asked. 

“Nice? You call this nice? I can see my breath, Robert.” Aaron laughed in response. 

“Oh, stop being such a baby.” He nodded his head away from the Brewery. “Come on.” 

Aaron shook his head, not that he was rejecting Robert's request for a walk, but more like he couldn't believe that he was just going to go along with it. 

It was late at night and all the night owls we're out, the pubs were at the busiest and the streets were full of people on pub crawls. Not that it mattered, Robert only cared about one person, the same one walking besides him. They walked in silence for a moment just taking the night in. Enjoying the fact that they were out on a date, in public. 

“Oh!” Robert broke the silence. “Before I forget.” He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out an envelope. “I know how bad Adam wanted to go...so...I got you guys tickets to the fight.” He said as he handed the envelope over to Aaron. 

“But...these were sold out!” Aaron replied. “It was impossible to get any!” 

“Well, now you have tickets. There's three in there. One of you, one for Adam, and one in case he wants to bring his girlfriend.” 

“Fucking hell, Adam's going to be chuffed!” He shouted as he took a hold of Robert's face and tried to go in for a kiss. It had all been an instinct. A quick response to hair excitement. 

Robert quickly recoiled and looked around to see if anyone had seen. His heart was beating fast, it was beating too fast almost, and he hated himself for it. He hated himself for the clear pain he had just caused Aaron. He could see the panic in his eyes, the hurt, the unshed tears. 

“I...I'm sorry.” Aaron apologized. “I wasn't thinking.” He was gutted. Well and truly gutted. The worst however was how mad he felt in himself. He wasn't sure how to feel about this all. Deep down he knew something like this would happen, it was inevitable, and he prepared himself for it. Or at least that's what he had thought. He took a deep breath and he pushed it down, he had no reason to be upset, he knew the score going in, he knew what he was getting himself into. 

“No...uh...it's...uh…” Robert ried to find the right words. “It's getting late.” He looked at his watch. “I have an early day tomorrow. We should probably head back.” 

Aaron nodded. It's all he could do. He couldn't complain, he couldn't argue, this is what he chose. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and followed Robert. 

They had walked in silence the rest of the way to Robert's flat. Aaron had stayed over the night before and had every intention of staying over again, at least he had until what happened. The walk had given him enough time to nag at himself. He tried to keep it to himself but it wasn't until they were outside Robert's door that it finally spilled.

“I know I said I'm sorry about that...but, I'm not.” 

“You what?” Robert nearly scoffed. He had felt guilty about the whole thing. The entire walk back it had eaten away at him. He hated this. Hated having to hide who he was. Most of all, he hated having to hide how he felt about Aaron. 

“Why should I be sorry?” 

“Are you serious? 

“Yeah, I'm serious!” Aaron's voice became louder. “Why the hell should I be sorry for trying to kiss my boyfriend?” And louder still. “For trying to show him how happy he's made me?” 

“Will you keep it down?” Robert hissed as he looked around making sure the coast was clear. “Someone could hear.” The paranoia was eating away at him. 

“Unbelievable.” Aaron huffed. 

“Look, let's just go inside and talk about it. Like adults.” 

“Oh...you know what. Let's just call it a night before I say something I'll regret.” Aaron said and turned walking towards the lift. 

“Aaron, wait.” 

“I'll see you tomorrow, Robert.” He said as he turned. “Thanks for the tickets, mate.” He hoped the words would sting. The lift doors opened and he quickly stepped in, it wasn't until the doors were nearly closed that he finally directed his eyes to Robert, and he instantly regretted everything. He could see the hurt in Robert's eyes and it killed him to know it was there because of him. 

“Fuck.” He groaned and punched the lift doors.

 

~~~~

 

Mass pandemonium, it's the only way he could describe it. The feeling coursing through him was unlike anything else, all the energy from the crowd, the cheering, the shouting, he could still hear it, and it was pumping him up even further. He stood in the middle of a locker room, all by himself, just the way he did every fight. John always tried to stay behind and help psyche him up, but Robert wouldn't have it. He wanted the time to get in his own head, to let it all in, and to enjoy his usual ritual. He picked up his phone and smiled as he saw the messages come in. 

 

 _Sorry about before. I was being stupid. - Aaron_  

_You got this. Don't let him bang you up much, yeah? I have plans for you later. - Aaron_

 

He placed his headphones into his ears and began typing a response. 

 

 _This win will be for you ;) - Robert_  

 

Placing his phone back into his locker, he pressed play on his phone, and began hopping around stretching out his arms as the music played. The same embarrassing music he tackled Aaron to floor for. He brushed his lips thinking about that almost kiss and nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt the tap on his shoulder. 

“I hope you don't mind!” Vanessa squealed as he took the headphones off. 

“How'd you get past John?” He asked. 

“As if he could stop me...besides I wanted to bring you some fans.” 

“You what?” 

“Hiya.” Aaron's voice immediately made him perk up. As if he could perk up any more. 

“Hiya.” Robert replied as he stepped closer to him. 

Aaron looked down at first, finding it hard to look him in the eye, part of him felt guilty for before. He knew what he was getting into, he knew the deal, but it didn't stop it from hurting. He couldn't help how he felt for Robert, couldn't help that for him, he was willing to sacrifice almost anything. Deep down he knew he wasn't fully in the wrong, but so long as he could have Robert, it didn't matter. “I really am sorry, you know?” 

“Shut up...I...I get it, okay. I get it.” Robert told him as he lifted his face by the chin before placing his lips to Aaron's. 

Vanessa cleared her throat reminding them they weren't alone. “You might want to cut down on snogging.” She told them. 

“Why?” Robert asked, partly annoyed that Vanessa was there. He wanted nothing more than to have the room just to himself with Aaron. 

“Ad brought a date.” Aaron scratched at his eyebrow. “You know, the one we used as a cover to ditch him on our first date?” 

“Speak of the devil.” Vanessa warned as Adam entered the room with the young woman he'd n question. 

“Mate!” Adam shouted as he leaned in for a bro hug, patting his hand on Robert's back. “I can't wait for the fight.” He told him before turning his attention back to his date. “Oh...this is my girlfriend Vi…” He tried to introduce her before he noticed they way she was looking at Robert. 

For a second they stood in silence, simply staring at one another before Robert finally spoke. “Vic?” 

He asked. The name ingrained in his memory. A name he hasn't really spoken is ages. He hasn't seen her in years, he only remembers her as a kid, but it hits him. It's clear as day. This is his baby sister. 

“Robert!” She cries as she throws herself into his arms. Just like him, she recognizes him. Deep down she knows it's him.

The room stays silent for a moment as Robert wraps his arms around his sister. He never thought he'd see her again. She was in his past, part of a life he left behind long ago. She squeezes him tightly and just as quickly pushed away from him and sends her hand flying towards his face. The loud sound of slap finally breaks the silence and Vanessa is quick to jump in between before the shouting begins. 

“THIS!” Victoria shouts. “THIS IS WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING ALL THESE YEARS?” she continues as streams of tears run down her face. “We looked, for years we looked for you.” She cried. 

Robert's at a loss for words. He feels his heart break for her. In all these years not once had it occurred to him what she must have gone through. He'd only seen his side, only thought of the pain he went through leaving home, leaving his family, leaving her behind. Not once did he think of how she would have felt. How heartbroken she would have been to wake up and realize her brother was gone. “Vic...I...I don't know what to say.” He starts. He can feel his own emotions boiling over, can feel his chin wobbling. 

“How could you just leave?” 

“It's...it's not that simple Vic.” His voice finally breaks. “I had to.” 

“Why?” 

“Because…” He stops himself. He's so caught up in the moment he nearly shouted it out. Nearly shouted at his own sister that their father was a monster. That the man she grew up loving, could do what he did to him. “I...just had to okay.” 

“You were always too good for us, weren't you?” She shouts. “Couldn't grow up to be the son of a farmer. You just had to make it big. Life must have been so easy for ya after you left.” She throws at him as if knowing just how everything must have been for him. “I mean, just look at you now. You seem to have everything.” 

Those words, they sting, sting unlike anything has before. They're what finally make him crack. 

“I WAS FIFTEEN, VIC! FIFTEEN! He shouted back. “NOTHING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED WAS EASY! HAVING NOWHERE TO GO, NOWHERE TO SLEEP, YOU THINK THAT'S EASY? HAVING TO BEG ON THE STREETS FOR FOOD...THAT SURE AS FUCK WASN'T EASY!” He takes a moment to breathe, to calm down. None of this was her fault. “Leaving home...my family...you...that wasn't easy Vic.” He finally tells her as a single tear breaks free. 

Every last word breaks his heart. Aaron had gotten an idea from Vanessa that things had been hard for Robert, but still, hearing just how had had almost been too much. He wanted nothing more than to go to him, to wrap his arms around him, and to protect from any pain. 

“So, why'd you do it? Why’d you leave me?” Her voice cracked. 

“I...I can't tell ya, Vic. I'm sorry.” He tried to apologise. 

“Please, Robert. Just tell me.” She begs. 

He can't. He wishes he was brave enough to, but he can't. He turns his head away and looks at the floor. 

“Fine!” She turns and makes for the door. 

“Vic…” He calls to her making her stop at the doors. “Please...don't tell Dad you found me. I'm begging ya.”

Her face flushes even more than it had already and she nearly chokes as she gasps for air between sobs. “You don't have to worry about that.” She tells him. “I couldn't tell him even if I wanted.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“He's dead, Robert. Dad's dead.” and like that she's out the door. 

“I…I'll check on her.” Adam says and is quickly out the door after her. 

“I'm so sorry, Robert.” Vanessa tried to console him, she wasn't sure of what to say. She knew how Robert felt about his father, she knew exactly how bad he had scarred him, but even she couldn't tell how he could be feeling at the moment. She called his name a couple of times trying to get his attention, hoping to get some sort of reaction from him, but nothing. He stood there with his head hanging, his shoulders slumped, and a blank stare on his face. He was broken.

Aaron walked past her and pulled him into his arms. It was exactly what he needed. Robert collapsed onto him, he buried his face into the crook of Aaron's neck and shouted. Every bad feeling he had been holding on to about his father, about his past, it all gave in. His anger, his grief, his pain, all of it just flowed through the shout. He never expected to see his father again, yet deep down he wanted to. He wanted to ask him why, wanted to shout at him, to release his anger, to tell him how much better off he was without him. Now he knows he'll never get the chance. Now he's left with nothing but pain. Pain he never thought he'd feel for him. He squeezed his arms around Aaron, and all Aaron could do was hold on. He placed a hand on the back of Robert's neck and pulled him closer. It was a promise. He would never let him go. 

“It's okay, Robert. Let it out. I have ya.” Aaron whispered to him. He wasn't quite of what all just happened. He has bits and pieces of the story, but it doesn't matter. All he needs to know is that Robert's in pain.

“Oi!” John shouts as he sticks his head through the door. He'd been waiting outside the whole time so he knew something had happened, but hadn't quite heard what was said. “Five minute call.” He said before closing the door again. 

“Fuck.” Vanessa hissed. “I'll uh...I'll go tell John you're not doing this.” 

“No.” Robert finally speaks. “I'm not bailing on my fight.” He says as he pulls back. His eyes are red, they're raw really, and his face is flushed with red. “Just...give me a few minutes yeah?” 

Vanessa nodded and quietly stepped out of the locker room.

“You sure you're up for this?” Aaron asked, his voice was laced with concern. “You don't have to do this.” 

Robert cleared his throat, and swallowed past the lump. “I'm not going to have him ruin my life. I've worked too hard for it.” His voice was shaky and there was a hint of anger in it. Anger for what his father had taken away from him. What he took away from him back then, and what he had taken away from him now. He pulled away from Aaron and walked towards the sinks. He ran the faucet and got the water as cold as it would go, he leaned down and rinsed his face, letting the cold settle in. “Can...can you just stay with me.” He asked Aaron over his shoulder. 

“Yeah, of course.” 

Robert gave him a sad smile as he shut off the faucet and pulled back wiping his face with a towel. He walked back over to his locker, grabbed his phone, placed his headphones over his ears, and went back to his ritual. He tried as hard as he could to put it all behind him. Everything that had just happened. It all needed to be set aside for now. Still, all he could see when he closed his eyes was his sister. Victoria. She had grown up. Part of him was happy to see her, yet the other part of him was heartbroken for everything that had happened. _Put it away. Put it away. Put it away._ He thought to himself. 

It was time. This fight would determine if he made it or not. This was his dream. It was all that mattered. 

“It's time.” John shouted as stuck his head through the door again. 

Robert turned back to Aaron as he put his gloves on. “Give me a hand?” He asked wanting Aaron to tighten his gloves.

 

~~~~

 

The sound of thunder is what comes to mind. The stomping in rhythm with claps, the sound nearly sounds like thunder. It's almost enough to drown out the bad. Robert walks down the corridor that leads to the ring, that leads to the cage, and despite thunderous noise all he hears is his sister's voice. All he hears are her last words to him. _He's dead, Robert. Dad's dead. Dad's dead. Dad's dead._  

His stomach drops and he can't shake the words. He's in his head and he hasn't even noticed they've reached the cage. His name has been called, he's been introduced, and nothing. It takes John shaking his shoulder for him to come to. 

“Oi!” John shouts making sure Robert can hear him over the crowd. “Focus, Robert. Focus.” He pats his back and nods towards his entrance into the cage. “You got this, mate!” He gives him some final words of encouragement and backs over to Robert's side of the cage and throws the banner with Robert's name to hang it over the wall. 

Robert shakes it all off and pounds his fist together as he walks into the cage where the referee awaits him. They nod to each other and he's back, he's back in focus. He's only in there for a minute before the crowd goes wild again at the sight of his opponent. Jason Cook stands at the edge of the cage, just outside. His back is to Robert and he's putting on a show. The bloke is throwing his fists in the air as if he's already won. He's shouting into the crowd and acting like a maniac. It's clear he lives for this. It's something he can relate to. If it wasn't common knowledge across his fellow fighters, he might just get on with him. Jason finally turns and throws a cocky smile in Robert's direction. It's clear he thinks he has this in the bag. Not if Robert has a say in it. 

As Jason finally makes his way into the cage, Robert reached a fist out in respect, only to have Jason smack it aside. “You're going down, pretty boy.” He sneers. 

Robert tries to shrug it off, tries to keep his head in the game. He's worked too hard for this, worked too hard to let anything ruin it, to let anyone ruin it. Anyone. The thought brings his father right back into his head and everything goes silent. He remembers the look on his face when he walked in on him, he remembers the look on his face as Jack kicked him for who he was. It's all he can see, all he can hear, it's taken him over and he doesn't even noticed the referee going over the rules. He doesn't even notice when the bell has rung signaling the start of the fight. He's out of it. It takes a blow to his ribs to bring him back, and like magic the thunderous noise is back. The crowd is in a frenzy over the first strike, the one that Robert left himself completely open to. 

He quickly throws his guard back up and focuses. With his head back in the fight he quickly dishes Jason's follow up attack and creates a distance between them both. He takes the opportunity to study his form, to look for weaknesses. He'd studied him enough during training, but seeing him in action was different. It always was. He settles and begins to slowly move in as Jason does the same , both of them moving side to side keeping the guards up, and in the blink of an eye it all changes. Jason charges in low, his fist flying fast, aiming straight for Robert's stomach. He dodges and takes a step back with Jason right on him, another swing, and another miss. It leaves Jason open long enough for Robert to take a swing and clip him right above his right eyebrow. The hit was fast and it forced Jason to move in quick and tackle Robert against the wall. 

Robert was pinned and trying to break out, with his right arm he tried to force him off as he tried guarding himself with his left, but without being able to see Jason from his line of sight, he missed as Jason landed several blows to his side. He used all his strength to push forward and managed to make Jason slip. He broke free of the hold and Jason went face forward I to the cage wall. As Jason stood up, Robert caught sight of the blood dripping from his eyebrow, right where he had struck him moments ago. The blood had gotten into his eye and was probably the reason he was able to make him slip. 

Jason quickly took a swipe at his eye to clear it and jumped back into fight mode. They swayed around both trying to find an opening and Jason charged in. It was careless, Robert could see it. Jason moved in, again aiming low, Robert easily dodged and threw his knee up straight into Jason ribs. Jason recoiled in pain and Robert took the opening to deck him in the jaw sending him straight to the floor. This was his fight to win. Jason didn't stand a chance. 

Jason quickly rolled over and threw himself at Robert tackling him down, but Robert used the momentum to flip things around and pin Jason to the ground. Jason was pinned and completely open, all it took was seven minutes and was done for. Robert smirked as he heard the crowd go into a frenzy. Everyone was in shock at how quickly things had gone down, including Robert himself. The fight was over, or at least it was until he caught sight of her, until he caught sight of Victoria in the crowd. 

 _Dad's dead. Dad's dead. Dad's dead._  

He froze. All he could see was Victoria in tears as she told him their father was dead, and just as quickly as the fight had gone his way, everything turned. He had loosened his grip on Jason and before he knew it, he took a solid blow to his left temple. The blow was hard, hard enough that it sent him to the ground, it was hard enough that everything went dark. His eyes slowly fluttered open and he caught sight of his friends. Vanessa, Aaron, and Adam all shouting for him, their eyes filled with worry. 

He could feel himself slipping away, but his eyes stayed on Aaron, as everything started going dark again, his eyes stayed on Aaron.

 

 

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert's big fight continues but his head is a mess. Victoria has found him and she wants to know why he left all those years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Yay!
> 
> Still needs to go through edits, so sorry for the mess. Will update as soon as I can.
> 
> Please leave comments and let me know what you think!

**CHAPTER 10**

* * *

Darkness. Darkness is all there is, and it's accompanied by a high pitched ongoing ring. He can feel himself losing conscience and he feels tempted to let go.

_ Dad's dead. Dad's dead. Dad's dead. _

He keeps hearing his sister's voice, crying, breaking his heart for more reason than one. His heart breaks for having left her the way he did, with no word or reason, it breaks for having everything he went through, and even after what his father did to him, it still breaks knowing he is gone.

He just wants let go, just wants to let the darkness consume him. Whatever happens later, even if his dream is over, he decides to let go. Again he feels himself slipping away, and then he hears it, he hears a voice. Above everything else, above the ringing, above the thunderous crowd, he hears Aaron.

“Come one, Robert!” The voice shouts, it shouts louder than all others. “Get up! You can do it! I know you can!”

The voice, it's laced with worry, with hope, and it fills him with a feeling. The same one he feels every time he looks into the ocean blue eyes, a feeling he can't quite describe. It's like a rush of adrenaline. It makes him feel like he's on top of the world. Like he can do anything. Yet it makes him feel almost sick at the same time. His stomach makes flips and his heart feels like it skips a beat. It's a feeling strong enough to push everything else away, it's strong enough to bring him back to his feet. His eyes open and he shakes it off. That cheap shot is all Jason will get.

Robert is up and he's ready to fight.

“You want some more, pretty boy?” Jason scoffs at him. He'd been too busy already celebrating a victory he thought he had earned, to notice Robert getting up.

“Kick his arse.” He hears Aaron again and takes a quick look in his direction. He can see the relief on his face, and that's all he needed.

_ This one's for you.  _ Robert thinks to himself as he looks at Aaron, he quickly turns his attention back to Jason, and he lunges forward.

Still celebrating a victory in his head Jason feels like he has this. He steadies himself as he sees Robert rushing towards him, and he throws a swing only to have it rebuffed by Robert's left arm, and he nearly drops when the blow to his ribs from Robert's right fist hits him. He tries to recover but a second blow hits his stomach, this time from Robert's left fist, and he swings himself over trying to tackle Robert to the floor. Only Robert too quick for him. Robert dodges Jason and as he stumbles past him, a precisely placed kick to his back, sends Jason flying against the cage wall.

The crowd explodes into chaos, Robert's comeback wasn't what anyone thought would happen, the blow he had taken was expected to have taken him out, only it didn't. Instead he was up, and he was making a fool of Jason.

_ MILLER! MILLER! MILLER! MILLER! _

The crowd chanted, the up and coming fighter was making a mark. This was everything he wanted, it's what he had dreamt of for years. Robert was almost there and winning this fight would only catapult him towards his dream.

Robert steadied himself, the blow to his temple still had him a bit off, and he wasn't going to make the same mistake Jason made. The fight wasn't over and he had to keep his focus. He watched as Jason stumbled against the wall, watched as he straightened himself out, and watched as he turned, his face red in a rage. Jason shouted in anger and threw himself away from the wall, and straight towards Robert. The thought of losing had made him sloppy, way too sloppy, and Robert could see it. He'd seen plenty of other fighters make the same mistake, he knew Jason would leave himself open, and he would be ready.

Jason took a swing, his last one, Robert dodged it and swung back. He landed a blow straight to Jason's face which nearly made him wince when he felt the crunch of Jason's nose breaking against his knuckles, and he pulled back just in time to see Jason drop on his back.

And just like that, the fight was over, the referee leaned down to check on Jason, and he called it. Jason was out cold and he wasn't going to be getting back up. He took Robert's hand lifting it in the air, declared him the winner, and the crowd exploded into near chaos. They began to chanted his name again, drowning out the very few beers coming from what few fans Jason had in the crowd.

This was what he lived for. The rush, the excitement, his name being cheered, but all he could focus on was a single voice. The same one he was still hearing over everything else.

“YES! GO ON, ROBERT!” He saw Aaron shouting through his hands, they were cupped around his mouth, he was doing his best to make sure he could be heard over everyone else. He went far enough as to stand on his seat, Vanessa couldn't help but laugh at his antics.

Robert himself couldn't help but feel his stomach flip. This win, it was unlike anything he had expected. Yeah, he had envisioned himself winning. He had been doing it for weeks, but now in the moment, it was so much better than he ever thought it could be. He had dominated the fight, even with the blow he took, he showed Jason up. Robert had won but the best part of all, was that Aaron was there cheering for him. His boyfriend had cheered him on, he had shouted his name over and over, Aaron's voice climbed over that of everyone else's, and it meant more to him than he ever thought it would. A massive grin spread across his face as it dawned on him, as he realized he had thought of Aaron as his boyfriend. They had not officially labeled their relationship, Yeah, Aaron himself had thrown the word out once in anger, but he himself had not. He hadn't even brought himself to think it, to really think it. At this moment however, he knew. He knew that's exactly what he wanted Aaron to be, his boyfriend.

As everyone cheered for him he kept his gaze on Aaron, everyone else had faded away. He shot him a smile as he winked an eye at him, and nearly laughed when he saw the blush of red spread across his face. It wasn't until he felt the firm grip on his shoulder that he snapped back to reality. John tugged him into a hug, his big frame lifted him up for a second then placed him back down.

“You had me worried for a minute there, ya little shit!” John laughed out. “Come on. The press is waiting.” He patted his shoulder and began to walk out of the cage. With the fight over, the press had to be dealt with. The process already so familiar to him, after every fight, the victor would be put on the spot and all the major sports channels and publications would be on hand to ask a fury of questions. Always all about the fight of course. Even as repetitive as it always was, he never tired of it. It put him in the limelight, and he'd be lying if he said he didn't like having his ego stroked.

Again he beamed a smile as he looked back at the crowd and threw his arms into the air. Everyone cheered and he took a quick walk around the cage pumping his fists in the air. He was overcome with excitement and everything was right, at least until he caught sight of Victoria in the crowd, he hadn't realized she had been there the whole time. She had been sitting next to Adam clinging to his side, her eyes nearly bloodshot with what he knew had to have been tears, and just like that he felt his stomach turn. Everything he had been feeling was gone, all that was left was regret. He stopped for a moment keeping his eyes on her and tried making himself walk towards her, but his feet would not budge, they kept him in place.

“Robert!” He heard John's voice shout for him. “Enough showing off, let's go!”

He finally snapped out of his hold and took one last look at Victoria before turning, and following John towards the press room.

~~~~

Letting out a deep breath, Robert stretched as hard as he could, his arms out and fingers extended, they quickly clenched back into a fist before he rubbed one to his swollen temple. That blow was serious, serious enough that quickly after the interviews John had the medics nearby to check Robert over. Just a mild concussion, they patched him up and sent him on his way.

“That fucker.” He let out under his breath as he felt just how tender the spot was. It would have made him mad if he hadn't wiped the floor with Jason. “A cheap shot from a cheap fighter.” He told himself as he pushed through the doors leading to the rear of the building where he had parked his car.

The moon hung high in the clear sky, and the brisk air felt great against the lump that was forming on his head. The night was cold. It was cold enough that he instantly saw his breath as he stepped out, and all he wanted was to wrap his arms around Aaron. He was in no mood for the countless after parties he had been invited to, especially not after what happened with Victoria. All he wanted was to be comforted, anything else would be too much, his head is all over the place. He's still unsure about what happened with Victoria, it had caught him off guard. He never thought he'd see her again, much less did he expect to be hit with the wave of guilt he felt for her, for the way he had left. Along with the excitement from his fight, he just didn't think he could handle anything else. Not that he had much of a choice, not as he Victoria standing by his car. Vanessa, Aaron, and Adam had all been standing near by, all trying to give them some space. It was obvious Robert and Victoria had a few things to clear up.

Just like before, he felt his stomach flip, the look in her eyes was nearly enough to make his eyes water.

“Hiya.” Is all he could say as he walked up to her, his voice so low, so full of regret.

“You're unbelievable!” She shouted. “Hiya? Really, that is all you can say?” She continued as her eyes welled up.

“I...I'm sorry, Vic. I don't know ow what to say. He replied. “It's not like I ever thought I'd see ya again.”

“Oh good. It gets better.” She cried. “Well, I'm so sorry to have spoiled your plans. Seeing as you couldn't care any less about me.”

That hurt, it felt like a blow straight into his stomach, actually it hurt way more than any blow he had ever taken. “That's not true, Vic. You have to believe me.”

“How could I? Robert...you left us, you left me, with no word, no nothing. How am I supposed to believe you care about me?”

“I do, Vic. I promise. I thought about ya all the time, and it breaks my heart that I hurt ya.”

“Then why'd you do it, Robert? Why'd you leave?”

“I…” He ran out of words. There wasn't anything he could say, there wasn't any excuse he could give her, not without lying.

“I meant what I said before.” She told him with tears in her eyes. “Dad...he looked for you. He spent years looking for you, we all did, if you cared at all you would have reached out.”

He could hear her words but all he could think of was how his dad had treated him, what he had done to him, and he couldn't believe it. It was all Victoria's way to get to him. To make him feel worse. “Yeah, I doubt that.” He finally said.

“You what?”

“I doubt he even cared I was gone. Must have been well chuffed his disappointment of a son was gone. He had the son he wanted in Andy after all.

“That's not true, Robert. Dad loved ya, he loved all of us. What happened between yas?”

“It doesn't matter.”

“If course it matters. Maybe then I'll understand why you left me.” She cried.

“It's...it's in the past, Vic.”

“Why won't you tell me?” She asked as tears fell down her face.

He reached out trying to wipe her tears away. “I can't tell ya, Vic. I'm sorry.” He meant it. He couldn't tell her. Partly because he couldn't bare for her to look at him the same way his father had that night, but mostly because he knew how much Jack had meant her. He couldn't bring himself to ruin that image of him for her. Just because his image of his father was ruined didn't mean hers should be as well.

“No.” Her voice broke. “I hate you, Robert.” She cried before running off.

“Vic, please!” He shouted as he turned to run after her only to be stopped by a hand on his elbow.

“Let me.” Adam said and ran after her as soon as Robert nodded in response.

He stood there for a moment, just watching, waiting, hoping Victoria would return. He needed to patch things up with her, to apologize, to really apologize. Only she didn't. He could feel his emotions mounting, ready to boil over, all those years of bottling it all up had become too much. This wasn't how the night was supposed to go.

Without a word, Robert spun around and walked over to Aaron. His steps were quick, everyone faster than the last, each one bringing him closer what he wanted, what he needed. Before Aaron had a chance to say anything, Robert wrapped his arms around him, and buried his face into Aaron's neck, he breathed him in and tried his best to hold it together.

“I'm so sorry, Robert.” Is all Aaron could say. He wasn't sure what all had happened, they're still getting to know each other, and their pasts are something they both have been skating around. All that mattered, however was the hurt in Robert's face, in his eyes. Aaron saw it and it broke his heart. He felt Robert's arms tighten around him so he did the same, he squeezed gently in return, and held onto him as he rested his chin on Robert's shoulder. Part of him wanted to hate Victoria for this, for the pain she had caused, for ruining Robert's night, but what he hated the most was that he didn't really know what to say. He hated feeling so useless.

“Maybe you should take him back home.” Vanessa finally broke the silence. She had been standing beside them the whole time. She wanted nothing more than to comfort him like she always did, but it was clear to her he needed something more, and she couldn't help the sting at knowing that perhaps, Robert would now seek comfort with someone else.

Aaron looked over to Vanessa and nodded in response. “Yeah, I will do.”

~~~~

The drive back to Robert's flat had been a quiet one, Aaron had split his time keeping his eyes on the road, and keeping an eye on Robert. All Robert did was keep his eyes out the window, part of him lost in everything that had happened tonight, while another part of him was lost in memories. Seeing Victoria again after all these years had hit him harder than he had ever expected, not that he thought he'd ever see her again. She had been filled away in his memory, the way most people put away things they eventually forget about. Only he never forgot about her, not that he wanted to. He had nearly brought himself to look her up on several occasions through social media, then the wave of fear would hit him, and make him stop.

Her small frame, the brown hair, her eyes, somehow she looked exactly like he remembers.

He had been so caught in his thoughts he didn't even realize they had been sitting in the garage to his building. It took Aaron clearing his throat to pull him from his thoughts.

“We're here.” Aaron said as he reached out and placed his hand over Robert's. “Do you...do you want me to come up?” He asked, his voice was soft and unsure. “I...I don't want to leave you like this.”

A soft and sad smile finally appeared on Robert's mouth. Even at a time like this, somehow Aaron always made him feel better. “Please...I...I don't want to be alone.”

Aaron nodded and opened the car door. “Go on then.” He told Robert and stepped out of the car, the car he had been trying to drive, Robert's car. Under normal circumstances he would have had the time of his life behind the wheel, but there was only one thing that mattered tonight, and Robert's car didn't even register. He closed the door and waited patiently for Robert to step out, he was still dragging, it was clear he had plenty on his mind. As Robert closed the passenger door Aaron took a quick look around to make sure the coast was clear, then reached out his hand and waited for Robert to take it. With their fingers laced together, Aaron turned and led them up to Robert's flat.

With Victoria still in his thoughts he remembered that night, he remembered trying his best to sneak out, to make sure no one heard him leave, and he remembered stopping by her room. She had been asleep clinging tightly to her puppet, a gift he had given her for her birthday. They had always been close, but ever since his dad took in his best friend Andy things changed, and he became even closer with her. Thick as thieves they used to be. It broke his heart having to leave her, having to leave with no good-bye.

“Hey.” Aaron's raspy voice pulled him from his thoughts. “You want to talk about it?” He asked.

He did, he really did, only he didn't. Part of him wanted to tell Aaron everything. To tell him about his sister, to tell him about his mum, to tell him about his father, and why he left, but the nagging voice in the back of his head stopped him. What he had going with Aaron, it was special, and he didn't want to ruin it. He didn't want Aaron to see just how messed up he was.

“No.” His voice came out softly, almost too soft. He shook his head then reached for the back of Aaron's neck and pulled him in, their mouths clashed, and Aaron's lips opened for him on instinct. He lifted his free hand and placed it to Aaron's face, his thumb brushing along the stubble on Aaron's cheek, and pulled him even closer. Everything he had been feeling had been enough, he needed Aaron now, he needed to feel him as close as possible.

The kiss intensified, their tongues swirled with one another, and clothes began to drop. Like a whirlwind of desperation they moved from the entry of his flat all the way to his bedroom. Bumping from wall to wall, knocking things to the floor every time they bumped into something, they eventually made it to the bedroom, only stopping as the hit the edge of the bed. Aaron pulled back trying to catch his breath, and looked Robert in the eyes, it was then that it hit him. He was gone for the man in front of him. He knew. He felt it. He had fallen for sure, and he wanted nothing more than to take his pain away. He leaned back in and took Robert's lips before he said anything he might regret, this wasn't the time. Robert's night had been emotional enough and he wasn't going to ruin it by saying those words, the words that would possibly scare him off. They swayed in place for a moment lip locked as their hands explored each other's bodies, both melting into each other's touch as if they had been starved for affection, both wanting the other more than anything.

Aaron finally broke the kiss and gently shoved Robert onto the bed before straddling him, he reached behind himself and grabbed a hold of Robert's hard cock. “I really want this inside m...”

“You...uh...” Robert interrupted him.

“We don't have to do this.” Aaron spoke softly sensing Robert's hesitation.

“No... it's not that.”

“Did...did I do something wrong?”

“No...it's just…” Robert tried and stopped for a second. Too many thoughts in his head clouding what he wanted to say, what he wanted to tell Aaron. Somehow through all this, Aaron still made him feel at ease, he comforted him in a way he hadn't been in ages. He reached out and grabbed a hold of Aaron's hand. He pulled it to his lips as he looked into his eyes, kissed the inside of Aaron's palm, and smiled. “You're amazing. You know that?”

Aaron smiled and rubbed his thumb across Robert's lips. It always amazed him how soft they were. He couldn't get enough of them. Kissing them. Being kissed by them. Robert in general was everything he could have ever wanted. He leaned down and took Robert's lips with his own, hungrily kissing him, hoping he could ease some of his pain. Pulling back to catch his breath, he took the chance to move things forward. He placed his hand to his mouth and spit into it, then reached back behind himself, and used the spit to slick Robert's hard cock up. He watched carefully as he saw Robert's eyes nearly roll back into his head, his soft grip slowly unraveling him. They both knew where this was going, both knew they both wanted it, and they were done with words.

Aaron raised himself enough so that he could line up Robert's cock with his hole, and slowly lowered himself onto it.

“Fuck.” He gasped as he looked into Robert's eyes. The sting was there as he felt Robert push through, the tender skin of his hole stretching to accommodate him, the feeling sending heat straight to his face. He could feel the heat flushing to his cheeks, and he felt his eyes water, the pain was exquisite. It was a pain he loved, the feeling of being stretched by Robert. He licked his lips and lowered himself further as he felt himself adjust. He placed his hands on Robert's chest, his thumbs nearly tracing patterns on the freckles splashed across it, and he began to rhythmically raise and lower himself onto Robert.

“Oh God.” The words escaped Robert's mouth as he placed his hands to Aaron's hips. Everything else had melted away, all there was now, was Aaron. His beautiful Aaron. He held on as Aaron moved up and down keeping an eye on Aaron's own hard cock as it bounced on his own stomach, a string of precum smearing over it. “You're so beautiful.” He told him and he meant it. He'd never felt this way about anyone, he never thought he would, and he thanked good that Aaron leaned down and took his lips before he said something he might regret.

Aaron leaned into the kiss grabbing a hold of Robert's face, and Robert took over on instinct. He began to thrust his hips up, fucking Aaron as they kissed, and he only sped up when he heard the filthy noises coming from Aaron's mouth. They were a beautiful mix of moans and whimpers that we're nearly enough to make him come. He loved every second of them, and they only spurred him into thrusting harder. Aaron had positioned himself perfectly, that every thrust had Robert's cock hitting his prostate.

“Ah. Ah. Ah.” Aaron whimpered as moved one hand from Robert's face to his own cock and began stroking. “Fuck me harder, Robert.” He grunted. “I'm going t…” He couldn't even finish before he felt himself clench around Robert's cock and his load release. His toes curled and spurt after spurt all shot onto Robert's stomach.

Between the sounds coming from Aaron and him clenching around his dick, Robert was pushed over the edge. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I'm gonna come.”

“Come for me.” Aaron told him.

“I'm coming.” He gasped and continued thrusting into Aaron. “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.”

When he felt Robert relax, Aaron finally collapsed on top of Robert, resting his head on his chest. They laid in silence for a moment just letting everything sink in. Still he could feel some tension in Robert so he did the only thing he could think of.

“Guess it's a good thing I went along with you when you got tested for your fight.”

It was routine for Robert to get tested before fights, it was too bloody a sport not to, and Aaron went along to keep him company the last time he did it, so he got tested as well. It wasn't spoken at the time, but they both knew it had been a precaution in case this happened.

A small chuckle left Robert's mouth and Aaron felt the puff of air on his hair. Maybe it worked.

“You know you can talk to me, right? About stuff…” Aaron said, he didn't want to push, but he wanted Robert to know he was there.

“Can we not talk about it? Please.” Robert replied. He was caught between a rock and a hard place. He didn't want to scare Aaron off with his mess of a past, but he began to feel guilty about not telling him. The last thing he wanted was to push him away.

“Okay.” Aaron replied. He wasn't going to push, especially not tonight. He eased himself into his position and felt the heaviness in his eyes. It wasn't long before the soft breathing of Robert told him he had fallen asleep, and with the thought of Robert in his head, he let his own eyes shut and followed him.

~~~~

A soft buzzing filled the air, it pulled him from his slumber. Robert sat up and rubbed his eyes and nearly winced as he felt the tenderness near the small lump left on his temple. A temporary reminder of the arshole that gave it to him. It was then he realized the buzzing was nothing more than his phone vibrating on his bedside table. He let out a yawn and quickly panicked when he realised Aaron wasn't there. “Aaron?” He nearly shouted. Last night had been perfect, even after the events leading up to the fight, and even those after. Aaron somehow managed to make it perfect. He expected to wake up with him next to him. The vibrating again grabbed his attention and he reached over for his phone. Message after message congratulating on his victory. Only one stood out. A message from Vanessa.

_ Hope you're doing okay. You know I'm here for ya, little brother. -Ness _

 

He pressed his thumb to her name and pulled up her number ready to call her.

“Hiya.” Aaron peaked his head through the door. “You hungry?” He asked. “I uh...I...made ya...well I attempted at making ya some brekkie. If you're up for it that is.”

“You didn't have to do that.” Robert smiled.

“I know...but I wanted to.” He could feel the flush rushing to his face. “Come on, get off your arse and come join me.”

Robert nodded and stood up ready to follow Aaron into the kitchen.

“You might want to put something on on first.” Aaron chuckled

“What? You telling me you don't like what you see?”

Aaron couldn't help but shake his head at Robert's cockiness, though he secretly loved it. “You come out like that and the food will get cold.”

“Meaning?”

“You know exactly what I mean you cheeky little shit.” He said with a wink. “Now come on.”

As Aaron returned to the kitchen Robert walked into the on suite to clean up. He grabbed a hand towel and moistened it in the sink before wiping his stomach with it, cleaning off the traces of what Aaron had unloaded on him the night before. He grabbed a tee shirt and running short, quickly putting them on before walking out of the room and breathing.

“That smell amazing.” He said. “What is it?” He walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Aaron's waist from behind him, and rested his chin on his shoulder.

“Just a fry up.” He said turning the stove top off, he eased out of Robert's hold, and plated the food. “Go on. Take a seat.” He nodded to the stool under the bar top.

Robert simply complied, he walked back around the bar top and took a seat all the while keeping his eyes on Aaron, who had been moving around his kitchen so effortlessly, as if he lives there. An idea he made sure to hold onto for the future. “So, I'm all your for today. Robert said. “You wanna do anything? Or...maybe we can spend the day in bed?” He winked.

“As much as I'd love that, you really need to rest some. You just had your fight.”

“And?”

“And...that fucker really decked ya.” Aaron said placing their plates on the bar top. He reached up and gently placed his hand to Robert's face, his thumb ever so carefully brushing against the lump. “You really worried me for a minute there.”

“Aw, that mean you care?” Robert joked and quickly recoiled as Aaron pressed lightly on the tender spot. “Out, what was that for?”

“For being such a cheeky shit.” Aaron quickly put him in his place.

Robert couldn't help but laugh. Everything about this, about Aaron was just easy. There was no effort with him. He was swept up in the moment and he let it slip. “I lo…”

 

_ BANG! BANG! BANG! _

The loud knocks pulled him from his daze and he realized what he had almost done, what he had almost said. This was insane. They barely knew each other, but he knew what he felt.

“Robert!” A voice shouted through the door. “I know you're in there!” She shouted again. It was Vic.

With a look of panic he looked back to Aaron who simply nodded and quickly ran back to the bedroom.

“Your doorman said you haven't left today, so I know you're in there! There's no use in hiding!” Victoria shouted before a second voice became audible. It was trying to calm her down, and it was familiar. He couldn't quite place it, but it was familiar.

Still in a panic he took a deep breath and stood from his seat. He could feel his legs shaking and his heartbeat racing. He wasn't sure what would happen, what he would tell her, or what kind of like he could make up. All he knew was that despite of everything, he loved her, and he wanted her back in his life. He worked up the courage and finally spoke. “Just a second.” He said loudly as he made it to the door.

His hand were shaking as they undid the locks, and still shook as he grabbed the doorknob. He took a deep breath and opened the door to someone he wasn't expecting. His stomach flipped and he lost his nerve. Whatever it was that he was going to tell Victoria no longer mattered, things had gone from bad to worse.

“Andy?” His voice trembled. Saying the name alone felt so odd. It had been years since he last saw his, since he last spoke the name that in many ways led to where he was today. It didn't matter though, regardless of time he'd recognize that face anywhere. “What...what are you doing here?”

“Is that really all you're going to ask?” Andy asked, his voice nearly breaking. There was a look in his eyes, it almost look like sadness.

“I...uh…” Robert tried to speak but Victoria stormed right through them both and into the flat.

She looked around and anger filled her eyes. Anger at her brother. Anger for how he abandoned her. Anger for the life he has. Anger for the things he has. Thing she wished she herself had. Things she denied herself over years of struggling to find him. “I...I can't even bare to look at ya.” She cried after finally turning back to him. She hated him for everything, she hated him because deep down she loved him and he had hurt her so much. “Robert, please just tell me...us, please tell us why you left.”

“Vic.” Andy interrupted her. “Please, just let him talk. I'm sure he had his reasons.”

“To what? To abandon us. To abandon dad?”

“Vic!” Andy scolded her.

Robert didn't know what to say, he found himself at a loss. Andy of all people, defending him.

Andy gave him a sad smile and shocked him even more when he wrapped his arms around him and squeezed him tightly. “I've missed ya, brother.”

_ “I've missed ya, brother.”  _ The words repeated in his head, almost like an echo after Andy spoke them. Robert swallowed past the lump in his throat and wrapped his arms around Andy, returning the hug. There wasn't much else he could do, this wasn't anything like what he ever thought would happen.

“Unbelievable!” Victoria shouted and again stormed back through them.

“Vic, wait.” Robert called after her.

She turned for a quick moment and with tears running down her face, she simply shook her head. “I can't do this.” She cried and left.

“I'm sorry about her.” Andy spoke up. “She just needs time.”

“Why?” Robert finally asked. Still in shock over Andy's behavior.

“Why what?”

“Why are ya being like this? And why are ya here?”

Andy let out a deep breath and placed a hand on Robert's shoulder. “She called me last night in tears, Robert.” He said his voice breaking. “And for a moment I thought something terrible had happened, but then she told me she found you.”

“So what? You had to come up and see me yourself? Come and tell me what a big disappointment I was to dad, to the family?”

“No.” Andy replied, his voice was still soft. It was bizarre for him to be so nice. Yeah they had been best friends before Jack took him in, before he was adopted, but quickly after that everything changed. It all became a competition for Andy. Who was the best son, who was Jack's favorite, who could be the best around the farm. For all intents and purposes Andy turned on him, the same way his dad eventually did.

“Then why are you here?” Robert nearly shouted.

“Cos...cos I wanted to see you, brother.”

“Stop that, stop calling me that!” He was tired of this, tired of the act. Andy was up to something. He had to be.

“I know, Robert.” Andy replied. He dropped his head as if in shame. “I know everything, Rob.”

And like that, Robert felt as if he had fallen into a void. As if the floor had been swept from under his feet. “You don't know anything.” He replied, his own voice breaking.

“I...I was there that night, Rob. I had been following dad. I was just outside your room when it all happened. I know why you left.”

Robert was speechless. He had no idea how to respond to that. If Andy had been there, why didn't he help him? Why didn't he stop Jack?

“I'm so sorry, Rob.” Andy finally apologized as if reading his thoughts. “I should have stopped him. I should have said something.”

“Why...why didn't you?” Robert's voice was so soft, so low, so meek. Like a lost little boy. “Why didn't you help me?”

“I was scared, Rob. Dad...I never thought dad could do something like that. So I ran, I ran and I hid in my room.” He told Robert and gently squeezed his shoulder. “I'm so sorry, brother.” He pulled him into a hug.

“And Vic? What does she know?”

“Nothing.” Andy shook his head.

“You didn't tell her?”

“Wasn't my secret to tell...but we did look for you, Robert. We looked for years.”

“And dad?”

“Look...with the way things happened, I know you won't believe me when I tell you, but he was sorry. He regretted the way he handled it. He hated himself for years.”

“I'm so sure.” Robert scoffed.

“Look, the reason I'm here is because I really did want to see ya, but also cos I really think k you should have this.” He said as he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a wrinkled envelope.

“What is it?” Robert asked taking the envelope from Andy.

“It's a letter from dad.” He replied. “When he knew his time was running out, he wrote this and made me promise to find you, to make sure you got this.”

“What does it say?”

“I don't know, Rob. This was meant for you and you alone.” He gave him sad smile and turned back towards the door. “Read it will ya?”

Robert swallowed hard past the lump in his throat and nodded. He wasn't sure how he was keeping it all together, perhaps all those years of bottling everything up had hardened him more than he had realized.

“It was good seeing ya, Rob. You look good.” Andy told him. “And I know I never told her, being it wasn't my story to tell, but you really should tell Vic. She deserves to know.”

Robert nearly flinched at the suggestion. He'd only just found her again, he couldn't bare to have her look at him the same way Jack once did.

“She won't care, Rob. Not about that. She loves ya, she'll forgive ya leaving if you just tell her.”

He was right, Andy fucking Sugden of all people, was right.

“Maybe we can grab some coffee tomorrow?” Andy asked.

Robert nodded. “Yeah...I'd like that.”

Andy smiled and left.

Robert stood there looking at the envelope. It looked a bit rough, like it had been holding on for dear life, just waiting to be opened. His name had been written across the back of it, in a writing he had almost forgotten. He held his breath trying to find the courage to do it, to open the envelope, but he couldn't. It wasn't until he felt Aaron's hand on his shoulder the he took a deep breath and tore it open. He pulled out the letter inside and carefully unfolded it. His eyes slowly darted back and forth as he read the letter carefully, it wasn't long before his chin began to trembled, and he felt the tears running down his face. Everything he had been holding onto for years had been released as his father's words played in his head. He could clearly hear his voice as if he was there, and everything hurt. His heart felt as if it had been shattered to a million pieces.

_ Robert my boy, _

_ As my time is coming to a close, it's not more time that I wish for, not even for a clean bill of health. The only thing I wish for is that you are out there, that you are happy, and that you are being who you were meant to be. Don't let my mistakes stop you from living your life, from loving and being loved. I have spent many years hating myself for what I did, for how I handled things, and I will die knowing that I hurt you. As a father, I failed you, and hope that one day this letter finds its way into your hands so that you will know that as a son you did not. From the moment I held you as a baby you were perfect, and until my last breath in this life you will remain that way. _

_ -J _

****  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert's world has been turned upside down and all it took was a letter from his father. Robert and Aaron take things further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delays guys, but an update is finally here in case anyone is still reading. Still needs to go through edits so my apologies for any glaring mistakes. Edits will come soon . 
> 
> Please leave comments and let me know ow what you think.

 

**CHAPTER 11**

* * *

 

The room is silent for a moment, it's as if everything had stopped, time and space had all but stopped just for him as he crumbles. Hate. Hate is all he had felt for his father Jack for so many years. His hate for him had driven his life and stunted it all the same. His hate for Jack had led him to where he was. He had spent countless years hating him for everything, for the childhood he lost, for the self loathing, but most of all for the fact that deep down he still loved him. It was his father after all and even after everything, he had spent his life trying to be the man his father would want him to be. He hid away who really was, he deprived himself of things he knew he wanted, because every time he tried to be himself, Jack would be there. He could hear his father's brutal words, he would feel the blows, and still, he just wanted to make him proud somehow.

Now, now he was broken. Jack had tried to find him. His father had regretted what he had done, and had spent the remainder of his life hating himself for it.

Robert felt numb yet everything hurt, he felt short of breath, and could feel an emptiness inside of him. Like a dark void in space swallowing everything that light touches, he felt like everything he had was being sucked away from him. It took the strong embrace around him to bring him back. A strong yet gentle embrace that brought warmth with it. A feeling he'd almost forgotten. A feeling that reminded him of the only person that ever truly loved him. Sarah.

“I got you.” Aaron's voice soothed him, as he held on to him. 

Robert hid his face in the crook of Aaron's neck trying to hold himself together, and felt Aaron's fingers threading through his hair, as if trying to ensure he knew that he was there. “It's okay, Robert. Let it out.” 

He didn't need telling. Years of emotions finally poured out of Robert. Everything he had been holding onto. He cried into Aaron's neck, cried like he never had before. By the time he was done he could barely breathe, he could feel himself taking breaths between sobs, and still Aaron held onto him and told him everything would be okay. 

“When I was fifteen.” Robert's voice finally found itself. “My dad...he uh...he caught me with another lad in my room.” 

“Did something happen?” Aaron asked. 

“No, but I think something would have, if dad hadn't walked in.” 

“And then what happened?” 

“The lad, he made him leave, he was so angry with me. He leathered me, like really leathered me. I just...I remember being on the ground covering my face as he kicked and shouted at me...the things he said.” He sobbed. “That night, that's when I left home. I just left. I left and I never looked back.” 

Aaron held on to Robert, caressed the back of his neck, and bit his tongue. Robert's story hitting home in many ways, it made his skin crawl, but more than anything it killed him to know that Robert had gone through that. The thought of anyone hurting Robert, his Robert, made him feel sick with anger. 

“And still even after all that...I spent so much time, years, trying to be who he wanted me to be.” Robert said as his chin trembled. “And all this time...he spent it hating himself. He died not knowing me, not knowing the real me.” 

“What do you mean?” 

Robert pulls back a bit from Aaron's embrace and hands him the letter. 

“You sure?” Aaron asked not wanting to invade his privacy. 

Robert simply nods and hands him the letter, and he waits for Aaron to read it. He's spent so much time denying who he was when all had to do was go back home. He watched as Aaron's eyes darted from one side of the paper to the other, watched as his eyes began to water, and felt like he wasn't alone for once. He let the feeling sink in and settled back into Aaron's embrace. 

Strange, the feeling was. Letting himself be so open, so vulnerable, it wasn't like him, yet everything about this felt so right. 

“I’m so sorry, Robert.” Aaron's soft voice finally broke the silence. He knew all too well how bad a father could hurt his son, he knew better than most, he squeezed his arms around Robert knowing that he would at least find some closure through the letter. 

“He...he was a good dad.” Robert said. “He really was, but somewhere along the way we just...I don't know, lost each other.” He sighed and tried to pick himself up when it hit him just how soft he was being. Only Aaron pulled him back. 

“Tell me about him...I mean, if you want.” 

“You don't have to do that?” 

“Do what?” 

“Try and make me feel better.” Robert replied. “I know you have a shift at the garage later. I'm sure you have other things to do before then.” 

“Don't be daft.” Aaron said nearly scoffing. “You're more important.” 

Robert felt his heart skip at the words. He could tell Aaron meant it. He could see it in his eyes. In the way he looked at him. Aaron slid back so his back was leaning against the sofa, and he gently pulled Robert back into him. Robert turned so that he was sitting between Aaron's legs, he leaned back so his back rested on Aaron's chest, and he marveled at the feeling. 

Once he felt settled he began, and without effort the memories came back. They spent what felt like hours just sitting there, as Robert told Aaron everything he could remember about Jack. Little by little, some of the pain went away. He knew that his father had loved him, until his last moments, he had loved him. Even though he had missed out on years with his family, there was comfort in knowing his father had loved him all along. 

When Robert finally ran out of words he turned and rested his forehead to Aaron's. “Thanks.” He told him. 

“No need for thanks.” Aaron said with a sad smile. “It's what boyfriends are for, right?” He meant it and hoped that maybe one day Robert could be there for him if he was ever ready to share his own story. 

“Is that what you are?” Robert asked suddenly moving his eyes away from Aaron's. 

They hadn't really labeled whatever it was that was going on between them. Aaron had thrown the word out in anger once, but neither of them fully acknowledged it. Everything up to this moment had felt like a dream, both giving each other something they desperately needed, even if they hadn't realized it. Labeling it would make it real, all too real, real enough to lose. Still in this moment the word alone made Aaron feel like he was floating in air. What it meant, what it could mean, he wanted it more than anything. He smiled softly and closed his eyes for a second, then slowly opened them. 

“Is that what you want?” His raspy voice asked. The question was soft and heavy at the same time. Soft because he wanted Robert to feel what he felt, and heavy because he was afraid of not hearing what he desperately wanted to hear. 

Robert shrugged his shoulders still looking away, still afraid of letting himself be loved. A condition from all those years hating himself, all because of his father, his father who in the end loved him. Maybe he was broken, maybe he was too broken to be loved, but it didn't stop him from wanting it. 

“Look at me, Robert.” Aaron said, again with softness. 

As Robert turned his eyes back to Aaron, he felt Aaron's hand cupping his face, his thumb softly brushing against the stubble on his jaw, and he simply melted into the touch, a touch he welcomed. 

“Is that what you want?” Again, Aaron asked. 

With the ocean blue eyes gazing back into his own, Robert couldn't turn away, nor did he want to. “Of course I want that, you idiot. I want that more than anything.” He finally let himself say. 

“Then... that's that.” Aaron smiled. “I'm your boyfriend and you're mine.”

 

~~~~

 

“Robert, we're gonna be late.” Aaron nagged. It had been three weeks since Robert's big fight, three weeks since his sister Victoria came back into his life, and had finally decided to tell her everything. He was tired of hiding it and he wanted her back in his life. Three weeks of leaving her voicemails, three weeks of unreturned text messages, and three weeks of trying to get Adam to talk sense to her, he finally had a breakthrough with the help of his brother Andy. He had finally been able to convince her to speak to him. Through teary eyes he had recounted to her the events of the day he left. He felt himself shaking through it all, especially when he had to tell her about why Jack did what he did. 

“You're gay?” Victoria had asked and he had felt like the floor beneath his feet had given. It took everything he had to not walk away that very second. It wasn't until he looked across the room, into Aaron's eyes that he found the courage to continue. 

“Not gay. I'm...I'm bisexual.” He corrected her and instantly felt as if the world had dropped off his shoulders, yet he felt terrified all the same. Terrified she would react just like his father did. He felt himself nearly crumble upon himself, as if predetermined for rejection. He'd only just found her again and he was scared of losing her just as quickly. 

“And he...dad...he did that to you because of that?” Her voice broke. She wasn't quite sure what to feel. It had all been too much. Knowing her father did that, knowing her brother had been treated that way, that he had been so afraid that he ran away from his life. She sobbed into her hands as she stood and walked away. 

“I'm...I'm so sorry Vic.” Robert's voice had broken. Seeing her so upset was the last thing he wanted. He had known that  telling her would break her heart and felt selfish for having told her. He had covered his face trying to hold back the tears, trying to mask how destroyed he felt to have lost her again. It wasn't until he felt the arms wrapped around him that he let it out. 

“You shut your mouth, okay.” Victoria had scolded him. “You have nothing to be sorry for, you hear me. You did nothing wrong.” She had told him as she squeezed her grip around him.

After Robert told her about Jack, about why he left, he continued. He had nodded Aaron over and took his hand into his own, Victoria had nearly squeezed with glee as she quickly realized what it meant. “I'm so chuffed for the pair of yas.” She had told him before making them agree to a dinner out, to celebrate their reunion. 

“I'm serious, Robert. Vic isn't going to be happy if we keep her waiting.” Aaron shouted from the living room before sticking his finger behind the collar of his shirt and gently tugging at it. There was nothing more that he hated  than wearing something so uptight, but Robert made him promise to wear a suit. It was a special occasion after all.

“Okay, okay, I'm ready.” Robert announced as he walked out of the bedroom. 

Aaron stood, still annoyed with how long it took Robert to get ready. “You're way too high maintenance, mate…” He tried to tease only to be left awestruck. His jaw hanging as his eyes looked Robert up and down. A burgundy suit with a white shirt and a burgundy tie to match the jacket, like a fucking model out of a magazine, Robert had never looked better. At least not in clothing. 

“You...you look amazing.” Aaron was finally able to say. 

“I know.” Robert winked at him. 

“Cocky shit.” Aaron scoffed, knowing he loved it. He walked up to Robert and pulled him closer to himself by the waist. “Somebody oughta put you in your place.” He said licking his bottom lip. 

“Oi. I thought you said we were running late. “ Robert said as he gently pulled away from Aaron. 

“What? I can't want to ravish my boyfriend when he looks this fucking good?” 

“Well, boyfriend, when you put it like that...maybe we can spare a few. I'm sure she won't mind.” 

“Sorry, mate. We're not keeping your sister waiting.” Aaron teased and pulled away. “Come on, let's get a move on.” 

“Oi...you really gonna leave me with a semi?” 

Aaron shrugged his shoulders and picked up Robert's keys. It was killing him I side, he wanted Robert more than he cared to admit, but who would put Robert in his place if not him. “ 

The drive had been excruciating for Robert, Aaron had already left him in a state, and it didn't help that he randomly reached over every few minutes to grope him through his pants, teasing him further. 

“What you playing it?” Robert had asked, his voice shaky. 

“Well, I thought I was playing with you, but I can stop if you want me to.” 

Robert simply grumbled and shook his head. “You're gonna be sorry for this.” 

“That's the plan.” Aaron said playfully as he winked. 

They had only parked when Robert looked around to make sure no one was around, he leaned over and placed a soft kiss to Aaron's lips. He pulled back and smiled. “Thanks.” He said. 

“For what?” Aaron asked confused. 

“For everything, for being there, I don't think I could have done any of this without you.” He knew the thanks would make Aaron uncomfortable, neither of them were much into taking compliments, not really. “Come on.” He said as he opened the door and stepped out of the car, he made sure not to give Aaron any time to think about it. 

Robert spotted Victoria, Andy, and Adam waiting for them outside of the posh Italian restaurant they had try according to Victoria. She had gone on and on about the food there and the awards the restaurant had won because of it. Victoria waved them over the second she spotted them. 

“What took ya so long?” She shouted towards them. 

“Oi, keep it down.” Robert nearly hissed. He wasn't normally bothered with being recognized on nights out, but too many questions would come a out on a night like this. Questions he wasn't ready to deal with, questions about his past, about his family, and that's not even including the elephant in the room as they say. 

“What you afraid someone will recognize ya?” She asked.

“Drop it Vic.” Andy chimed in. He could see how uncomfortable Robert had become. 

“Fine.” She said rolling her eyes. All she really cared about was that she finally had her brother back. “Come on then, we can go in now that you two are here.”

“But, look at the line.” Aaron said as he gestured over to the crowd waiting to get in. 

Victoria smiled and walked ahead of them. “No problems getting in when the head chef happens to be family.” She said bragging. 

“Are you serious?” Robert asked in amazement. 

“Don't get her started, Rob.” Andy spoke up. “You'll never hear the end of it.” 

“You make it sound like I brag about it all the time.” Victoria said over her shoulder. 

“That's cos you do.” Andy scoffed. 

They had all just reached the entrance of the place which almost felt more like a night but when someone shouted at them. 

“Oi. There's a queue, you know.” The man said as he looked around himself. “Oh, well isn't this great?” He could to us when he caught sight of Robert. 

Robert tried to ignore it but caught sight of the man and quickly recognized him. A fighter, a lesser fighter that is, one he had fought before, one that he had completely wiped the floor with. Ross Barton. They had several run ins before, all with Ross being bitter over the loss. This time being no different. Robert shook shook his head and turned away from him, not feeling the need to give him any time. 

“The great Robert Miller, everyone!” Ross shouted. 

Instantly, Robert felt his shoulder pull in. This is exactly what he didn't want. Nothing good could come out of it.

“Thinks he's so great he doesn't need to wait like the rest of us.” Ross taunted. “Just gets everything handed to him...just like in the ring.” 

And there it was. He pushed the right button. 

Robert turned, a scowl already on his face. He had worked way too fucking hard to have some third rate fighter making claims he was handed anything. “You still on about that?” Robert asked. “You're just bitter and I'm bored.” He said and turned around to walk away, his fists clenched and tried his best to ignore him. 

“I bet daddy just handed you anything you wanted, too. No wonder you're so entitled.” Ross scoffed. 

“Shit.” Aaron let out under his breath. He knew just how bad that would get to Robert. 

“What did you say?” Robert turned, seething. 

“What's the matter? Did I touch the wrong subject? Did daddy not give ya what you wanted? Daddy didn't love ya?” 

In seconds Robert had rushed towards Ross, his fists clenched and ready to swing, he nearly did had it not been for Victoria shouting after him. “Robert, don't!”

It took everything he had but he pulled back. He pulled back and walked away. He had nearly made it to the door before he felt his arm yanked back, turning him around. “What's the matter pretty boy?” Ross asked. “Afraid you can't take me?”

“Do one.” Is all Robert said in return and again tried to walk away only to have Ross shove him from behind. It wasn't long before a fist was thrown and Ross found himself on the floor with blood dripping from his nose. 

Aaron had had enough. He could see the hurt in Robert's eyes and it killed him to see it. Robert tried to be the better man, tried to let it go, but he couldn't. The moment he saw Ross shove Robert, he had lost it. 

Ross looked up as he held on to his nose. “What's this? You're girlfriend. She fighting your battles for you?” 

That's when Robert noticed the flashes. The crowd had been taking pictures, not just taking pictures, but recording the entire altercation.

 

~~~~

  


“Ross Barton, a fellow fighter…” A woman spoke before Robert cut her off.

 “I wouldn't exactly call him that. Not much of a fighter if you ask me.” He chuckled immediately disarming the woman. 

A soft chuckle escaped her mouth and Aaron noticed how quickly her tone went from accusatory to friendly. “Certainly not in your league.” She clearly flirted.

“Unbelievable.” Aaron rolled his eyes as he watched on.

“Well, he made some wild accusations...about your personal life. About the young man that was with you.” 

“And you believed him?” Robert chuckled. It was all a farce. Aaron could see how he really felt, he could see it in his eyes. Robert was terrified. “I wouldn't quite call him a reliable source.” He said and gave her a smirk. 

“The fellow he spoke of, is he a friend?”

Robert straightened himself and gave her another smile. “Yeah, he's actually a flatmate of my sister's boyfriend.” He replied and Aaron winced. He couldn't help the hurt he felt at how easily Robert said that, at how easily Robert downplayed their relationship. Aaron knew what he signed up for, Robert warned him of what would be asked, and still he felt it, like a jab to his stomach. 

“Sister?” She replied quizzically. 

Aaron could clearly see Robert relax as soon as their relationship had dropped as the subject, his sexuality clearly no longer being questioned, Robert was in the clear. 

“I wasn't aware you had a sister. I've been... we've been following your career since the beginning of it, and this is the first we've heard about you having a sister. Do you have any other family members we don't know about?” 

“Turn that off.” Robert grumbled as he walked into the living room where Aaron had been sitting. Robert had been in his room on a call with John for over and hour, and he took the time to watch an interview Robert had filmed earlier in the day. An interview he only did after John had pressured him to do when the chaos broke out on social media after the events of the night that was in question. Not even an hour after it all happened, there were dozens of videos and pictures that had been tweeted and retweeted thousands of times. Everything had been caught from multiple angles and questions started rushing like wildfire. It had been two weeks since it happened and after spending most of that time in hiding, John had finally convinced Robert to clear things up. 

Aaron felt his shoulders tense, he could see the look in Robert's eyes, and he knew what was coming. The events of that night had gone unmentioned. Aaron knew the only reason for that was Victoria, she had managed to calm Robert down after it happened, and neither of them wanted to spoil the night. Robert had bit his tongue and he had been doing it ever since. The two weeks since had been uneasy, neither of them wanting to talk about it, trying their best not even think about it, but Aaron knew better. He could see it Robert's face, just as he saw it now in this moment. Robert finally stopped pacing the room and turned to him, and Aaron braced himself. This was it. 

“What the hell were you thinking!?” Robert nearly shouted. He wanted to be angry, wanted, and that's what made things worse. How could he be angry? 

“I'm sorry, Robert!” Aaron replied. “No...you know what?” He quickly followed. “I'm not.” 

“You what?”

“I'm not sorry!” Aaron shouted. 

“Are you serious?” 

Aaron took a deep breath and stood from his seat, planted his feet firm, and looked Robert in the eyes. “What did you expect me to do, Robert. He was about to take a swing at you, was I supposed to just let him?” 

“It's what I do for a living. I can take a punch, certainly one from that scrote.”

“You're unbelievable, you know that?” Aaron scoffed. “What are you so afraid of? Do you really hate yourself that much, that having everyone know who you really are is worth all this?” 

“You don't know anything!” Robert shouted. “This...this is my livelihood, Aaron. I've worked too hard for this, I've given everything for this, and I'm not about to throw it away.” 

Aaron threw his hands up and threaded his fingers over his head. The frustration had set in. Everything he had been holding on to, the little voice in his head telling him he deserved better, finally broke free. “Not even for us?” He asked, his voice cracking at the last word. Us. “Fuck!” Aaron shouted. “I knew what I was getting into. I knew what this was from the get go, and I thought…I thought that I could do this…” 

Robert feels his stomach drop, the same horrible feeling he gets on the massive drops of a rollercoaster. The feeling like his breath is been squeezed out of him, and that he can't seem to breath back in. “What...what do you mean?” He stuttered at the realization of what Aaron meant. 

“I...I don't know.” Aaron nearly choked on his words. “I just...maybe we need to step back and think about this, about what this is.” He swallowed hard past the lump in his throat and made for the door. He couldn't stick around any longer, not unless he wanted Robert to see him break. He reached for the door and paused. 

“I love ya.” Robert nearly shouted after him. “Aaron.” 

Aaron couldn't help but gasp silently as if his breath had been stolen from him. “You what?” He asked as he slowly turned to face Robert. 

“I love you.” He repeated. 

A smile is all Aaron could muster. He was speechless. Robert had just confessed his love him him, the same feeling he had for Robert, but was too afraid to say. “Don't say things you don't mean, Robert. Don't just say it to try and keep me from leaving.” 

Robert moved quickly towards Aaron, yet everything felt as if was happening in slow motion. Their heartbeats nearly audible as their skin met one another. He took Aaron's face within his hands and pulled him into a languid kiss, a kiss that meant nothing yet everything all at once. A kiss that was meant to be chase yet full of the emotion Robert had just voiced, the same emotion Aaron felt deep inside. As they finally parted they rested their foreheads to one another, and Robert ran the back of his hand along Aaron's cheek. “I mean it, Aaron. I love you.” 

Aaron tried to reply but Robert's lips silenced him with another kiss. Their lips melted into each other and everything else faded away. Neither could really remember what they had been arguing about, all that floated between them were the words that had fallen from Robert's lips. _“I love you.”_  

Robert took Aaron's hand in his, their fingers threading through each other's, and he led them back to his bedroom, the same bedroom that Aaron had woken up in nearly every day since they got together. He gently pushed Aaron against the bed and lifted his shirt over his head, slowly placing kisses along his chest all the while he unbuckled his belt. It wasn't long before their clothes all laid in a pile on the floor, and their naked bodies warmed each other, as they both softly smiled into a kiss. With a gentle push, Robert forced Aaron onto his bed, their eyes both roaming across each other's bodies,  something neither of them felt they could ever tire of, before he straddled him. Aaron's hands gripped onto his hips and his own arms wrapped around the back of Aaron's neck before he leaned in for a kiss. He pulled back and kept his soft gaze locked onto Aaron's blue eyes, a look so sincere came from them that nearly took Aaron's breath away. He still couldn't believe that someone like Robert would interested in him. 

“I…” Robert tried but shied away, his eyes turning away from Aaron. 

“What is it?” Aaron asked as he drew Robert's gaze back to him with a simple touch. His bent finger lifting Robert's face by his chin. 

“I...I want you to fuck me, Aaron.” He said, his soft voice even softer than usual, the tone was so different yet so Robert. It was a tone he'd never heard from him before. 

Aaron's breath hitched in his throat as he heard the request. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought of it, of fucking Robert, but from the beginning Robert had been dominant, a fact he loved every second of. The thought alone had him hard in seconds, his own erection now rubbing up against Robert's as they pressed between their stomachs. “Are...are you sure?” He asked with a smile.

“Yeah.” Robert nodded. Part of him feeling like needing to prove what he had told Aaron, that he loved him, and the best way he could think of was to give himself fully over to Aaron, but mostly he knew he wanted it. He wanted it with Aaron. “Just...be gentle with me.” He said shyly.

Aaron nodded and leaned forward for a kiss. “Here, lie on your side.” He said as he guided him down onto the bed. Robert followed Aaron's lead and lied on his side as Aaron stood and walked over to the nightstand retrieving a bottle of lube and a condom. 

“No...don't.” Robert said as he looked over his shoulder. He didn't want anything between them, he wanted to feel Aaron and only Aaron. They had already stopped using condoms regularly, but this felt different, for him at least. “I just want to feel you.” 

“Okay.” Aaron replied as he opened the bottle and squeezed a generous amount into his palm. He slowly stroked himself as Robert looked back at him over his shoulder, the cold sensation on his hard dick sending shivers down his spine, and Robert still looking back at him. Fuck, if the thought of fucking Robert wasn't making him weak in the knees already, the way he licked his lips as he watched nearly turned him to mush. 

“I want you, Aaron.” He said in that soft voice again. 

 _Fuck._ Is all Aaron could think. He slowly climbed back into bed and settled on his side behind Robert, he placed soft kisses on the freckles splashed across his shoulder, and sent him reeling when he pressed his cold finger to his hole. The gasp was loud enough, half surprise, half from the coldness, but just as quickly as it had fallen from Robert's lips, it settled. 

“Relax.” Aaron whispered into Robert's shoulder, his hot breath against Robert's skin made him exhale in anticipation of what was coming. 

“Ah.” Robert gasped as he felt the intrusion, Aaron's finger slowly pressing firmer into his hole, passing through the threshold of the tender and sensitive skin. He couldn't believe this was happening, never in his wildest dreams did he think he'd ever go this far, that he would ever give himself over to anyone. 

“That's it.” Aaron whispered. The soft kisses he peppered over Robert's shoulder inly making him melt further into comfort, further into relaxation. As he felt his finger fulle enter Robert, he waited, gave him the time to adjust, and moved his lips up Robert's shoulder and neck. “Open up for me.” He whispered into his ear and followed with a second finger. 

“Fuck.” Robert gasped. 

Again, Aaron waited, took his time and did everything he could to make Robert relax, to make him melt I to his touch. Finally, he pulled back nearly making Robert whimper at the emptiness he suddenly felt, and slid back in with three fingers. 

Robert turned as far back as he could and threw his arm around Aaron's neck, pulling him forward into a kiss, as he leaned his leg forward giving Aaron better access to him. 

“Aaron...I need you.” Robert nearly begged. Aaron's fingers weren't enough, he wanted Aaron. 

Aaron's nodded and slid himself a bit lower as he pulled his fingers free. Fuck, was he ready for this. He'd only dreamt of it a few times, but this was beyond that. “Here.” He said as he reached forward and lifted Robert's leg by the back of his knee. “Keep it there.” He told him before running his fingers along it. 

The fair alabaster skin, developing a trail of goosebumps at the touch, felt as if it were on fire. Aaron's touch was enough to spark something within him, it had from the moment they first touched. He still remembers the exact feeling. Like a spark reviving him. “Aaron, please.” He begged and threw his head back as he felt it. “Fuck.” The sting, it was shapr, and unlike any pain he had ever felt before. It was deep and reverberated through him. 

“Relax.” Aaron whispered into his ear. 

And just like that, Aaron's soft raspy voice made him melt. He adjusted to him and the pain was still there, but it felt different, it was a feeling he wasn't quite sure how to describe, even to himself. All he knew is that it felt good, no, it felt amazing, and he loved it. He gasped as he felt Aaron pull back, the cool sliding of his dick against his hole. Fuck it was amazing. “Fuck me, Aaron.” Robert begged. He was ready for it. 

Aaron wrapped his arms around Robert's chest and pulled him flush against his own chest, and thrusted his hips forward. 

“Ah fuck.” Robert whimpered. 

Aaron stopped and gently placed his lips to Robert's, a soft kiss that held the moment, then nearly whispered into his mouth, their eyes locked into each other's. “I'm not hurting you, am I?” 

“No.” Robert shook his head and licked his lips. 

That's all Aaron need to hear. Again he slowly pulled back and thrusted his hips. The movements were slow at first, every single thrust had a purpose as Aaron nearly yrated in place, as if trying to angle himself perfectly. 

“Oh god!” Robert gasped as Aaron found what he was looking for. His breathing had become labored and felt himself close to coming. It felt as if they had just begun and he was nearly finished. All it took was a hit to that spot. Aaron had found his prostate and every thrust was now hitting it. 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Robert groaned every time it was hit. He leaned back and took Aaron's lips with his own, his moans being muffled by their kissing, his arm tightened around Aaron's neck, and he began stroking himself. 

“Fuck, you feel so amazing.” Aaron's voice rolled like thunder. “You're so tight.” 

“Aaron. Oh fuck, Aaron. Aaron.” Robert whimpered. He wasn't going to last much longer. “Fuck me, Aaron. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Aaron. Harder.” He begged. 

“Fucking hell.” Is all Aaron could say, he couldn't believe how much hearing his name coming from Robert's lips was turning him on. He was done for. “I'm going to come.” He said as he tried to pull out. 

“No.” Robert was quick to stop him. “In me.” He said. 

Aaron nodded and it was over. “I'm gonna come, Robert.” He gasped. “Robert. Fuck. Fuck. Robert.” 

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Aaron.” Robert whimpered as his load shot onto the bed. Stream after velvety stream all unloading like never before. Coming was one thing, but coming while being fucked was unlike anything he had ever experienced before.

Aaron's movements came to a stop and he nearly shook for a moment, his own orgams unlike any he had before. He felt it throughout his body, even his face was tingling. He squeezed his arm around Robert's chest pulling him in as close as he could. “I love you too, Robert.” He told him. 

Robert smiled. A smile he could feel deep inside, one he felt in his bones. The only thing he could think of was that this must be what happiness feels like. 

Aaron placed a kiss to his shoulder and they both collapsed into sleep.

 

~~~~

 

Try as he might, Robert just could sleep. Aaron on the other hand was dead asleep. He just couldn't settle his mind, it was racing a hundred miles an hour. He told Aaron he loved him, gave himself fully to him, and now, now he was considering his options. He quietly got up and quickly dressed himself before sneaking out. He needed someone to talk to and Aaron just wasn't the right person for this. It was too much to put on him. 

It took him all of ten minutes at the pace he moved, but he found himself in front of Vanessa's door, just like he always did when he had a crisis. Though this time the knock wasn't answered as quickly as it usually was. 

“It's half three in the morning, Robert!” She hissed between a yawn. 

Robert didn't answer or at least not in a way she could make sense of. He simply barreled past her, words flying just as fast as he had been thinking earlier. 

“Slow down will ya?” She said as she closed the door. “What's going on?” 

Robert finally stopped and collapsed on her sofa resting his head on the back of it before rolling it and gazing out the windows. It wasn't often that he gave himself the time to really do that, to enjoy her view, then again it only annoyed him when he did. She had stolen the flat from him after all. It was a bit smaller than his but the view was amazing, the floor to ceiling windows made sure of that. He kept his eyes focused on the lights outside as his thoughts continued to jumble in his head. 

“Robert.” She said softly. 

“I don't know what to do, Ness.” His voice nearly broke. 

“Oh, so you do remember me?” She nearly scoffed. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

Vanessa let out a sigh. She hated feeling this way, hated feeling like things were different, like Robert no longer needed her. “Nothing.” 

“Doesn't sound like nothing.” 

“I'm just being over dramatic.” She tried to play it off. “Now what is it?” 

Robert paused for a moment, he wasn't sure what to make of the comment. Yeah she said it was nothing, but he knew her well enough. 

“Robert?” 

“I...uh…” He mind snapped back to the reason he was there. “I...I don't know what to do, Ness.” 

“About?” She asked as she took a seat beside him. She turned to face him and tucked her legs beneath her.

“I told him I love him, Ness.” 

“You what?” She gasped. “That's...that's a big step, Robert.” 

“I know.” 

“Did you mean it?” 

“Of course I meant it. What kind of question is that?”

“Soz...it's just…that's a big leap for you.” 

“I know.” 

“Does he not feel the same? 

“No.” 

“Oh...I'm sorry, Robert.” 

“No...not no, no. I meant no to him not feeling the same way.”

“What?” 

“Yes!” He raised his voice. “He feels the same way.” 

In true Vanessa fashion she squealed and threw her arms around him. “That's brilliant!” 

He hesitated but wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her gently. He held on for a moment feeling like he had nearly forgotten what it felt like. It was then that it hit him. He had been so wrapped up with Aaron and his family, mostly Aaron, that he had been distant from Vanessa. “I love him, Ness.” His voice broke. 

“And he loves you, you idiot, so what's the problem?” She asked confused. 

“I...can't keep doing this to him. Hiding him away.” He tells her. “I can see it in his eyes, how much it hurts every time I pull away from him in public, every time I downplay who he is. It kills him, Ness, and I can't keep doing this to him. He's gonna get tired of it...of me.” 

“Oh Robert.” Her soft voice let's out as she pulls back and takes Robert's hand into his own. “I wish I could tell you what to do, but only you can decide that.” She tells him as she watches the tears build in his eyes. 

“Maybe I should just do it...just come out and get it done with.” 

“Yeah, maybe you should, but you know what happens then.” She tells him. “You could lose everything you've worked so hard for.” Just saying those words she sees the heartbreak in his eyes. “Look, I'm not telling you what to do here. I'm just trying to make sure you're thinking straight here. If this is what you want to, just make sure it's worth it. If you think Aaron is worth it, then you know I'll always be behind ya.” 

Robert leaned forward and hugged her again. Looks like she still had the magic touch. He felt sick to his stomach knowing what he was prepared to do, but he knew it was the right choice. He stood up and took a deep breath. The day was going to be madness if he went through with it, but he knew Vanessa would support him. “Thanks.” He smiled at her. “Listen...you wanna come over tonight, maybe watch a film or something?”

Vanessa was quick to nod in response. “I'll bring the drink.” She told him. 

Robert smiled and made his way for the door. “See you later then.” 

“You bet, little brother.”

He opened the door and nearly made it out before she called back for him. 

“Robert.” 

“Yeah?” 

“So...is he worth it.” 

He gave her a soft smile and nodded. “Yeah...I think so.” He said and he was gone. 

Only seconds had passed and even with his words Vanessa couldn't help but panic. This was big, maybe too big. She wasn't sure Robert was thinking clearly or at least it's what she told herself. She couldn't just stand by and let him throw everything away so easily, not when Robert worked so hard for it. Vanessa stopped herself for a moment and took a deep breath. She couldn't believe what she was about to do, what she had to do. 

She quickly ran into her bedroom and picked up her phone. Her fingers quickly tapped away at screen and she held her breath as she hit the send button. 

 

 _V: Aaron, we need to talk._  

 

She held her breath and placed about her room as she waited for a response.

 

 _A: Ness? Is Robert with you?_  

 _V: Yes, he just left._  

 _A: Is he alright? I woke up and he was gone._  

_V: Yes, but we need to talk. Just you and I._

 

Vanessa was still pacing when her ringtone caught her off guard, nearly made her jump out of her skin. She quickly looked at the screen and saw Aaron calling. She placed the phone to her ear and answered the call. “Aaron.”

 

~~~~

 

Butterflies in his stomach. It's the only way Robert could describe what he was feeling. He had taken his time on the walk back to his place from Vanessa's, it gave him enough time to decide, to really decide on what he was doing. He had nearly lost his nerves at first, but all he had to do was think of Aaron, and he was resolute. He had sent John a message to let him know they needed to talk and that they needed his publicist to be ready. Things were about to change. 

He had a smile as he walked through the lobby on his building and all the way up on the lift. He still had it as he reached his door, but it quickly faded away as soon as he opened it. The red in Aaron's eyes were an alarm. Something had happened. “Aaron? What's wrong?” He asked as he quickly closed the door behind him. 

“I…” Aaron tried but lost his breath. 

“Aaron?” Robert placed his hands to Aaron's arms trying to calm him. 

“I can't do this, Robert.” 

“What do you mean? What can't you do?” Robert asked. Somehow he knew exactly what Aaron mean, but that couldn't be possible. Not after everything. 

“I just…” 

“Aaron, you're scaring me.” 

“This!” Aaron shouted as he gestured between them, barely able to look Robert in the eyes. “I can't do this. We're done.” 

He could feel his stomach drop, his air leaving him as if he'd just been sucker punched in the gut, and he couldn't believe it. “You can't mean that.” 

Aaron took a deep breath and bit on his bottom lip. “I mean it, Robert. We're done.” 

“How? I don't understand, did I do something wrong?” 

The question cut through Aaron. It was already killing him to do this, to break Robert's heart, but worst of all to make him feel like it was somehow his fault. It was too much. He clenched his jaw trying to hold himself together, trying not to cry, but it wasn't working, so an old habit took over. His fist clench and he dug his fingernails in as hard as he could. The pain quickly sending a numbness through him. He could already tell he dug deep enough, he knew he drew blood. Not enough, but maybe enough to hold him for now. “I thought, this was what I wanted...but it's not. I don't want this, Robert. I don't want you.” 

“So...you didn't mean it then?” Robert's voice cracked and his chin wobbled. 

“What?” 

“When you told me you loved me? That was a lie?” 

His fists clenched harder and he kept his composure. He had to. It had to be done. His eyes dropped, not completely, but enough so he didn't have to see the heartbreak in Robert's eyes. “No.” He said. The word had come out much softer, much quieter than even he intended, and it hurt more than anything had ever hurt before. 

“Get out!” Robert shouted. 

“I'm sorry, Robert.” Aaron said trying to swallow past the lump in his throat. 

“Get the fuck out!” 

The anger in his voice caught him off guard. Aaron had nothing else to say. Not that it mattered. He'd done it. He'd done the worst thing he had ever done. It didn't matter that he felt numb, that he felt broken, all that mattered was that he had just broken Robert's heart. Part of him wanted to stop, wanted to tell him this wasn't real, but he knew he couldn't. He knew it had to be done. He stuck his fists into the pockets of his hoodie and walked out. 

He'd only closed the door behind him when he heard Robert through the door, a loud scream followed by crashing noises. He nearly collapsed to the floor as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, his fingers tapping away at the screen leaving small traces of blood along it as he typed out a message and hit send.

 

~~~~

 

_DING!_

 

The sound of a message arriving flies across the room. Vanessa quickly reaches for her phone and and clicks on the screen to see it come through. 

 

_A: It's done. Take care of him. Please._

 

Shame is all she feels as she reads the message.

“What have you done, Ness?” She asks herself. “What have you done?”

 

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert's heartbroken. Vanessa is guilty about what she has done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This still needs to go through edits, so my apologies for any mistakes.
> 
> I know you guys will probably hate me for this chapter, but it was a piece of the story that needed to be told.
> 
> Warning for Abusive relationships...
> 
> Please leave comments and let me know what you think.

**CHAPTER 12**

* * *

 

_9 Years ago --_

 

Hotten park, it's the only place he knew of to go at the moment. It's always quiet there. Even when it's busy and crawling with people, somehow a person could always lose themselves, drown everything else away and just be. Something or nothing at all. At the moment, nothing is what he feels like, nothing is what he wants to be. Robert's swipes his forearm across his forehead, he can feel the hairs of his arm sticking to him as he wipes the sweat away. It's hot and he air is filled with a humid heat that makes him just want to drop dead. As if he didn't feel bad enough as it is. It had been a few weeks since everything went to shit, since he lost what he now wants more than anything. To make things worse, the one person that was supposed to love him didn't. Clearly the world had a way of taking things from him, taking the most important things. This was no different, and it hurt.

He had been sitting on a bench for a few hours, leaning forward with his elbows resting on this knees, his fingers threaded together, and all around just lost. Nothing quite like losing yourself in nothingness, letting it just eat away at your very core. It wasn't until he heard the loud growl of his stomach that he came back to and noticed her. The blond, the all too familiar one. He chuckled at the silliness of how he'd come to think of her as family, yeah it was crazy, and he knew it, but her unlikely company is something he'd never turn away, especially at a moment like this, even he didn't know her. He had seen her nearly on a daily basis, usually alone, and usually looking nearly as miserable as him. Vanessa was her name, he had heard it in passing, a friend that had met her there in the park once happened to say it loud enough for him to hear. She was fit, though clearly a bit older than him, not that he'd turn her away. Older girls always caught his eyes. Had things not turned out the way they had, had he not been homeless and on the streets, he'd let the smug bastard inside of him out, and make a pass at her. He'd always had a way with the girls, ever the charmer, but one good look at him and he knew she'd laugh in his face. Not to mention he probably didn't smell all that great. He couldn't even remember the last time he showered properly.

Still, he turned his head in her direction and smiled. She smiled back. A sad smile. One that didn't reach her eyes. The type one would give to someone else just to be polite. Again his stomach growled, this time louder than before, loud enough for her to notice. She chuckled for a second before looking him in the eyes. “Hungry are we?” She laughed. “Might want to get yourself something to eat, before it's loud enough for everyone to hear.” She teased gesturing to his stomach.

She meant no harm, but he couldn't help but feel offended. “Easy for you to say.” He nearly hissed as he stood up and stormed off. “Privileged cow.” He scoffed over his shoulder.

He avoided the park for a few days after that, opting instead to spend his time near the busiest pubs in town. Begging for scraps wasn’t easy, but raiding the bins out back for discarded food wasn’t. It didn’t matter how old it was, or how filthy it may have been, the growling ache in his stomach wasn’t picky. Besides anything was better than spending the night rolling around on the bench unable to sleep as his stomach begged him for something. Hist first week alone on the street made that very clear.

On his first day back to his usual spot in the park he counted himself luck. No Vanessa. He let out a breath as he walked to his bench and took a seat and only seconds later he found himself feeling lonely. He knew he had overreacted to Vanessa's comment, it was his default setting after all. Robert wouldn’t be Robert if he wasn’t so extra.

He lifted his right leg onto the bench and pulled it close to his chest, wrapped his arms around it, and placed his chin to his knee. It was his go to pose when he wanted to space out, which was often. It wasn’t like he had anything else going on. Memories of his sister would often flutter into his head, memories he would cherish for as long as he could, the only good thing in his life now. The loud grumbles of his stomach snapped him out of his trance, just in time to see the shadow on the ground in front of him.

“Hiya.” Vanessa smilled.

Robert couldn’t help but simply scowl at her.

“Don’t be such a twat.” She scolded him.

He nearly laughed. Something about the way she said it almost reminded him of someone he knew, someone he missed terribly. “Soz.” He said as if admitting defeat.

“Been a while.” She said as she smiled at him.

“Yeah...I uh…was busy.”

Vanessa kept her eyes on him as if studying him. She knew more about him than Robert knew. For weeks they had been regularly visiting the same spot, and she knew that although it was probably for very different reasons, they were there for the exact same thing. To lose themselves. To get away from something.

“You don’t have to lie, you know?” She told him. She didn’t know for a fact, but she wasn’t blind, she could see the signs.

“What?”

“You hungry?” She asked trying to quickly move past the subject, she could already tell he seemed slightly irritated.

Robert’s eyebrows furrowed and he quickly shook his head. “No.” He replied only seconds before his stomach betrayed him with an obnoxiously loud growl.

Vanessa couldn’t help but burst into laughter sending Robert to his feet in a huff.

“No. No. Wait.” She quickly let out. “I’m sorry. I...I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“We’re not all as well off as you are, you know!” He shouted at her, his voice breaking.

“Come on.” She said as she stood. “There’s this nice little pub down the street that makes the most amazing chips. My treat.”

“Uh...I…”

She reached out hooking her arm through his and instantly began pulling, leading him away from the bench. “Come on.” She said unwilling to accept no for an answer.

A bright summer day it was, open skies without a cloud in sight, and sunlight beating down on the folks brave enough to put up with it. It was everything Robert hated but couldn’t escape, at least not on a normal basis. Empty pockets meant he’d instantly get kicked out of any place that may have air conditioning. Today must be his lucky day.

“So...how long have you been...living the outdoor life?” She said choosing her words wisely. The last time she opened her gob, Robert disappeared for a few days, and she was trying to avoid that again.

“Wow...straight to it.” Robert scoffed already gently pulling away from her. Unfortunately for him, Vanessa had a tight grip on his.

“So?”

“What makes you so sure that’s what’s going on?” He let out as he shook his head all the while rolling his eyes.

Vanessa came to a full stop and looked him up and down, making sure he noticed the exact way she did it. “For starters...you look terrible.” She chucked. “And you smell awful.”

“Don’t hold back or anything.”

“I mean nothing by it...I’m just stating facts, mate.”

“Oh, so we’re mates now?”

Vanessa made a face and shrugged. “You gonna answer?”

Robert couldn’t bring himself to answer. It had been weeks since everything happened but it was still raw as if it had only happened yesterday. Pouring his heart out to a stranger wasn’t going to help. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and looked away.

“Fine.” Vanessa exhaled and continued walking. “Maybe that was too far too fast. How about we start with something easier?” She paused for a moment. “What’s your name?”

“Robert.” He smiled.

“Well, Robert. It’s nice to finally meet you.” She smiled as she pulled back and stuck her free hand out for him to shake. “My name is Vanessa, but you can call me Ness.”

He shook her hand and she quickly pulled him back into place as they continued to walk.

“How old are you?” Vanessa followed her line of questioning.

“Eighteen.” He answered as he raised a brow.

“Yeah...and I’m one of the Spice Girls.” She teased back with a smile on her face as she noticed the slightest smile on Robert’s. She was finally getting somewhere.

“Oh come on, you can’t tell me you don’t like them! I’m pretty sure its illegal.”

He simply shook his head in response. “I’m not even going to answer that.”

Vanessa smiled and rolled her eyes as she came to a stop. “Here we are.” She announced and opened the door for him. “Go on.”

He hesitated for a moment. He liked her. She seemed nice, and he wasn’t used to it, to people being nice to him or any of the other homeless lads he’d occasionally hang around with. Not unless there was something wanted from them. He’d been on the streets long enough to hear stories, stories that made him pause in the moment. He averted his eyes away from Vanessa, looking for a clear escape, it never hurt to be prepared. “I’m not gonna bite ya, Robert.” She said noticing his hesitation.

Part of him wanted to run, to avoid the awkwardness, but his stomach wasn’t having it. He felt it churn and cramp in protest. The smell of food wafting out through the open door was drawing him in. He gave her a nervous smile and followed her through.

It had been nearly an hour before their food arrived, and they had both sat in near silence, Vanessa trying to get in the occasional question, while Robert tried his best to avoid it. Anything too serious and Robert would freeze up. Once their food arrived, Vanessa watched on as Robert inhaled his, it didn’t take much to tell he did not eat this well very often. She could his eyes follow her every move as she ate her chips, his tongue slightly dipping out to lick his lips as he watched.

“Tell you what.” Vanessa said as she waved a chip in front of his face.

“Huh?”

“You can have another order of chips on one condition.”

Robert’s lips pursed as he thought it over. She’d already treated him to a meal and wanted nothing in return. Maybe he could trust her after all. He nodded his head hesitantly after a minute. That’s when he saw the bruise on her wrist, he’d been too focused on his food before, but now that her arm was waving in front of him he couldn’t help but notice. “That looks rough.” He said as he nodded at it.

She nearly jumped when she realized what he was talking about. “Oh...that...it’s nothing. Just my clumsy self.”

Her words said one thing, but the terror in her face said otherwise.

Quickly distracting him, Vanessa hailed the server over and ordered him another round of chips. “So...how long have you been on the streets.” She was blunt this time.

Robert froze in place, he knew it was coming, that it would come back up, but he had hoped it wouldn’t. He took a moment to consider if the chips would be worth it, and then remembered that he probably wouldn’t be eating like this again for a while. He let out a deep breath and gave in. “Just over a month now.”

“Jesus, Robert.” Vanessa let out, her worry more clear than intended. “Don’t you have any family?”

He quickly dropped his face as he heard the question. Yes he had family, yet he couldn’t help but wonder if he really did. His father made it quite clear what he thought of him, and his mother was long gone. He had no one left and nowhere to go.

“There’s a few places in town...organizations that help people like you.” She tries, only for him to furiously shake his head in response.

He knows about those places, was smart enough to find out about them not long after arriving in Hotten. Only he quickly left when they started asking too many questions, and the way Police often showed up looking for missing people was more than enough to make sure he didn’t look back. If, and that was a gigantic if, his father reported him missing, he would’ve been found out. Wiping the back of his hand across his mouth, he cleared his throat, and gave her a soft smile. “Look...thanks...thanks for the food. Really.” He said. “But I should...I should really get going.”

“Oh no, I don’t think so.” She quickly grabbed onto his wrist. “Besides, your chips will be out any second now.” She tried to calm him. It was obvious she had hit a sore spot. Whatever it was that was going on with him, had something to do with his family, and whatever it was, wasn’t any good. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, more than that, she couldn’t help but feel a kinship. Shitty family problems. It’s all she’s ever known. She took a deep breath and zoned out going over anything she could think of. She had to help. “Look, I have a sofa you can borrow for a bit.” The offer was real, she meant it, it scared the hell out of her for a few reasons, though Robert wasn’t one of them. There was something about him, she knew she could trust him. Her worries were with someone else.

“Why?” He asked. “Why are you helping me?”

“I...I don’t know really. I just can’t sit back and do nothing.”

He finally turns his eyes back to her, and does his best to fight the tears he can feel building at the edges. “Are...are you sure about this?”

She smiles at him and nods. “Yeah, but…” She starts. “My boyfriend’s away on a holiday with his mates. You can stay out ours until he’s back, then we’ll have to figure it out. Okay?”

“Yeah.” Robert nodded before talking a gulp of his drink.

“Good, then you get to have these chips after all.” She smiled.

 

~~~~

 

She saved his life. Vanessa saved his life. She swooped in, took him in, and all without even knowing him. She got him off the streets and managed to talk a local pub into giving him a job in their kitchen. All within a matter of days. Just when everything was at its worst, it all seemed to turn around for the better.

It wasn't long before he spent his days laboring in the kitchen, learning how to cook everything on the menu, and the nights slumming it on Vanessa’s sofa. On the nights she wasn’t at work or University, she would join him, and they would spend the night watching shit television, and eating Robert's new attempts at cooking. Unfortunately his luck couldn’t last forever.

“WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?” A bloke questioned Robert when he walked through the doors.

“I...uh...I'm...I'm Robert.” He stuttered, his eyes frantically looking around the room, willing Vanessa to appear.

“And what the fuck are you doing in my place?”

He felt like a deer caught in headlights, too scared to even move. Try as he might he couldn't even form words. The bloke was a mountain as far as he was concerned, a mountain of muscles that could probably break him.

“I…” He tried to answer before he was nearly lifted off the ground, fists bunched into his shirt on either side of his face.

“Carl!” Vanessa shouted at the bloke as she walked into the the room. Feeling guilty for what Robert was going through. “What are you doing?”

“Who's this little shit and why is he here?” His voice raised.

It became clear to Robert that this was Vanessa's boyfriend Carl. The bloke they didn't expect back for another couple of weeks. She had mentioned him a couple of times, and he knew his stay on her sofa wasn't permanent, but it looked like she hadn't discussed this living arrangement with him. His eyes quickly darted hers, a frantic look in them, as if asking her for help.

“Put him down, Carl.” She nearly shouted, her own eyes filled with a look of worry. She slowly walked towards him and placed a hand to his arm. “Please.”

Robert could feel his heart thumping harder than ever before. He'd been on the wrong end of a leathering before and for a moment he it all came back to him. The shouting. The kicking. As if reliving it all over again. He fought back the tears he could feel ready escape, the last thing he wanted was to appear like such wimp.

“You okay?” Vanessa asked him, her voice pulling him from his thoughts.

He slowly nodded trying to find his voice again. “Yeah.”

She cautiously turned back to Carl and nearly stepped in front of Robert, almost as if protecting him. “What are you doing here?” She asked. “You weren't do back for another 3 weeks.” He voice was meek. There wasn't something wrong with it, and Robert could tell. This wasn't the same Vanessa he knew.

“I'm sorry to have messed up your plans!” Carl sneered at her. “To ruin whatever it is you're trying to pull behind my back.”

“It's not what you think, Carl.”

“Then what is it?” He said stepping up. There was something about the way he slithered towards her that bothered Robert. Something about him altogether that just felt off.

She nearly flinched but stood her ground before turning to Robert. “I think it's best if you go.” She told him, her heart breaking knowing he had nowhere to go.

He nodded and slowly picked up his bag before making his way to the door, only looking back one last time before he exited. He hated to leave having nowhere to go, but what he hated most, was leaving Vanessa the way he had to. Carl was bad news he could tell and as much as he wanted to say as much, he knew he was in no place to do so.

The door had only closed behind him before he heard the shouting start, it was muffled at first but it kept escalating. Part of him wanted to stick around and make sure Vanessa would be alright, but there was always a chance Carl could burst out at any second, and him still being around would only make things worse. His head hung low and like a dog with it's tails tucked between his legs, he left. There was nothing more he could do.

With his bag underneath his head and his eyes to the sky, he spent a sleepless night on his bench. The same one he met Vanessa in. Unable to stop thinking about what had happened, he hoped she was alright, and that his presence at her place had boiled over.

 

~~~~

 

Three days, three entire days had passed before he saw Vanessa again. Robert wasn't sure what had happened, wasn't sure if he had messed up things for Vanessa or if he'd ever see her again, but it had been another hot day when her shadow appeared before him. “You hungry?” The familiar voice asked as a sandwich waved in front of his face. He couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as he looked up to see her. Robert nearly grilled her for her get up. It felt like an oven outside, and there she was in sweats and a hoodie. Her eyes were hidden behind sunglasses which made her look like a lunatic, but as she she waved the sandwich in his face again, all he could truly see was the smile adorning her face. “It's hummus and coriander.” She knew he hated anything he considered posh. Still, she loved to mess with him.

“Urgh.” The noise came from his mouth as he made a face.

“Oh come on, Robert.” She said seriously. “Spice up your life.”

Robert nearly fell off the bench laughing. He held onto his sides, unable to control the laughter, as tears literally rolled down his cheeks.

“You love them, don't lie.”

“Stop.” He laughed. “Stop.”

“See, I knew you were a fan!” She giggled only for Robert to stare at her blankly.

“What?” He asked scratching the back of his head.

“Nevermind.” Vanessa said giving up.

With her finger tips, Vanessa pushed her oversized sunglasses up her nose bridge, and took a seat next to Robert. All joking aside she was worried about Robert.

“Please tell me you haven't been sleeping out here again.”

“Not like I haven't done it before.” Robert replied as he took the sandwich from her hand. He wasn't starving, not like he used to be. He had a job now. Nowhere near long enough to really have any money, but he had the perk of getting meals free of charge.

“Robert.”

“It's okay, Ness. Really. I knew it wasn't permanent and at least you got me a job...granted they'll probably kick me to the curb if they find out how old I really am.” He chuckled. “But, as soon as I have enough, I can get a room in some shitty hotel. I guess, what I'm trying to say is thanks…for everything.”

An unlikely friendship they had formed. Not something either of them could have expected, but Vanessa couldn't help herself. From the moment she saw first saw Robert begging for food, she knew she had to help. It brought back memories of her own shitty childhood, being tossed from one foster home to another. Yeah, her situation had been different to his, but in the end she remembers feeling like she was all on her own, with no one there to help. She couldn't leave him like that. Not if she could help him.

“Look...I'll talk him round.” She told him. “We just need to let things cool down for a bit.”

Robert smiled and reached out to pat her arm. A friendly gesture, he hoped would let her know he understood, and that she owed him nothing. He'd only gently pressed his palm to her arm when she flinched, hissing in pain.

“What's wrong?” He asked.

“It's...it's nothing.” She quickly replied and tried to look away.

Robert's stomach turned as he saw it, the color hidden away by Vanessa's sunglasses. The light hints of blues and purples. They were soft but they were still visible, the soft shades of a bruise on the mend. He remembers the colors too well. The same shades he saw on his own body after what happened to him, after his father attacked him. “Look at me.” He spoke in anger. Anger towards Carl for what he had clearly done to Vanessa, but mostly anger reserved for himself. He knew something was off that night. He could feel it in his bones. It had kept him up all night with worry. He had let this happen.

“I...I have to go.” Vanessa's voice was shaky. Robert had figured it out, she tried to hide it, tried to hold out as long as she could in order to heal before she went looking for him, but she couldn't wait any longer. She had to know he was fine, and now he knows exactly what she didn't want him to know. He was just a kid with problems of his own, he shouldn't have to deal with this.

“Ness, please.” He gently grabbed a hold of her wrist. “You can't let him get away with this.” His voice was soft, calming, the last thing he wanted was to upset her.

“It's not that big a deal, Robert.”

“That shiner on your face says otherwise.”

“Keep it down, will ya.” Vanessa shushed him. “He...he didn't meant to. He was just tired from the travel and...I really shouldn't have sprung all of this on him like that.”

“You mad? Don't defend him.” Robert nearly shouted. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

“He's not a bad guy, Robert. It's just...sometimes he gets a bit upset.”

“No, Ness. Don't make any excuses for that shite.”

“Robert.”

“No...what he's done to you...that's not right.” He could feel himself getting angrier as memories flooded back to him.

“You don't get it, Robert. You're just a kid.” She nearly sneered. It came out angrier than she had intended. How could he understand what she was going through? How could he understand what she had with Carl?

“No...I don't.” He said softly, his head hanging low as he averted his eyes away from her. “But...what he's doing to you, Ness. It doesn't just hurt physically. It hurts you even worse. It hurts you here.” He said placing his hand to his heart. “That I get.”

Vanessa slowly sat back down, his words had struck a chord, maybe he did get it. “Robert, it's…”

“I hate myself, Ness.” His voice broke. “My dad leathered me, and I don't mean just leathered, he hurt me...really hurt me, and I hate myself for it.” He lifted his arm and wiped away the tears he fell rolling done his cheeks.

Vanessa grabbed a hold of his hand between hers and moved in closer. “What happened?”

“He caught me with another lad, didn't he.”  He admitted. It was quick. He said it before he lost the nerve to say it aloud, and like magic he felt a weight come off of him. The secret he had been holding on to for so long. “He walked into my room and caught us. He sacked him and...he was angry, shouting all sorts, and next thing I know I'm on the ground just trying to cover myself. Even after all of that I can't even hate him. All I can do is hate myself, and I'm tired of it.”

“You did nothing wrong, Robert. Your dad, what he did, none of that was your fault. You have to believe that.”

He slowly nodded and reached up pulling her sunglasses off. “This wasn't your fault either.” He told her. “Don't make the same mistake I've been making all this time. Don't let him make you feel like it's your fault.”

“Fucking hell.” She sobbed. “We’re really fucked up, aren't we?” A small chuckle is all she managed to get out before she saw the look on Robert's face, the red splashed across his fair skin, the anger in his eyes.

“What the fuck is this?” She heard Carl's voice only seconds before Robert flew past her.

Everything had happened so fast, she had barely turned in their direction, and chaos had ensued. Carl was on the ground and Robert was in top of him taking swings, a small victory that only lasted seconds before Carl flung him off. Carl who nearly twice the size of Robert threw him off like a rag doll, and as they both stood with one swing, had him back on the ground covered in blood.

“LEAVE HIM ALONE!” Vanessa found her voice. Robert had only been looking out for her, like no one ever had before, and she couldn't bare to see him hurt. She ran straight to Carl and slapped at his arm trying to get him away from Robert.

“Oi.” A large man shouted as ran in to intervene. He quickly stepped in between Carl and Vanessa. “Ye best back off, mate.”

“Or what?” Carl didn't back down.

“Ye want to try me? Go for it. I dare ye.” The man goaded him, and just as easily as Carl had knocked down Robert, The man had done the same to Carl.

Carl stood and slowly backed off. It was clear he stood no chance against this man.

“I swear...if any of your shit is still in my place when I get back.” Vanessa threaded him.

“Ye heard the lass.” The man followed.

Without a word, Carl turned and made his retreat. Vanessa quickly turned and kneeled next to Robert. “What were you thinking?” She scolded him.

“I wasn't.”

“That's pretty clear.” The stranger scoffed. “Yer lucky I caught most of the show. The bloke was twice your size kid. Ye don't jump into a fight like that unless you know what yer doing.”

Both Vanessa and Robert looked back at him slightly confused.

“Oh, I'm sorry. My name's John.” He told them. “If ye want, I can teach ye a few moves in case that shite ever bother me again.” John smiled.

 

~~~~

 

_Now --_

 

“I thought I'd find you here.” Vanessa said, her voice soft.

It was a cold and cloudy night unlike the day they first really met. The only thing that was the same was Robert's intent on losing himself. He was hurting just like he was back then, and she knew exactly why. The sick twisting feeling in her stomach was proof. His hurt was all her fault after all, or at least that's how she felt. She was just looking out for him, she knew just how hard Robert had worked to get where he is, hell, she had been there the whole time. She couldn't be prouder. Biology meant nothing to them, he was her brother and she was his sister. She couldn't stand by and just watch him throw it all away on a whim. What if he was wrong? What if Aaron wasn't good enough for him? What if he regretted everything?

Still, she would be lying if she said part of what she did wasn't because she was afraid of losing him. What if Aaron replaced her? She had no one else. No one had ever been there for her like her brother, and the thought of losing him terrified her.

“Just needed some fresh air.” He lied.

“At half three in the morning?” She asked. “Listen...I know what happened. When I couldn't find you, I called Aaron to see if you were at his.”

“So he told you?”

Vanessa nodded as Robert finally looked at her, his eyes glassy with unshed tears.

“I...I don't know what I did wrong.” He cried. “How I got it so wrong.”

“Maybe you didn't.” Vanessa replied. “Maybe he just isn't ready for all of this. I know it hurts and you probably don't want to hear it right now, but you were ready to give up everything for him. That's a huge move, Robert. Maybe you should take this time to think it through, to really think it through. Is he worth it? If he can break your heart so easily, is it what you want?”

He couldn't find the words to her questions. All he could think of was the pain he was in. The hole he now felt growing inside of him.

“If you want my advice, I think you should take this time so you both can really think about it. Maybe he'll change his mind and come crawling back.” Fuck, she felt like cow for pretending like this wasn't her fault.

“I know you mean well, Ness, but I just need to be alone.”

“Yeah, okay.” Vanessa nodded. “I'll leave you to it.” She said as she turned. “I love you little brother.”

Her heart was breaking for him. After everything he had been through he had finally found someone he was willing to risk everything for, and she had ruined it.

 _“You have to fix this.”_ She told herself. _“You have to fix this now.”_

 

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After breaking Robert's heart along with his own, Aaron goes back home to get away from it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This still needs to go through edits, so my apologies for any glaring mistakes. I'll update soon.
> 
> As always please feel free to comment, let me know what you like/don't like.

**CHAPTER 13**

 

* * *

 

_“I can't pretend to know what you feel for Robert, what it is that's going on between you two, but for Robert...it's real, Aaron. I can see it in his eyes, in the way he looks at you. He's willing to risk everything.”_

_“I know what he's doing, Ness. I'm okay with keeping it secret. He knows that.”_

_“That's not what I meant.”_

_“Then what?”_

_“He's decided to come out...for you, he's going to do it.”_

_“I...I don't know what to say.”_

_“When he does, he could lose everything. Everything he's worked so hard for, all gone because not everyone is ready to accept him for who he is.”_

_“There's nothing wrong with who he is.”_

_“You know that. I know that, but do you think someone like Ross does? This industry is full of them, nothing but shites like him. They're all bigoted twats who can and will refuse to fight him simply because of it. He has spent years trying to find acceptance, to accept himself, after what his dad did to him. That would kill him, Aaron.”_

_“That's not what I want for him.”_

_“I know you don't. Look, I'm not saying what you two have is bad for him. I'm just...I don't know...maybe you should step back for a bit. Let him think this through, really think it through. He shouldn't have to hide who he is, but this will affect the rest of his life, it's too important, and he shouldn't be doing this for you or anyone else other than himself.”_

 

The conversation keeps playing in his head. It's all he's thought about since he broke Robert's heart. It's all he allowed himself to think off. Anything else would be too much. His own heartbreak would kill him. He replays the conversation in his head again as if easily controlling it by remote. Again. Again. Again.

His hands feel numb but that's no surprise as they've been gripping the steering wheel of his car. He's not even sure how long he's been like this. Too busy concentrating on the conversation, too busy trying to keep himself occupied, so he doesn't do anything stupid. He barely even remembers the drive. Adam had begged him to stay. He tried to get him to see sense, to get him to talk things through with Robert, but Aaron couldn't handle it. Space is what he needed or at least it's what he told himself. That same night he packed a couple of bags and hopped in his car. Maybe spending some time back home would help.

The light tapping on his window finally pulls him from his thoughts, from the conversation, and he blankly looks back into the all too familiar face. It's one he hasn't seen in a while, one he had hoped to see soon enough, the same one he wanted to finally introduce Robert to.

“Aaron?” Chas’ voice nearly shrieks. It's loud enough that it's not even muffled by the glass. “Everything alright, luv? Marlon said he saw you pull in about an hour ago, you're not trying to avoid me are you?” She asked. “Cos if you are, we are going to have some serious issues, you and I.”

As shitty as he felt, he couldn't help the soft smile that spread across his face. At least he still had his mum. He shook his head and gestured for her to step away so he could open his door, he jumped out and quickly wrapped his arms around her.

“What's wrong?” The concern in her voice was obvious. She knew him well enough. Aaron and hugs wasn't something that happened often. Aaron and any sort of emotion really. He was the grumpiest little shit she'd ever known, more often than not, even grumpier than her brother Cain.

“What? I can't hug me mum after I haven't seen her for a while?”

She simply looked at him, with that look that says it all, the look she gives you when she knows you're full of shit. “Aaron.” She said sternly.

“I don't want to talk about it.” He huffed out. “I just...I needed to get away for a bit, but I can go somewhere else if you're going to be mithering.”

“Cheeky git.” She said pinching his cheek. “I'll give you a day, two at most. Then we're talking about whatever this is. I'm sorry, luv, that's the best I can do.”

Aaron rolled his eyes but knew all too well just how right she was. He figured he'd take it. Besides, that gives him enough to time to figure out some other reason to give her. He was hurting enough, he didn't need her knowing and dragging it back up.  

His chest expanded as he breathed in deeply. The air was still as fresh as he remembers, and the greens were still as bright, even with the cold rolling in. Emmerdale was still the same village he left long ago, still small, still crawling with the same faces that were there before he left. It wasn't a strange thing really, small villages like these always saw the birth and death of its people. Few of them ever really wondered of anything outside and fewer still, ever managed to make it out. Had it not been for his desperate need of his own place, and a chance encounter with Adam, he knew he'd be just another one of the lifers there. He turned back to his car and reached in to grab his bags just as Chas started going on about how long it has been since she last saw him. A mother's gift it was, making her child feel guilty for just about anything, and not seeing her as often as she'd like, being right at the top of that list.

“You mind if I go lie down for a bit? I'm pretty shattered.” He told her. It was true. Sleep had evaded. His mind constantly going over what he said to Robert, going over the look on his face as he said those things, it was all he could see when he tried to close his eyes. Now he was running on fumes.

“Of course.” She grinned, simply happy to have him back home. Something was bothering, it was clear as day, and she was determined to find out what it was. “You go on, I'll wake you in time for tea.” And just as quickly as she had appeared, she left. The pub she co-owned wasn't going to run itself, and mithering him now would only push him away. She knew better by now, spent years getting things wrong, including his earlier year when she left him with his father. Ever since he came back to her, however she made it her priority to get things right. If Aaron needed space, she'd give it to him. At least for now.

Taking a deep breath, Aaron looked around, a few familiar faces walked about, each one waving to him, and some shouted their greetings  from the distance. A couple made comments about how long it had been since they last saw him, and his nan nearly chased him down as he pretended not to see her. He snuck around the back of the building and entered the pub through the residence. He paused for a moment taking it all in. The same furniture, the same photos on the walls, and the same smell he remembers. Every one of those things only securing a small beat of comfort that rolled over him. Maybe he had been right to come back, maybe some distance would help.

His fingers ran along the wall as he climbed the stairs to the second floor, and he stopped ever so often to look at a framed photo as several of him with Chas adorned the stairwell. Most of them from the time after he came back to live with her, not many of him from the time before. He wished none of them were from then. From the period of time he wished he could forget. He shook his head sweeping those thoughts aside and made his way to his room. Well preserved, every inch of it was still just as he had left it long ago. Dark color on the walls that were covered with posters of indie bands, PlayStation games strewn around, and stacks of popular mechanics magazines, definitely just as he remembers. A soft smile spreads across his face as he pictures the chavy little bastard, he once was. The memory serving to remind him how lucky he was to have had Chas, the fact that she didn’t kick him right back out. It was a miracle. Then he remembers just why he had gone back to his mum, right back to the village, his father, and just like that he shakes it off.

No longer able to keep his thoughts straight, he simply collapsed onto his bed, his face flat on his pillow, he closed his eyes and for a brief moment, like a flash of lightning he saw him, he saw Robert. He saw the look on his face, the soft smile, the gleam in his eyes, the beautiful freckles that decorated his even more beautiful face. Then he heard his soft voice. He heard it tell him he loves him. The same words he had been hanging on to for a while, the same feelings he knew he felt for him in return. Feelings he never thought he’d actually have himself for another person. Not after the life he’s had. For the briefest of moments he gives in, and lives in that flash, he cherishes it, and soon enough he feels everything fade as he gives himself to sleep.

~~~~

His two days had flown by, miserably so, but they flew by no less. Fortunately for him, between his mum's pub and his uncle's garage, he kept himself busy. Pouring drinks behind the bar and pulling a shift under a bonnet, was enough to keep him busy, and better yet, enough to keep Chas from asking questions. Questions Aaron knew she was dying to ask. Questions he knew he wasn’t ready to face, much less answer.

As mundane as it felt, it was all welcomed, the remedial task of pouring pints for the locals was a nice change of pace. Though, he could have done without everyone going back to talking about how long it had been since they last saw him. Even less so, he could have done without every single member of the Dingle clan stopping by and making a fuss. He knew he had been gone for a while, but he had not been gone that long. Had he? His cousin Belle, and nan Faith, stuck around the longest. Both solely interested in his love life. Both nearly causing him to lose it. His love life was the last thing he wanted to discuss. It was time for a change.

The garage was just like old times, he easily fell back in as if he had never left. His old overalls still fit him perfectly. His uncle Cain had held onto them, teased about how he knew Aaron would be back sooner or later. Once a grease monkey, always a grease monkey.

“So,” Cain started before clearing his throat. “You ready to come back to a real garage?” He blunt if he was anything. Cain Dingle always cutting to the chase.

“Don’t.” Aaron responded as he gestured for Cain to hand him the wrench he was holding. He knew Cain meant what he said; any other garage that wasn’t his, wasn’t a really garage at all, granted he knew damn well there was a hidden purpose to the question.

“Don’t what?” Cain huffed as he handed the wrench over to Aaron, not letting go as Aaron tried to take it.

“Don’t be her little messenger boy.” Aaron scoffed.

“She means well.” Cain smiled, clearly there was no point in pretending any longer.

“I’ll remember that for next time you’re going on about nan.” He chuckles.

“Careful sunshine.”

“Or.”

“Or you’ll spend the rest of your afternoon in the boot.” He gestures towards the rear end of the car they’re working on, and bunches the material of Aaron’s overalls around his neck.

“I’m joking. I’m joking.” Aaron quickly laughs out. Just like old times.

It’s then that he hears it. The loud revving of a powerful engine. It’s soft at first but it’s getting closer by the second. Louder and louder until it’s just outside the garage. It’s loud enough that he needs to see what’s causing all the noise. Aaron stops what he’s doing and manages to tear himself away from the task at hand, the engine he’s currently working on his a child’s toy in comparison. The sound almost reminds him of a specific car, a car that belongs to a specific person. He looks over the bonet just in time to see Cain open the large doors, and spots it, the white and black Audi R8.

A soft gasp escapes his mouth and the loud clanking noise of his wrench hitting the floor echoes throughout the garage. “Robert,” the name softly flies past his lips. It’s like a whisper yet a shout all at once. His heart aches at it, aches for him, and all he wants to do is run to him. All he wants is to wrap his arms around him and tell him what an idiot he was for what he had done. All he wants to do is go back to the way things were. All he wants to do is to just say it, to tell him how he feels, to tell Robert that he loves him. As if floating mid air, Aaron moves away from the car he’s working on and finds himself halfway to the doors, before his stomach drops when a short brunette steps out of the Audi. It’s not his car after all, it's not Robert.

“Oi,” Cain shouts trying to grab his attention. “You listening?” Still nothing. “Aaron!” Finally, the shout snaps him out of it, out of his daze. Not that it matters as he finds himself drowning in regret, with his stomach turning, and unable to form proper words.

“I uh...I…” Is all he gets out before his tea all comes rolling up. It’s all getting to be too much.

“Oi! Watch it with the car!” Cain shouts from outside. “Just go on home. I don’t want to catch whatever it is you got going on.”

“I’m...I’m fine,” Aaron tries to convince Cain, and if he’s honest, himself.

Cain holds his hand up to the brunette standing besides the Audi, asking him for a minute before he makes his way to Aaron. “Look, mate. I know you well enough to know you’re not okay,  and I know your mum well enough to know that she’ll wring me by my neck if I have you out here working when your this poorly.” He tells him sternly. “Now go, I won’t tell you again.”

Aaron lets out a loud huff and pushes past Cain who’s already shouting for Dan to clean up the mess Aaron left behind.

He’s still huffing by the time he gets back to the pub, still huffing when he collapses on the sofa in the back with a cup of water in hand. With a big gulp, he drinks it all down, hoping to push all his emotions down with it. Hoping he could forget what he’s feeling. As his eye roll across the room, following the loud ticking coming from a clock, he spots the whiskey. Good choice if there ever was one. Quickly retrieving it, he returns to his seat and picks up the remote to the television. Maybe some mindless and shitty tv will do the trick. After a minute of flipping through channels he gives up, it’s not that he wanted to watch anything really, he just doesn’t want his head doing it’s own thinking. He doesn’t want it inevitably going back to Robert. He hasn't been looking for something to watch for long when the creaking sound of the door grabs his attention, he lifts his head and peeks over his shoulder, “look, I don't want to talk about it.” His voice is Stern and a bit rude to be honest. Without having to really look or wait for her to say anything, he knows it's his mum.

“Aaron, luv.” She says softly as she steps behind him and places a hand to his shoulder. “You can talk to me about anything. You know that, right?”

Her question cuts him, and it cuts deep. He knows it's true. She's been there for him, always on his side, always defending him, and it kills him to know that even she would tell him off for what he's done. “Yeah...I know.” He replies, his voice nearly breaking. He does his best to hold it all in and pretends to be interested in the sports news he's managed to find on tv, if he pretends to focus enough she might just leave him be, or maybe not.

“Did he do something stupid?” She asked, well aware that this was about a bloke. It had to be. She had seen the change in him recently. Calling more often, always in a good mood, sounding rather happy, it was clearly a bloke.

“Mum.” Aaron warned her. He didn’t want to talk about it.

“What’s his name? Whatever he did, I’m sure Cain will be more than happy to set him straight.” She joked...mostly.

Aaron can’t help but chuckle, a soft smile finally cracking.

“There’s my boy.” Chas smiles. “I...I just want you to be happy.” She tells him and leans down as she wraps her arms around neck from behind.

The hug, her scent, even her voice all make him feel comfort. It reminds him of how amazing she’s been since she came back into his life, or the other way around. He loved his mum and needed someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, and if anyone would make him feel better, it was her. He lets out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding onto and places his hands to her forearms, almost as if trying to pull her in even closer.

“I love him.” The words finally spill past his lips so low that he barely heard them himself. Maybe if he doesn’t say them aloud, then he doesn’t have to believe them, maybe he can forget about them, forget about him. Maybe.

“Have you told him?” She asks without pushing too hard, letting him answer at his own pace, and how he wants to, it’s the only way she’s going to get anywhere with him.

The question hits him hard, it’s like a blow to the gut. Yeah, he had told Robert he loved him, but it hadn’t been a proper proclamation, like Robert’s. Not just that, but  Robert had been brave, he had been open, and honest. Robert told him he loved him. Him. Aaron Dingle. Broken, messed, up Aaron Dingle. He had told him and proved it. He gave himself over to Aaron, and in return Aaron took his words back. He took his words back and broke his heart.

Aaron slowly nodded in response.

“Does he not feel the same?” And there it was.

“He told me he loved me first.” His voice cracks as he remembers Robert’s frantic voice saying the words. It was clear Robert was scared when he said them, trying to keep Aaron from leaving, but he meant them. It was clear that he meant them.

“So what’s the problem, luv?”

“I messed up.” He tells her. “I ended it with him.”

“Why would you go and do something like that?”

“It’s complicated.”

“He loves you, Aaron...and you love him. How complicated could it be?”

“It just...it just is.”

“How?”

“There’s too much at stake for him, so much he can lose.” He huffs out.

“Oh luv, please don’t tell me he’s married.” Chas says feeling the tightness in her chest. She knows he’s better than that, and she knows that can only end in heartbreak.

“No.” Aaron nearly hisses in offense. The thought that he’d ever get involved with a married bloke is not even in his stratosphere.

Chas lets go of a breath she had been holding onto from the moment she asked if he had been seeing a married man, and gently inhales with relief as he answers. She wasn’t sure what she would have said if she had been right. He’s her son but even she would have told him off. “So, he loves you. You love him. He’s not a married man...so, what’s the problem? What’s so important that he could possibly lose?”

“I said it was complicated, didn’t I?” He says before rubbing his hands down his face, fully exasperated. This is exactly what he didn’t want. “Look, can we just drop it. Please.”

It’s not easy for her to just drop it. Not when she sees how much it’s bothering him, but he opened up and that was a miracle enough as it was. She just looks at him and gives him a sad smile as she nods. “If that’s what you want.” She tells him. “Just remember, I’m here for you if you want to talk.”

“Thanks.” His voice is low on purpose. He can feel his emotions boiling over and he’s trying his best not to let them out. He can’t do that. Not here. Not around anyone. He’ll cry himself to sleep.

She leans in and kisses the top of his head before ruffling his fluffy head of hair, slightly making him smile, before she goes around him and straight into the kitchen. “I’ll get tea ready.” Is all she says, not waiting for him to reply, it wasn’t a question, more a demand. They were having tea together, and there was not objecting.

With Chas busy in the kitchen Aaron finally turns his attention back to the tv, not that he had originally been paying attention, but he needs to focus on anything else other than…”Robert.” The name quietly slips past his lips when he sees him. He’s on the tv.

It’s a recap of a fight. A fight that he’d just had. Aaron shakes his head in confusion until it hits him. Robert had told him about this fight. It wasn’t anything he had been worried about. It was one that would be over before it even started. It was also one that he had just lost. Aaron can feel his stomach turn as a replay is shown, a replay of the moment he was knocked out. His movements were erratic, sloppy, and all over the place. This wasn’t him. This wasn’t the Robert that Aaron knew. Every hit he took, Aaron could nearly feel as if he had suffered them himself. His fists clenched as the footage was replayed over and over while the commentators discussed his mistakes. Even they could see that this wasn’t the same fighter that decimated his last opponent only weeks ago.

_“Mistake after mistake.” The commentator said as Aaron lifted the remote and turned up the volume. “This isn't the same guy that wiped the floor with Jason Cook only weeks ago. I don't know what was going on in his mind, but Miller was definitely not in form.”_

 

As the group discussing the fight end their review of the fight, the screen is overtaken by flashes. Photographers and reporters from all outlets shouting his name, everyone shouting to Robert as he slowly makes his way to the locker rooms. They're all asking questions about the fight, about what went wrong, all while John keeps trying to move everyone away from him.

“YOU LOOKED DISTRACTED,” a reporter shouted.

It was clear that it got to Robert. As soon as the words were shouted his shoulders visibly dropped. His body language changed and he stopped dead in his tracks, a clear shot for an eruption of questions to be thrown his way. John tried to push him forward, tried to get him away from the frenzy, but Robert pushed back and turned to face the flashes. His eyes squinted for a while and he wiped away at the trail of blood that ran along the corner of his right eye. The sight alone makes Aaron's own eyes water. He should be there, cheering for Robert, making sure he's alright.

Robert stands there for a moment, he looks around, his eyes searching for something...for someone. Eventually his head drops and he looks directly into the cameras. “I don't understand.” His voice is shaky. “Was any of it real?” He asks.

Aaron knows what he meant, knows the question was meant for him, and his heart shatters all over again. Robert is broken, and he did it, he's responsible for it.

“I gave you everything.” Again, Aaron knows exactly what he meant. “How could you do this?” Robert asks before he turns and follows John's lead.

The crowd of reporters all explode into a frenzy of questions, all trying to get him back, all trying to get answers to what just happened.

“Can you give me a hand?” Chas asks, she’s too caught up in what she’s doing to look over, and calls for him a second time when she hears no response. “Aaron?” When she still hears no response from him, she looks around the corner and sees him frozen in place. He has tears in his eyes and he’s focused on the television. She walks around the corner and just past the dining table so she can get a view of the television, so she can get a look at whatever it is that has left Aaron in this state. All she sees is chaos. Lights flashing. Reporters shouting. Everyone trying to get to a man. A blond man. A fighter of some sort. Like the one that saved Aaron’s life...and then it all starts to fall into place. “Is that him?” She finally asks. The question is so simple, yet so heavy all at once. She’s not just asking if this was the man that saved his life, the same one that also taught him how to defend himself, but she’s also asking if this is the same man that he’s in love with. “Aaron?” She asks a bit louder.

Her voice is clear. She knows it. She knows what's going on. She’s figured it out. Aaron leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees, his chin on his fists, and he slightly turns to make eye contact. He doesn’t say anything, but he softly nods before his eyes squeeze shut. There’s no point in hiding it any longer.

“He’s fit.” She says and Aaron can’t believe what he just heard. Hi mum telling him his boyfriend...ex boyfriend is fit. Still, even with as shitty as he feels a small chuckle leaves his mouth.

“Please don’t say that...ever again.” He tells her.

She gives him a soft smile and takes a seat next to him. “So, now that it’s all out of the bag...you want to tell me why ended it with him?”

He leans back and rests his head on the back of the sofa as he thinks it over. He had two choices, he could either be miserable by himself, or with his mum by his side. “Well, look at him.” He says leaning forward and gesturing back to the tv. “Look at what he does. If anyone finds out about him...about us...it could ruin his career.”

“But that’s his choice to make, luv. If he loves you, if he really loves you, then he should be able to make that choice.”

“He had...well, he would have, had I not ended it with him.”

“Why do I have a feeling I’m missing a part of the story here?”

“He chose me.” He tells her as he thinks back on what Vanessa had told him. “He was going to come out...for me.”

“That’s brilliant.”

“It’s...it’s not that simple though, is it.” Aaron objects. “This...this is a big decision, a huge one. What if...what if he’d done it and everything fell apart? What if he loses everything he’s ever worked for? I...I can’t be responsible for all that.”

Chas leans in closer and places her hand to his cheek, her thumb softly wiping away tears as they fall. “Does he make you happy?” She asks.

“Yeah.”

“And you love him and he loves you, so why don’t you stop acting like a brat and let him make that decision.” He’ll never be too old for her to scold. “Any love worth anything is always hard, love isn’t easy, Aaron. Now, I know you don’t want my advice, but I’m gonna give it you anyway.” She lightly slaps his cheek. “If your fella was willing to risk everything for you, then you need to respect his decision, don’t make light of what he feels for you. You fight for him. Fight for him the way he was ready to fight for you.”

Aaron can’t help but chuckle. Everything Chas had said was right. His mum was right. Something he’d never thought he’d live the day to actually admit. “Why am I such an idiot?” He asks, mostly to himself really, but Chas answers as she lightly slaps him yet again.

“I don’t know.” She laughs. “Now go get your man back.”

 

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa fesses up to what she did and seeks to make amends with both Robert and Aaron. Robert takes a moment to think everything over and makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter changed a bit as I wrote it, but ultimately I'm happy with how it turned out. It still needs to go through proper edits, so my apologies for anything glaring. Will update as soon as possible.
> 
> Please leave comments. I love seeing what you guys think, what you like/don't like, and what you think is coming up. It makes it worth writing this.

 

**CHAPTER 14**

* * *

  

The gut wrenching pit in her stomach was growing out of control. The damn feeling had no bounds and Vanessa was at its mercy. She, however had no leg to stand on, no good excuse to complain. It had all been her own doing after all. Every time she looked into Robert's eyes she remembered what she did, and all she wants to do is to fix things, to make Robert's pain go away. She wants nothing more than for him to be happy, the way he was with Aaron, but the only problem in the way was Aaron himself.

It had been days since she messaged him, and she had not heard back. She needs to tell him she was wrong, horribly wrong. Only, Aaron had gone dark. His phone was going straight to voicemail and every message she sent went unanswered. She couldn't blame him really, she had basically guilted him into breaking Robert's heart, but without him there was no way to fix it.

“Dammit Aaron.” Vanessa huffed. “Turn your flipping phone back on!” She nearly shouted to herself.

She let out a sigh and threw her head back as if giving up, not that she had the luxury to do so, not if she wanted to fix things. She placed her phone down on her kitchen counter and crossed her arms. Desperate times call for desperate measures. “If you're not going to answer your phone then I guess I'm going to have to come to you,” she decided. She couldn't wait on Aaron, not any longer. If he wouldn't answer her calls or messages, then maybe her incessant knocking at his door would do the trick.

Vanessa rummaged through her mess of a coffee table looking for her keys only stopping when she noticed the paper she had been reading earlier. An article about the fight...the one Robert lost. She had been there that night, witnessed the whole thing, and it only makes her hate herself. She tried her best to get him to drop the fight, he was in no place to be fighting, his head was a mess, and he was drunk. She failed. She couldn't fail again.

“Ness!” The name was slurred right through her door. Robert was drunk. Again.

She quickly ran to the door and opened it in time for him to stumble through. It was a miracle he even made it to hers judging by the smell of whiskey permeating off him. He nearly tumbled to the floor only she managed to grab a hold of him. Slowly she walked him over to her sofa and helped him down. Part of her wanted to scold him, someone had to, he couldn't keep going this way, but the part of her that knew it was her fault stopped her. She gently patted his head and he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her in close to himself.

“Am...am I sitting down?” He slurred. “How'd I get down here?” He chuckled. Good old whiskey, Robert's best and worst friend.

“You okay, little brother?” She asked knowing damn well he wasn't.

He didn't respond but she felt his head shake against her stomach.

“I'm all out of the…” He hiccuped, “good stuff.”

“Why don't you lie back and I'll go make us a brew.” She didn't wait for him to respond, not that she needed to as she heard him snoring shortly after. He'd passed out. It really was a miracle that he made it to her flat in that condition.

_Aaron will have to wait._ Vanessa thought to herself. She gently lay him against the back of the sofa and moved to her kitchen, quietly she pulled out mugs, started the brew, and disappeared into her bedroom for pain killers. There was no doubt Robert was going to wake up with a splitting headache.

For four hours she watched him sleep, like a sentry she stood by to make sure he was okay. The same way he would, and did, for her nearly every night for a month after she broke up with Carl. Carl had kept his spare key to her flat and she had been terrified he'd sneak in during the night. Robert had slept outside her door for weeks until they knew Carl was gone for good. He protected her for so long and now it was her turn, only Robert didn't need protection. That much was clear now. Just like earlier she tried Aaron again and still nothing. In her aggravated state she nearly threw her phone across the room until Robert's grunting woke her up.

“Fuck.” He groaned. “I feel like I've been hit by a bus.”

She quickly reached for the coffee table and handed Robert a glass of water along with the pain killers. “Here. Take these.” She told him.

In one fell swoop he popped them into his mouth and gulped down the entire glass of water before wiping the back of his hand against his lips. She gave him few minutes to get his wits about him. Finally, once he seemed wake enough she cleared her throat and looked him in the eyes, a mix of green and red. “Robert.” She nearly whispered. “I need to tell you something.”

“Can it wait?” Robert asked, pinching the bridge of his nose, partially pressing into his eyes. His head felt like it was stuck in a vice and he had no doubts that he looked just as bad. He couldn't even remember how he got there for fucks sake.

He tried to rest, tried to close his eyes, and wish away the throbbing he felt around his head, but Vanessa didn't let him. She couldn't bottle it, not now. It was either now or never.

“I did it.” Her words were firm, her voice a bit shaken, and she had tears in her eyes. “Aaron…” She trailed off long enough for it to hit Robert, for him to realize the significance of what she was trying to tell him.

“You what?” Robert asked as his eyes slowly fluttered open. There was something in her face that told him everything. Thy had been through so much together, they could almost read each other like a book. Only, he had to be wrong. She would never do something like this to him. Not her. “What did you do, Ness?” His own tone changed as he said the words. He could feel the churn in his stomach, could almost feel the bile in his throat.

“I...I told him to back off.” She sobbed. “To give you some space. You need to get your head around what exactly it is that you were ready to do...and...and I thought that you needed a bit of space to really think it over. If he was worth everything that you'd be risking.”

He felt himself falter at her words, like falling into an empty void of pure darkness. The one person he thought he could trust, the one person he thought would never let him down, had betrayed him. As heartbroken as he was over Aaron, this somehow hurt even more. Without saying anything he quickly stood up and made for the door. “Robert.” Vanessa grabbed on to his arm only to have him yank himself free of her.

For a moment he wanted to turn around, he wanted to scream, but he couldn't.

“Robert, please...just...just say something.” She cried.

“Say something? I can't even look at you.” His voice broke as he said the words. His dad had let him down and now Vanessa had hurt him even worse. He turned and walked out of her flat slamming the door behind him.

Vanessa quickly chased after him shouting as she opened the door. “Robert! Please!”

As much as Robert hated it, he was at the mercy of his balance. His drunken state was still with him, the couple of hours worth of sleep he had gotten had not been enough to get him through it. He had only managed to get a few steps outside of Vanessa’s flat before he found himself leaning against the wall trying to hold himself up. He cursed himself for going overboard. All he wanted was to get away, to get back to his flat, and to call Aaron. Now that he knew Vanessa had been responsible for Aaron breaking up with him, he was certain that what Aaron had told him was not true. It had to have been a lie.

“Here.” Vanessa’s soft voice said as she grabbed a hold of his arm and threw it around her neck.

“Do one!” Robert sneered as he unsuccessfully tried to pull his arm away.

“You think you can make it back to yours in this condition?”

Robert didn’t reply, he simply made a face, and begrudgingly accepted her help. Unfortunately for him, Vanessa was right. There was no way he would make it back on his own. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Then don’t. You can just listen.” She said as she began to lead him towards the lift. They stumbled around more than anything at first. Robert was tall and all legs, Vanessa on the other hand was short, almost too short for him to even lean on, but she had to get him home. Once she figured out just how to maneuver him, they began to quicker, much to Robert’s liking. All he wanted was to get home, to get away from her. Every time she tried to get a word in, he would simply groan and turn his head away from her.

“I was only looking out for you, Robert.”

“By ruining my life.” He finally replied.

“By trying not to let you do that yourself.”

“You’re unbelievable.” Robert scoffed finally turning to meet her eyes.

“I mean it, Robert.”

“How is lovi...how is being with Aaron ruining my life?”

Taking a deep breath, Vanessa took the opportunity to tighten her loosening grip on Robert. The bastard was lean but still twice her size. “It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

“Who you are...it’s not something you should be ashamed of, it’s not something you should have to hide, but we both know that in your world...chances are it will end your career.” It was the hard truth, and even though he had prematurely accepted it, it still stung like fuck to hear it. “Say you did it. Say you came out and it ended your career...what if things don’t work out with Aaron? Then you’d have thrown everything away because you jumped into things so fast.”

Robert’s jaw clenched as he thought it all through, as he actually thought it all through for the first time. Angry as he may be with Vanessa, it finally dawned on him that she was right. He loved Aaron, that much he was sure of, but what if things didn’t work out? What if he threw everything away for something that went nowhere, what if he threw everything away on impulse?

“I get it...you know...the whole living a lie thing. It’s not right. It’s not something you should have to do.” She said as she came to a stop just outside of his building. “I’m not saying that you shouldn’t come out. I’m just saying that if you’re going to do it...think it through, make sure you’re ready, and above all, make sure you're doing it for yourself, Robert. No one else.”

Vanessa had always been the reasonable of the two. The perfect foil to his unpredictability. He had managed to stumble his way up to his flat after she left him at the lobby. She knew he needed his space to sort himself out, but as usual, she had to have the last word.

“I know you well enough to know you're going to call him, all I ask is that you sleep on it. Make sure there is no doubt that this is what you want, and that you're doing it for the right reason.” Her words were sincere as was the love in her eyes. She had fucked up royally but Robert knew she had meant well. She always did.

As Robert stumbled into his bedroom he closed the curtains to block out the sunlight that was just starting to spill in. It was no longer night but he could feel just how heavy his eyelids were, couldn't stop himself from yawning constantly, and he crashed onto his bed. “Sleep on it Sugden.” He told himself. It wasn't on purpose, it had slipped out as it had every other time he'd called himself that before. Only this time, it didn't hurt. It didn't make the world around him feel like it was crashing down on him. For the first time in ages he accepted himself fully. All of him. His past, his present, and the possibility of his future.

_“Make sure you're doing it for yourself, Robert. No one else.”_

As shattered as he was, Vanessa's words kept playing in his head. They danced around his conscience until he made a decision. He knew what he wanted to do, and as crazy as it was, he was at peace with it. Not only was he at peace with it, but his stomach felt like it was making somersaults with excitement at the thought. He reached over to his bedside table and grabbed his phone from were he had forgotten it earlier in his drunken stupor. In truth, it was the only reason he hadn't called Aaron already. His thumb slid about the screen as he searched through his messages.

“There you are.” He smiled a smile that reached his eyes. They went as wide as they could go in his condition. It was the first real smile he'd had in days. He opened the message and quickly typed out a response. Part of him felt almost nauseous, yet excited at the same time, this was the right call. He pressed his thumb to the screen, and he felt himself drifting into slumber as he saw the little dots indicating his message was being sent.

_I'm sorry for not messaging you sooner. My head's just been all over the place, but now that I've thought everything through, I know what I want. Please call me, we need to talk. - R_

_~~~~_

His mum, nan, cousin, uncle, they were all doing his head in. Granted it was all his own doing so he couldn't really complain much. They had all taken advantage of him, given him random chores, unpaid shifts, they were working him to the bone. On top of that, they all kept asking why he was still there. His mum Chas, the only one privy to those details, was keeping her word to him, and keeping her gob shut. The only problem was, with no one else to talk to about it, she couldn't help herself. She had to push. Chastity Dingle was pushy if anything after all.

“Just spit it out.” Aaron huffed as he rested his chin on his fists, his elbows were propped up on the bar top, and even if he couldn't see her, he could feel Chas burning a hole on the back of his head. She was watching him that intensely, just biting her tongue. The pub had been pretty dead  today, mostly due to the commotion outside, a fire had broken out at the Mill down the road, and being the small village Emmerdale was, the fire had everyone there checking it out.

“Just call him already, will ya?” Chas finally spit it out. “I know you want to. I can see it in your face, luv.”

“But...I can't just call him now can I? Not after what I did to him” He relents.

“And why not?”

“Cos...I...you didn't see his face when I ended it with him. I broke his heart, mum. I can't just call him up.”

“Then go to him. Tell him you were a flipping idiot.”

“It's not that easy.”

“Love isn't easy, Aaron. I told you this already.”

“I...I've been doing me own head in trying to figure out what to do, how to win him back.”

Hearing his words Chas’ face lit up like a Christmas tree. Her boy, her beautiful boy as she'd always know him, was in love. He was so in love he was wracking his brains trying to figure out some major romantic gesture for his fella, and it killed her. It killed her in the best of ways. Aaron had gone through so much, had always been such a grumpy little shit, and here he was trying to win his man back. It was the stuff a mother could only dream of for her child. She squealed in joy as she clapped her hands and slid into place right beside him. “So you are going to try and win him back?” She asked.

Aaron couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle. It had taken him this long to decide, well, not really. He knew he was going to try and win him back since Chas had figured everything out, since she made him see sense, but he had spent all this time trying to figure out some big romantic gesture. Robert deserved it after all. It had just been a week since he broke Robert's heart, and his own in the process, so he couldn't wait any longer. Whatever he was going to do, he had to do it, and he had to do it soon. He nodded his head and felt the heat flushing his cheeks. “I have to, I love him.”

“I hope that's Robert you're talking about, otherwise you and me are going to have some serious problems.” A familiar voice interrupted Aaron's conversation with Chas.

He had been to caught up in his own words to hear the front door open, hadn't even noticed Vanessa walk in. “What are you doing here?” He spat out. His tone wasn't friendly in the slightest. He knew she meant well, it's clear that she cares for Robert, but he couldn't help to feel some resentment towards her.

“I uh...I...well, you never answered my calls or messages did you? How else was I supposed to get in touch with you?” Vanessa retorted, she'd made the drive all the way to the village, and she was there to apologise not get to get scolded.

Aaron was taken aback for a moment, he couldn't believe the nerve she had to talk back that way. “You're having a good at me? After what you did?”

“Maybe you should take this to the back?” Chas' suggested.

“I don't think so.” Aaron shot the suggestion down instantly. “She can just turn around and go back.”

“Aaron, please.” Vanessa said. Her voice soft and disarming. She wasn't there to fight.

Aaron rolled his eyes giving in. He didn't want anything to do with her, at least not right now, not for a while, but he couldn't ignore the possibility that she came with news of Robert. He nodded his head behind him, to the doors leading to the back, to his old home. “Come one.” He turned and walked away.

He waited until he heard Vanessa's footsteps behind him and let it out, “you have a lot of nerve showing up here...and how did you find me anyway?” He sneered.

“You weren't answering my call, Aaron. What else was I supposed to do?” She said before pausing for a moment. It was the second part of his questions he didn't want to answer. She liked Adam, and the last thing she wanted was to throw him under the bus. “Adam.” She said.

“Plonkers.” He huffed.

“Had to beat it out of him.” She fabricated. All she really had to do was tell Adam she wanted to fix things between Aaron and Robert, and Adam sang like a canary.

“I swear, I'm going to kill him.” Aaron groaned.

“Oi...you two want to keep it down?” The voice of a teenager caught them off guard. Noah, just one of the many Dingle kids that pretty much infest the villages, was busy watching television, television they were interrupting.

“Shut it, Noah.” Aaron scolded him as he slapped the back of his head. “Why don't you run along. We need some privacy.”

“I have enough drama going on with mum, like I need to know what you got going on.” He said as he reached out for the remote to shut the TV off.

_“I'm so glad you returned my message, Robert.”_

Like a rock, Aaron froze in place as he heard the name, even more so when he looked up to see him, his Robert on the TV. Like a fucking vision, he was. Bright eyed, supple lips, and freckles included. Every last thing Aaron had been missing. He looked...almost happy, and Aaron couldn't help but feel a knot in his stomach. Maybe Robert was happy without him.

He was sitting besides Mike O'Callaghan, one of London's biggest sports reporter.

_“So am I, come to think of it, and thanks for having me.”_ Always the charmer, Robert is, and this is no different.

“What is this?” Aaron turns to Vanessa.

“I don't know.” She replied keeping her eyes on the TV. “It's part of why I came. Robert's been missing for a couple of days. I...kind of figured he was with you.”

“What do you mean he's been missing?” He nearly hissed. Why was he just hearing of this now?

“We...I told him what happened, about our call.” She responded. “He didn't take it so well at first, but then I thought that maybe he understood…”

“And?”

“And then he went missing. I couldn't track him down, and John couldn't either.”

“Does anyone want to tell me what's going on?” Noah finally spoke up.

“Shut it, Noah.” Aaron gave him look before turning his attention back to the television.

_“So, let's talk about your last fight.”_

Robert made a face at the question. It was obvious he knew where this was going. He let out a breath and shyly smirked. _“Let's.”_

_“I'm going to be blunt here, cos I know ye can take it.”_ Mike's accent was almost as thick as John. If Aaron hadn't been so used to it, he may not be able to catch everything he said.

_“Go for it.”_ Robert wiped his hand down his face.

_“That fight was a complete mess. I don't think anyone was expecting that outcome.”_ Mike got right down to it.

_“Don't hold back or anything.”_ There was a slight sting to Robert's voice. Only slight because he knew it was true. That fight had been such a mess.

Blow by blow Mike went through a series of replays from the fight, pointed out every mistake Robert made, and followed up with replays from Robert's previous fight with Ross. It was like day and night. Anybody who is anybody could see the difference. It was like watching two completely different fighters. A well seasoned fighter at the top of his game, versus a rookie with next to no experience. Robert knew that hadn't been him, not the real him, but he still couldn't help but feel a bit humiliated by his performance. Drunk or not, it was bad for his image, bad for his record, and all around just bad for his ego.

_“So, can you walk us through just what went wrong? What was going through your mind?”_

_“To be honest...that was the problem. Too much was going through my mind, not to mention it really wasn't there.”_ Robert answered truthfully. _“My mind was elsewhere.”_

_“Elsewhere?”_

_“Yeah. I mean, I was physically there, but my mind just wasn't on the fight...at least not that fight.”_

Mike pulled back for a moment trying to make sense of what Robert had just said. _“If it wasn't on the fight at hand...then what fight was your mind on?”_

Aaron could see the hesitation in Robert's face. He could see the tells he's grown to know. The slight twitch in the corner of his mouth, the way his eyes flick to the left right before speaking.

_“My mind was a bit...no, not just a bit really, it was fully focused on something a bit more personal.”_

_“Personal?”_ Mike questioned, his interest fully peaked. _“Any chance this something personal has something to do with what happened after the fight...during the interview?”_

Robert gave him a soft smile and simply nodded.

_“I've made my career by sticking to what's important, but I have to say, even I'm intrigued. If only because the great Robert Miller seems to be a mystery. You're relatively new to the scene but have quickly made a name for yerself. Training and being managed by a legend like John has really put you in the spotlight, yet it seems we don't know a lot about ye. I've...we've not been able to find out anything about you prior to you career in the ring.”_

Robert looked away for a moment, his hesitation again making itself known. Only he doesn't back down. He continues.

_“And that's all by design.”_

_“What do ye mean by that?”_

_“You see, Robert Miller isn't really my name.”_

Aaron reached over Noah and snatches the remote from his hand and turned up the volume before walking around the sofa and taking a seat. He was too focused on Robert's interview to pay attention to everything else, he didn't even realize Chas had joined them.

_“Wait… yer name's not Robert?”_

_“No… I mean yes… my name is Robert, but my actual full name is Robert Jacob Sugden.”_ He answered.

Almost in shock Mike takes a moment before continuing his questioning. _“Talk about a revelation.”_ He started back. _“This is pretty big and we'll have to circle back to this, but if I could... I'd like to go back to the interview, who were you talking to?”_

_“I was talking to the person that had just broken my heart.”_

And just like that Aaron felt his own heart ache, it ached as if it had just been shattered into a thousand pieces. He hurt Robert, hurt him more than he would ever want to, and now he was remembering it as if it had just happened.

_“Well, that explains a lot. We've all been there.”_ Mike replied. _“Does she know you're doing this?”_

This was it. It was make it or break it and Robert could feel his heart beating faster than ever. It felt as if it was about to leap out of his throat. He was scared shitless until he heard Vanessa's words run through his mind. _“Make sure you're doing it for yourself, Robert. No one else.”_

_“No he doesn't.”_ He replied.

Aaron couldn't believe what he wants hearing. He couldn't believe what Robert just said.

_“He?”_

_“Yeah.”_

Without skipping a beat Mike continued. _“Wait… this he… doesn't happen to be the same he that knocked Ross Barton on his ass?”_

Robert chuckled and simply nodded in response. There he was on television looking happy, letting the world know who he really was, and Aaron couldn't help but be proud of him. Fucking proud.

“OH MY GOD!” Vanessa shouted, as she burst out into shrieks.

Aaron could hear her, but the fast thumping in his heart kept him in place. He just couldn't believe what had just happened and he couldn't stop smiling. That was the Robert he knew, that was his Robert. The same one he had to win back. The Robert he knew he loved.

“What are you waiting for, luv. Go get him.” Chas finally pulled him from his own head.

“What am I doing here?” He asked still unsure why he was wasting anymore time. “I have to go.” He said as he got up from his seat. “I have to win him back.”

“Are you serious?” Noah asked. “You’re dating Robert Miller?”

The question caught him off guard, he'd almost denied it as if stuck back weeks ago when they had to keep their relationship a secret. They were no longer a secret though, and just about everyone knew about them now. “Not if I keep wasting time here.” He said answered Noah as he turned and made it for the stairwell. He needed to gather his stuff and hit the road as fast as possible, he was done dragging his feet.

He'd only placed his hand on the banister to the staircase when a knock at the door stopped him in his tracks. Quickly he turned and flung the door open ready to dismiss whoever it was, there was someone more important he needed to get to.

Aaron rolled his eyes as caught eyes of Adam standing outside. He was already annoyed with him for Vanessa, and now he was slowing him down.

“What do you want? And wipe that idiot smile off your face.” He groaned. “You know what, I don't have time for this.” He turned to walk away.

“Oi!” Adam shouted making Aaron stop. “I brought you a present.” He smiled again as he stepped aside. “He uh, he said he'd kill me if I didn't.”

“Hiya.” There he stood, like a man a mission. Robert stood there with a smile all his own. One that shone brighter than before. He almost looked like a new man.

And just like every time he looked into Robert's eyes, Aaron's heart skipped a beat as he took in the emerald greens.

“Robert.” The name quietly slipped past his lips.

“Aaron.” Robert smiled in response and pulled him in for a kiss.

~~~~

“OH MY GOD! ANDY! OH MY GOD! ANDY! DID YOU SEE THAT! ANDY!” Victoria's shouts echoes through the small put where they sat having their tea.

They had only sat down when they noticed Robert on the television, Andy quickly asked the bartender to raise the volume. They sat there in shock as they watched the interview, as they watched their brother open up and reveal who he was.

“That's our brother.” Andy shouted with pride and he pulled Victoria into a hug. They had their brother back and it melted their heart to see him happy, and more importantly, it meant the world to see him be himself. “The next round is on me!” He shouted as he raised his pint to cheers from the other patrons in the pub

He sat back down and smiled at Victoria before taking a gulp of his pint.

“I can't believe he just did that.” Victoria cheered.

“I'm just glad he can finally be himself without having to hide it.” Andy replied. “I could tell it was eating him up.”

“Excuse me.” An older man interrupted. “I couldn't help but hear you say that was your brother.”

Victoria happily nodded in response. “Yes, that's out brother Robert.”

“The famous fighter?”

“That's him.”

The man nodded his head. “He must be minted?” He said, it wasn't really a question, more like he was stating a fact.

“What?” Andy asked, a hint of concern in his voice. Something about the man wasn't sitting well with him.

“Oh...nothing. Thanks.” The man said and smiled as he walked away.

“That was weird.” Victoria said making a face. “Hurry up and finish your pint.” She turned to Andy. “We need to go see him.”

And smiled and nodded before taking a large gulp and finishing his pint. He placed enough cash on the table to cover a round of drinks for the patrons there and stood with Victoria following. On their way out they passed the man who nodded to them with a creepy smile on his face.

As they exited the pub, the man took a gulp of his own pint before gently placing it down and wiping the back of his hand across his mouth.

“Robert Sugden, huh?” He whispered to himself. “I guess I'll be seeing you soon boy.”

 

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron meet back up to talk things through.
> 
> Wow, this chapter came by real quick. It still needs edits so I'll update as soon as I can. 
> 
> Hope you guys like it and PLEASE make sure to leave comments!

 

**CHAPTER 15**

* * *

A soft laugh that comes out sounding more like a hum escaped Aaron's lips. He felt warm and happy. Happy unlike he had felt for a while, not since Robert told him he loved him. A smile cracked on his face as another one of those hum laughs leaves his lips, he still feels a bit hazy from sleep, but he can't help it, not when he feels Robert's fingers dancing around his chest. They're slowly drawing unseen shapes, softly brushing against the hairs on his chest further tickling him, and fuck if he doesn't love it despite of how he feels about being touched. He doesn't like it, not really, for reasons he pushes away, but Robert's touch is something he can't get enough of. It's a touch he's grown to love. As his eyes flutter open he feels the warm set of lips pressing against his shoulder and instantly he feels like he might melt, like he might actually turn into a puddle of good, but that feeling doesn't come alone. The feeling comes accompanied by the twitch in his boxers, and it only reminds him of the things he and Robert got up to the night before. They knew that had gone a bit overboard but neither of them cared, not when they had been missing each other the way they had. They only really cared when Aaron's cousin Noah banged on the wall. What they were doing, it wasn't for the faint, certainly not for the ears of a teenage boy that happened to be family.

“Morning.” Robert's heavenly sleep soft voice finally spoke, like magic the words spread a warm sensation across Aaron's skin, if he wasn't gooey mess before.

Aaron simply smiled and leaned over to place a kiss on the top of Robert's head, he breathed him in, the scent of his shower gel was almost intoxicating in the best of ways. The sweet mixture of the gel and Robert's own scent, finished making him hard within seconds.

“What's this?” Robert teased and reached down under the duvet as he saw the movement beneath it.

Aaron gasped and said something Robert couldn't even decipher, as he felt the grip around his dick. He bit onto his bottom lip and groaned as he shut his eyes.

“Ready for round two?” Robert asked unabashedly. There they were in Aaron's old bedroom, the one he partially grew up in, in his mum's home, and he just couldn't care. He had gone through hell missing him, felt his life shatter along with his heart, and now that he had him back, he just didn't care if anyone knew he loved him. He didn't care if anyone heard.

Aaron let out a laugh that reverberated through the room. It was a sound that Robert hadn't heard before, the sound was pure bliss, and he could stand to hear more of it. “You need to learn how to count, mate.” Aaron laughed out loud. “If you're actually counting, then this would be round four.” He corrected Robert.

“Four? Are you mad?” Robert poked at Aaron's side, making him squirm in place as he let out another bellowing laugh. “We only had one round last night. The other two...you can't count those two as actual rounds. Those were like snacks you pick up during intermissions.”

“Shut up.” Aaron playfully slapped at Robert's hand before rolling over on top of him.

Robert smiled and nestled himself comfortably between Aaron's thighs as if he was always meant to be there. Everything felt right again, only better. No, not better, real. Everything felt real this time. He was truly himself now. Nothing held back. Just him. The real him.

“You're amazing.” Aaron said softly as he looked longingly into his eyes.

Robert quickly turned, averting his eyes from Aaron, he knew what he meant. “Shut up.” He loved praise, loved basking in the glory of his skills in the ring, but when it came to something serious, something meaningful, he never truly felt worthy. Not of praise. His old memory of his dad had done that, robbed him of ever feeling worth something.

“I mean it.” Aaron gently grabbed him by the chin and turned him so they were looking into each other's eyes again. “I'm so proud of you.” His eyes glistened with unshed tears. He was happy, truly happy, and he meant what he said with every fiber of his being. He was so fucking proud of Robert, he felt like he could burst at any second with the pride he felt for him. What Robert had done. It was brave. More than brave. Robert faced his fear, he faced it head on, and he conquered it. Damn the consequences. He wished he had that kind of courage. If only he did, maybe he could overcome his own demons. “You hear me?” His voice was soft as he asked.

Robert simply smiled and nodded. The warmth he felt in his chest was overwhelming, he never thought he would know this kind of love. Much less feel like he was worth it, but somehow Aaron made him feel like maybe, just maybe, he was. “I love you, Aaron.” His lips formed the words as they lodged in his throat. He couldn't help but remember when Aaron last said the same words to him, only to take them back not long after. The truth had come out since then. He knew Aaron had done that for his sake, he'd done that after Vanessa had talked him into backing off, still he couldn't help but wonder if he meant them. He stayed in place but averted his gaze from Aaron not knowing if he could handle a rejection. “Did you mean it?” His voice was soft and nearly broke.

“Did I mean what?” Aaron asked with concern, he could see Robert pulling into himself.

“When… when you said you loved me?”

Like a punch to the gut, Aaron felt the question. It killed him to even hear Robert ask it. It broke his heart that Robert could even think that he didn't love him. “Robert.” He spoke soundly. He needed Robert to know it, to feel it, to accept it. “I've never meant anything more in my entire life.” He smiled softly. “I love you, Robert.” He said leaning down before taking Robert's lips with his own. His lips were warm and soft, just as they were the first time he felt them against his own, the kiss taking him back to that day. He remembered exactly what he felt at that moment, the excitement, the surprise, the belonging. Everything he had felt had only since intensified. What he felt for Robert was true and pure. It was something he was terrified of losing, something he hoped he could have for the rest of his life. With the thought in mind, he gently took Robert's bottom lip between his teeth and gently tugged at it as he he placed his hands to Robert's chest, his thumbs gently brushed against the fair skin, and finally he pulled back. “And I'll stay right here all day and kiss every single one of your fucking freckles to prove it to you.”

“Is that all you'll kiss?”

“There's my cocky bastard.” Aaron winked at him.

“I want you, Aaron.”

“What are you waiting for?”

Robert didn't need any telling, he sat up and wrapped an arm around Aaron's back holding him tight as he pushed himself up with his free arm. Aaron smiled with surprise before Robert spun them around and pinned him down against the bed. Robert placed his lips to Aaron's neck, kissing down towards his chest, then back up to his lips, before pulling back trying to catch his breath. Luckily for them the small bottle of lube was well within the reach of Robert's long arm. “Stroke yourself.” Robert commanded as he opened the bottle and blotted a good amount onto his fingers. Aaron did as he was told, he reached down and grabbed a hold of his dick. It had been straining for attention, almost too hard to bare, he began pumping it as he squeezed his hand around it. Small moans escaped his lips, moans that deepened into groans when he felt Robert's fingers entering his hole, stretching him. “Oh God.” He whispered.

“I'm that good, am I?”

“Shut up and fuck me already.” Aaron shot back, he was ready, he was desperate. Fuck the stretching.

Robert smiled as he pulled his fingers out making Aaron whimper at the absence. It was clear he wanted it as bad as Robert wanted to give it to him. He looked down into Aaron's eyes and wiggled his hand as pushed into Aaron.

“Fuck.” Aaron gasped. He had expected the sting but it still caught him off guard. It had been a while and Robert's size wasn't an easy task. He threw his head back and let out a loud whimper that caught them both of guard. Aaron laughed and Robert quickly stopped to apologise.

“I'm not hurting ya, am I?”

“No.” Aaron shook his head. “It's...just...can you give me a minute to adjust?”

Robert nodded as he looked into his eyes, there was something in them that always entranced him. It was like looking out into a peaceful ocean. An ocean that pooled all the way into his soul. An ocean that always felt safe and at ease. No storms in sight, not even when he was angry. It was so easy to get swept away in them.

“Okay.” Aaron whispered. “You can move now.”

“You sure.”

Aaron nodded and pulled Robert into a kiss. “Fuck me.” He mumbled into Robert's mouth. “Oh God.” He gasped as he felt Robert begin to move. A slow rhythm that matched their breaths. Like heaven it felt. The cool sensation brought on by the lube, as Robert glided in and out of his, it was pure ecstasy. He smiled and felt his eyes roll into the back of his head as Robert picked up pace, it was unlike any feeling. Like listening to music at the highest level, music with a fast tempo that sent shockwaves through the body, all the while letting go of everything, and just becoming one with it all. “Fuck me, Robert. Fuck me harder.” He means. “Harder.” Like orders being shouted to subordinates, the words flew out of his mouth without realizing it.

Robert chuckled, “keep it down, will ya?” They were still in Aaron's old home, filled with plenty of his family. “They'll hear ya.”

“I can't.” He said. “You feel amazing.” He told him as he wrapped his legs around Robert, pulling him in tighter. Pulling him in deeper. He didn't care if anyone heard, not at the moment, but deep down he knew he'd be mortified later if anyone did hear. “Cover my mouth.” He told him.

Robert's eyebrows raised at Aaron's request, it was kinky, and he liked it. He placed his hand over Aaron's lips his his thumb brushing against Aaron's chin. “Bite it.” He said and hissed when he felt Aaron's teeth biting down. If he hadn't been turned on already, this was only pushing him closer to the edge. He began thrusting harder and faster, feeling Aaron's bite get stronger with every thrust, his moans being muffled by the hand in his mouth. “God, Aaron.” Robert panted. “I'm close.”

“Me too.” The muffled words came from Aaron's mouth as he stroked himself vigorously. “Fuck me harder.”

Again, Robert did as he was told and slammed harder into him. He saw Aaron's eyes roll back into his head and he knew what was coming. As if on cue he felt the hot spurts on his stomach and chest as Aaron groaned the filthiest sound he had ever heard. Groans that only pushed him over the edge, his own climax taking over him. He leaned down and bit into Aaron's shoulder to muffled by out his own moans. His movements stuttered bit by bit and eventually he collapsed onto Aaron. A euphoria sweeping over them both, they nearly fell back asleep, until Aaron slapped hard at Robert's bare arse.

“We really should get up. Take a shower maybe...together?” He asked.

Instantly, Robert shot out of bed pulling Aaron by his hand. “What are we waiting for?”

~~~~

“You're going to make me fall down the stairs if you don't stop that.” Aaron swatted Robert's hands away from his side. They had been standing in the stairwell for nearly five minutes, their hands roaming one another's body, their lips pressing smiles into each other's, like teenagers making out in the darkness of a broom closet. As if the morning sex and the quickie in the shower right after hadn't satisfied them enough, they wanted more. Breathlessly, Aaron finally pulled back, smiling like an idiot. He looked Robert in the eyes only to move his sight straight back to his wanting more of them.

“Gross.” A voice interrupted them. They both turned to see Noah standing at the bottom of the stairwell making a face. Not one of disgust, at least not one driven by prejudice, but maybe one driven trauma. After the noises he'd no doubt heard during the night, they couldn't blame him.

They both chuckled as they looked at each other and quickly pulled away from one another. Robert turned and walked down the stairs holding his hand out. “Robert.” He introduced himself to the kid who Aaron told him was his cousin Noah.

“I know who you are.” Noah smiled shaking his hand. “I can't believe you're dating Robert Miller.” He looked past Robert to Aaron.

“You know who I am?” Robert asked with surprise.

“Of course I know who you are! Everyone knows who you are.” It was the sort of excitement Robert was used to seeing in fans. “It's why everyone's here.”

“Everyone?” Aaron questioned as he came down to Robert's side. “What do you mean everyone?” Yeah he asked, even though he knew exactly what Noah meant. Of course he knew. As if his mum would be able to keep her gob shut. There was no doubt in his mind she had phoned the entire family shortly after Aaron and Robert disappeared into his room to _work_ things out.

“I mean everyone. They're all waiting on you for breakfast. So hurry up cos I'm starving.” Noah gave Aaron a look and laughed as he retreated back through the door.

“What was that look about? Should I be worried?” Robert asked. He'd accepted to meet Aaron's mom already, before the break up, if it could really be called that, but his entire family? He wasn't sure if he was ready for something like that.

Aaron looked at him nervously as he thought of what _everyone_ meant, and hoped that Noah only meant everyone that lived at the pub. “No...uh... you'll be fine. Just, uh, stick by my side.” He told him as he took Robert's hand into his own, their fingers threading together, and smiled at just how right it felt.

“So this is where grew up?” Robert asked as they walked through door into the room Noah had vanished through. An old sofa stood only feet away from the door making for a bit of a tight space, a chair close by, as well as a small dining table with chairs. The living room looked cozy, tight even, but that must be the price for living in a small village. A small village clearly meant small homes. As was evident by the tiny kitchen that was hidden in a nook just past the table. “It looks…cozy.”

“It was a nightmare. Constantly tripping over each other, and fuck all if ya wanted privacy.” Aaron laughed in response. He meant it though, it was a nightmare, but he loved every second of it. Even this nightmare was far better than what he had lived through before.

As they walked through a second doorway and into a hall, they both paused as they heard the commotion. It sounded like a mess hall. Voices, plenty if them, all talking and laughing, all making them want to turn and run back into the safety of Aaron's room. It sounded like way too many people to face.

“Oh, just in the nick of time.” A tall scrawny man spoke as he walked out of what was clearly the kitchen. He was all limbs and somehow managed to keep steady as he held multiple pans in his forearms, only being kept in place by his chin, all the while his hands held onto small baskets filled with toast. “Give me a hand will you?” He asked.

Aaron begrudgingly let go of Robert's hand and stepped towards the man carefully taking the baskets from his hands. No way on earth was he going to risk spilling the precious toast.

“So, uh, who's your mate?”

“Oh.” Aaron shook his head. “Sorry, Marlon. This is…”

“I'm just messing.” Marlon chuckled. “You honestly think I don't know who he is?” Marlon asked incredulously. “Me and Paddy only tried taking you to all those wrest matches back in the day.”

“He's not a wrestler though, is he?” Aaron went back almost offended on Robert's behalf.

Marlon made some weir's movement that was half shaking, half writing, and all eye rolling. “I know he's not, but wrestling is like a gateway to cage fighting.” He said and nearly stumbled. “It's a pleasure to mate you, mate.” Marlon says as he turns to Robert.

“Cheers.” Robert smiled.

Marlon smiled in return, only he didn't just smiled. The goof practically blushed. “Come on. Everyone's waiting.” He said and turned for the doors that led out to the pub.

“Finally!” Chas squealed as she walked through the doors looking at Aaron. “What took you two so long? On second thought, don't answer that. The walls around here aren't that thick.” She said as she closed her eyes and shook her head. She took the baskets from Aaron's hands and placed them on top of the pans Marlon was holding, she stepped aside and held the door open for him. “Go on, they're all waiting for the food.” Chas' waved him through.

With Marlon gone she turned her attention back to Aaron, then to Robert, and smiled. “So you must be Robert.”  She didn't give him time to answer and simply pulled him into a hug, she wrapped her arms around him, and placing a hand to the back of his head, she pulled h lower. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Robert replied. “I haven't done anything?”

Chas pulled back releasing him from the hug, she kept her hands on his arms, and smiled again. “For saving my baby boy.” She told him. “I've only been dying to meet you since...well, you know.” Her smile faded slightly. “But he's stubborn.” Chas nodded towards Aaron.

“Tell me about it.” Robert laughed.

“Oi...you think that's going to get you in good with me mum?”

“Oh, it's working.” Chas laughed. “I know he's been an idiot lately, but don't give up on him. You should have seen the right mess he was this past week.” Robert couldn't help but smile at her words. Not that it made him happy to hear that Aaron had struggled, but yeah it made him happy to know that Aaron struggled.

“Mum!”

“Do tell.” Robert grinned as he hooked his arm through Chas’.

She smiled and lead him back towards the door to the pub. “He was moping about.”

“Mum!”

Breakfast was a complete riot. One would think Liverpool just won a game and Salah was running by celebrating with the fans. Aaron had mildly warned him about his family, but truth be told, nothing could prepare anyone for the Dingles. From the ridiculous antics of Sam dangle to the threatening stares of Aaron's uncle Cain, Robert experienced every possible personality all within a matter of minutes.

Noah asked him for selfies, all the while Aaron's uncle Zak shared some boxing tips with him. Yeah, anything Zak offered Robert was well under his skills, but he politely humored him. Zak's wife Lisa and their daughter Belle swooned over how Robert had saved Aaron's life, and how they fell in love shortly after. Chas exchanged stories with Robert about Aaron's grumpy antics. Granted, until this moment, Robert hadn't realized just how grumpy Aaron was. It seemed that Aaron was a different person with him. Perhaps, he was his real self, his best self, with him and him alone. Nothing topped Aaron's nan, Faith. She was a character all her own, a character he was certain had cupped a feel of his arse at least once.

A soft smile spread across his face as he looked over at Aaron, who was smiling himself, his ocean blue eyes trained on as Chas whispered something into his ear, something that made him blush. The feeling was surreal to him, Robert couldn't remember the last time he felt this way. Like he was part of something bigger than himself, part of a family. His smile faltered a bit as it hit him, as he thought of his own family, of his dad, of his mum. He had missed out on so much. He'd almost gotten lost in his thought until he felt the hand gently squeeze at his shoulder.

“You okay?” Aaron's raspy voice brought his smile back.

“Yeah.”

“You sure?” Aaron could read him like a book, he could tell something had gotten to him.

“Yeah... it's just… your family is great.”

Aaron gave him a sad smile. “And they made you think of your own.”

Robert nodded, trying to push it away. This was a happy moment, he didn't want to ruin it.

“Maybe we can have Vic and Andy over next time.”

“So there's going to be a next time?”

“If you want it.” Aaron smiled.

Robert opened his mouth to answer only to be stopped by the loud banging at the door to the pub. Someone really wanted in.

Chas quickly stood from her seat already shouting. “We're closed for a family event. Can't you read the sign?” Not that it stopped the banging. As she open the door Vanessa squeezed through shutting the door behind her, much to Chas’ chagrin.

“Ness?” Robert stood as he saw her. “What are you still doing here?”

“Well, I stared over that the b and b, didn't I?”

“What for?”

“I can't leave, not until I know we're good.”

“It's not that easy, Ness.”

“Oh, so this is the loud mouth that made you dump him?” Chas asked looking at Aaron, slightly exaggerating the details.

“I beg your pardon?” Vanessa was well offended.

“Alright, you out.” Chas told her as she tried to open the door before Vanessa closed it back up.

“It's okay, Chas.” Robert said as he walked over noticing well enough how all the Dingle eyes were on him.

“Lots of drama with that one.” Sam teased. “He's gonna fit right in. Think we might need to start getting that welly ready.” He told Zak who nodded in agreement.

Robert scrunched his face with confusion and turned back to Aaron who was beet red in the face. “Ignore them.” He said.

“You can be mad all you want, Robert, but please don't push me away.” Vanessa pleaded as she got his attention back.

“Alright, yeah, I'm mad.” He started. “But, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have done what I did. I wouldn't be here now. You made me realize that I wanted this, but you also made me realize that I had to do it for myself first. So, no, I'm not going to push you away. I was gonna make you sweat it out for a bit, cos Aaron didn't deserve that. What you did to him, it's not right. So if you're going to apologise to anyone, it should be him.”

Vanessa peeked around Robert making eye contact with Aaron. “I'm sorry, Aaron. I really am and if you hadn't kept your phone off all week long you would have known that.”

“Ness!” Robert hissed.

“Okay, forget that last part.” She said. “I really am sorry and I hope we can be mates again.”

As angry as he wanted to be with her, how could he, everything worked out for the best, and he knew she really was looking out for him. “Already forgotten.” He gave her a smile. “But you're on probation.”

Vanessa squealed with joy and ran to him for a hug. “Okay, now that that's out of the way. There's something you both need to see.” She said as she pulled the paper rolled up in her back pocket before handing it to Robert.

Robert took the paper in his hands and began to unroll it. His eyes skimmed through the headline and his jaw dropped as he laid eyes on the pictures that accompanied it. Two pictures displayed side by side, one was of him, a screenshot from the interview he did coming out. The other, a picture of Aaron standing defiant, it was clearly from that night when he knocked Ross Barton on his arse. The headline:

_ROBERT MILLER, OUT AND IN LOVE?_

 

Robert couldn't help but chuckle. Yeah, he had come out, and yeah he confirmed the Aaron had been the person he had addressed after his losing fight, but he hadn't given much of any details. There was no doubt that the papers, the tabloids, and everyone in between would start to question what was going on. Even worse, that some would begin to fabricate things to bolster their sales. He'd seen it happen before. Celebrities having their lives torn apart by rubbish printed on papers. He could have this, not for him and Aaron. Not for something he wanted to last...possibly forever.

Sensing the worry in him, Aaron nudged his elbow. “What is it?”

“They're going to start printing things, lies even, if he doesn't get in front of it.” Vanessa answered, Robert was still trying to figure things out.

“Let them.”

“It's not that simple, Aaron.” She rebutted. “Yeah they could ever lies, and yeah most of it will come from tabloids, but still...those lies...they could ruin him.” Vanessa said frowning, hoping Aaron could understand. “Rumors have a nasty habit of ruining reputations.”

“She's right, Aaron.” Robert finally spoke up. “I've seen it happen too many time. If things get carried away fast, I could even lose sponsors...and I already know I'll lose at least 1 for coming out.”

Fuck, Aaron hated to see him worry like this, he would do anything to make things better. “So then...get in front of it.” He told him. “Whatever you want to do. I'll support you.”

“You sure?” Robert asked. “It will put you in the spotlight. Everyone's going to want to know about you.”

“I mean it, Robert.” Aaron said. Yes he meant it, but he couldn't help and feel the knot in his stomach. He wasn't sure what all could be or would be uncovered, but he knew that after everything, he wanted Robert, and he wanted to face everything with him.

Just like before, everyone was startled by loud banging on the doors.

“What now?” Chas huffed as she turned back to the door again. “Paddy!” She shouted before he walked through and slammed the door shut behind him quickly doing the bolt lock. “I thought you had a surgery?”

“Well, I did, but it runs out that what I thought was a cat wasn't a cat at all.” The nervous man bumbled about his words. Clearly, this was Aaron's step dad. Robert chuckled at how right on the mark Aaron had described him. “Look, that doesn't matter. The point is I had to run over here because I noticed the circus that's building up outside.”

“A circus?” Sam cheerfully asked.

“I think you two better take a look out the window.” He spoke to Aaron and Robert.

They walked over to the door and looked through the small window. Paddy had not been exaggerating, there were at least four news vans out there, and they both knew what they were there for.

“Well that didn't take long, did it?” Robert laughed nervously.

“So…” Aaron spoke.

“So...you ready for this?” Robert asked taking his hand.

“Guess there's no point dragging it out.” He smiled and unbolted the lock.

Robert smiled and nodded before opening the door and walking through it holding Aaron's hand in his own.

~~~~

Flash. Flash. Flash. Flash. Flash.

The lights keep going off in his face and he suddenly feels like he's in a disco with a strobe light going off on his face. It doesn't matter how many he's gone through this now, it's something he'll never get used to. Aaron squints as hard as he can try to brush it off and he's ready to complain, at least until he feels the squeeze in his hand and looks down to Robert's hand holding his. His eyes travel back up and go from seeing stars, brought on by the repetitive flashes, to seeing hearts as he lays eyes on Robert. His Robert. He always new Robert was fit. The fittest man he'd ever laid eyes on, but now in this exact moment, Robert dressed to the nines...fucking hell. His hair is styled in a pompadour, he has stubble that makes his knees weak, and he's in a three piece burgundy suit. If it wasn't for the crowd that surrounded them, or the fact they were at a charity gala, he would rip every last piece of that suit off of him, and have him there and then.

It had been a month since Robert came out, since he and Aaron went public, and the world didn't end. It didn't come crashing down on him like he feared. The overall response had been great, it had been positive, yeah he had lost a sponsor, but gained two in their place. Being the first openly LGBTQ fighter certainly opened some doors for him. He hadn't had a fight since the one he lost, so he wouldn't truly know how other fighters would react, at least not until his first fight since he came out in the next couple of weeks. Aaron had meant what he said, he had been there behind him through it all, just as he was this night, just as he had been since they stepped out of Chas’ pub to the frenzy that had awaited them.

“We've served our purpose here.” Robert whispered to Aaron. “What do you say we hit that pub down the street? Then I can take you home and get you out of this suit.”

Aaron felt himself flush but nodded no less. “Go on then.” He placed his hand on the small of Robert's back and lead him out.

The night was quiet, at least with the exception of the occasional clicking from cameras that we're undoubtedly pointed in their direction, and the air was starting to get a winter chill. Nothing that a good drink wouldn't fix. They made a straight line to the bar and Robert ordered two glasses of Wine making Aaron pause for a moment. “What’s the occasion?”

“Well, I was hoping we could celebrate you moving in with me…”

“You what?”

“Come on, Aaron. You know you're staying at mine more often than yours. It only makes sense.”

“I know you're cocky, but you really just assumed I would say yes?”

Robert smirked as he shrugged his shoulders, yeah, he was that cocky. “Can we say I just hoped you'd say yes?”

“You little shit.” Aaron chuckled.

“So?”

“So what?”

“Will you?”

“Will I what?”

Robert chuckled in return. “You really going to make me work for this?”

Aaron smirked and shrugged his shoulders, clearly mocking him.

“Aaron Dingle, will you please move in…” Robert tried to ask only to have Aaron's lips crash into his own. It was a soft chaste kiss that said everything Robert had wanted to hear. “So... I'll take that as a yes?”

“Don't make take it back.”

“Okay, okay.” Robert said raising his hands in defeat.

Aaron laughed and handed Robert a glass as he lifted his own. “Cheers.”

They quickly gulped them down enjoying the slight burning sensation as the liquid went down. “Order us another round will you?” Robert asked. “Gonna hit the bogs.”

Aaron smiled and watched him walk away, a sight he'd never get tired of. He'd never been happier to be an ass man. As Robert disappeared from his view he turned to the bartender ready to order their second round.

“Finally!” A woman said as she slid into place beside him.

Aaron flinched at the sight of her. She was like a female version of those sleazy men that take advantage of young women when they're too drunk for their own good. Everything about her wasike a warning sign. “I'm not interested.” He quickly said hoping she would take the hint and disappear back into whatever hole she crawled out of.

“You sure?” She smiled. If she wasn't already creepy, the smile made it all the much worse. She had more lipstick on her teeth than her lips.

“Look, mate, I'm into blokes and even if you were one, I still wouldn't be interested.”

“I thought you'd be smarter. I mean, you look like a smart boy, so I just don't get what you see in Robert.”

“You what?”

“Listen...me and Rob, we go way back. Trust me, _mate,_ you can do way better.”

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Aaron couldn't believe the nerve of this woman slagging off his man.

“The name's Katie.” She said with her fake smile. “But don't worry, this isn't about me or Robert. This is about you.”

“Me? I don't even know you?”

“That's okay, love, it doesn't matter. I'm just here to deliver a message “ She told him as she slid a folded piece of paper across the bar to him.

“We'll be seeing you around.” She said and quickly walked away, disappearing into the crowd in the bar.

He couldn't help be feel sick to his stomach. Something about what had just happened felt wrong. Everything inside him was warning him. He lifted the sheet and opened it to read the note sloppily written inside.

_I really hope you're enjoying your time in the spotlight, Aaron. I'll be seeing you soon._  

  * __Your dad, Gordon__



 

  
  


 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With his father emerging, old memories threaten to consume Aaron as he pulls away from Robert. Robert feels like he's losing Aaron and makes a grim discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adding warnings for some serious stuff. Self harm and hinting to child abuse.
> 
> Done some edits, just not final round, so sorry for any errors. Will update soon.
> 
> Please leave comments and let me know what you think.

**CHAPTER 16**

* * *

  

A gentle static fills the mostly dark room and Aaron doesn't even remember when he fell asleep. He hangs on the cusp of sleep, part dormant, part awake. It's almost as if he can see and feel, yet he can't quite move or react. The flickering lights brought on by the static on the old television give way to the sound of a creaking door, and that's when panic sets in. It's happening again and all he wants to do is scream. He wants to scream and run, but nothing happens. His body fails him. Like a brick he stays in place crying to himself as he begins to hear them, the footsteps, each one growing closer and closer. Then he hears it, the breathing, it's calm and carefree, and it disgusts him. Again he tries to scream and still, nothing. Tears run down his face as he does everything he can to try and move, to try and run, but something won't let him. His heart shatters and his stomach drops as he feels the harsh grip that takes hold of his wrists, and he wishes for death when he hears the voice.

“This is what happens when you misbehave.” The blood curdling voice of his father whispers into his ear, and finally something gives.

“NO! NO! NO!” Aaron shouts as he flails in bed, his body finally listening to him.

The screams are loud and laced with horror. In  an instant Robert is awake, his heart beating faster than usual, and breaking at all at once as he sees the fear in Aaron's eyes.

“Aaron!” He shouts at first before gently trying to calm him. “It's okay. Everything's okay. It's just a nightmare.” He tells him, his voice going soft and gentle. A voice he hadn't realized he was saving only for Aaron, at least not until Aaron told him about it. He slides back against the headboard and gently pulls Aaron into his arms only to have things get worse.

“GET OFF!” Aaron screams. “PLEASE DON'T!” He cries. “NOT AGAIN!”

“Aaron...please.” Robert soothes him as he leans his forehead against Aaron's temple. “It's me, Aaron. It's me, Robert.” He settles his breathing and tries to synchronize himself with Aaron.

As if like a magic word, it's Robert's name that finally breaks Aaron free of his nightmare. His eyes open wide, he settles into Robert's embrace, and the world all comes back to him. He's in bed, with Robert, and he's safe. Safer than he's felt in a long time. Only the nightmares keep messing that up, if even for minutes at a time.

“That's the third one this week.” Robert gently tells him before placing a tender kiss to Aaron's head. He gently squeezed him in his arms and tells him everything will be alright, and Aaron believes it. He believes it because he has to. He believes it because he can't bare the thought of things not being alright.

“Aaron…” Robert starts, he's not sure how to make things better, but he wants Aaron to know that he's there for him. “You can talk to me about it. Whatever these nightmares are...maybe...maybe they'll go away if you talk to me about them. Maybe if you just get it off your chest, it'll help.”

“It's nothing. I'm fine, really, I am.” Aaron lies. It kills him to lie straight to Robert's face, but he can't stand the thought of telling him. He can't face the look on Robert's face when he tells him, what he'll think of him. He's damaged goods. He's broken. Robert will want nothing to do with him if he ever finds out.

“Aaron…”

“I mean it, Robert. I'll be fine. They'll go away. They always do.” Again he lies to Robert, just as well as he lies to himself.

“You sure?” Robert asks not believing a word. The nightmares are getting worse and there's no way he can ignore them. No matter what Aaron says.

Aaron nods as he looks over his shoulder and into Robert's eyes. “Can...can you just hold me?”

“Of course.” Robert slides back down and rolls them both onto their sides. Aaron snuggles into him resting his head on Robert's arm beneath his head, and Robert wraps his free arm around Aaron's stomach. “You think you're going to be able to fall asleep?”

Aaron nods and places a soft kiss to Robert's arm. Breathing him in, he settles in and closes his eyes. He knows he won't fall back asleep, nor does he want to. He doesn't want to risk falling back into that nightmare, into those memories. He melts into Robert's embrace, into the safety he feels within it, and pretends to fall asleep. Minutes later when Robert quietly asks if he's awake he pretends to snore softly and tries not to cry when he feels the kiss on his head. It kills him to think of losing this again, of losing it for good. Eventually he gives in and falls back asleep. Only this time the nightmare doesn't come back. Instead he dreams. A dream so soft it makes the nightmares disappear, it makes him almost forget them. He dreams of Robert.

The warmth and safety he felt is finally swept away from him when he wakes. Robert's gone and he's alone. “Robert.” He calls out in an almost panic before he realizes what he sounds like. He doesn't want to alarm Robert. He can't. He needs to handle this on his own. He settles himself and calls back out to him. “Robert?” When he hears no response he finally gets up and walks across the room, he sticks his head into the on suite, then follows out into the living room, and still no Robert. He crosses his arms across his chest and squeezes tightly as if trying to feel what he'd felt before he fell asleep. The warmth and the safety that Robert provided, but nothing. Defeated, his shoulders hang low and he walks to the kitchen where he notices a plate on the bar top. There's a lid over the plate and a note stuck on top of it.

_I didn't want to wake ya, especially with how long it took you to fall asleep. Yeah, I know you were pretending for a while. Look, I know whatever these nightmares are, you need to talk to someone about them. If it's not me, then Chas, or a counselor. Just promise me you'll at least think about it. If you're nodding your head and agreeing with me, then you can have what's in here. If not, I know exactly how many strips of bacon, slices of toast, and the exact weight of eggs that are on the plate. I'll count it all later, yeah, I'm that petty._

_And I'm sorry for leaving without telling ya, but John was on my arse about training, and you looked so peaceful. Maybe once you've had your brekkie you can come see me?_

_\- R_

As shite as Aaron felt only seconds ago, he can't help the smile that spreads across his face. The note meant everything, and it kills him that Robert cares so much when he knows he can't agree to the terms. He can't talk to him about the nightmares, he can't talk to anyone about them. Maybe one day. The thought alone makes him lose his appetite, and hesitantly with pang of guilt, he dumps the contents down the garbage disposal.

“Good morning, Mr. Dingle.” Bob, the lobby attendant greets Aaron as he steps out of the lift. The man is friendly to say the least, and he makes it his job to know all of the residents, Aaron included now. Bob had been there the day Aaron officially moved in with Robert, as if expecting his arrival. “Out for a run, I see?” He asked noticing Aaron's gear.

Honestly, it kind of creeped Aaron out just how in the know Bob was of the residents and their business. “Yeah.” He politely replied.

“Well, it's just a little breezy out so you should be good. Enjoy.” He informed Aaron and waved as he exited the building.

With his earphones in hand he begins to slowly jog as he places each one into his ears, but he doesn't get far before he nearly collides into someone. Without giving it too much thought he apologizes and maneuvers around them and continues his jog, only it doesn't last, he comes to a complete stop and feels as if the world is swept from under his feet. His stomach drops and he feels like he's about to lose the breakfast he didn't eat.

“What's the matter, boy. You can't tell me you don't recognize your own father?” It's him. The cause of his nightmares. The man stands directly in his path, leaning against the wall, looking comfortable in place. It was clear he had planted himself there. He was waiting. The moment he pushes himself off the wall Aaron takes a step back.

In an instant he's back there, in his room, he's a kid all over again, and he's terrified. He had hoped, prayed even, that the woman who approached him at the bar the night of the gala, was full of it. That she was just some nutter trying to freak him out. Maybe a crazed fan of Robert's who wanted him away from him. It had been over a week since it happened and nothing...until now. He clenched his fists tight and tried his best to stand his ground. He wouldn't show fear. Not to him. Not now. “What...what do you want?” His voice was shaky as he asked.

“What? A dad can't simply want to see his son?” The arrogance that radiated off him was palpable.

“Don't you dare!” Aaron shot back. His voice was meek and even more so he nearly shrunk into himself. Everything about him felt less than nothing, it's what Gordon did to him. It's what he was doing to him  at the very moment, and all he had to do was breath.

“Don't I dare what?” Gordon took a step forward making Aaron take yet another one back.

“Call yourself that. You're not my father. You're nothing.”

“Oh really? If I'm nothing...what does that make you?”

The words were like flames licking at him, the words alone felt like acid to his skin, making Aaron flinched at the sound of them. For everything he had thought of himself, how far he's come, what he's done for himself, at the very moment meant nothing. Gordon was right. If his father was nothing, he was worse. “What do you want?” Aaron nearly choked on the words.

“Very well.” Gordon smiled. “Straight to business.” He said as he finally cut to the chase and walked straight towards Aaron, his movements nearly making Aaron tumble to the ground. “I'm in need of a little cash and seeing as you're enjoying this little life you've made for yourself, well I figured you'd be up for helping your old man.”

As shaken as he is at seeing his father, at seeing the cause of his nightmares, Aaron nearly laughs out loud. Instead he settles for a scoff as the word _pathetic_ flies through his head. It's what Gordon is. Pathetic. The audacity of him asking for anything, it's so absurd it boggles the mind. “Why would I do anything for you?” Aaron replies through gritted teeth. “After everything you've done…”

Gordon takes another step closer making sure to invade Aaron's personal space. “Because, son...you look...happy.” He smiles and it makes Aaron sick to his stomach. “This bloke you're involved with.” He says with a look of disgust in his face, as if what Aaron's doing and who he loves offends him. “The great Robert Mill…”

“Don't you dare say his name. You don't get to say his name, you don't even deserve to breathe the same air he breathes.” A real anger finally builds inside of Aaron.

“Oh...struck a nerve, did I? No matter.” Gordon laughs. “Does he know?”

Like a blow straight to his stomach, Aaron feels the question. Without having it spelled out, he knows what Gordon meant, what he implied. He looks away without answering.

“Thirty thousand quid.” Gordon says with a grin on his face. “I'm in town for a few days... I'd like to have it before I leave.”

~~~~

  


It doesn't matter how hard he scrubbed, or how scalding hot the water was, Aaron can't seem to get the filthy feeling off himself. He feels dirty, tainted, and all from only being near Gordon for such a brief moment. He stood under the scalding water and scrubbed. He scrubbed himself raw and it wasn't until the water ran cold that he managed to get himself out of the shower. The dark slate tiles of the bathroom floor felt like ice to his feet regardless of the fact that it was heated flooring, everything felt wrong, and all he wanted to do was curl up into a ball and vanish from existence, but he couldn't, not anymore. Not when Robert was waiting for him. Not when he knew he had Robert in his life. He took a deep breath and wiped his hand across the mirror, clearing off the fog caused by the steam in the air, then leaned forward as he placed his palms down on the large sink. “Get it together.” He chided himself. He wasn't sure what he was going to do, but he knew had to figure it out. At least he had some time, some sort of deadline.

Almost as if Robert felt Aaron thinking about him, Aaron's phone rings  startling him. He looks over to see Robert's face on his screen and he picks up the phone from the far end of the double sink and answers. Instantly he feels some form of relief, some sort of hope, as he listens to Robert. He apologized for the way he left, and hoped that he enjoyed the breakfast he left for him. Aaron lies and tells him how perfect it was, and how he wished they were still in bed. As he tells Robert how he's just getting ready to leave, his eyes wander around the sink, and he spots it. The barber's blade sitting beside the shaving cream, it's bright, shiny, and he feels it's calling his name. It's like it was before. Robert tells him to hurry and they say goodbye, all the while Aaron keeps his eyes on the blade.

Numb as he felt, he went through the motions of getting ready. Fixing his hair, making sure to use a little less gel than usual. He knows how much Robert loves it gelled, but even more so how much he loves to run his fingers through it, and always complains about it being so stiff, then making jokes about things he does like to be stiff. The thought brings a soft smile to Aaron's face and he continues. He brushes his teeth, moisturizes, and finally walks out of the bathroom and into the closet to get dressed. It doesn't take him long in there as he's always been a simple bloke when it came to fashion, a simple pair of dark jeans that looked like they were painted on him, and black tee with a metal bands logo on it with a hoodie thrown on top. Finally he stopped by the dresser and quickly sprayed himself lightly with one of Robert's cologne. He'd never been onto them before, but the scent of Robert on him always made him feel at ease.

It's not long before he makes it to the gym where Robert does his training, and he does his best to dodge the occasional paparazzi that sits out there waiting for a prize shot. Granted Robert being out wasn't as front headlines now, so was the world of celebrities. There was always something more scandalous right around the corner.

“Hiya, love.” The receptionist at the front lobby greets Aaron as he walks in. “Robert said you'd be dropping by.” She winked.

“Ta, Alicia.” He waved as he walked past her desk and into the main part of the facility.

It wasn't long before he spotted John, thought it wasn't like he could be missed. The man was bigger than life really, and very much had taken the role of Robert's father ever since they met long ago, it was often Aaron would see him.

“He's in the locker room.” John said pointing in the general direction of the locker rooms. He was already too busy with another client. Aaron simply smiled and nodded.

He walked through a pair of doors that led to a corridor, and eventually through another pair of doors that led into the locker room, and instantly felt like he had walked straight into a brick wall. The sight before him nearly stopped his heart. Robert had just started to get out of his gear, he lifted his shirt over his head and threw it down, then bent over as he slid his shorts off, his perfect round arse in plain view, only being accentuated by the jockstrap he wore beneath his shorts. He stood back up and looked over his shoulder when he noticed Aaron in the room.

“You like?” He asked with that deviously cocky grin of his. The one he knows makes Aaron weak in the knees.

“I...uh…” Aaron couldn't even find the words as he tried not to swallow what little pride he had left. No way was he about to give Robert an even bigger ego. He cleared his throat and tried to play it cool, knowing all too well he couldn't take his eyes off Robert's arse. It wasn't until Robert turned around and walked towards him that Aaron finally turned his gaze into Robert's eyes.

“It's what I thought.” Robert nearly chuckled as he pinned Aaron against the door, placing both hands against it on either side of Aaron's head. He leaned in and placed his lips to Aaron's before grabbing him by the shoulders and spinning him around. This was a fantasy of Robert's, at least it has been for a while now, to have Aaron in the locker room. He kisses at Aaron's neck soliciting soft hums from his lips, and all Aaron wants to do is go with it, but everything changes when he winced as he feels Robert's hands on his wrists. Everything changes and he's suddenly back in his room, in the room he grew up in, and suddenly it's not Robert that's gripping him. On instinct he quickly pulls into himself, he jerks away from Robert, and turns to see him stunned. There's a hurt in his eyes, hurt he's cause, and as much as he wants to hug him, all Aaron can do is grip onto the watch he's wearing around his wrist, the one  wrapped around what he's done.

“Did...did I do something wrong?” Robert asks and Aaron's heart shatters. It's ruined. Everything is ruined. Gordon is in his head and he can't even stand the thought of of being touched, not even by Robert, because his father is all he sees, all he feels, and he's driven him to do this again.

“No...no...it's just, not here yeah?” He lies with a promise that there could be something more once back home. Only he knows that's a lie. He's now used, he's dirt, he's broken, and he's not worthy of Robert or his love.

“Why?”

“Cos someone could walk in at any moment.” He finally releases his wrist, feeling it's safe enough. Robert hadn't noticed.

“We can lock the door.” Robert teased as he reached up for the latch.

Aaron quickly grabs Robert by the wrist to stop him and quickly pulls back, even touching Robert makes him feel like dirt. “No, Robert.” His voice is stern. “I mean it. Can we just go?”

“I...uh...yeah. Just, uh, let me go change, yeah?” He asks and slowly walks backwards feeling ridiculous in nothing but the jockstrap. “I...I'm sorry.” He tells Aaron as he looks back into his eyes feeling like he's done something wrong, and picks up his clothes before heading into a stall to change.

The remainder of the day had gone no better, Aaron had shied away from Robert's touch at every chance he could, from the moment they left the gym, when Robert tried to hold his hand. Aaron had pulled away and pretended to crack his knuckles as Robert told him about his training. He pretended to push around his food with fork and knife during lunch when Robert tried to take his hand. Worst of all when Robert tried to snuggle up to him on the sofa while watching TV, Aaron quickly got up and asked if he wanted a beer. Every time, he felt his heart shatter more and more, every act feeling like a betrayal to the man he loved. The man he'd do anything for. Yet here he was, breaking his heart. He saw it in Robert's eyes every time, saw how it hurt him, as much as he hoped Robert wouldn't notice, it was clear he did. Throughout the day it ate away at him, it ate at him like a concert, consuming every good cell he had left. When he knew Robert was finally asleep for the night, he slowly crept out of bed and into the on suite. Quietly he slid down the wall once he closed the door behind himself and let the tears flow. He was at a loss. He didn't know how to get out of this, how to fix things, the only thing he knew was how to make himself feel better. If even for a while. He crawled over to the double sink and reached for it, reached for the barber's blade, and crawled back to the wall.

He closed his eyes and cried as he remembered his morning, as he remembered him, Gordon.

_“Thirty thousand quid.” Gordon said with a grin on his face. “I'm in town for a few days... I'd like to have it before I leave.”_

_“You mad?” Aaron had quickly spat back. “Why the fuck would I give you anything, let alone that kind of cash? After what you did?” He had tried to keep his composure. There were too many people around and he wanted no one to hear what they said._

_“Because.” Gordon started so confidently. “I think it's pretty clear you don't want him to find out.”_

_Aaron nearly choked at his words, at his threat. He shook his head, his eyes welling up with unshed tears, as he hoped against all odds, that there was some shred of decency left in Gordon. “You...you can't do that.” He pleaded._

_“Thirty thousand quid and he won't hear a word.”_

_“Please da...Gordon. I don't have that kind of cash.”_

_“Your boyfriend must be loaded.” He said. “And you're a Dingle. I'm sure you'll think of something.”_

_“I can't do that. I won't steal from him.”_

_“Would you rather he find out about you. About the trash you are, how tainted you are, how I had ya time and again when you misbehaved.”_

_Aaron had nearly thrown up when Gordon finally voiced it, when he finally admitted to the atrocities he had committed, but all he did was beg. He begged Gordon not to tell Robert anything. He begged him to leave them alone._

_“The offer stands, son.” Gordon said as he reached up and ran the back of his hand down Aaron's cheek. “Thirty thousand quid and I disappear from your life for good.” His offer was followed by the cackling of a woman who had been standing behind him. Katie. She stood there and listened. Even after everything Gordon had said, she stood there and smiled as if she was proud of Gordon._

_“I'm sure Robert's good for it.” She added as she shoved past Aaron and to Gordon's side._

_Like fire, bile threatened Aaron's throat as he he saw she cozied up to Godon, how he wrapped his arms around around her waist. One disgusting piece of trash with another._

_“Two weeks.” Aaron finally managed to get out. He had no idea what he was going to do, but he needed more time. “Give me two weeks.”_

_“That's a good boy.” Gordon smiled. “We'll be in touch.”_

He takes a deep breath, glides the edge of the blade across his underarm, and quietly exhales before doing it again. The sharp pain sends a rush through him that nearly makes everything else go away. It nearly erases his father's voice from his thoughts, and he succumbs it. He stays on the floor for a few minutes before cleaning up and patching himself up. It may be crude but after the years he had spent self harming in the past, he had mastered it. How to keep the cuts clean, how to keep them hidden where they wouldn't be noticed, and how to patch them up. It had been some time since he had last done it, figured he had sorted himself out, and now he felt like a fool for ever thinking that. When he's done, he quietly slithers back into bed, and watches Robert as he sleeps. Every fiber of him aching to reach out, to touch him, to love him, to ask for his help, but then he thinks of how Robert will react when finds out. How disgusted he'll be with him. How could anyone ever love him?

~~~~

A simple night with Victoria had turned into anything but. Aaron was away...again. it had been close to two  weeks since Robert noticed something was up. Nearly two weeks since that night at the charity gala, the night he first noticed the look in Aaron's face. Since then, things have felt off, wrong, and little by little Robert could feel him pulling away. “I think I'm losing him, Vic.” Robert's voice was shaky, and heavy with the scent of whiskey. Somehow, something had happened, something had gone wrong, and he felt like he was losing Aaron.

“Oh my God.” Victoria nearly squealed with excitement. Not because Robert was feeling down, but because he came to her. He actually came to her. “You're coming to me, with boy problems?” She smiled.

“Ness was busy.” Robert quickly cleared that up. “A hot date she was excited about. Wasn't going to ruin her night, was I?”

“Gee, thanks.” And just like that Victoria felt defeated. Still, he could have gone to Adam, or even Andy, but he chose her. She snatched the bottle of whiskey from his hand and plopped down on the sofa next to him. She took a swing, made a face as she felt the smooth liquid go down, and handed the bottle back to Robert. “So tell, what's wrong? Why do you think that?”

Robert placed the bottle to his lips and took a gulp, he pulled the bottle back, and whipped the back of his hand across his lips. He was trying to keep himself together, trying not to break down, this was the first real thing he's ever felt. He'd given himself to Aaron or more ways than one, he came out partially for him, and now he felt like he was losing him. If he intended on not crying, getting drunk wasn't the solution, but fuck that. Fuck not crying. “He's pulling away from me. I can feel it. He's keeping secrets. He...he won't even let me touch him.” He cried. “Every time I try to touch him, I feel like he just recoils, like he's disgusted by me.”

“Oh, Rob.” She said softly as she turned to face him and tucked her feet underneath her. “You're wrong. He's crazy about ya. You must be seeing things. You've not been exactly the same since you came out, you always look like you're waiting for the ball to drop. Maybe that's all it is.”

“But it's not.” He sobbed. “I know I'm right. I can feel it in my heart.”

Victoria gives him a sad smile. “You're just being paranoid cos for the first time in your life, everything is going right. You are being your true self, you have Aaron, you have me, you have Andy, you have Ness, and you're just afraid of losing it all, but…”

“I think there's someone else.” Robert interrupted her. “There's nights when he sneaks out of bed. He'll wait until he thinks I'm sleeping and he'll sneak out of bed to call someone.”

Victoria looks stunned, she's not quite sure what to say, what to tell her brother, and it breaks her heart that she can't make things better. “Do you know who he's talking to? What they talk about?”

“I couldn't hear everything, but I heard Aaron telling them that he needed them. He was begging, Vic.”

“For what?”

“That's all I could bare to listen to.” He sobbed.

“Have you checked his phone to see who he's been talking to, to check for a number?”

Robert scoffs at that. He's not some jealous boyfriend who's going to go through his boyfriend's call logs, text messages, or even follow him around. Or at least that's what he tells himself, deep down he just knows he's scared of what he'll find. He's terrified that he's right.  “I'm not going to spy on him, Vic.”

“Well, maybe you don't have to.” Victoria replied with a devious look on her face. “After all, what are little sisters for?”

“No, Vic. I'm not having you spy on him.”

“I don't know what you're talking about.” She said coily.

“I mean it.” He spat out. Part of him would rather live in this state of not knowing, than to lose him for real.

“Then what are you going to do?”

“I...I don't know.” He said before taking another gulp from the bottle. “I just know I can't lose him.”

“Then fight for him, Robert. You find out, what's going on, and you fight for him.”

With a heavy heart, he went back to the bottle. Drink after drink, he found himself sleeping on Victoria's sofa, too drunk to drive back home. Part of him felt comfort with her nearby, but the better part of him ached to be back home with Aaron. Before his eyes got too heavy, he found himself thinking everything over, Aaron at the center of every thought, and decided he would fight. He'd done it before and he would do it again and again. Aaron was worth it.

_“Please. I need ya.” Aaron whispered into the phone. “I know what I'm asking but I can't do this without ya. No, Robert doesn't know. It's better this way. Please.”_

 

“Robert.” A voice called out to him “Robert!” His eyes fluttered open to see Victoria standing over him. “You were mumbling in your sleep.”

“I...I'm sorry. I have to go.” He quickly stood up rubbing at his head, the night of drinking making sure he remembered. He had already decided that whatever was going on, he was going to fight for Aaron, but the call that repeated in his sleep made another choice for him. He had to know. He had to confront Aaron. “I need to know if there's someone else, and I need your help.”

He had messaged Aaron the night before to tell him he was crashing at Victoria's, and Aaron had replied telling him he would be home early in the morning. He figured if he beat Aaron back to the flat, maybe he and Victoria could look through his stuff, if they could find anything that would tell him what was going on, maybe then he could figure out what to do. Like a demon, he flew by every light, even the red ones, with Victoria squeezing at his arm, begging him to slow  down. He had to get home and he had to know. If there was any chance at saving what he had with Aaron. He _had_ to know.

His heart was racing as he placed his key into the lock on his flat's door, not even the drive back home made him feel this way. Victoria gently squeezed at his arm as if sensing what he felt. She assured him she was there for him no matter what, and they stepped in. He took in a deep breath and taking her hand he led them to the master bedroom. Again his heart began to pound fast, as if expecting to find something, what he didn't expect was to find the light on in the bathroom and the door ajar. They heard hiss coming from with in and Robert crept towards the door. When he slowly pushed the door open his stomach dropped. He wasn't sure what  he'd find if he found anything, but nothing could have prepared him for what he saw. Aaron was in front of the mirror, with his top off, he held his left arm up and rested it on his head, while his right arm slid the barber's knife across his under arm with precision. Aaron was cutting himself to shreds. Lines of blood ran down his sides, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he hissed.

 

“Aaron?”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're on Twitter, feel free to follow me @fotografyraptor for loads of robron, plus sneak peeks.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Robert listens on in horror, Aaron confides in him about his past, about Gordon, and what he did to him. Later while Aaron despairs, he tries to drown out questions with some TV only to see some devastating news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, but it's finally here!!!
> 
> Still needs proper edits but hopefully it's not a total wreck.
> 
> Please leave comments and let know what you think, pretty please ❤️

**CHAPTER 17**

* * *

 

His stomach turned as he witnessed what Aaron had done to himself, and his heart ached for him, for what he must have been going through, to have been driven to this point. Robert knew something was wrong, he had seen the signs, and not just that, he had sensed it. He could feel it in his bones. Aaron was in trouble, something was horribly wrong. Something had gone so wrong, that Aaron was cutting himself to shreds, and it killed him to know he had not been there to help him. 

“What've you done?” His voice broke as he asked. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, so many things he wanted to say, but he didn't get a chance to anything. His eyes were locked onto Aaron's when he saw them roll back into his head only moments before he collapsed. “AARON!” He shouted and quickly ran to his side. He lifted him into his arms and tried to shake him. “AARON. AARON. WAKE UP. PLEASE. OPEN YOUR EYES!” 

“Oh my God, Robert.” Victoria said through her fingers as she covered her mouth in shock. 

“CALL AN AMBULANCE!” Robert shouted over his shoulder as his hands frantically tried to take a hold of Aaron's face. He gently slapped at his cheek trying to get a response, and he felt the tears run down his face when he got none. “Aaron, please, stay with me.” He sobbed as he pulled Aaron close to him, with his cheek pressed against Aaron's forehead, he continued. “Aaron, please, please.” 

He held onto Aaron for what felt like an eternity, speaking softly into his ear, apologizing for not being there for him. Victoria stood by with phone in hand with her own tears running down her face. She felt helpless and heartbroken for her brother as she tried to keep him calm. She kept telling him that everything would be alright all the while fearing the worst. She could see how broken he was with Aaron in his arms, and felt her own heart shatter at what would happen if Aaron didn't make it. She shook her head of the thought and forced herself to be strong, Robert needed her, he needed to hear that everything would be alright, and she would be whatever he needed. “They'll be here any second.” She told him as she looked at her phone to check the time. It had only been several minutes since she called for the ambulance, but it felt like hours. 

As slow as everything felt at first, time flew by when the ambulance arrived, and everything felt like a blur. One second Robert was on the floor of his bathroom with Aaron in his arms as he tried to get him to respond. The next, he was sat in the waiting room at the hospital with Victoria's hand in his own. He couldn't remember the paramedics that showed up at his flat, he couldn't remember them taking Aaron, he couldn't even remember the ambulance ride to the hospital. The only he could remember was how lifeless Aaron's hand felt in his, how he lost hope after every second that passed, and how much he hated himself for not properly putting it all together. 

“He's going to okay, Robert.” Victoria's soft and caring voice finally pulled him from mess that were his thoughts. She had more confidence in her words now that they were sat in the hospital. Aaron was alive when they arrived. Surely, the doctors would know just what to do. 

“This...this is all my fault.” Robert cried.

“Don't be daft. This isn't your fault, Robert. There's no way you could have known.” 

Like a knife to his gut, he felt her words. He felt them because they weren't exactly true. Not fully. He knew something was wrong and he had seen the signs. He'd lived on the streets long enough to seen enough of people's problems. 

“I knew...I knew something was wrong.” 

“But you couldn't have known he was harming himself.” 

“That's not true though, is it?” 

“I...I don't understand, Robert.” Victoria was lost, couldn't make out what he was trying to say. “What do you mean? Did you know he was hurting himself?” 

Robert paused for a moment as he thought it through. The part of himself that took blame for this wanted to say that part of him did, only deep down he knew he couldn't have. 

“I...maybe I did. Maybe on some level I knew, but I just didn't think he could do that. I...I thought he was happy.” 

“What do you mean, Robert? How could you have…” She was trying to ask before Robert interrupted her. 

“The rubber band.” He said. 

“Rubber band? What you on about?”

He remembers it's vividly, he remembers it like it was yesterday. It's hard to scrub away those memories, watching people slowly destroy themselves as they struggled on the streets. He remembers the poor bastards that would share needles because they couldn't afford more than a single hit. He remembers the poor souls that would rather starve so long as they got their next fix of spice. The worst he remembers though, was a girl, a girl so desperate to feel something, anything, that she would cut herself with whatever sharp objects she could find. He also remembers the rubber bands she would wear on her wrists, the ones she would stretch out until they nearly broke, and release to slap back into her skin. He remembers the look in her eyes. The satisfaction. Nearly the same look she had when she actually cut herself. It was her way to cope. It was what she did when she was trying not to cut herself. 

“Aaron...he…he's been wearing a rubber band around his wrist.” 

“And?” 

“It's something they do. People that cut themselves. There was this girl I used to know…it's what she did when she tried not cutting herself to shreds.” 

“Robert.” 

“I should have known.” Again he blamed himself. Robert thought that maybe he had been too caught up in his career. In making sure he didn't lose it, that he missed what was most important. Everything had been going too well, and that just doesn't happen to him. He should've known. 

“Aaron Dingle's family.” A doctor called out as he walked towards them. 

“Yes.” Robert quickly stood up. “How is he?” 

“He's going to be fine, but I do have some concerns.” 

Robert let out a breath he wasn't aware he had been holding onto, and took in another one finally able to breath. “What's... what's wrong?”

“Perhaps we can go back to my office and discuss.” The doctor said as he gestured down the hall. 

Robert couldn't help but fear for the worst. There had to be a reason why doctor didn't just tell him right there and then, why he wanted to speak in private. He clenched his fists and felt his legs nearly give out with every step as he followed, only able to stay up with Victoria hand keeping him balanced. “What's wrong? Please, just tell me.” The words came from his mouth the second he walked through the doors into the doctor's office. “How serious is it?” 

The doctor quietly shut the door and walked around Robert before taking a seat at his desk. “Please, sit.” 

“Please. Just tell me.” 

The doctor sighed and looked at Robert with sympathetic eyes. Even he could see just how worried Robert was. “I understand that the wounds were self inflicted, yes?” He asked as he glanced over Aaron's charts. 

At a loss for words, Robert simply nodded. “Is...is that what caused him to faint? Is it septicemia?” 

Surprised with his knowledge, the doctor cut him off before his thoughts took over, before he thought of worse scenarios. “Yes and no.” The doctor spoke up. “It looks like his episode was brought on by a couple of things, but there's no need to worry about septicemia.” 

“Then what is it?” 

“Dehydration and shock.”

“Shock?” 

“It's not uncommon, you'd be surprised with how often we see this.” The doctor told him hoping it would be of some comfort. “Tell me, has he been under stress recently?” 

“Stress? What...what does that have to do with this?” 

“Shock can be brought on by several things, and in Aaron's case I'm afraid it was brought on by stress...both physically and mentally.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“All the cutting, that much pain causes a lot of stress to the body, and in cases like this, self harming is usually caused by severe mental stress.” 

“All the cutting?” 

“I'm afraid this isn't an isolated event. Besides the wounds that were treated when he was brought in, Aaron had several that were still healing, and some scars that indicate long term self harming.” 

Robert feels his breath leave him, he feels it as if he had taken a hit straight to the stomach. He wasn't prepared to hear what he had just hear. Long term self harming. “What?”

 

~~~~

 

Robert finds himself pacing just outside of Aaron's room, his mind still consumed with what the doctor told him, every step wearing heavy on him as he tries to make himself walk through the doors. He wants to go in, wants to hold Aaron in his arms, and wants to make everything else go away, only he's not sure of how he can do it. He's not even sure of what he can say. He continues to pace and as the ticking of the clock on the wall gets louder, he finds himself ready to shout, ready to rip it right off the wall and throw it across the hall. It's a fucking hospital and the only sound filling the air is coming from the fucking clock. It's the only sound and he fucking hates it. He hates everything, everything but the man just through the doors behind him. 

He takes a deep breath to calm his nerves and turns before walking through the doors. His heart aches as he enters and sees Aaron laying in bed with his eyes glued to the wall beside him, his mind clearly miles away. It takes him clearing his own throat to get Aaron's attention, and as their eyes meet Robert crosses the room in seconds, and leans down placing his lips to Aaron's head. “How're you feeling?” He asks as he breathes him in. 

Aaron does his best to swallow past the lump in his throat. He hates himself more now than ever. He can't imagine what Robert must have gone through seeing him cut into himself. Even worse, what Robert must have felt when he fainted. Part of him whised that he'd never woke back up. Never having to deal with what drove him to hurt himself again, never having to lie to Robert about it, never having Robert find out about it, or what Robert would think of him after. Still, that same part of him screams for Robert. It shouts for his help, for his love, and it curses himself forever wishing himself away from him. “I...I'm fine.” He says, his voice is soft yet short. He doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't want to talk about anything. He just wants time, time to figure out what he'll say, what he can do, how he can talk his way out of this all. 

Robert can see the trepidation in Aaron's eyes, he can feel it, but he can't let it go. He remembers just how much the doctor stressed that Aaron needed help. “Aaron…” 

“Don't.” Aaron's voice nearly breaks. He knows where this is going, and he knows he doesn't want to go there. All he wants to do is forget. 

“Why, Aaron?” Robert persists. “What happened?” 

“Please don't.” Aaron cries. He tries to hold it back but he can't. The tears run free against his will and he looks away. 

“Aaron…” 

“Robert, please.” He cries. “I…I can't. I just want to forget.” He means it, every word of it. No matter how much time has passed, it's still there, it's still raw, and it still eats away at his core. 

“I can't help you if you don't talk to me.” Robert's own tears begin to down his face. It kills him to see Aaron this way, it breaks his heart, and all he wants to do is wrap his arms around him, so he does. He let's it drop for now. He doesn't want to push Aaron, not right now, not when he's so distraught. 

Aaron follows and wraps his own arms around Robert's waist, he squeezes hard, harder than he knew he should, but he's afraid to lose him. He's afraid that if he let's go, Robert will leave. 

“It's okay. I'm here now.” Robert assures him. “And you don't have to talk. You don't have to tell me anything.” He comforts him and Aaron digs his face into Robert's chest and let's go. Years of pain, of memories, and fears all break loose and Aaron cries. He cries without anything holding him back, he cries in ways he never knew he could. He cries until he exhaustion takes him. The safety of Robert's arms are the last thing he remembers.

It's not until hours later that Robert's soft voice wakes him from his sleep. His eyes flutter open as he listens to the voice. There's sorrow in it. A sadness that makes his own heart ache, and he nearly shoots out of bed when he's lucid enough to hear what he's saying, who he's talking to. 

“I know.” He's whispering. “And I'm sorry, but everything happened so fast...I...I didn't even think about it. I'm scared, Chas. He won't talk to me and I can tell it's bad. I can feel it in my bones.” He sobs. 

“Robert.” Aaron calls out and he shakes his head when Robert looks to him, as if signaling him to not say anymore. 

“I'm...I'm sorry, Chas. I have to go, he's awake. Yeah, I'll let him know you're on your way.” He ends the call and gives Aaron a sympathetic smile. He knows that Chas knowing about this all is the last thing Aaron wants. He can see it in his eyes, but there's no getting around this. He needs Aaron to open up, and if that means recruiting Chas to his side, then so be it. “I'm sorry, Aaron. She's your mum, I had to tell her.” Robert says as he walks to Aaron's bedside. 

Aaron furrows his brows and crosses his arms. He's angry. Every fiber of his being wants to shout, wants to throw things around, and curse everything and everyone. Everyone except the man beside him. Him, he just wants to hold on to, just wants to be held by him, wants nothing more than to feel the safety of his arms, but anger is all that comes out. “What's the point?” He huffs out. “We'll be gone before she even gets here.”

Robert hesitates for a moment, thinks things through before he says the wrong thing, and lets out a breath. “They want to keep you overnight, Aaron.” 

“Overnight?” 

“Yeah...they uh...they just want to make sure you're okay.” His words are like vinegar, they leave a foul taste in his mouth, just lying to Aaron, it makes him feel sick to his stomach. 

“You mean they want to make sure I'm not going to top myself off.” Aaron bites back. He knows exactly what Robert meant, what he tried not to say. 

“They...they're having a counselor come in to see you first thing in the morning.” Robert tells him as he walks closer to him. “Have...have I done something wrong?” He asks. 

“Robert.”

“I know I've been busy, with my training and all that, and it's not cos I'm trying to get away or anything...I'm sorry if I did something to cause you to…” Robert finally breaks. He's been trying to hold it together, but the thought that he'd somehow pushed Aaron to this point kills him. “I knew you'd been off, I knew something was going on, I should have been there for you.” His chin wobbles as he says the words, tears pool at the edges of his eyes, and he tries his best not to cry. 

Like a wrecking ball, it hits Aaron. The man he loves more than he ever thought possible feels responsible for what he's done to himself, and it shatters him. He crumbles before the sight of Robert breaking down in front of him. It hurts. It hurts more than anything ever has, and he can't bare to let him feel that. “It…it's not your fault, Robert. I didn't do this because of you.” He cried. “I did it because of Gordon.” 

“Gordon? Who's Gordon?” Robert asks and sees the fear in Aaron's eyes. 

“Gordon's my...my dad.” 

“Your dad? What happened? What did he do to make you do this, Aaron?” 

“No, Robert. I don't want to talk about it. I just want to forget it.” Aaron cried. 

“Aaron, you have to let me in. You have to let me help you.” 

“You think talking about it is going to help? You think it's just going to make it all go away?” 

“Aaron.” Robert plead in a soft tone. A voice he doesn't use for anyone other than him. One that's a pure mix of love and sincerity. One he hopes will reach Aaron.

Aaron feels the pull. He wants to give. He wants to tell Robert, but he can't. Not this horrible secret that he's held onto for so long. This shame that's made him hurt himself for years on end. He averts his gaze and part of him begs his legs to move, to make a run for it, only his heart tells him otherwise, his heart tells him confide in Robert. Like a perfect storm, his thoughts and emotions clash within him, each one struggling for dominance, stuffing to win. If he's held up for this long, he knows he can continue to do so, and he feels like he's made his choice. He takes a deep breath and feels resolute in keeping his secret until he feels the touch on his cheek. Robert's hand is cupped against it, and pulls him to look back. 

“Aaron, look at me.” Again he uses the voice. 

It's then that everything changes, he feels grounded, and he feels the courage he desperately needed. “He raped me!” Aaron nearly shouted the words. Three words that reverberated through the room. Three words that made him want to die almost instantly. 

The words left Robert in shock. He couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't even think properly. All he could do was look back at Aaron. He looked back down at him and watched in horror as he heard Aaron, the man that he loves, tell him how his father raped him repeatedly as a child. Aaron's eyes were red and puffy as he told him everything, every horrible detail, and Robert felt as if his own soul was being crushed. He listened. It's all he could really do. He had to be there for Aaron. It was job now, to love him, to protect him. He felt his own tears running down his face as he tried to keep it together. He felt bile in his throat as Aaron told him about the last time it happened, and as sick as it all made him, he couldn't help but be proud of Aaron. He was proud of how strong he was, of who he had become despite of the horror he had suffered. He was ready to throw his arms around him, to tell him he was safe, and that he would never let anything happen to him ever again, and then Aaron told him about what happened the night of the gala. When Aaron told him about Gordon, Katie, and their threats, he snapped. All he could see was red, he clenched his fists and was ready to put them through a wall, only he was stopped as the door swung open and Chas walked in. 

“What...what's going on?” She asked thick and she caught the look on Aaron's face. The tears, the puffy eyes, they said it all. Something serious had happened.

Robert took the opportunity to turn and rush out the door past Chas.

“Robert!” Aaron cried after him. 

“What's going on, Aaron? You're scaring me.” Chas said as she rushed to his side.

Robert gasped for air as if finally able to breath, the weight of what he he'd just learned nearly suffocated him. He was still trying to process the horrors that Aaron had told him, and he couldn't even begin to imagine what he went through, what he was still going through. The thought alone only made him certain of one thing. He reached into his pocket for his phone and his fingers tapped away quickly as he failed a number. 

“Hey. It's me.” He greeted. “I need a favor and I need it fast.”

 

~~~~

 

He knew. He knew it all along. Robert wouldn't be able to handle it. He'd look at him differently. He'd see just how broken he was. How used. Gordon was right, Robert had run a mile the moment he found out. Aaron just wants everything to stop, he wishes for it all to go away, but the only thing he gets is the look in Robert's face. It's ingrained in his mind. Like a photograph that will live there for the rest of his pathetic life. The horror on his face, the disgust, he saw it, he saw it seconds before he made a run for it. 

“AARON!” Chas shouts as she holds onto his shoulder. “BREATH!” She begs him. Everything is hitting him hard all at once, and he's having a panic attack. He's finding it hard to breath and he can't find him in himself to care. “Aaron, no. Please don't do this to me.” She cries.

He wants to let go, wants everything to end but one look into his mother's eyes and he knows he can't do that to her. He takes her hand in his and steadies his breathing. It takes a few minutes but he manages to settle down. It's only then that Chas starts again. “What happened? Why was Robert so upset? Aaron, you have to tell me what's going on.” 

Aaron shakes his head and points towards the door. “You have to get Robert back. I...I need to talk to him. I need to explain.”

“Explain what? What happened?” 

“Mum, please.” 

She gave him a nod and turned making for the door before stepping out. Every second that she was gone Aaron felt himself losing hope. Hope that Robert was still around, hope that Robert would still want him, and his fears were  confirmed when Chas returned without Robert. He sat up in his bed and pulled his legs towards him, wrapping his arms around them, and began to cry. 

“Luv, please let me in.” Chas begged him as she wrapped her arms around him.

He cried for what felt like an eternity, only stopping once he felt like there were no tears left. Chas pushed and begged him to tell her what happened. She promised she would understand and that no matter what, she would be there for him. He had already lost Robert and felt like there was nothing left to lose. He closed his eyes, placed his chin between his knees, and just like with Robert he recounted everything to Chas. 

Only this time it was her that cried. She felt every word hit her like a ton of bricks, the guilt eating away at her, she had left him with his dad, with that monster, and now she sat there listening to what he had done. He heart broke a hundred times over and she knew she deserved it. She was responsible for it. 

When he finished, she could feel how numb he must have felt. His eyes were nearly blank, and there was no sign of the Aaron she knew, the Aaron that had blossomed over the past months. “You have to report it.” She begged him. “We can't let him get away with this.” Her voice shook. Every inch of her wanting to wrap her own hands around Gordon's neck. 

“No.” The word was low and simple. Aaron meant it. He was done living in this pain, in this ache that had taken so much from him. He just wanted to forget it. He wanted to never think about it again. 

“But we can't let him just go on like nothing's happened. He deserves to rot in prison, he deserves far worse.” She cried 

“I don't care.” There was no fight left in him. “I just want to forget. “Please. Just let me forget.” He begged her. 

Chas had never felt sicker in her life, she knew this was wrong, for Gordon to go on unpunished, but Aaron came first. Nothing else mattered. “Are you sure that is what you want?” Just asking the question made her stomach turn. 

Aaron nodded in response. 

“Then we forget about.” She sobbed. “We move on, for your sake, but if he ever comes near you again...I swear I will kill him with my bare hands.”

 

~~~~

 

Aaron. Aaron was all that Robert could think about. The pain, the fear, the shame, everything he must have felt for years. It all ran through his mind. Everything he must have tried to bury deep down. Everything he shouldn't have to. Part of him berates himself for ever thinking he had it rough, for thinking that anything he experienced had been difficult, nothing he went through could compare. He took a deep breath and stepped out of Victoria's car to feel the bitter chill in the air, the dreary weather certainly matching what he felt deep down. The loud sirens that blared nearby and the druggies and prostitutes that practically lined the streets were a clear sign he was in the bad part of town, in the part of town he was sure to find the type of people he was looking for. Robert was certain he was in the right place. It seemed so fitting for someone like Katie. She had always been the sleazy type, it's no surprise that she would hook up with a monster like Gordon, and even less a surprise that she would be slumming it around in a place like this. He looked at the screen of his phone one last time to confirm the name of the hotel his contact had given him. 

 

_The One Night Stay_

_Room 104B_

 

As he walks towards the dodgy hotel he gets a good scope of the place. A single story building with outside access to all the rooms, and it doesn't take long to spot just the room he's looking for. He nearly ducks into hiding when he sees the door fly open and Katie walk out in a hurry. Still the same sleazy looking girl he knew long ago. Behind her he sees a man peering through the window, watching as she walks away, “Gordon.” The name slips through his lips. He hasn't seen him before, doesn't know what he looks like, but the scumbag in the window has a look about him, a look that says it all. That's the man. He waits a few moments making sure that Katie is out of sight and he heads straight for the room. His strides are fast, nearly a run. This is the man that hurt Aaron. The same monster that scarred him for life. As the thoughts run through his mind they only bring back that same anger, that same rage that nearly made him drive his fists through a wall in the hospital. Back in that moment, there was only Aaron, and he didn't want to frighten him. It's the last thing Aaron needed. Now...now he sees red again, and only Gordon.

 

_KNOCK KNOCK_

 

“Back so soon, sweetheart.” A voice that makes Robert's skin crawl comes through the door only seconds before it opens. “Well, well, well.” The man nearly chuckles. “If it isn't the great Robert Miller.” He smiles. “Would you like to come in?” 

“I'd rather not.” He quickly replies with venom in his voice. He has nothing but hate for the man and doesn't care to hide it. 

“Oh, that's a shame.” The man pouts. “Well, let me introduce myself. Gordon.” He says as he sticks his hand out for Robert to shake. 

“I know who you are.” Robert hisses through gritted teeth. 

“Has my boy been talking about me?” 

Those words, they hit Robert like a freight train. The fact that the monster had the fucking nerve to say those words as if he had the right, as if nothing had ever happened. _My boy._

 

~~~~

 

“Can you please dial him again, Vic.” Aaron began her for the tenth time. She tried calling, she's tried messaging, but nothing. No answers, no replies. 

“What's going on, Aaron?” Vic asked, she was in the dark. She had waited while Robert went in to check on Aaron as soon as they were allowed, only to see him storm out half an hour later. It scared her just how angry he looked when he asked to borrow her car. 

“Maybe it's for the best if we let them clear things between them first.” Chas interrupted. She knew how Aaron felt, how he wanted no one outside of her and Robert knowing. 

“Fine.” Victoria appeared to give in. “Adam is on his way. He would have been here by now but, he was in the middle of a shift.” 

“You didn't have to call him.” 

“You kidding me? He would have nagged me to death if I hadn't.” She tried to joke and Aaron knew it was true. Adam would have nagged him as well for not letting him know.  “I'm worried about Rob.” She quickly went back to it. 

Aaron tried to avoid the comment and picked up the remote to the television. Maybe a bit of shit TV would keep Victoria from asking questions. Shit TV is what he expected, but shit TV is not what he got. 

“Oh my God.” Victoria quickly shot up from her chair as they saw the images on the television. The nightly news was on reporting breaking news.

 

_“We still don't have full details of what exactly went down, but what we do know is that Robert Miller, the popular cage fighter who's recently been making a splash across the news after his coming out, has just been arrested.”_

 

The news anchor reported only seconds before they cut to live footage from the scene. Robert was in handcuffs and covered in blood. There was no way of telling whose blood it was, or what had happened.

 

_“Wait...wait...I've just been informed that the arrest came after an altercation occurred with a guest at the hotel right behind us. We're not being given a name, or the cause for the altercation, but we will keep you posted as the story develops.”_

 

Aaron felt his heart sink as he saw Robert being shoved into the police car and nearly felt himself faint again, only Chas’ voice brought him back. 

“Oh my God.” She said through her cupped hands over her mouth. The cameras had panned from Robert to a man being wheeled into an ambulance. He was almost unrecognizable. His eyes were swollen shut, blood dripped from nearly everywhere, but she knew who it was. There was no denying it.

 

“Gordon.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't already, feel free to follow me on Twitter @fotografyraptor for updates and total robron madness.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Robert's future on the line, Aaron must face his past. After Robert is released pending an investigation, the boys celebrate, but how long will it last?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still needs to go through a proper round of edits, but hopefully it's not too bad.
> 
> Please leave comments and let me know what you think!!!

 

CHAPTER 18

* * *

 

 

“What the hell were you thinking?” The words are strained, they would have been shouted in any other circumstance, but at this time they're simply being hissed through gritted teeth.

Robert would have winced at the words, but his mind had been too preoccupied going over the events of what had happened. His mind was too busy hating himself for not finishing what he had started, it was too busy cursing himself for not killing the man. He told himself he shouldn't have stopped. Gordon should be dead. He deserved nothing less for everything he had done. He deserved a painful death for atrocities he commited to Aaron.

The man's words repeat over and over as he tries to get through, as he tries to get his attention, but Robert is too caught up in his head to answer. It's not until the man slams his hands down on the table in front of him that Robert finally comes to. He shakes his head as everything snaps into place, and he begins to panic as it all sets in. He had been arrested, he's covered in blood, none of which came from him, and he's heard the words _attempted murder_ thrown around. “I...I'm not sorry for what I did.” Robert's voice comes out shaky but he meant every word. The only thing he was sorry for, was not finishing the job.

“This isn't a fucking game, Robert.” The man hissed as he grabbed a hold of the chair opposite of Robert before taking a seat. “I don't know what's going on, but you do realize you may have made me into an accomplice?” He lets out a deep breath. “I should have never given you that address.”

“Jason…” Robert spoke softly, part of him wanting to explain to his old friend, only to be cut off before he had a chance to even consider it for real.

“It's DS Wise, Robert.” Wise’s voice was stern. “This is an official police investigation, and I can't help you out, not unless you tell me what the fuck is going on.” He tries to break through. They have history, not all great, but they have it no less. Wise still remembers the first time he had arrested Robert back in the day. Just a scrawny teenager living on the streets, trying to keep himself fed by any means necessary. Means that usually resulted in his arrest. Wise had quickly taken pitty on him and cut him some slack, let him off with a warning, and made him promise that he'd never do it again. A promise he made every time he arrested him.

“I...I can't” Robert was quick to say. He knows how serious this all is, how much trouble he's in, yet all he can think of is how this isn't his story to tell. He can't betray Aaron's trust no matter what. Aaron's trust is all that matters. _Aaron_ is all that matters. Damn the consequences.

DS Wise let out a sharp breath and rubbed his hand across his face. Robert had always been so stubborn, even when a helping hand is all that Wise wanted to extend. He couldn't blame him though, not with as hard a life as Robert had lived. “Look, I need to make a statement and I need to be upfront about my involvement, otherwise it will only look worse if we're caught on it after.” He said as he stood and placed a hand on Robert's shoulder. “Think about what you're doing, Robert. Think it through, and I mean really think it through. Whatever is going on, I need to know if we're going to figure out how to get you out of this mess.” He meant every word. No matter how much trouble Robert got himself into, Wise was always there to help, he couldn't turn his back on him, not when he reminded him so much of his own son.

Robert nodded knowing well enough that he had no plans to talk. He had no plans period. Whatever happens, he knew that at the very least, he was going to go down for GBH. There was no way around it, not when there were witnesses, particularly a vile cow who had managed to call the police before Robert could finish what he started. The same vile cow that should not have even been there. He tried to stand and wrap his arms around Wise, part of him needed the bit of comfort a simple hug would provide, only he felt himself yanked back by the cuff that held him by his wrist to the table. “Fuck.” He hissed as he felt the pain nearly rattle along his wrist. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and nodded again letting Wise know he would be fine. Yeah it was unlike him to show such vulnerability with others, but with as long as Wise had been looking out for him, he felt at ease, or at least as much as he would under the circumstances.

With no one else questioning, Robert was led back to a cell where everything began to hit him. It was all setting in, really setting in, it was all getting real. _How are you getting out of this one Sugden?_ He thought to himself and for the first time in a long while, the name didn't sting. It didn't hurt like it had in the past. A minor victory.

He took a seat on the poorly built bed, and laughed at how little things had improved since he was last in a cell like this. Yeah, it had been ages ago, but still. Leaning his head back against the wall, he closed his eyes and settled into his thoughts.

 

_“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'VE BEEN ARRESTED?” Vanessa had shouted through the phone as if hoping her tone would slap some sense into him._

_“It's bad, Ness.”_

_“Fuck.” She had nearly whispered, her voice laced with a mixture of anger and fear. “How serious, little brother? What did you do?”_

_“I...I...Listen, can you please check on Aaron?”_

_“Aaron? You've been arrested and your asking me to check on Aaron?” She asked before gasping as if coming to a conclusion. “Did you do something to Aaron?”_

_“What? You mad?” Robert hissed. “I'd never lay a finger on him…look, will you please just check on him. He's in Hotten General.”_

_“Hotten General? What have I missed? Robert, what's going on?”_

_“Ness...please just check on him, and tell him I'm sorry.” He said and hung up._

 

His one phone call had been to Vanessa and he didn't even bother with his solicitor. He had no illusions of what he was doing, of what he had done, and what the outcome would be. From the moment Gordon threw him a grin and said Aaron's name out loud, he knew there was only one way this would end.

“I'm so sorry, Aaron.”

 

~~~~

 

With his leg rapidly bouncing off the floor, Aaron felt like he was about to fly out of his own skin. He sat in a chair in his hospital room with one thing, and one thing only on his mind. Robert. After everything that happened, after he had spilled his innermost horrible secret to him, Robert had simply up and left with no word. Aaron had feared the worst. He had feared that Robert had seen just how broken he was. He wasn't so sure anymore. Robert had left and immediately went after Gordon. Part of him felt what could have been pride. Pride in that the man he loved had clearly caught for him. Yet the rationale part of him was simply angry. Robert had gone out and gotten himself in trouble. He'd gone in deep. Worst of all, it was for someone who wasn't worth it, for someone who wasn't worth anything.

“What is going on?” Victoria broke his train of thought. “You two are hiding something from me, I can tell.” She nearly shouted in a panic.

“Vic…” Aaron opened his mouth only to find nothing else to say. He couldn't tell her. She couldn't know. It was hard enough with Robert and his mum knowing. He couldn't live with himself if others knew.

“I'm sorry, luv.” Chas tried to calm her. “But we know about as much as you do.”

“Fine.” Victoria quickly bit back. “I'm going to go find out what's going on.” She shook her head with anger. “I'm going to get to the bottom of this.”

“Vic…” Aaron tried as she stormed out of the room.

He quickly got up and tried to follow only to have Chas step in his way. “And where do you think you're going?”

Aaron simply made a face and nearly flinched at her stopping him. “Are you kidding me?” His words were cold. “He's in god knows how much trouble, and it's all because of me. You really think I'm just going to stick around here and do nothing?”

Chas gave him a sympathetic look. She understood. She really did but her top priority was Aaron and his health. “But you're hurt.”

“I'm fine.” Aaron was quick to tell her. “They've patched me up, I'm good. I promise.” He took her hands into his own. “But I can't be here.”

“Okay.” Chas nodded. “Then you better get dressed quick before the nurse comes back to check on you, you haven't been discharged so we're going to have sneak you out.” She said as she turned for the door.

Sneaking out of the hospital had been easy, what wasn't easy was the assault he received he first stepped outside. Vanessa had nearly pinned him against the wall and it took Chas’ intervention to get her off him. The panic in her eyes was all that Aaron needed to know that this was about Robert. She'd protect him at any costs, from anyone, including himself. She was furious, demanded answers, and got nearly zero from him. All he could do was apologize and lie through his teeth. He told her what had happened up until he woke up in the hospital. He told her about his self harming and Robert finding him out. Nothing about after that would be said, not if he could avoid it. Hesitantly, she believed him and quickly pulled her towards her car. “Come on, I know where they're holding him.”

The drive to the police station had been no better. Vanessa kept asking questions, all leading to what Robert's arrest may have been about, and all Aaron could do was bite his fingernails as he mumbled through some sort of response. If the drive had been any longer, he'd have completely bitten his fingernails off. Every last one.

Like a blur, everything seemed to have begun moving at light speed speed when they arrived to the police station. The car had been parked, they ran towards the entrance, and quickly began demanding they see Robert as they shouted, one over the other. A tactic that nearly had them kicked out as the officer at the desk asked them to calm down and to speak in order.

“I'm sorry.” The officer replied. “I'm afraid that's not how this works.” He shot them down almost immediately. “Mr. Miller is currently refusing to talk, so until his solicitor and or himself begin to cooperate. There is nothing I can do for you.”

“YOU CAN'T DO THAT!” Aaron shouted, he didn't care to keep his voice down. He needed to know that Robert was alright. “I NEED TO TALK TO HIM!” He demanded.

“Sir. I'm going to need ya to calm down or I will have you arrested.” The officer threatened.

“That won't be necessary.” Chas quickly interjected as she grabbed a hold of Aaron's arm.

Aaron opened his mouth to shout back, to hell with this, to hell with getting arrested, maybe that would make it easier to get to him from within, only he stopped when he saw a familiar face. A face that could possibly help them out.

“Jason!” Aaron shouted for the man walking down the hall.

The man stops to look around only taking seconds to recognize him, he raises his hand in a wave, and makes his way towards them.

“Chas.” He greets keeping his eyes on her before turning to him. “Aaron.” He gives him a fond smile that lasts seconds. “Let me guess...Robert?”

“How…”

“Oh come off it.” Wise cuts him off. “You two were all over the news for weeks. You think I didn't notice.”

Aaron looks straight to the ground with a nod. “Uh, yeah.” The words come out sheepishly as if embarrassed. “I need to talk to him.” Aaron pleads.

“I'm sorry, Aaron, but that's impossible.” Wise begins. “He's not talking and he hasn't even requested his solicitor yet.”

“He what?” Vanessa cuts in. “What is he playing at?” She adds as she pulls her phone out already dialing for Robert's solicitor.

“He's not fighting this, is he?” Aaron asks as it all sinks in. Robert's taking the fall and he knows it.

Wise simply nods with a concerned look on his face. “He won't even tell me what's happened?”

“But why?” Vanessa asks with her phone between her shoulder and ear. “He always comes to you for...uh...official business.” She says with air quotes referring to anything involving police.

“What?” The look of confusion on Aaron's face says it all.

“Him and Robert go way back.” Vanessa clarifies.

“Robert and Wise?” Chas asks.

“Robert likes to collect father figures.” Vanessa joked. “You know, cos of his…well, cos of what a terrible dad he thought he had.”

“Whatever...it doesn't matter.” Aaron cuts her off not really caring. All that matters is getting Robert out of trouble.”I need to talk to him.” Again he pleads.

“I'm sorry, Aaron.” Wise laments. “Now if you'll excuse me, I need to try and figure this out.” He turns only for Aaron to grab a hold of his arm.

“You don't understand.” His voice is desperate. “I know why he did it.”

“You what?” Vanessa and Wise ask nearly in unison.

“If you'd just let me talk to him.”

“Aaron, if you know something that can help him, you have to tell me.”

Aaron's line of sight quickly shoots down to the floor where it stays unwavering. He had no plan walking in, had no clue what he was going to do, all he knew was that he needed to talk to Robert. Past that, he only hoped that together they'd be able to think of some plan, to think of some way out of this mess, but it had become abundantly clear that wasn't going to happen.

He could feel the pit in his stomach ever growing as it dawned on him. If Robert stood a chance, any chance, he'd have to talk, he'd have to reveal everything he didn't want anyone else to know. It was the only way, their only shot, and he had to take it.

“Aaron...please.” Wise begged as he stepped closer to Aaron placing his hands to his shoulders. “Robert's a good lad. I know that he'd never do something like this with no provocation.”

Aaron's eyes glistened with unshed tears as he stood frozen in fear. Wise was right. Robert was good and he didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve whatever awaited him because of Gordon. His fists clenched and he swallowed hard as he made the decision, the only decision there was to make. He had to save Robert. No matter the consequences. He nodded as he looked up and into Wise's eyes.

“Can we talk?” He asked. “In private?”

 

~~~~

 

There's a sick twisting feeling in his gut, and Aaron feels it grow exponentially as he nears the door. This feeling, it's almost as horrible as the events that birthed them. Talking about it. Remembering it. It all makes him want to die. He feels sick. He feels weak. He feels broken. Despite it all, there's one thing that keeps him movin, or more like one person. He thinks of Robert and summons the strength from within himself, strength he didn't even know he possessed.

“You sure about this, sweetheart.” Chas’ loving voice pulls him back from his thoughts. “You don't have to do this.”

He considers it, even for a split second, and it breaks his heart. The fear that's instilled inside of him is nearly enough to make him turn his back on the one person that means the most to him, and he hates himself for it. He closes his eyes and a flash of green is all he sees, the color of Robert's eyes. Then he sees him. All of him. The fair skin. The freckles that dust nearly every inch of his body. His smile, the same one that makes him weak in the knees every time he sees it. He nearly gasps as he feels it, the warm glow that comes from him, and just like that, the fear is washed away. It's the safety that he feels in Robert. The safety he feels in his arms. It's there for him, it's been there since that fateful night that Robert saved his life. It's there for the taking and he'll be damned if he lets anything take it away from him. He looks back at his mother with air of confidence that even she noticed. “Yeah, I do.” He tells her before wrapping his arms around her. He gently squeezes her and pulls back. “And I have to do this alone.”

“No, no, I can't let you do this alone.” She nearly cries. “I wasn't there for you then, but I'm here now. I need to protect you.” Her voice finally breaks as her guilt eats away at her. She thought she had done right by him, only she didn't, she left him alone with the one person she thought would care for him. It had been a mistake that will haunt her till her last days.

“No, mum. I need to do this alone.” His voice is certain. It's resolved. He's no longer child, no longer running, and thanks to Robert, no longer afraid.

Hesitantly, Chas nods as tears run down her face. She couldn't be prouder of him.

Aaron turns and steps through the doors thinking of what exactly the threshold represents, he's walking through them, and leaving behind that scared little boy. It's not who is anymore.

“Well, well, if it isn't my boy.” Gordon's voice fills the room. It's that same manipulative tone he always used. The same one that always played with his mind.

“I'm not your anything.” Aaron hissed in return.

“Come on now, is that anyway to talk to your father.”

Aaron scoffs at his words and he honestly can't believe the man has the nerve to say them. “You're nuthin to me. You hear me? Nuthin.” He seethes.

Gordon quickly sits up, his posture complete changed from the one he had as Aaron walked in, and he looks like he's ready to lunge. It's almost intimidating. “Careful now.” Gordon practically snarled. “You don't have your boyfriend here to protect you now.”

Aaron straightened himself out, lowered his shoulders, and stepped in closer to Gordon.

“From what?”

“You think he can protect you from me?” The words were almost a laugh. “He got lucky, the poofter.”

Aaron's fists clenched and it takes everything he has not to swing.

“What? Not going to take a swing?” Gordon laughs. “Wouldn't want to break a nail, eh?” He antagonizes Aaron as he swings his legs over the hospital bed, and stands nearly face to face with him. “I bet the fellas are just going to love him in prison, pretty boy like him, he's going to get passed around like the filth he is.”

The anger within Aaron begins to boil over, he feels his jaw clench tightly, and his fingernails digging into his palms.

“All you had to do was give me that money.” Gordon changes the subject with a smile as he sees how he's affecting Aaron. Mind tricks. It's what he's good at. “If you had just given me that money like I asked, Robert wouldn't have known about just how filthy you are, how used. He wouldn't have know that even your old man has had you, time after time.” He so easily says as he leans in close to Aaron's face and bites the air between them.

Disgust is all Aaron feels. The words simply make his stomach turn and he fights to keep himself from throwing up.

“He wouldn't have needed to step in front of you to protect you.” He continues only stop when he notices that Aaron's not responding in the way he's like, in the way he would back when he was a kid. “What's so funny?” He asks when he sees the smirk on Aaron's face.

“You are.” He replies. “You're pathetic and I hope you rot in prison.”

“Oh, but I think it's your pretty boy that's going to be rotting in prison.” Gordon steps even closer to Aaron.

“Oh, I don't think so, mate.” Aaron smirks and turns to walk away.

It's clear to Gordon that whatever hold he had over Aaron is lost. There was no fear in his eyes, no weakness in his presence. He'd have to be more forceful. “Where do you think you're…” The man tries to continue when the doors to his room open and a man walks in.

“Gordon Livesay, you're under arrest for the rape of a minor and blackmailing.” He started then nodded at Aaron as he walked past him and out of the room.

Gordon was done for. He no longer mattered, never really did. Aaron took a deep breath and felt like he could breathe again. The dark shadow that had been following him for years was no longer there.

“It worked.” Chas practically cheered as she ran up to Aaron wrapping her arms around him.

Aaron hugged her back and finally let the rush of emotions flow through him, he'd felt the, was nearly overcome by them, but in front of Gordon he would show no weakness. It all hits him and everything feels like a blur, it feels too good to be true. It feels like it has just been seconds ago that he walked through the doors into an interrogation room at the police station.

 

_“You have to let him go.” Aaron had begged through tears. Recounting the horrors of his childhood for a third was something he had never expected to happen. “He was only protecting me.”_

_“Aaron, these are some serious allegations.”_

_Aaron winced at the word. It made his blood boil for the word suggested other than full on facts. That's what they were to him. Facts. He had lived through them, suffered through them, and now he was being forced to admit them. He had quickly dug into his pocket and fished out his phone. He tapped away at the screen and seconds later placed it before Wise. Text messages were displayed on the screen, messages from Gordon, messages demanding the money. Wise reached down to pick up the phone and took his time to read them._

_“Aaron, this, this is exactly what we need.” He said. “But we need more.”_

_“What...what do you mean more?”_

_“These messages, they prove Gordon was blackmailing you...but they don't clear Robert of any wrongdoing.”_

_He was right. Robert had savagely beaten Gordon, no one would dispute that, certainly not with witnesses._

_“There has to be something we can do.” Aaron pulled his sleeves over his fists and used them to wipe the tears away from his face. “Robert doesn't deserve this. He isn't some thug.”_

_“I know that, Aaron, but when it comes to it, a jury isn't going to see it that way.”_

_This was all going wrong. Too wrong. He'd spilled his guts out to Wise, revealed his darkest shame, and still, Robert wasn't in the clear._

_“If we can get some sort of confession out of Gordon, anything, something we can twist to our advantage. Not only can we get Robert out of this, but we can have that monster put away for good.”_

_Aaron felt his heart skip a beat as he heard the words. He couldn't believe what Wise was suggesting, that he was willing to twist things in order to help them, he knew he'd always liked him back when he dated his mother for a reason._

_“I'll do it...I'll talk to him.” The words came from his lips before he even realized it._

_Wise nodded. “It may take some time to get it all sorted out, but with these messages, and a confession, we can get it done.”_

_“What about Robert?”_

_Wise let out a deep breath and leaned back on the chair he sat on, then let out a soft chuckle. “I can't believe his stubbornness may have come in handy for once.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Well, he hasn't talked to anyone, hasn't given any type of statement, which helps me out enough and luckily I have an idea.”_

 

The loud shouting coming from Gordon's room claiming innocence brought him back from his thoughts and made him smile. The sick bastard had this coming.

“Come on, luv.” Said Chas as she looked her arm through Aaron's. She wasn't wasting a second thought on the man in the room behind them, there was another man that needed their attention. “Let's go get your man back.”

 

~~~~

 

Smiles and heart eyes were all that existed between them, or at least that's all they cared to noticed. Robert had been released pending an investigation thanks to Wise's ingenious plan, and Gordon was locked up behind bars. This was the way things should be, this was they way they were meant to go. Yeah, they still had Robert's investigation to deal with, but they knew everything was well in Wise's hands, and he wouldn't let them down. The same could be said for Aaron. Gordon would stand trial and everything would be out in the open, but he was done hiding. He had all the support he would need, and he was done letting Gordon control his life. This was where it would all end.

It had all called for a mini celebration of sorts and that's exactly what they did. They had spent the last hour having drinks with Chas and Vanessa before they decided to call it a night. The day had been long enough and all they wanted was to be with one another. No one else. Aaron had been kind enough to offer Chas to crash at their flat, but even she knew she'd only be in the way. Vanessa offered her place and smiled as she looked her arm through Chas and led her away from the happy couple.

Nothing could distract them from one another, not even Bob trying to greet them as they entered their building, his words fell on deaf ears as they quickly walked past him and into the lift. The taste of beer and wine filled their mouths as their tongues danced with one another, and the slight buzz in their heads made them oblivious to the world. Hands roamed, hair was pulled, and belts were tugged. More would have happened but the ding  the signalled their arrival to their floor broke them apart and just as they stopped out of the lift everything changed.

“YOU JUST HAD TO RUIN EVERYTHING!” A familiar voice shouted. “YOU JUST HAD TO FUCKING RUIN IT ALL!”

Robert turned as he recognized the voice to see Katie standing beside them. Her eyes were like daggers, filled with rage, lines of black mascara ran down her cheeks, but the only thing that Robert could focus on was the gun pointed directly at them.

“Katie.” Robert calmly spoke. He wasn't sure if there was any talking to her but he had to try. He slowly raised his hands and watched as the gun panned from him to Aaron. He swallowed hard and tried to step in front of him only for Katie to shake the gun as a warning.

“I don't think so.”

“What…what do you want?” Aaron finally found his voice.

Like a hyena, Katie erupted into a high pitched laugh that reverberated through the hall. The look in her eye was that of pure madness. “WHAT DO I WANT?” She barked back as she shook the gun in Aaron's face sending Robert's heart straight to his stomach. “WHAT WE WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO GET US THAT FUCKING MONEY YOU LITTLE POOF!”

“If you'd just calm down and lower the gun we can talk about it.” Robert tried to stay calm even though every nerve in his body was ready to jump into action. Katie was small, he knew he could take her out in seconds, only problem was that Aaron was also there. He'd seen moments like this go bad before. Everything could go terribly wrong in the blink of an eye and he wasn't about to risk Aaron's life.

Again, Katie bellowed a shrieking laugh and turned the gun to Robert. “What? Do you think me stupid, Robert? Do you think you're better than me? Is that it?”

Robert shook his head.

“You see, that was always your problem wasn't it? You always thought you were better than us.” She grinned as she stepped in a bit closer. “I wonder if you'd still think that if Aaron's blood was on your hands.” She turned the gun to Aaron keeping her eyes steadily focused on Robert's.

“No, don't.” Robert calmly begged.

“This is all your fault you know? Aaron here was going to do exactly what we had asked him to do...but now, you just had to get involved, you just had to go and swoop in to save the day.”

“Katie.”

“Shut up. Don't you dare say my name.”  Katie shouted. There was no reasoning with her. She looked just as crazy as she did back when he had met her on the streets. Always too high to see any sense. He could see in her eyes, she would break at any second.

Robert could sense that time was running out and there was no other way to get around this, no way to keep them both safe.

He chuckled and let his arms drop.

“You're still just as pathetic as you were back then, you know that?” Robert's words were like venom, everyone of them dripping with disdain.

“Fuck you!” She shouted in return.

Her focus on Aaron was dropping, Robert could see it.

“You were just a cheap tart on the streets always looking for a fix.”

“Shut the fuck up!” She moved the gun towards Robert.

_That's it._ Robert thought to himself.

“No wonder you found yourself holed up with piece of shit like Gordon.”

“I  SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!” She shouted as she shook the gun at his chest.

“What are you doing, Robert?” Aaron asked him in panic. “Just shut your mouth.”

Robert could feel his heart shatter as he heard the panic in Aaron's voice. He hated this, he hated that this was how it was all going to end, he hated that this would be the last time he saw his Aaron, that he wouldn't get to wake up next to him for the rest of his life. He took his eyes away from Katie long enough to look into Aaron's, and he gave him a sad smile, a smile that he hoped would tell him just how much he loved him, then quickly turned them back to Katie, and gripped tightly onto the gun.

“You're just as useless as you were back then.” He grinned as he looked at her.

“FUCK YOU!” She shouted as loud as she could right before the deafening bang of the gun firing went off.

Everything was still for a moment that felt like eternity as the bang rang in his ears!  It had all happened too fast. One second there was shouting, and now Robert was dropping to the floor.

Like thunder, Aaron's voice rolled through the hall as he shouted. 

“ROBERT!" 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're on Twitter and feel like doing so, feel free to follow me @fotografyraptor for non stop robron madness and updates on my fics.


End file.
